15. Abigail
Dana kept staring at me. At first, I just thought that she had something to say, so she was acting weird because of that. I finally asked her what was going on after the third patient of the day. She acted like she had no idea what I was talking about when I said something about how she was acting. We both knew that wasn’t true. It wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.
“Are you going to tell me what is going on with you?”
I didn’t know what she was talking about, and I told her as much. She scoffed at me, “Really? No idea, huh?” The words bit out with sarcasm. I didn’t believe them, true enough, but I didn’t want her to call me out on it.
“I really don’t know what you are talking about, Dana.”
She just shook her head. “You are glowing, Abigail. I have been your friend for a long time. I know what that look on your face is, and I am trying to figure out if it is Jason or not. If it is, I am so confused.”
I shrugged and I didn’t want to get into it, even though I knew that I was going to have to. “He is a really great guy. There is nothing to be confused about.”
She just made another disparaging remark. I didn’t look at her, because I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to stop what would come out of my mouth. I tried my best to act like I wasn’t the one to hear it all, but that wasn’t true. “All I can say is it must be really good.”
“What?”
For a second my mind wasn’t thinking, but then I realized what she was talking about, and I felt my face go red. Dana, of course, saw it and had to say something about it. I was so embarrassed, but there was something about it that made me smile too. It was amazing with Jason and as much as I was embarrassed to admit it, sex with Jason was close to transcendent. It was the only way to describe. Being with him was just what I needed, and he had brought me back to the woman that I knew I was once before. I hadn’t realized that I could be that woman again.
“It is.”
She made me repeat myself and then howled like it was the funniest thing that I’d ever said. It wasn’t, but whatever made her smile. I was convinced that the two of us were going to make a scene, but another nurse came into the back and we both straightened up. I didn’t want to pretend like nothing mattered. At the moment, it didn’t. Jason had changed the way I looked at everything and I was thankful for that.
“I knew that there was something about that man. I know he is blind and all, but damn he had that BDE aura, you know?”
I nodded but didn’t like her mentioning him like that. I was very jealous. I couldn’t stop it really. I knew that she wanted him, many women did, so I was just going to have to get over it. That didn’t mean that I had to like it. I didn’t. I didn’t like it in any way, and though Dana thought it was funny, the humor was lost on me in many ways.
“So, you two are a thing now?”
I shrugged again. I didn’t know what we were, and I said as much. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to jump into something like that. I had a lot going on and before she could ask more questions, another patient was ready to be seen and I left it at that. Dana had given me a lot to think about and, of course, I didn’t want to talk about some of it. What were we? Did I even know? He had opened up and said how much he wanted me to do this and that, but what did that mean exactly? I wasn’t sure about any of it. I didn’t know where I stood and since he wasn’t sure how he felt half the time, it was a scary place to be.
She unsettled me. I wanted to call Jason and ask him where we stood. I knew that I would sound like a crazy person, but that was exactly what I wanted to do. It was sad how badly I would have liked to have known. I would have risked it all, just to really know what was going on. Instead though, I overthought it the rest of my work day and made myself a little crazy. It wasn’t a good feeling that I gave myself, the unknowing and all of the fears that washed over me.
It was so bad that I turned my phone off mid-day because I wanted to stop checking it to see if he had called. He hadn’t said he would, I didn’t ask him to, but for some reason, his call was going to determine if we were together or not. I know, crazy, but I swear that was what I thought. So, I turned it off to save myself from looking at it for so long. When it went back on, I saw that Jason had called, and left a message. So, of course, my heart was beating out of my chest as I walked to the car and listened to the message.
He wanted to see me that evening, made some assumptions that I was okay with and then said something about how he missed me. It was all so sweet, and I was shaking inside by his message. What was I supposed to think of that?
I rejoiced inwardly, knowing that the message had assuaged all my worries, while giving me new hope that was going to make me just as crazy as before. I could already see it happening. I was lost to do anything that would make it better. This was as good as it got.
It wasn’tthat hard of a decision to go see Jason. I was into him a lot and there was nothing else that I wanted to do but go see him. I tried to think of all of the great things that we were going to do, but I wasn’t sure. What sort of mood was he going to be in? He was the sort of man that it really mattered. I wasn’t sure if I could put up with him in a bad mood again. I didn’t know if I wanted to.
When I got there, Jason was smiling and seemed to be in a good mood. He said that someone was coming over to pick something up, but Kyle would be gone before too long. I told him that he didn’t have to run his friends off, but that just got me a look and I didn’t know what to say to him. Of course, there was stuff that I wanted to do as well.
“So, if we are waiting for Kyle to get here, I guess I wonder what it is that you wanted to talk about the other day? Maybe you can tell me about all those scars on your back. You’ve been shot a few times.”
My smile fell and I swear I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say to that. “How do you know that?”
Jason sighed. “I am blind, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t feel them. I know what a shot scar feels like. I have a few myself, so I know that is what it is.”
I clicked my tongue and I guess that it was just as well. I had expected him to tell me things that he didn’t want to tell me, so I guess I was going to have to do the same. It was hard to fathom how much I didn’t want to though.
“It was just a bad run in when I was doing my job as a soldier. We were supposed to be getting a terrorist and instead of taking the shot that we had, I told my team to hold off because of a kid that was in the way, and they all died. I got shot several times, but I lived. Lucky me. Those scars are all I have left now, though I can’t even see them. Sometimes I touch them, and it reminds me.”
“So, you fix people now, because you couldn’t fix them before?” Jason asked. When he said it like that, making it all sound so simple, I didn’t know if I liked the way he made me feel or not.
I shrugged for an answer, before I remembered that he needed more than that. I didn’t know why him saying that got to me so badly, but it did. I felt like he could really see me. “Yeah, something like that.”
Jason said that he was glad that I was trying to fix him, but I was honest when I said that it wasn’t my intention. While I liked Jason and I thought that he was a great guy, I had no desire to fix him. I told him that he wasn’t broken, and he scoffed, “I think you would be the first person to think so.”
I shrugged and then said that I knew I had my own past, but I still didn’t believe that he was broken.
“You know, many days I would have disagreed with you. I have felt broken many times in the past.”
“Do you still?”
Jason clicked his tongue and then acted like he didn’t know. He couldn’t see my expressions, but I could see his, and he used them to his advantage. Jason was in a good mood today; he looked like he was light and didn’t have any worries on his mind. I liked it when he was like that. I had a feeling that Jason wasn’t like that very often. I asked him what had put him in such a good mood, and he said it was me, without any hesitation. I was flattered, sure, but I was also embarrassed. I didn’t know why, but Jason seemed so far out of my league. He was the sort of man that all others wanted to be like, all women wanted to be with.
“So, when is your friend going to be here?”
Jason chuckled and said that Kyle would be there soon. I told him that he should at least come sit by me. I made it like I was lonely, and I wanted him next to me, and it wasn’t long at all before he was doing that very thing. I was shaking inside with it all.
When he got there on the couch next to me, I at once moved over until I was straddling his waist. He had a moan in his throat, and I loved the sound of his desire when I pressed my wet heat against him. He couldn’t feel all of it, I had panties on, but he could feel a lot because that was the only thing I had on underneath the skirt I was wearing. His hands came to my hips and thighs, playing with my bare flesh. I had thought that I was going to put myself in charge, but I should have known better. His hands were suddenly all over me, and I was ducking and dodging his hands as best as I could.
Jason’s hands suddenly grabbed both my tits and squeezed. I whimpered with his touch, sure that I was never going to be able to stop the desire that raced through me every time he did that. Did he know how good he felt?
I started to ride him, rubbing myself on him as well as I could. I wanted him to feel the desire, the hard rub that made him come to life like it did me. I wanted him to be as damaged as I was, but to be honest, I didn’t see that.
We got carried away and I was so close to ending, but it ended with a knock at the door. I growled and he just told me that he had warned me. I was glad that I was warned, but it hadn’t done me any good. I rubbed on him for a moment longer and came hard. I buried my face in his chest and then ran off to the bathroom to straighten myself out. He felt so good, and I didn’t want to show my embarrassment to his friend. They didn’t need to know.
I could hear his friend coming in and the laughter that came after that. I imagined that they were talking about what had just happened. I didn’t see Jason acting that way, but his friend was loud and obnoxious, and he could have gotten the information out of him. I really didn’t know why I was so worried about it, but I stayed in the bathroom until I heard that Kyle wanted to use it. Then, I got out, but had to face them both. My hair was mussed up, I had come all over in my panties, and they didn’t know about it, but I did. That was really hard for me to focus on and there was nothing more that I could do to fix it, no matter how badly I wanted to.
Kyle had an instant grin on his face, and I was quite sure that he knew what I was doing there. I didn’t like the idea of that, I really didn’t. Jason couldn’t see how Kyle was looking at me, practically salivating, but that didn’t matter. He didn’t have to know.
I was reintroduced to Kyle, and I said it was nice to meet him again and all of that. I had done everything I could to be a good girlfriend, lover, whatever I was to Jason. Soon, I would need a real title so that I would understand what I was and how to act. His friend didn’t seem to understand that I was with Jason, not him. The way he looked me up and down started to make me nervous.
“Get your eyes off of her, Kyle. She isn’t used to all of that attention.”
I looked to Jason. Yep, he was still blind, so how did he know that his friend was looking?
“It was that obvious?”
“I know how beautiful she is. Yeah, it was that obvious.”
They were making me blush, and I wished that I wasn’t there. I was so embarrassed but also tickled to hear him say that I was beautiful. I couldn’t help how I felt when I heard it, even if he didn’t see me. It was better when Jason said it because he meant on the inside. What could be better than that? Was there any better compliment?