2. Chapter 2 – Zach
E verything after “Simon and I broke up” turned to white noise. I tried to focus on Rae’s next words, but my heart beat so loudly in my ears that it was hard to hear over my racing pulse.
Fucking finally. I wasn’t sure it’d ever happen.
She and Simon seemed content to float along, seeing each other once a year, and it made me batshit.
She deserved better. I loved Simon. But I hated the way he treated Rae.
Like she was disposable. Unimportant. Not the woman he loved and should worship with every breath in his body.
I absorbed her tone more than her words. Rae seemed at peace. Odd since she and Simon had been a couple for the better part of a decade. I’d been bracing myself for an engagement announcement with Simon slated to leave the service. So, what changed?
“I’m glad you’re okay,” I said, covering her knee. The friendly squeeze, something I’d done a hundred times before, felt different this time. Like the whopper I told myself to ignore my real feelings. “I really thought you were going to tell me you’re engaged.”
I winced, wishing I could call the words back. The last thing I wanted was to upset her if she was sensitive about her breakup.
“Well, I’m not, but Simon is.”
It took a beat for her words to sink in .
If Simon was running around on Rae this entire time, I’d hunt the bastard down and bring him to his knees. You did not fuck with Rae and get away with it. Not on my watch. She was too loyal. Too good a person.
“Excuse me?” Rage kept my jaw locked, making it difficult to force the words out. It didn’t matter that Simon was one of my oldest friends. If he’d screwed around on Rae, he’d pay.
Her expression remained carefully calm. Her dark eyes tranquil, her delicate jaw relaxed.
“Relax, Fenwick. None of this is a surprise for me.”
Her words were cool. Too unbothered. “What do you mean?”
The first hint of suspicion trickled through me. Rae was entirely too relaxed about Simon’s new relationship, announced at the same time she shared the end of their long-term situationship.
Rae hissed out a long breath. “Oooh, boy. I wish he were here to explain this himself.” She shifted, avoiding my gaze as she frowned at the shelf of books behind me. “Okay, here goes nothing,” she muttered. “Before Simon went into the service, we made a deal.”
“What kind of deal?” I asked, already not liking her story. Rae was one of the kindest people I knew. Not one to turn away a friend. What had he asked her?
“I’d play his long-distance girlfriend, and he’d make sure his dad gave my family a break on the rent for the marine shop.”
I squinted. “Like a friends-and-family discount?”
She nodded, looking relieved. “Exactly. The shop was struggling. It couldn’t really afford to bring me on as a fourth mechanic at the time. Getting the rent discount on the property helped me pursue my dream.”
“Why did Simon need you to play girlfriend?”
She met my gaze steadily. “It helped him pursue his dream.”
I snorted. “I don’t see how having a long-distance girlfriend helped him rise through the ranks in the Air Force.”
She grimaced. “Well, not being outed did.”
“Outed as in—”
“Gay.”
Heat flushed up my neck, rising through my cheeks until it felt like my head would blow off.
“You look—”
“Pissed? Hella pissed? Yeah. That’s because I am,” I bit out.
She’d lied to me. For years. Maybe I’d been na?ve, not seeing through their weak-ass relationship, but that didn’t stop the anger from burning through my chest with all the rancid acid of five-day-old coffee. The sickening sludge swirled, a toxic stew inside my gut.
“I thought we were friends.” The accusation hung in the air. Rae’s face crumpled.
“I—I’m sorry,” she choked out.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. Rae wasn’t the one I was mad at.
Not really. From the time Simon, Rae, and I were kids, we’d been friends.
A geeky little threesome, utterly entranced by sailboats, dreaming of living aboard someday.
Rae and I had made those dreams come true.
Turned out, Simon had an altogether different dream.
And he’d used one of my best friends to achieve it.
On the outside, Rae was sturdy. Strong. She was a badass with small motors and more mechanically-inclined than anyone I knew. She’d earned the respect of her brothers and dad the hard way: through work. Grit. Toughness.
But on the inside? My Rae, captain of my heart, was a marshmallow. Especially for her people. And Simon took advantage of that. For fucking years. Up to and including not telling me the truth himself, so at least I could take out my frustration on the right person .
Rae looked absolutely miserable. Shoulders slumped. Eyes bright with tears. Yes, she’d lied, but I still felt like one hundred percent the asshole.
“He couldn’t tell me?” Was I the shittiest friend on the planet?
Simon couldn’t be himself, and Rae couldn’t admit the truth?
We’d spent hundreds of hours together. Volunteering with search and rescue.
Hanging with my family and our friends. She was the only person on the planet I trusted as much as my siblings, yet she couldn’t tell me she and Simon weren’t for real?
In retrospect, there had been signs. She never wanted me to visit Simon with her, which I chalked up to them needing privacy. Not seeing them together probably helped sell the lie. The day she told me they were an item, I was heartbroken. Did it keep me from suspecting the truth?
No matter how I twisted things, her betrayal stung. Simon’s doubly so.
“I love you, Fenwick, but we both know you’re not good at keeping secrets.”
I bit back the desire to blurt out the truth.
I’d kept my feelings for her a secret this long.
Telling her I’d been dead jealous of my friend and felt like shit about it wouldn’t help things.
Protesting that I could have kept silent would be a lie.
If I’d known Rae was single, protecting Simon wouldn’t have kept me quiet long.
The smell of my coffee turned my stomach, and I set it aside.
I’d failed my best friends. That knowledge sat heavily on my shoulders. Simon hadn’t told me his truth. Rae had kept quiet. For years.
She kept her eyes downcast, ripping her napkin into piece after piece, until only tattered flutters of wispy tissue remained.
The coffee threatened to crawl back up my throat. I hated hurting her. “Who else have you told? ”
“No one.” Her big eyes turned to me. “You’re the first. I wanted you to know.” She fought for a smile that crumpled, wavering on her sweet face before strengthening into something real. “We didn’t mean to hurt you.”
I rubbed at my sternum, the burning sensation traveling from my chest to my throat. Hurt. Frustration. And more than a bit of rage clogged my vocal cords.
“Why isn’t Simon telling me himself, or at least telling me with you, even if it’s only via video chat?” I scowled. “I hate that he’s left you on your own for this.”
Rae lifted one shoulder. “Now that his folks have retired to the mainland, he doesn’t have a reason to come back. He and his fiancé flew to Hawaii today to elope.”
“You’re the reason,” I bit out. “How is he making you go through this on your own?”
“I told him I have you.”
Her simple words gutted me. She had me—a sorry excuse for a friend. I’d jumped all over her with accusations and hurt feelings.
She reached for my hand, hers work-roughened with calluses on the fingertips. “I’m sorry I lied, Zach. I do have you, don’t I?”
“Yes.” Part pledge, part reassurance. The word was ripped from the secret part of my heart that had been yearning for her for nearly a decade.
Slowly, a tendril of hope unfurled. Sacking up to support her now could change the trajectory of our future. Simon may have abandoned Rae, but I’d never leave her on her own. As much as I wanted to murder my former best friend, maybe part of him knew. Had always known.
Just like I’d known something wasn’t quite right with their relationship.
But I’d counted myself too good a friend to probe.
Now I wish I’d asked a hell of a lot more questions.
It seemed grossly unfair that Simon had met someone new and fallen in love, all while Rae was tied to their farce at home.
“You have me, Captain. You always have me.”