Not Her, Me #2
I opened my eyes as tears spilled over, and the last of the electricity sizzled out from my skin. I turned my head and caught Nella’s gaze, her eyes wide with fright and concern for me, the only real thing she had in this world.
“Yes, I will,” I ground out, defeated, through the lingering pain.
Cassius turned away, satisfied. My eyes found his retreating form and felt hot with anger and tears.
I saw the candles on the living room mantel flicker as he walked by, headed toward the kitchen, and I felt the same flicker start in my chest and dance across my skin, then fizzle out just as the lightning had.
This had happened a few times before, candles or flames flickering, but I still didn’t have an explanation for it. Maybe it was just a draft, but at times it seemed like more.
I collapsed on the floor, face-first, panting and crying, convulsing from the effects of the magic. Aemilia’s satisfied humming followed the unmistakable sound of Cassius uncorking his precious brown liquor.
Nella ran to my side with a cool, damp towel ready to soothe the burning skin of my back and leg as Cassius mumbled something that sounded like “disgrace.” I couldn’t stand to call him Father, Dad, or anything that held even the slightest hint of respect or a familial bond.
“Naci, you’ve got to hold your tongue when he’s drunk. I can’t stand to see you hurt like this,” Nella said softly with tears wetting her own eyes. “Let me help you up. Come on, into bed. Before they decide they aren’t done.”
“Nella,” I huffed out. “I don’t deserve you. And you don’t deserve this. I’m just…I’m just so damn sorry I can’t do better for you. For us. One day, my little lamb. One day soon.”
We reached the bed, where I collapsed face down and passed out, knowing that I was in my sister’s care, the only safety to be found here.
* * *
I dreamed of my mother in my haze of pain-induced unconsciousness that eventually faded to sleep.
I saw her beautiful face the way my mind constructed her—her deep-green eyes so very much like the color of a forgotten forest after a rainy season, the same color as mine.
Her dark-blonde hair had soft curls and a faint smell of honeysuckle and something else I couldn’t place.
Her warm, soft touch upon my cheek sent waves of comfort through my whole body, and she had a smile so genuine that it lifted my heart and washed away my pain.
In my mind she was mortal with rounded ears and blunt teeth, but I didn’t know for sure if that was accurate.
I assumed, though, since I had no magic that she had been mortal.
She was so beautiful…the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.
She looked at me with love in her eyes, but I didn’t know if that was real.
Most days I told myself she loved me because the alternative was too painful, but when I really thought about it, I knew if she had, she’d still be here.
I had been around a year old when she vanished, and Cassius would never tell me what happened.
I’d eventually stopped asking because it made him angry—whether it was anger toward her or me, or both, I couldn’t be sure.
Sometimes I longed for a day when she and I could be reunited and hold each other and laugh together, cry together, when she would take me away from this hell to a place where I was loved and cared for—where I was safe.
Where she would be the one to tell me about life and the world.
Other times I raged on the inside, wanting to find her only to scream at her, ask her why, call her every name I could think of and try to make her feel even some of the hurt I felt at her abandonment.
Ask her how she could leave me with Cassius.
Had he always been like this? If so, it was even worse that she left me.
Or had her leaving made him this way? I needed answers.
She had been the light that guided me, even if sometimes that light was tinted red with fury.
But most of the time, now, that felt like an old wound, and I’d resorted to hope and love to get me through the harder days.
Maybe one day I’d gain the courage and means to take Nella and set out to find her.
One thought wrenched me from sleep: Nella.
My eyes bolted open as I came back to reality and thought of my sister being left in the house with those monsters, without me conscious to protect her.
My eyes darted around our tiny, darkened room in panic, first finding the dresser we shared with one crooked drawer topped with Nella’s quilting fabrics.
The sounds of Briarstead’s Market closing down for the night flowed through the small, open window.
Turning to my other side, I saw Nella lying in our bed next to me, staring at me with sadness in her eyes, clinging to the worn patchwork quilt she’d made.
“Naci, it’s okay. You’re okay. I’m okay.”
She knew the exact words I needed to hear to ease my racing heart.
She was so damn precious. Nella deserved rainbows and butterflies and a Prince Charming…
A castle, forest animals that would sing songs with her, and a family that loved her.
I could at least give her that last part in the way of an overprotective sister.
Half sister. But that didn’t matter to me.
Our common blood was our terrible father, but she still meant the world to me.
And I meant the same to her. She might not bear the brunt of our father’s rage, as I saw to that, but she still suffered here too.
And I was so tired of seeing the hurt in her eyes.
“I love you, little lamb,” I said, feeling those words in every fiber of my being.
I didn’t tell them to anyone else. Not even to my boyfriend, who said them to me, and certainly not to our father or Aemilia.
I hated that Nella had a full, biological sister in Aemilia, one who couldn’t find it in her to care for Nella in the slightest. I knew little about the world outside of this town, but I knew this wasn’t how families were supposed to be.
A breaking point was coming. It was only a matter of time, but how much time I didn’t know.
Nella was the youngest of Cassius’s three children, and I was the oldest. I’d have cared for both of my half sisters if Aemilia weren’t so terrible.
But she held the complete affection of our father, and as rotten as she was, she didn’t need an older sister to look out for her.
In fact, she was half the reason Nella needed protection.
“I heard what you said to Father, about cutting heads off and torture. Did you really figure out how to get away with murder?” she asked, a devious glint in her eyes I could just make out by the moonlight spilling through our one window.
She let out a chuckle. “You know that was about the dumbest thing you’ve ever said to him?
He could’ve murdered you for that.” Her grin turned grim.
“I know. I’m sorry you had to see that.”
She rolled onto her back, placing her hands behind her head. That told me she was ready to talk, and as I had just spent who knew how long sleeping, I was prepared to indulge her.
“And no, I, unfortunately, did not figure out how to murder them and get away with it.” I smiled at the thought, though, knowing I wouldn’t lose a moment of sleep over the deaths of my father and Aemilia if I could manage it.
That dark thought should have scared me more than it did.
But with each passing year, I’d grown more and more angry about, well, everything…
About Cassius, the state of the world for mortals like us, the cruelty that sat upon the throne of Ashenholt.
But more than anything, a cold, dark rage was building in my chest over how powerless I was to do anything about any of it.
I realized my pain had receded to just a dull, warm ache under the fluffy gauze and ointment Nella had bandaged me with. She was a gods-send.