2. CHAPTER
CHAPTER
TWO
Indy had never seen Mr. Heiss in his human form before, so it made sense that he hadn’t known who he was at first. There was no doubt now, however, and Indy stood tall, glaring up at Mr. Heiss and refusing to look away from his fiery eyes.
Indy would sooner die than show how rattled he was, focusing on his anger instead to remain defiant.
“Hi there. Hello,” Indy spat. “Ever hear of knocking?”
Technically he had knocked, but fuck him.
“I did,” Mr. Heiss said coldly, “and then you screamed.”
“I was practicing my yodeling."
Mr. Heiss snorted. “Cute.”
“Very. Yes. Good to know your eyes work.”
Mr. Heiss’s upper lip twitched.
Almost as if he was about to laugh.
It looked uncomfortable for him.
“What in the world is going on?” Gammy passed through the walls to barge in. “Oh! We have company. How lovely.”
Mr. Heiss flinched in surprise.
Probably wasn’t expecting an old lady ghost with wild purple hair and a flamingo nightgown.
He recovered quickly, pointing at Indy. “You have something of mine. The ring. Now.”
“Yeah, about that.” Indy wiggled his hand. “It won’t come off.”
“I can take care of that.” Mr. Heiss beckoned Indy over.
An invisible force seized Indy around his middle, pulling him toward Mr. Heiss.
“Hey! Let go of him!” Gammy snapped. “You wanna get banished? This is how you get banished, mister!”
“It’s fine.” Indy didn’t struggle, though he did sigh in annoyance. Unfortunately, he was used to demons and other monsters dragging him around with their stupid powers. “Just let him take the damn thing, okay? Maybe he can actually get it off.”
Mr. Heiss grabbed Indy’s wrist and pulled on the ring.
As before, it didn’t budge.
Mr. Heiss frowned, and the tips of his claws glowed. He tried again to pull it, but harder this time.
“Ow?” Indy made a face. “Do I at least get a safe word?”
Mr. Heiss rolled his eyes and twisted Indy’s wrist.
“Hey! Ow, fucker.” Indy tried to pull back. “Feels like you’re trying to take my damn hand off.”
“That is exactly what I am doing, so hold still—”
“Fuck you very much!” Indy snarled.
“Oh no!” Gammy immediately drew the start of a big ward around Mr. Heiss’s feet on the floor.
Mr. Heiss nodded his head and the ward shattered.
“That’s very rude!” Gammy barked, immediately drawing another one.
“Better let go,” Indy warned, bringing his thumb to the nail that held a bubble of salt.
“Oh?” Mr. Heiss twisted harder. “Or else what?”
“Because I will absolutely jam a pillar of salt up your dick hole—”
“I would love to see you try—”
Thump.
The pickle had hurled itself right at Mr. Heiss’s face and then hit the floor.
Mr. Heiss was so startled that he let go of Indy, sputtering, “Excuse me?”
Indy retreated backward and stumbled right through Gammy. “Ha! Take that!”
Gammy solidified her hands so she could steady him. “Are you all right, sweetie?”
“Great! Wonderful!” Indy flailed. “Can we please banish this asshole?”
“On it, sweetie!”
Although it was obviously very stupid to fight the demon in charge of every demon ever in the entire city, he had few options if he didn’t want to lose a hand or any other vital body parts. He’d been given a choice, and defiance won out over living with potential mutilation.
Yes, there was a great chance that he wouldn’t survive this, but Indy had already faced his own death before.
He’d made a deal to stay young and beautiful.
If he had to die, at least he’d be a pretty corpse with both hands.
Mr. Heiss snatched the pickle as if he was going to crush it, but it was not a pickle for very much longer.
It was the leshy in all of its towering glory.
It grew until he absolutely dwarfed Mr. Heiss, and its antlers bumped into the ceiling.
There was the distinct smell of something burning, though there was no obvious source or apparent fire.
There was even the sound of crackling wood, like a campfire popping and sparking, and the scent became even more potent until it clogged Indy’s nose.
Mr. Heiss narrowed his eyes and scowled. “Ah. Hello.” He tilted his head to examine the leshy. “How curious.”
“Hey! You!” Indy waved at the leshy. “Pronouns? He, him?”
The leshy seemed confused.
“Do you identify as someone on the masculine end of the spectrum? As in, this leshy is great because he has such a nice smile.”
The leshy nodded and grinned.
“Okay, thank you, big guy. Not sure if you’re taking requests right now, but it would be extra great if you ate him.” Indy pointed at Mr. Heiss.
The leshy turned to stare at Indy, his expression horrified.
“How about just a tiny bite? A nibble?”
“Enough.” Mr. Heiss pushed around the leshy and grabbed Indy by the front of his shirt. “You. You are coming with me.”
Indy snapped his nail and raised his hand, an inexplicably large amount of salt pouring out from the tiny bit of acrylic. “Eat this, you dickless piece of—”
“Sweetie cakes! Get ’em!” Gammy howled. “I’ll grab the—”
Indy didn’t get to hear whatever else she was going to say.
The apartment was gone in a blur, he tasted salt, and his wrist burned with the press of fiery fingers.
He thrashed as hard as he could. His fist made contact with something solid and the searing grip released.
He had no idea what he’d punched, but it could have been a face.
It was impossible to be sure. There was a howl—Mr. Heiss?
Indy didn’t know, but he certainly hoped so.
His vision cleared and he was now sitting in a plush chair in a fancy office.
He tried to get up, but he was held in place by more of those fun invisible forces.
Under different circumstances, it could have been hot.
But right now, Indy was pissed off.
All the furniture was a dark brown, the carpets a deep red, and everything dripped in gold accents.
The vibe it was giving was the setting for a fancy GQ photoshoot: masculine and about as exciting as watching paint dry.
He could only see what was in front of him, which included a big desk, funky black plants, and heavy brocade curtains.
There was also a big silver tray stacked high with assorted donuts and pastries on the corner of the desk, as well as a very displeased Mr. Heiss standing over him.
Mr. Heiss had put his human disguise back on, and he was rubbing his jaw.
Ha, nailed the bastard.
Didn’t seem like any of the salt got him though.
Mr. Heiss scowled. That was apparently his default expression. “Feisty thing, aren’t you?”
“Plenty more where that came from,” Indy bit back. “Let me out of this chair and I’ll show you.”
Out of the corner of his eye, he could see a large shadow looming.
Ah, the leshy.
At least he had some backup.
“You’re not going anywhere until I find a way to remove that ring,” Mr. Heiss said firmly. “I don’t know how you stole it or why—”
“Hey! I didn’t steal shit!” Indy snapped. “Some crazy old guy did this, okay?”
Mr. Heiss raised a brow. “Human?”
“Magical at the least, but yeah, human. Said his name was Charlie or Chancy or—”
“Clancy?”
“Yup. That’s it.”
Mr. Heiss frowned, stalking around to sit down at the desk. His scowl managed to become more scowlier and his brow furrowed up tight.
“What? You know him or something?”
Mr. Heiss ignored him.
“Hey!” a male voice shouted. “It’s three o’clock. Time to let me out for me afternoon walkies, geebag.”
It sounded muffled, as if the person speaking was inside a closet, but it seemed close.
Mr. Heiss ignored the voice too, lost in thought and drumming his long fingers along the edge of the desk.
Indy knew it wasn’t real since it was part of his human disguise, but he couldn’t help but notice that Mr. Heiss had nice hands.
Elegant fingers, well-manicured nails, and the way they moved was oddly hypnotic.
It was hard to truly appreciate them at the moment since they were attached to a kidnapping asshole.
Indy glared. “So, why don’t we—”
“Quiet. I’m thinking.”
“Takes a lot of work, huh? Really got to concentrate? I guess that makes sense when your brain is the size of a peanut.”
“I will gag you.”
“Joke’s on you. I’m into that shit.”
“Hey! Listen here, yeh bunch of horny fuckers! If yis don’t let me out, I’m going to start singin’!
” the voice threatened before clearing his throat.
“In Dublin’s fair city, where the girls are so pretty, I first set me eyes on Molly Malone!
As she wheeled her wheelbarrow, through fuckin’ streets broad and narrow—”
The quality of the voice’s singing was comparable to a cat in heat, though the cat would have been preferable.
Indy cringed, and he swore he heard the leshy whine.
Mr. Heiss groaned and opened a drawer, reaching in to grab something. He slammed it on the desk, shouting, “There! Now shut up.”
It was a skull.
It was a human skull with glowing red eyes and a gold crown stapled to the top.
Of course.
Why not?
Nothing really surprised Indy anymore.
“Ah, see? Sure isn’t that miles better now? And remember, I’m a talking skull. Not a shutting up skull.” The orbs in the skull’s eye sockets flicked over to Indy. “Oh! Howeyeh. New faces.” He looked past Indy. “Jaysus. Big fuckin’ faces.”
“As I was saying.” Mr. Heiss’s icy gaze cut to Indy. “You are not leaving until I discover a way to remove that ring. Clearly, force is not going to work, so—”
“How’s it goin’, I’m King!” the skull exclaimed. “This pus fucker behind me is Mr. Heiss. He’s a fuck face. Like, a massive fuck face.”
“I’m aware,” Indy purred sweetly. “My name is Indy.”
“Oh! Have you got a whip?”
“As a matter of fact, I have several.”
“Until I am able to do so, you will remain in my custody.” Mr. Heiss raised his voice, much like a teacher would to be heard over rowdy students. “I’ve already spoken to Mr. Kalt, and I will be assuming control of your soul contract.”
Indy stared. “What? I belong to you now?”
“Your soul remains bound to Mr. Kalt, but you will answer to me.” Mr. Heiss smirked. “At least until I get what I want from you.”
“If you want to fuck me, you could just ask. I’d even give you a discount because, wow, does your whole vibe scream I need to get laid.”