9. Abigail
Dana had a look on her face Monday when I saw her. I hadn’t been able to get ahold of her all weekend and if I didn’t know any better, I would think she was mad at me. I didn’t know for what though. She was just so mad, and I finally asked her what was going on. She was there before me, which felt weird.
“I was wondering what you were up to this weekend.”
I shrugged. “Not much. I went to the farmer’s market. I thought we were going to go together, but you didn’t answer any of my calls.”
“I was upset.”
I wanted to tell her that it was obvious that she was upset, but I wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean. I tried to wait for her to tell me what was going on, but I finally asked. She was acting weird, and I didn’t want this weirdness between us all day. It would be a long one and since it was Monday, it didn’t make sense to make it any longer than it already was. I tried to get her to focus on what was next, but there was nothing I could do about it. I knew then and there that it wasn’t going to work. It never did.
“I tried to call Jason this weekend, and he told me something that shocked me. It was bad enough to hear that you and he are into each other, but I don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell me yourself. Why would you let me find out through a stranger?”
I was at a loss of words. Jason had told her that we were together? Why did that make a wave of heat flush through me and make me happy? I hadn’t expected him to think that a couple of kisses would warrant him to back off of Dana, but damn it I was glad for it. I felt so bad because I was happy for it. I knew that I wasn’t supposed to be, but it was hard not to feel something.
“You aren’t denying it.”
“It wasn’t all that dramatic. It was one kiss.”
She got quiet and I asked her what was going on. “You two have kissed?”
I told her that we had. I didn’t mention that the only reason I said that was because she was upset, and I didn’t want to deal with it. I reckon she didn’t need to know that.
Dana didn’t stay mad too long though. Instead, she leaned in and wanted to know how it was.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, he is blind, so was it like different or something?”
I had a feeling that a lot of her thing with Jason was some fetish that she didn’t want to really talk about. I guess I could have lied, but it was different. It felt like Jason was kissing me deeper and like he was a balm to my soul. How was I supposed to explain that?
“It was amazing, and I didn’t even know he was going to do it. He did it at first to save me from someone coming up to ask about their kid. It was a rough night because of the one-year anniversary. He asked me if I wanted company and he said he would go. He was great, pulled me out of the crowd when I needed it. I don’t know how he does it, but even without sight, he was there to help me. I don’t know what I would have done without him there. I was so grateful that he was there for me.”
Dana looked happy for me, with a side of jealousy. I didn’t blame her for it either. I would be jealous too. It was a lot to take on. It was just that simple.
“So, what happened after you took him home?” Dana asked.
“He went home, and I went home. That was it.”
Dana looked disappointed and funny enough, I’d found it upsetting as well. I’d wanted more but didn’t trust myself. Somewhere along the lines, I made the decision that I wanted Jason. It wasn’t ideal, there was a lot going on, but none of that mattered. Next time we had a chance together, I had a feeling that it wasn’t going to end the same way again. I was determined that I would find out how he made love. I already knew that he kissed without abandon.
“Would you tell me if something happened?”
I agreed that I would but knew that something was bound to happen. I was going to do everything in my power to make it happen.
“You really like him, don’t you?”
I stopped and looked at her. “Yeah, I really do.” It hit me then how much I was scared to death to like him. Why did it feel like loving Jason was going to be one of the hardest things I’d ever done?
Wait, love? The word in my head hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn’t believe that I’d thought such a thing. It had just come out and I wasn’t sure where it had come from. I surely didn’t love him. I liked him, desired him, but love? Now I was confused more than ever.
Jason was earlyto the next scheduled appointment he had, and he looked better. “Healing up nicely,” I commented as I opened the door. He was waiting at the side for me, right where he needed to be and again, I found it strange that he was so tuned to where he had to be. He hadn’t been blind that long, but it was like he just knew the area. I wondered how but didn’t want to start with anything deep. I was a bit weirded out by how I was feeling about him. I didn’t know how this was going to go. Was he feeling the same way that I was? Had certain things crossed his mind too?
“Yes, I seem to do that pretty well. I have heard before that something won’t heal and it does. I have just come to the conclusion that doctors don’t know anything.”
“Good thing I’m not a doctor.”
He agreed and followed me in. I was used to the tapping sound of the cane. It was his way of walking and like other things that made Jason different than other men that I was around, I was used to it. I was used to Jason’s adaptations, and I didn’t mind them at all. It was shocking to find out he was blind in the beginning, stopping many nasty thoughts in their tracks. But now that I knew how capable he was now, it really did something to me. I felt safe with him, a feeling that was strange considering the situation.
“Same room?”
I agreed and said I would be back in a moment. I had to set a few things down and turn the lights on. Jason might not need the lights on, but I did. My eyes were straining to see into the darkness, while he walked his way to the room that was now considered his. Before, it was just examination room 7.
As I made my way through the building, I lit the place up and felt a bit better when I got back to Jason. He was sitting on the edge of the bed. “Are we still alone?”
His question threw me off and I told him that we had a few minutes before Dana was going to be here. I didn’t know how long it was going to be, but not long. It was needed for Dana to be more on time, a long time she’d come in too late. That was what I was thinking about with his question.
Jason was up and moving toward me with stealth, when he touched my shoulder and then pulled me in for a kiss. He oriented himself with one part of me, knowing where all the other parts of me would be. It was more than I could handle, and I was trembling when I heard Dana calling out to me a few moments later. She was early. Of course.
I walked out of the room and told Jason I would be right back. My voice quavered, and I knew that I had to forget the kiss for a moment. What a kiss though. It was hard and insistent, making my knees weak. He had held me fast against him and it had been an incredible feeling. I never wanted it to end.
Dana gave me a weird look and asked if I was okay.
“Yeah, why?”
“Well, your hair is all mussed up like you’ve been making out in a closet with a boy.”
I laughed, the noise strained and strange. “You have a very active imagination.” Why was she so damn right though?