24. Abigail
Jason just materialized out of nowhere and he was then standing in front of me. It was hard to see him, looking so good, and for a minute I forgot everything. I forgot that I was carrying his child and had run away. I forgot that I was halfway on the other side of the country to keep this meeting from happening. I likely forgot my own name as well. I’d never been so tongue-tied in all of my life.
He said my name, the soft words on his lips and his eyes held astonishment. He naturally thought that the baby was his and it was, but that didn’t mean that I wanted him to know. I had gone through great pains to keep some distance between us.
“What is this?” Jason wondered aloud. He was asking the question to the universe, not just me. He barely looked me in my eyes. I knew that he was shocked, but I didn’t like it either. I had played out what would happen if he found out about my pregnancy. I had it going so differently in my head. He wasn’t looking at me scared like he was now. I didn’t know what to say to him, and I didn’t think I was going to have anything come to me. I was lost in the moment, us just staring at each other. I swear he could see me…
Finally, I took a deep breath and said hello. He scoffed at the word. “You are going to have to say more than hello, Abigail.” He bit the words out and threw me off.
I was annoyed that he thought he could tell me what to do. I didn’t know where he thought he had the right, but damn it was good to see him. I wished that I could say that I felt one way or another, but that wouldn’t be true. Instead, I just stared at him for a time, a long time if I was honest. “You look good.” I caught myself saying out loud. I knew that I wasn’t supposed to say something like that, but I meant it. Another thing that I’d forgotten was what it felt like to be in his arms, and I suddenly would have done anything to find myself there. I wanted it so badly I could taste it. I tried my best to focus on something, anything else, but there was no helping what came next. I had always been so attracted to Jason and nothing had changed.
“What are you doing here?” I finally asked. Jason gave me a dirty look. I knew that he was going to be mad, but I think the extra anger came from the fact that he thought he’d been duped. I was keeping the baby from him, but to be fair, he had basically said that he wanted to have nothing to do with me. Wasn’t that enough to get me off the hook? He’d pushed me aside, I didn’t want to come to him with a baby so that he’d want me. That wouldn’t be fair to either one of us.
“It took some time, but did you really think that I would stop looking?”
I sighed. “Well, I’d hoped that you would get the hint and leave me alone, yes.”
He scoffed, “Well, that just tells me that you don’t know me very well then.”
I agreed wholeheartedly. I didn’t know him at all and though we were now attached in some ways, which didn’t mean that I was ever going to understand if I was coming or going when it came to Jason. It was hard to know where I stood with him, with was likely half the reason I ran. Or I knew how he felt because he told me, and I didn’t think he would care either way. Yes, I should have told him about the baby. I would have, eventually.
“Seriously, Jason, if you just came here to argue with me, I could do without it.”
Jason straightened up visually, like he realized how he was acting. I hadn’t seen him so catty before, but again, I didn’t know him well.
“Wait, what?” He was definitely looking at me. Where was his cane?
“You look good too,” Jason said with a smirk on his face. He knew now that I knew. My brain was breaking. What was going on? “You and your new belly.”
Of course, he had saw me and my stomach. I knew that, I’d seen the look, but I hadn’t put it into perspective that he could see. It hit me like a ton of bricks. “So that doctor really did give you your sight back. With different eyes?”
“How are you the first to really see that?”
I shrugged. “They were always so beautiful,” I told him. I couldn’t believe that I was looking at blue eyes. They were very different, and I missed his old eyes, but if he could see, then that was all that mattered. I said as much, and he seemed relieved by my answer.
“I was worried what you were going to think. I can’t believe that you are in front of me, Abigail. I have been looking for you for a while. A long while. I started to think that I was never going to find you.”
He sounded so sad, which made me realize how good it was to be found. Had I run all this way, just to see if and when he would look for me? I never would have guessed that the crazy doctor would actually do it. I moved toward him, just because I wanted to touch his face and make sure that this wasn’t all in my head. I knew that it very well could be. I had made things up like this before, but before too long, I knew that he was really standing here.
“Abigail?”
I looked to the street and the car that had James, a coworker, that was going to take me to work with him. It was at a small office in the city center of Seattle. I saw the jealousy that hit Jason’s face. He heard that voice and he was pissed from there on out.
I put my hand up to Jason’s chest. “He is someone I work with. I forgot I have work. I need to go actually.”
Jason’s hand was gently on my arm, like he was afraid I was really going to leave. It was clear from the way he touched me that he didn’t want me to go anywhere. Why did that stick to me so much? I wanted to stay, but I had to go. I needed this job, because I still didn’t know what was going to happen with Jason. I really had no clue. He was here, but what did that mean? How was he going to take the pregnancy and all of that? He still looked like he was shocked.
“Why don’t you come back tonight around eight? I will be here then, and we can talk.” I smirked for a moment because it used to be something we would say but never do. We were always supposed to talk, but instead we would play with each other’s bodies and have a good time with it. I swear there was something wrong with it all. I didn’t really know what was supposed to happen, but if it did happen, I wanted to know why.
“You want to talk?” Jason asked. The way he asked made me think that he had no clue. I wanted to tell him that it wasn’t what I wanted, because my body was already alive. I wasn’t trying to talk, but we could long enough to get somewhere else. I tried my best to focus on something else, but I knew that there was going to be a moment where the two of us got together again. It was electrifying between us, even after all this time and I wasn’t going to ignore it. I couldn’t. At the same time though, I did have to go to work and getting all riled up wasn’t going to do any good.
I started to leave, promising to see him later, but he stopped me, his hand on my arm. “What?”
Before he answered me, his lips crashed down on mine, and I was lost in the moment. I swear that I couldn’t deny him, and I got a honk before I was able to pull myself out of it. I wanted him too much, but I had things to do. That was what kept me thinking about it. I tried my best to walk away straight, but I know that I likely had a little wobble to my step.
I dodgedthe questions about my new life from my old life. I think that it was pretty obvious that nothing was going to be the same now. I knew Jason was the man for me and seeing him made it feel silly that I’d left in the first place. I didn’t know where I was supposed to go without him, but I knew that he was the one for me. Jason was just messing with me. That’s what it was, and I was messed up the rest of the day. I went to work, sure, but my mind was a million miles away. There was no going back. I wasn’t going to be able to stay here in this life. I had gotten used to it, but it was never the life that I wanted. It wasn’t for me.
When I got off of work, I took my time getting back home. I wondered if Jason would be there, but I knew he would be. He could run and be freaked out about the baby. He might not be there when I got home, but I had a feeling that he would be. I had a feeling that Jason was going to be the man and father I needed him to be. He wasn’t acting like he had the last time we talked. I felt like there was more to his story, but I had to figure out what it was exactly.
I saw Jason as soon as I got home. I took the bus instead of getting a ride home and Jason was waiting with anticipation when I walked up. He didn’t see me coming and then before much else could be said, he wanted to know why I was walking.
“I take public transportation here. It’s very convenient.”
“You shouldn’t be riding it alone in the middle of the night,” Jason said. I wanted to tell him that he didn’t have a say in what I did. I felt like he had no right, but I quelled that feeling that I had. I was defensive and I was better off listening to what he had to say, before I closed my mind to all of it.
“It is just what I have done.” I went to the door and let us both in. I set my bag down and let my hair down. I was feeling self-conscious, but there was nothing better than seeing Jason. He was the man I’d dreamed about for months now, so it was good to see him right there in front of me. I didn’t know why I was so wrapped up in how he looked. I didn’t know why I was so turned on immediately with him in my presence. It was a shame really. No matter what I did, there was no turning back. I was always going to want Jason and while it was easy to deny it when we were apart, together it was impossible to refuse. I wanted to, but I knew that Jason was likely the only man that I was every going to love like I did.
When I turned back around, he was right behind me and staring. I told him as much and he shrugged. “It’s going to take me a while to get used to the fact that I can see you. I got my sight back and all I wanted to do was look at you. It was worth it, but the wait took forever.”
I felt my face getting red. “It’s been a while.”
He agreed but said that it hadn’t been that long. He had that look in his eyes, the perfect words on his lips. He knew what I wanted. He always seemed to know, and I have to say that it was unnerving. “I have been waiting for more than just seeing your face, Abigail. I can’t wait to see all of you.”
I didn’t know what to think of his new mood. He said all of this, but it wasn’t long ago that he wasn’t sure if he liked me at all. When I asked about that, anger flooded his expression. “That was something that had to be done. I didn’t want to say any of that. You could tell, couldn’t you?”
“I don’t know about that.” The truth was that those few words, a minute of my life, changed everything and broke my heart. I would have likely continued to follow him if not for the baby.
“Are we going to talk about the baby?” He finally got in.
I clasped my hands together. We were on the couch, and I was looking toward the bottle of rum on the sidebar. I wished I could drink. I needed something to calm me down. It was hard for me to feel calm in this moment. Jason was finally here in front of me, and I had so much to say, but nothing was coming out. The more I tried to say something, the less that came out. I squeaked about something, but it did me no good.
“Okay, let’s talk about it.”
“I take it that it’s mine,” Jason said.
“Is that a question?” I wondered.
“No, it’s not. I know that it’s mine, and I guess I just wondered when you were going to tell me or if you were going to. You left in the way that you did for a reason. I had no one to tell me what was going on, and I think that was how you wanted it. The problem is that there is more to this story, don’t you think? What made you run?”
I sighed and looked at him. “I almost died because of you, Jason. And if it was just me, I would have done it again, but then I found out about the baby in the hospital, and I had to get away. I had to keep our baby safe, even from you.”
The look he gave me was devastating. I didn’t know what to say next. I didn’t think anything was going to help.