Chapter 27
twenty-seven
Today is the second hardest day of my life. The first was finding out my father was truly gone. Now to say goodbye to him and lay him to rest. I don’t know how I am going to get through this.
Part of me wants to call Wyatt and ask him to come. Let him hold my hand through this.
The other part doesn’t want our fake relationship to taint this moment for me. I don’t want to let him in for fear that this was never real for him. My heart can’t take another blow.
“Are you ready?” Will asks from the doorway.
I look over my shoulder at him. He looks handsome in his suit. He didn’t want to spend the money for it, but I told him he should. He should look his best today. I even bought a new black dress so that I could feel more put together than I am.
“Yeah. I’m ready,” I whisper.
This has been tough on me, but Will has taken it harder. Dad was his best friend. Growing up, I was the princess, but he and Dad were two peas in a pod. I have found Will sitting in the dark staring off into space more often than not these last few days.
So I sucked it up and did all the planning. I called the doctors and informed them he had passed. I canceled the home service. I went through his medications and filled out the death certificate.
It was the least I could do. Will has been my rock since Dad got his diagnosis. I will be his rock now.
The ride to the funeral home isn’t long. I frown when I see all the cars in the parking lot. Extended family was notified, but I didn’t expect any of them to show up for him. They never called when he was alive, yet now that he is dead, they want to be here. What hypocrites.
I take a deep breath before I get out of the car. I don’t want to see any of these people.
Will puts his arm around my shoulders, guiding me away from relatives as we enter the funeral home.
“Welcome. We have set your father’s ashes on the altar. We are ready to start whenever you are,” Mr. Hopkins, the funeral director, informs us.
“Thank you. We will wait until everyone migrates inside,” Will tells him.
“I’ll go and urge them on if you’d like,” he responds.
Will nods. “That would be great. Thanks.”
I keep my head down. I’m not ready for this. I thought I was, but knowing he is nothing but ashes in this very room with me has my heart breaking all over again.
“Isn’t that your boyfriend?” Will’s words tear me from my despair.
I look up and see him. Wyatt Scott looking dapper as ever in his suit. The same suit he wears before games. He is looking my way but doesn’t make a move.
I suck in a breath.
“He’s my fake boyfriend,” I remind Will.
“Fake or not, he showed up,” Will whispers.
He’s right, of course.
I don’t say that, though.
“Let’s go say hi, then take our seats,” Will prompts.
I follow his lead as he walks us over to Wyatt. It’s then that I realize he isn’t alone. Several people I recognize and a few I don’t are with him.
“Wyatt, thanks for coming, man. It means a lot. We will be sitting up front. You should sit with Lyla.” Will holds out his hand.
Wyatt shakes it. “If that’s what Lyla wants.”
I should say no, but with him standing in front of me, I can’t. I nod instead.
“You brought the whole team?” I attempt to joke with him, but the words fall flat.
“The family. They wanted to be here to support you.” Wyatt steps closer, his hand reaching out to intertwine in mine.
“Don’t you two have games to play?” Will asks Beckett and Clayton, two of our star players who have since graduated and been drafted to the Boston Foxes.
“Coach had to get special permission from Brantley for us to miss a few games, but it wasn’t a big deal.” Clay is the one who answers.
“Well, we appreciate you being here. Dad was a huge Boston Foxes fan. When he was lucid, he would talk about how the team improved since you two came on. He would be thrilled to know you came today,” Will tells them.
“Anything for family. We are very sorry for your loss.” Beckett pulls Peyton under his arm.
“We are. If there’s anything you need, we are here. I’m Peyton, by the way. That’s Grace, Clay’s girlfriend. I assume you know everyone else,” she says to my brother.
“I’m Will. It’s nice to meet you guys. Lyla has talked about all of you. We appreciate you coming,” Will says.
“We can talk later,” Cora says, moving over to hug me. “You let us know what we can do to help. I am not the best at cooking, but we can make some casseroles so you don’t have to cook or whatever.”
I clear my throat. “I appreciate it, but we are okay for now. Thank you all for coming.”
My tone is flat. There are no emotions left to give. Not right now.
The funeral director heads to the front, so I move to take my seat. Wyatt doesn’t let go of my hand as I do. He sits right next to me.
“Thank you for coming today. We are here to celebrate the life of Jerry Wayne. He was a loving father, a dedicated brother, and an amazing person overall. The family has asked to keep the service short, but his children do want to say a few words about him. Then we can open the floor for anyone else to do the same.”
Mr. Hopkins nods to us. We agreed I would go first.
Standing, my legs feel shaky. I make several steps toward the podium before I lean against it, needing it to help me stand.
I was emotionless before, but knowing this is it, my final goodbye, has the tears threatening.
“My father was the best dad I could have asked for. He was never quick to anger. Even when we would make mistakes, he would reprimand us but also turn it into a lesson so that we learned why what we did was wrong. He helped shape who I am today. He had a heart of gold. If you needed the shirt off of his back, he would hand it to you without a question. He was selfless in a way that most people only claim to be. My best memories feature him in them. From playing penny poker to learning to kick ass at darts. Reading silly stories together to watching his favorite show, The Rifleman, for hours on end. The most buttery popcorn that was likely unhealthy for us.” I smile through my tears.
“He taught us to fish and hunt. He took us bowling, to the movies, to laser tag, and mini-golf. You name it, and our father did it with us because there was one thing that mattered most in his life: his children. We are going to miss you, Dad. You were the glue that held us together, but don’t worry about us.
Will and I will patch up the hole you left.
We won’t let go of one another. We love you. ”
I sniffle as I blow his picture a kiss. Then I make my way back to my seat. I make it there, Wyatt ready to hug me to his side.
That’s when I lose it. I let all the pain out. I sob into him as Will takes his place.
I don’t hear a word, though.
Watching Lyla slowly break is killing me. I don’t let her know that, though. She needs me to hold her, so I do.
When Will finishes, he is as much of a wreck as Lyla. They hold one another as other family members go up to speak. Once I’m sure Lyla is going to be okay, I stand to make my own statement.
Lyla looks confused when I take the podium.
“I didn’t know Jerry as long as any of you.
In fact, I only met him a few months ago when I started dating his daughter, Lyla.
I didn’t get to see him in his glory days before his mind betrayed him, but I did get to know who he was.
He was a strong man. He cared deeply about his children.
He worried about them even when they didn’t realize it.
He was a shark at cards, and on a good day, he would kill it at Jeopardy.
He was a great man, but even if he isn’t here physically anymore, I know his spirit lives on.
I see it when I look at Lyla and Will. I can see the values he instilled in them.
The best parts of him becoming his legacy as he passed them down to the people he loved most in this world.
I am very sorry I didn’t get to know him better, but the little bit I knew ensured I would miss him nonetheless.
Rest easy, my friend.” I finish my speech before going back to take my seat.
Lyla whispers to me, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I didn’t do it for you, though. I liked your dad.”
She forces a small smile. “He liked you too.”
The funeral director finishes up the service. When we all stand, I turn to Lyla.
“We can follow you to the cemetery,” I tell her.
She shakes her head. “No cemetery. Dad hated them. He wants his ashes spread. Will and I will be going to do that now.”
“Are you sure you don’t want some support? I don’t mind. I could drive and wait in the car.”
She sniffles. “I appreciate it, but this is something we need to do alone.”
“Understood.” I cup her cheek. “I’ll be here when you are done.”
“Hey, Wyatt. Can you walk her out to my car? I need to say goodbye to a few people. Lyla isn’t a fan of most of the family,” Will says from over her shoulder.
“Why would I be? They all but abandoned him when he was diagnosed. They are only here now for themselves, not for him,” Lyla mutters.
“I’ll take her and wait with her. Take your time, Will.”
He nods, heading away. I hold my hand out to her. She takes it, but she is hesitant. I don’t like that.
“Thank you all for coming.” Lyla says to our friends. “It was kind of you.”
“Anytime. We will be in town until tomorrow if you need anything,” Grace tells her.
Lyla only nods.
“I’m going to wait with Lyla. Why don’t you guys head back to the house?” I tell them.
They all turn to leave except one.
“Hey, Lyla?” Jason stops in front of her.
She looks up at him.
“The pain of losing a parent is tough. It will stay with you for the rest of your life, but it does get better. There will be days you don’t even think about the pain. You only remember the good times. Hold out for those days.” He reaches out and squeezes her shoulder.
“Thank you, Jason. You have been a good friend to me,” she tells him.
He doesn’t say another word as he leaves.
We follow slowly, walking in silence. When we get to her brother’s car, Lyla leans against it, pulling away from me.
“We should talk,” she starts.
“We don’t have to do that right now,” I cut in.
“I want to. We are liars, Wyatt. We lied to my dad. He thought you were my boyfriend. We let things go too far. We crossed lines. Now he’s gone, and he will never know that it was never real. That breaks my heart,” she whispers.
“Lyla, I know how we started wasn’t ideal, but that’s not what it’s like. I have so much to tell you, but I don’t want to do it today. Today is for your dad.” I try to urge her to shelf this for another time.
Funerals are not the place to make life decisions.
Lyla will hear none of it, though.
“I know you mean well, but I can’t focus on this right now. I have to figure out how I am going to live without him, and having to deal with whatever this is between us is too much. It’s not fair to either of us. I want to stop. I don’t want to be your fake girlfriend anymore.”
I step closer. “Then don’t. Be my real girlfriend.”
Her eyes tear up. “I can’t. Not right now. I can’t be anything right now. I’m barely functioning. I need to do this for me. Please don’t make this harder than it already is.”
I know what she is saying. If I push her, she will likely give in.
She will agree to be my girlfriend, but at what cost?
Will she always look back and see this moment as a joyous one?
Probably not. She will remember it as the day her father died.
The day she begged for space and I pushed because I couldn’t live without her.
Would she grow to resent me?
I can’t take that risk.
I let out a sigh. “This is not me giving up on you, Lyla. I don’t want this to end, but if that’s what you need right now?
I will respect that like I have been respecting the space you have asked for.
I will give you time to grieve, but know I am still right here.
Always right here for you. I will wait as long as you need. ”
“You don’t have to. I don’t know if I will ever change my mind.” Her tone is soft.
I step into her space, cupping her cheek. “Then I will wait forever. All I want is for you to be happy. I have stood on the sidelines before. I can do it again if that’s what you need.”
“You ready?” Will asks from behind us.
I press a quick kiss to her cheek before I step back. “Anything you need, Will, you call me. Got it?”
“Will do, Wyatt. Thanks again.” He waves at me from over the top of the car.
“The same goes for you,” I tell Lyla before I take a few steps backward. I don’t stop staring after the car until it’s long gone.
My heart hurts for Lyla. I wish I could make it better for her.
I might not be able to hold her hand right now, but I can wait for her.
After all, she is the woman I plan to marry.