Chapter 48
B lake
“For the love of God, would you sit down? You’re making me antsy, and I don’t get antsy,” Theo said as he took a sip of whatever he was drinking. He’d offered me one, and it was sitting on the arm of the chair beside him, but I had yet to touch it.
I turned to march along the deck again and realized that I’d worn a strip through the center of the snow, and the ground now looked like a skunk.
Sighing, I flopped down into the deck chair beside Theo and picked up the hot drink.
It was hot chocolate and was more lukewarm than hot, but it still tasted good.
“Thanks,” I said, chugging the sweetness down.
“You need to relax. Myles texted when they left. Ren is safe,” Theo said, but it didn’t stop the anxiety from gripping me.
The new meds seemed helpful until I was under too much pressure.
Then they stopped working, and I was left longing for something far more potent.
Leaning forward, I focused on my breathing and counted in my head.
Theo got up and went into the cabin but was back a moment later with the old acoustic guitar that hung on the wall. He held it out to me, and I slowly reached out and took it from him.
“Play me something. I don’t care what it is,” he said and sat down.
I smiled at my brother, and he lifted an eyebrow. I strummed the badly out-of-tune strings.
“I love you,” I said.
“Oh, hell no.” Theo cringed.
“You love me.”
“Okay, I didn’t mean anything. Anything but that,” Theo made a gagging face.
“We’re a happy family,” I sang.
“Don’t make me kill you. Mom would be distraught,” he said, and I broke down laughing.
“You sure? I can do a country version,” I teased but only got a glare in return. “Alright, fine. How about…this is the song that never ends. It goes on and on, my friends.”
“You feel like dying today, don’t you,” he growled and took off his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose.
“You’re no fun. Why do you still wear the glasses?”
“What do you mean,” Theo asked as I tuned the guitar.
“It’s not like you need them. You only started wearing them so teachers could tell us apart. I don’t get why you still wear them.”
Theo shrugged. “They feel like part of who I am now, and let’s face it, I look a lot smarter with them on,” he said and smirked.
“Yeah, like you need glasses to pull straight A’s,” I said sarcastically. “Just remember that your glasses are just another mask. Don’t fall into the same trap I did where you can no longer recognize who you really are and struggle to take the mask off.”
Theo didn’t respond, and I turned my attention to the guitar.
I was hoping to mellow myself out and just let my fingers play over the strings, jumping from one song to the next in a mash-up of country songs that fit my mood.
I didn’t know if I could ever play in a band.
Choices were what I loved about music. If that was taken away and I was forced to sing the same songs all the time or only songs written by someone else, then there was a good chance that I would lose the passion, and I never wanted that to happen.
“There they are,” Theo said and stood, pointing to the slow-moving blobs through the trees.
Placing the guitar down, I jumped off the deck and ran across the snowy ground to them. I could hear Theo close behind. Liam was carrying two packs while Ren clung to Myles’s back. They all looked dirty and wiped.
“Fuck, you all look a mess. What can I do?”
“Can you take Ren the rest of the way,” Myles asked as he bent over to let Ren slip off. I noticed she wasn’t putting any weight on her right foot. They both looked ready to fall asleep.
“Yeah, of course,” I said as Theo took one of the large packs from Liam. Ren wrapped her arms around my neck, and I picked her up piggyback style. None of them said a word as we walked along the trail to the cabin.
Theo opened the door, and there was a collective sigh when we got inside. I sat Ren down in a chair at the kitchen table, and she put her head on her arms and closed her eyes.
“You feel warm,” I said, touching her face.
“I think she spiked a fever,” Liam said, dropping his pack down on the floor and rolling out his shoulders. “Ren?” She lifted her head, but it seemed to take all of her energy. “Are you allergic to acetaminophen?” She shook her head no, and Liam went to his pack and pulled out a bottle of pills.
“I’m going to run to town and get us some dinner. I assume we’re staying here for the night,” Theo asked.
“Nash is going to lose his marbles if we keep her here for the night.” I could already picture the look on his face. The sound of a vehicle pulling in had us all looking at the front door.
“I swear he’s just like Bloody Mary. Ya say his name, and he appears,” Myles said from where he was leaning against the wall with his eyes closed.
“I’ll go talk to him,” Theo said and disappeared out the front door. I turned my attention back to Ren, who was taking a bottle of water and pills from Liam.
“What happened?”
“Ren decided to take a bath in the river and gave herself hypothermia,” Liam said. Ren rolled her eyes at him as she swallowed the pills down.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” We all looked at the front door as Nash’s voice rose outside.
“He sounds delighted that I’m here,” Ren said, making us chuckle.
“He’ll get over it. It’s not like we’re here with some rando. We should get showered so we can crash after we eat. What do ya say, Snowflake? Are ya up to lettin’ me strip ya again?” Myles teased her, and her cheeks flamed a brighter shade of red.
“If you want to, sure,” Ren said, and we all laughed. “Why are you laughing?”
“There is nothin’ I want more than to strip ya,” Myles said, pushing away from the wall. “I swear I’m gonna be walkin’ funny for days. My legs are on fire.”
“I have some supplements that’ll help in my bag,” Liam offered and walked over to his pack again. What the hell else did he have in there?
I looked down as Ren slipped her hand into mine. “I’m sorry I left,” she whispered.
I squeezed her hand tighter and leaned down to kiss her forehead.
I knew that we had a ways to go before I was as trusted as Myles, but I was determined to get there.
I wanted to win her heart and have her look at me the same way she looked at him.
Or…I would have to push him out of a moving car in the middle of nowhere.
Both Nash and Theo pulled down the driveway, and we looked at one another. “Well, we didn’t get tossed out on our asses, so I guess we’re good,” Liam said as he wandered across the open concept space, dropping onto the couch and turning on the television.
“Will you help me to the bathroom? I want to talk to you for a minute,” Ren said, and Myles nodded from behind her. He gave us some time alone while he joined Liam.
Wrapping her arm around my neck, I helped her stand.
She winced but nodded, and we journeyed down the narrow hallway to the bathroom.
This place wasn’t fancy by any means, and despite why we typically met here, it was cozy inside.
The dark wood, cream walls, and burning candle-like lighting added to the feel.
The bathroom, on the other hand, was an offensive green that looked like someone had thrown up on the walls.
Lifting Ren, I sat her on the edge of the sink, unzipped the hoodie—that could’ve doubled as a dress—and slowly slipped it off her shoulders.
“Where is your jacket?”
“It was soaked and looked like a frozen board, so we had to leave it behind,” she said, and I cupped her cheeks.
“I was really worried. I…God, I can’t even imagine what you felt when I collapsed, if this is even partially what it felt like.”
“I really am very sorry. I just felt like everything was against me, and I caved.” She shook her head. “I’ve never caved under pressure before.” Ren looked down at her hands, but I tipped her chin up to look at me.
“Don’t do that. I can see you beating yourself up, and not only is there no need, but there is no point.
I think I’m proof that we all make calls we wish we could take back.
I’m just happy you’re safe.” Dropping my lips to hers, I let them hover and waited.
It had become a little thing I liked to do with her, and my heart always skipped as she took the offer and kissed me.
She grabbed my waist, and I stepped between her legs until I bumped up against the counter. Ren moaned and gripped the front of my hoodie, and all the earlier anxiety floated away. It was a battle of wills not to take things further, but I’d hate myself if I scared her after everything.
“Alright, enough of that. I need to get us cleaned up,” Myles grumbled, making me smile. Looking into the mirror behind Ren, I could see him leaning against the door frame, an annoyed scowl on his face. I could see what Nash got out of poking at him.
“I think I could help Ren just fine,” I said, only to drive him crazy. The glare he gave me was well worth the jab. “I already have her hoodie off.” His jaw twitched.
Ren shook her head. “I’m not a doll for you two to undress. I can do it myself,” Ren said.
“Ha! Not a chance. Yer not fallin’ in the shower and hittin’ her head or anythin’ else. I swear I’ll put yer adorable arse in a bubble ball if ya force me to.”
She scowled at him but then shivered. “Alright, you win.”
I stepped back, but there was no way I was sleeping without her tonight. I wanted to bottle her essence and keep it with me all the time.
“I’ll see you in a bit,” I said and basked in the smile she gave me.
As I turned around and stepped up to Myles, I gripped his shoulder.
I didn’t say anything, but he nodded, understanding the appreciation in my eyes.
It bothered the shit out of me that I was still feeling the aftereffects of my OD, and I hadn’t been able to go with them.
That was never happening again. If Ren ever needed me, I would be ready.
There was no logical reason that I could put my finger on to explain how I felt about Ren.
I couldn’t even point to the exact moment that the feelings had jumped so far out of friendship, but I loved it.
My eyes opened each morning with purpose and excitement, and as soon as she looked at me, my heart soared.