3. Chapter 3 – Rae
C rawling through broken glass back to the Sailor Swift wouldn’t ease my guilt about how we’d treated Zach, but telling him the truth left me feeling just as cut up inside.
I’d lobbied for Simon and me to tell him every time I visited over the last few years, sure Zach could handle our secret.
Simon was stubborn in his refusal, still thinking of Zach as the happy-go-lucky mischief-maker of our youth who couldn’t keep his mouth shut.
After Zach’s reaction, I dreaded telling my family and our friends about my breakup. They’d all have questions. Some I couldn’t really answer. Zach deserved the full truth. and he got it. My family would need a watered-down version.
Anya texted our group chat as I arrived back at my boat.
My friend Anya was dating Zach’s older brother, Drew.
They hadn’t announced their engagement yet, but the way gruff Drew made googly eyes at her, it was only a matter of time.
Watching them together over the last few months had only served to emphasize how fake my relationship with Simon was.
They were the real deal. Simon and I were the cheapest of imitations.
Anya: Lunch today at the park?
Lucy: I’m in.
Vi: Me too. Noon ?
I chimed in, not sure I could eat but resolved to tell my friends my news.
Rae: I’ll be there.
Pulling together a quick lunch of cucumber slices and turkey only took a few moments, leaving me too much time to anticipate their reactions.
Anya had never even met Simon. Violet, Zach’s younger sister, knew him, but only in the vague way of younger siblings.
Simon joined the Air Force at eighteen. She’d only been fifteen.
Like Anya, Lucy moved to San Juan Island after Simon left for the service.
Neither Anya nor Lucy had ever pressed hard about my absentee boyfriend, but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t pity me now. Or be angry.
Anya and Violet walked toward me from town.
They lived together in a house up the hill not too far from Violet’s shop, the Salty Pantry, and Anya’s yoga studio.
While Anya was petite and blonde, Vi was taller, with wavy brown hair.
Both were beautiful. Anya radiated calm energy.
and Vi, an energy that made me feel a million years old and simultaneously envious of her enthusiasm for life.
“Hey,” I greeted them from my seat at the picnic table.
Anya and Violet claimed the bench across from me, Anya grinning broadly. “It’s gorgeous today. We still on to hike this weekend? It looks like the weather’s going to cooperate.”
I nodded. It’d become one of my favorite things: hiking with the girls on Saturdays.
Lucy slipped up behind Anya. She sported a shirt claiming THE HORRORS PERSIST, BUT SO DO I.
Black fringe framed her heart-shaped face and delicate cheekbones.
Black eyeliner completed the goth-art look.
Perfectly appropriate, since she ran the glass studio in town.
Her art was ethereal and delicate, but Lucy herself looked tough enough to chew glass without turning a hair .
“What are we talking about?” She took her spot to my right.
“Hiking,” I answered.
“I’m in.” She pointed at Anya. “But only if there’s none of that herbal tea crap.”
“Herbal teas are delicious,” Anya protested.
“Not at freaking eight on a Saturday, they’re not,” Lucy grumbled.
“I’ll pick up coffee at Harbor Brews,” I said.
Lucy dipped her chin. “Works for me. Are you going to be able to hike with us much this summer?”
“Why wouldn’t I?” Had Lucy already heard my news? I couldn’t imagine my friends kicking me out of our hiking group for over-hyping a relationship, but I hadn’t exactly been truthful with them. Or anyone.
“Aren’t you moving into Jia’s house soon to watch the kids?” Lucy asked.
“Oh. That.”
Jia was my cousin Jordan’s widow. He’d drowned in a cove on the south end of the island under suspicious circumstances earlier in the spring, leaving his wife and two small children behind.
Jia hadn’t been able to get relieved from her upcoming coast guard deployment, so I stepped in, offering to watch the house and kids while she was away.
I felt at home with Jordan’s family, thanks to Dawkins barbecues and holidays. Sticking with Tae and Hana at family events meant I could avoid my dad’s boasting over my brother’s accomplishments and my sister-in-law’s pointed questions about when Simon and I would marry and start a family.
Spending quality time with the kids during Jia’s deployment was the only bright spot in a terrible situation. But even that felt wrong, like I was benefiting from tragedy. Jordan wasn’t perfect, but he was still gone, and he deserved to be missed .
“I have two more weeks before Jia deploys.”
“You could always bring the kids with you when we go hiking,” Vi pointed out.
“Maybe,” I said doubtfully. Even if Tae and Hana were born on the islands, I wasn’t sure about dragging a grieving six- and ten-year-old around. Then again, getting out of the house might be good for them. “Zach might be willing to watch them.”
Violet wrinkled her nose. “I still can’t believe Zach is going to play house with you.
” She shook her head. “Of all my brothers, you picked him? When I had friends over growing up, he’d escape.
Drew would let us style his hair or practice makeup, but Cole and Zach wanted nothing to do with little girls. ”
“He volunteered.” I grimaced. “But he may be reconsidering.” I hadn’t asked if he’d still help out after Simon and I lied to him.
“Everything okay between you two?” Lucy asked, picking up on my sudden tension.
I took a deep breath, blowing it out slowly. “He might be a little pissed at me right now. Simon and I are officially done.”
“Good,” Lucy bit out. “I never liked him.”
“You never met him,” I pointed out.
“ Exactly .”
Anya covered my hand with hers, sympathy clear in her expression. “I’m sorry, Rae. Are you okay?”
Vi’s eyes narrowed. Like she’d had her doubts about him but never wanted to say.
“Simon and I weren’t much of a couple,” I admitted. “I’m not sad. Our relationship served its purpose. It was more about protection than any romantic feelings.”
Anya frowned. “It’s okay if it hurts. My ex was a rat bastard, but our breakup was still hard. ”
“I was never in love with Simon,” I said gently. “And he was never into me either.”
Anya wrinkled her nose. “Weren’t you together for, like, years? Why ?”
“He needed a girlfriend, and I needed a break on rent at the shop. Plus, we’d always been good friends.”
“But why— Oh. Oh , he’s gay,” Anya said.
Vi nodded slowly, like she’d already put the pieces together. Maybe she’d always suspected. It wasn’t like I’d ever giggled and swapped confidences about what it was like to kiss him. I could only hope she wouldn’t be hurt.
“Sounds like you got a raw deal—playing the at-home wifey while he whored around on the side,” Lucy said.
“Harsh, Luce. And you don’t know that he cheated.”
“I wouldn’t call it cheating,” I protested. I’ve always known we weren’t a real couple, just playing one on TV.
“But not wrong either,” Vi said, frowning. “Why’d you finally end it?”
I lifted one shoulder. “He got out of the service this week. He and his fiancé are eloping.” I glanced at my watch. “Possibly as we speak, in Hawaii.”
Lucy’s expression devolved into pure outrage. “And he didn’t even invite you to the wedding? Rude.”
I snorted. “I’ve met Alan. He’s quite nice. They make a cute couple. They didn’t need me as a third wheel. Anyway, I’m sorry if I’ve misled you all. It wasn’t malicious. I was just protecting Simon.”
Vi’s face softened. “Rae, you don’t owe us an explanation. Yes, I wish you’d told me sooner. But I get it. You were trying to protect someone. You’ve always done that. ”
Lucy snorted. “Yeah, well, next time you fake-date a guy, I at least want to meet him.”
Anya squeezed my hand. “I have no room to talk,” she said quietly. “We love you. Lies and all.”
I blinked, caught off guard by the warmth in her voice. Some small part of me was bracing for judgment. For distance. My throat tightened.
“Did Zach know?” Violet asked, eyes assessing.
“No.”
“Huh,” she said thoughtfully. “Did he go off?” She grinned.
“A little bit,” I admitted.
“Well, the C Street House curse lives on…”
“What curse?” Anya asked with an arched brow. “This is something I feel I should know, as your roommate.”
Violet chuckled. “Every roommate I’ve had since moving into this house has fallen in love and moved out within a year.”
“I haven’t gone anywhere yet,” Anya protested.
Violet rolled her eyes. “It’s only a matter of time before you and Drew move in together. His gig at the B&B won’t last forever.” She turned to me. “I was going to see if you wanted to be my new roommate. I figured we’d have fun, and you’d be perfect: you’re already in a long-term relationship.”
“I don’t understand. I’m not in love. Just the opposite. Simon and I just broke up.”
“Which means Zach knows you’re free.”
“So?”
“So, my brother has had a crush on you since forever.”
“He has not,” I protested.
That couldn’t be right. It seemed like Zach had dated half the town. He’d never so much as looked at me sideways .
“Pretty sure he asked you to prom.”
“He was joking.”
“No. He wasn’t.”
“He wasn’t joking?” I froze. In one sentence, Vi had rewritten my history with Zach. “He literally said, ‘Hey, wouldn’t it be funny if we went to prom together?’ and there was no way I took that seriously. I thought he meant Simon too, like a threesome.”
“Was Simon actually there when Zach asked?” Vi’s tone was gentle.
“Shit. No.”
I’d assumed. Too shy, too used to hanging out as one of the guys to think Zach had any romantic feelings for me. The world shifted on its axis, things momentarily out of focus as I tried to reconcile Violet’s information with what I thought I’d always known.
The flare of possibility snuffed itself out almost instantly.
Any feelings Zach had for me at eighteen were long gone now.
We were friends. I was closer to him than to my own family.
I’d spent the better part of a decade burying any other instincts.
Not noticing him had become a game. He’d had a parade of women in his life over the years.
Anything we could have had was a thing of the past.
I’d be lucky if he forgave me enough to stay friends. More was out of the question. Not after I violated his trust.
Sure, he’d seemed angrier with Simon than with me, but once he had time to think about it, he’d blame me too.
I’d betrayed him. I knew it. He knew it.
Just staying friends would be a minor miracle.
I’d shove any other feelings in a box, duct tape them tight and stuff them in my mental closet where they belonged.
Zach and I had too much baggage between us already.
I didn’t need to load him up with more of my crap.