Chapter 28
twenty-eight
Ihave been going through the motions, and I know it. I feel like I am barely living anymore.
Cora has been checking in with me daily. I appreciate her effort, but she reminds me of Wyatt, which causes me a whole new level of distress.
Ever since the day of the funeral, he has given me space like I asked. He smiles when he sees me, but I haven’t brought myself to talk to him again. I know I need to, but I’m drowning.
It’s been two weeks since we spread my father’s ashes in his favorite fishing lake. Two weeks since I allowed myself to really feel anything. Since then, I’ve been focusing on school and pushing down any emotions that threaten to escape.
No one talks about that. They talk about the grief and how hard it is to lose someone, but they don’t talk about how hard it is to watch the world move on around you when you are stuck in that one moment.
Will is back at work, but I know he is feeling the pain too.
I see the empty beer bottles in the trash.
He is self-medicating in a way that I wish I could be mad at him for, but I can’t.
He deserves a little leniency. I mean, aren’t I dealing with it in my own way?
I know ignoring my feelings isn’t healthy either, yet I’m doing it.
We are both so lost. I wish I knew what to do to make it better.
There’s a knock at the door, but I don’t move. I don’t want to.
“Lyla, can you grab the door?” Will calls to me from the kitchen.
I slowly stand. I can’t deny Will. Not when I know he needs me as much as I need him.
When I open the door, I’m surprised to find Rachelle standing there.
“Hey. What are you doing here?” I ask her.
She holds out the casserole dish and a card.
“I figure you were inundated with food the first week or two. I hope you don’t mind that I stopped by. I know we aren’t supposed to, but I wanted to check on you,” she says.
“Of course. Come in. Will is in the kitchen.”
I point the way before shutting the door behind her, and I follow her into the kitchen.
“Look who stopped by, Will,” I say.
He turns, then his eyes widen. “Rachelle. How are you?”
She gives a small smile. “I’m fine. The real question is how are you doing?”
He shrugs as he wipes his wet hands on a towel. “I’m hanging in there. It was nice of you to stop by.”
She nods, looking at each of us. “I made this for you. The office also sent a card. Your dad was one of our favorites.”
“He hit on all of you,” I remind her.
“Not in a gross way, though. It was all jokes with him. He liked to bring others up by making them smile. He was a good man.”
I look down at the floor, tears threatening my eyes.
“Thank you for that program. I’m sorry we didn’t get to use it more, but it helped. I know we both wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, but it was nice to know he was cared for when we needed a break.” Will continues the conversation, taking attention off of me.
“It was a blessing, really. The Scott Family Foundation is known for doing charitable work, but not usually like this. They focus more on children and animals. We hadn’t even applied for anything, so it was a shock when they chose us for the grant to start the program.
Their only stipulation was to start it right away.
Actually, you were the first family picked out by the administrator. ”
My head snaps up.
The Scott Family Foundation.
It couldn’t be Wyatt’s family, could it?
“That was lucky for us. It really was a blessing.”
Will and Rachelle keep talking, but my mind is racing. Would he have done that? I mean, we never talked about his financials. Could his family be wealthy? Not that it matters to me, but if he did this for me…
I don’t even know what that would mean. How would I feel about it?
“Rachelle, how much do you know about the foundation?” I blurt out.
Rachelle and Will both look at me.
“The Scott Family Foundation? Not a whole lot. I know it was established decades ago. Their mission statement says something about helping those who are unable to help themselves. Like I said, usually it’s children or animals, but I guess they have expanded.”
I pull out my phone and search the foundation. When I find the main page, I show her.
“Is this it?”
She nods. “Yeah.”
I go to the “about” page and freeze.
There at the top is a photo of a man and woman with a small child between them. The boy looks very familiar, though.
I read through the page and gasp when I see it.
Their son, Wyatt Scott…
Wyatt is the foundation.
“Holy shit,” I whisper.
“What is it, Lyla?” Will asks, concerned.
“Wyatt is the Scott Family Foundation.”
Will takes a sip of the coffee he must have made for him and Rachelle while I was spiraling.
“Still think your relationship is fake?” Will asks pointedly.
“I…” I trail off. “I don’t know.”
“You should talk to him,” Will urges.
“Would he even want to talk to me anymore? I mean, I blew him off,” I admit.
“Honey, if you are saying that a boy got his foundation to donate millions of dollars to a program to help families who need respite for medical care, then it’s fair to say he must be in love. I think you should talk to him too,” Rachelle says softly.
“Okay,” I murmur. “Okay. Okay, I need to talk to him. Where would I find him, though? Cora. Cora will know where he is. I’ve got to go. It was good to see you, Rachelle. I hope to see more of you. Will, ask her on a date. Bye.”
I rush out of the room, already texting Cora. I need to find Wyatt as soon as possible.
Leaving Lyla alone has been harder this time. I guess it’s because I know what she tastes like. I can remember the way it feels to have her in my arms. I had a glimpse of what it is like to be loved by her.
I’ve been jonesing for her, but I have tried to keep it under wraps. If she needs space, then that’s what I give her. I meant what I said to her. I only want her to be happy. So if that means that I have to stand here and miss the fuck out of her, then I’ll do it.
“Where’s your head at?” Kellan asks.
“Not here, obviously,” I mutter.
“She will come back. Give her time.”
I don’t acknowledge his words. Truth is, his girlfriend is the only reason I know Lyla is okay. I haven’t texted her because she asked for space, but Cora didn’t give a fuck. She’s been texting her daily.
At first, she got one-word answers, but she has slowly coaxed more from Lyla. She is building her friendship with her, and I’m grateful for that. Even if I am also jealous of it. I want to be building my relationship with her, but I can’t. Not until she wants me to be in this with her.
“Want to go get some food?” Jason asks.
“You and Calvin need to watch your intake. You eat out too much,” Kellan chastises them.
“You’re just jealous that you are so old that you can’t work off the carbs anymore. Huh, old man,” Calvin jokes.
“Dude, you are ten months younger than me,” Kellan gripes.
The familiarity of them bickering has me smiling. If it wasn’t for my friends, I don’t think I would have managed to stay away this long.
“Okay, let’s go get some food.”
As we head out of the practice rink, I almost miss her. She’s standing off to the side looking unsure of herself.
I could never not know when she is around, though. It’s as if my body is drawn to her like a gravitational pull. Where she is at is where I want to be.
“Lyla,” I breathe out.
The guys stop, looking from me to her.
“We will catch you later,” Kellan mutters, urging the other two along.
“Can we talk?” Lyla asks.
“Yeah. Not here. Let’s go talk on the bench over by the library,” I tell her.
She nods, falling into step beside me. I want to reach out and take her hand, but I no longer have that privilege. It kills me to know that.
The walk isn’t a long one. Only a few minutes, but my anxiety is through the roof by the time we get there.
What is she going to say? Is she going to tell me that she’s thought about it and I’m not enough for her?
“How are you doing?” I ask her softly when we take a seat.
“Taking it day by day. I won’t say I’m fine, but I will be. He would want me to keep living my life,” she says.
I nod, knowing it’s the truth. All Jerry wanted for his children was for them to be happy.
After a few moments of silence, she turns toward me. I give her my full attention.
“This was never fake for you, was it?” she asks.
I swallow hard. “No.”
“You never needed me to keep girls away?”
“No,” I repeat.
“How long?”
I don’t need to ask for clarification. She wants to know how long my obsession has been going on. I want to tell her the truth, but I also know what a risk that is.
“Freshman year orientation.”
She frowns. “I didn’t know you then…did I?”
This is where it gets iffy for me.
“I saw you and knew I wanted to get to know you. I was shy, though, so I eavesdropped on your conversation with someone. You seemed genuine. I liked what I heard and saw, so I pursued you,” I admit.
“You did?”
“Do you remember when you bumped into me after Psych 101?” I ask.
She nods. “Yeah. It was the first time we met…or so I thought it was, I guess.”
“I went there to see you. I was planning to ask you out, but I chickened out.”
She lets out a light laugh. “You pussy chicken.”
I smile but pretend to be annoyed. “If you keep encouraging him, it will stick.”
“Maybe I want it to.” She reaches over, putting her hand in mine. “So freshman year you had a crush, but then I dated Kyle.”
“For three long years. When you told me you broke up and you weren’t as upset as you thought you should be, I knew it was my chance. I wanted to give you some time to sort your feelings, but I couldn’t risk you finding someone else or, worse, going back to him, so I proposed the fake dating plan.”
“But it was never fake for you,” she mused.
“Never. Not even for a moment.” There is no hesitation.
“You created a program for my dad.”
I am shocked by her words.
“How did you find out?” I ask.
“Rachelle came to see Will. I think they had a crush on each other. She mentioned the foundation. It didn’t take much to figure out you were behind it.”
“I never wanted you to know. I did it for you, but also because it was something we were missing. We aim to help those who can’t help themselves, but we focused on children and animals.
We were missing the elderly, those with medical issues that they cannot afford, and so much more.
So yes, the program was for you, but it also opened my eyes.
I have the foundation looking into other ways to help too. ”
“That’s very kind of you. I can’t believe I had no idea how you truly felt. So when you said you would wait, you meant that?” she asks.
“Until my dying breath, if that’s what it takes.”
She leans forward, pressing a kiss to my lips. “I can’t take another death, so how about you love me now instead?”
I cup her cheek, kissing her deeply. When I pull back, I let my forehead fall to hers.
“Gladly. From now until eternity.”