7. CHAPTER #2
“—not going to discuss this again,” Marsha growled low, her eyes narrowed to hateful slits as she glared up at Adam. “It’s already done and—” Her face contorted into confusion when she saw Indy and Mr. Heiss, then twisted up into her usual hyper happy smile. “Oh! Hi there! Be right with you!”
“No rush, babe.” Indy smiled politely.
Mr. Heiss, of course, scowled.
Indy’s thumb tingled, and he glanced down to see the glow was black.
Marsha and Adam were from the Other.
Underneath all those pastel ruffles and ugly terrycloth were lots of tentacles and probably too many eyes. Indy wondered if Mr. Heiss sensed it somehow too because as clearly grumpy as he was about having to wait, Mr. Heiss wasn’t exactly jumping into full asshole mode to hurry them along.
The arguably most powerful monsters in existence hailed from the Other, and honestly, Indy was surprised there were so many in the city. Adam and Marsha plus Q. made three, and Indy had thought there was a limit.
Like, too many tentacles, do not pass go, do not come to Somerstown.
Or something.
“I won’t be around forever,” Adam warned her. “You know that, right?”
“How about you have a big ol’ glass of shut up?” Marsha cooed.
“Did you see that in your cards?”
“You know everything is right in Marsha land.” Marsha’s eyes turned solid black, but her smile remained in place. “Bye bye now.”
Adam turned to leave, but he paused and stared down Indy and Mr. Heiss. He suddenly grinned and threw up finger guns. “You guys have a great day.”
“You too!” Indy shot a finger gun back.
Mr. Heiss growled.
“Anyway. Wow. That was fun.” Indy dropped the ingredients on the counter. “Your, uh, brother? Right? Or a really, really shitty ex?”
“Oh!” Marsha blinked. “Yes.”
“Yes to which thing?” Indy pressed.
Marsha hummed as she tapped keys on the register. She looked around him curiously. “Wait, where is Gammy?”
“Gammy is hanging out at home. Trying to finish RuPaul. Now, about Adam—”
“So! Did you find everything you needed today?”
“Adam is your—”
“Did you find everything you needed today?”
“Is he, like, your—”
“Did you find everything you needed today?” Marsha’s smile became more manic, as if challenging Indy to dare ask about Adam again.
Okay, fine. Indy had more important things to worry about than gossip anyway.
“Jubboko sap.”
“You found it?”
“No, I didn’t find it, and I need it.”
“Oh! I was going to say that would be most unusual if you had.” Marsha pouted. “It’s gonna be a bit of a bummer, but we’re completely out.”
“Out?” Indy drummed his nails against the counter. “Okay, so, is this like a margarine versus butter situation? Is there a substitute?”
“I’m afraid not.”
“There has to be something. Please.” Indy tried not to let his desperation bleed through, but it was difficult.
Marsha hummed. “Well… I suppose…” She suddenly lit up. “Mr. Misingno could probably help!”
Indy tensed. “A demon?”
“Oh no! Don’t be silly.” Marsha giggled. “Enigmatica Misingno! Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. He’s just so snazzy! He looks like a mister. But he’s not a demon at all.”
“Oh! Great. Yes. Fabulous.”
“He’s a fae!”
“Fuck.”
Mr. Heiss sighed. “And where do we find him?”
“He teaches our tarot reading classes!” Marsha waved to the big bulletin board by the door. “His phone number is on that flyer. You can call him, but I’m not sure when he’ll answer. You know how the fae are. Not the best with time.”
“Time is not exactly a luxury I have,” Indy said firmly. He heard the front door open, but he didn’t turn to see who had entered. “Is there another way to get in contact with him? Because I need him to cough up this stuff, like, now. Like, some sort of toll-free number to Faerie?”
“Need some help reaching out?” a familiar voice asked.
Indy found Nyp standing there, recognizing him immediately from his purple suit. He was in a human disguise—a Hispanic man with the same crooked smile he had as a demon.
“Oh. Yay.”
“We absolutely do not need anything from you,” Mr. Heiss said with a sneer.
“Come on now!” Nyp laughed. “Seems like your little pet is in need of some assistance, right? Please. Allow me to help.” He waved his hand. “I can get you an audience with Misingno.”
“And how are you able to do that?”
“Not everyone suffers the lacking personality you do,” Nyp said with a sweet bat of his eyelashes. “It is possible to make friends.”
Mr. Heiss snarled low. “I will peel your skin off and wear it as a fucking hat.”
“See? And that’s why you don’t have any.” Nyp chuckled, his eyes flicking over Indy. “Well, maybe just one.”
“Can you help us or not?” Indy drawled. “I’d rather keep the king of assholes over here in a good mood, so.”
“Of course! Here.” Nyp walked over to the tarot card flyer so he could pick off one of the phone number tabs. He slid his finger over it, and the numbers glowed. He tossed it in the air and a door appeared.
It was completely freestanding, heavy and wooden, and there was a small sign hanging on the knob.
THE FANTABULOUS MISTER ENIGMATICA MISINGNO IS:
Underneath that was a tiny hook upon which an even tinier sign hung.
IN
“Good! He’s home.” Nyp opened the door, but there was nothing there. It was literally an empty frame. He tapped the frame three times and then shut the door. He knocked three times and opened it again. Instead of the store, it now revealed a tropical beach.
White sand, clear water, palm trees.
Nestled in the shade up on the beach was a giant pinecone house.
It looked like a child’s craft, complete with glitter, construction paper, and colorful pipecleaners, but it was absolutely huge and had multiple stories.
There was a front patio made up of pinecone scales, framed in with the papery bits of the seeds, and needles holding it all together.
Sure.
Why not?
Nyp strolled right through the door, transforming into his demonic self and sporting a pair of purple swimming trunks. He waved for them to follow as he approached the front porch steps.
Indy clicked his tongue. “So. Following a demon into some fae realm? Are we really doing this?”
“For the sake of your caboose.” Mr. Heiss snapped his fingers and the register dinged, the ingredients now magically in a tidy little brown paper bag. “Let’s get this fucking over with.”
“Is it…” Indy found himself drawn to Mr. Heiss’s side, checking his nails and weighing the odds. “Look, is this fucking safe? Like, is this okay? Because it has been a fucking day, lots of monsters, I’ve already been tied up in the not fun way, and—”
“Trust that I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.” Mr. Heiss lightly tapped Indy’s chin. “At least nothing too destructive.”
“Don’t wanna pick the ring off my mutilated corpse, huh?”
“Cleaning it would be a chore.”
“Wouldn’t even feel a tiny bit bad?”
Mr. Heiss smirked. “Only one way to find out.”
“God, you suck. So badly.” Indy groaned dramatically, grabbing the bag of ingredients. He blew Marsha a kiss and waved. “Thank you. For all of this. The weirdness. The wonder. Gotta go see a fae about my caboose.”
“Good luck!” Marsha said cheerfully. “Have fun!”
“Thank you so much! Gonna be so much fun. Just the best. Going into Faerie, the literal fucking place that no mortal should ever fucking go. You know, that place.” Indy took a deep breath and grabbed Mr. Heiss’s arm.
Fuck it.
He was willing to take the risk for the sake of living another day, and he had no problem clinging to the powerful demon by his side for extra insurance.
Mr. Heiss still wanted something from him, after all, and Indy was happy to use every tool at his disposal.
As they stepped through the doorway after Nyp, he frantically rubbed the ring.
Before he could see if Dill had appeared or not, he looked down to see he was wearing a very tiny blue-and-white bikini with white sandals.
Cute.
Mr. Heiss glared and snapped his fingers.
Indy was now dressed in big rainbow swimming trunks and an oversized T-shirt.
Mr. Heiss’s clothing had not changed, but there was a quick ripple that indicated perhaps Nyp had tried and failed. Mr. Heiss pulled Indy closer as they approached the big pinecone house. “We will do this and then we are leaving.”
“Yup. Got it.” Indy couldn’t resist teasing, “If you want the bikini back, I actually own several. I’ve even waxed and—”
“Shut up.”
“Make me.”
“I can literally remove your mouth.”
“But where’s the fun in that?”
Mr. Heiss sighed.
Dill stood on the beach near the water, looking around with wide eyes. He squealed when a wave lapped too close to his feet, and he ran with a very fussy-sounding groan. He blinked over at Indy, his pout sincerely offended as he pointed at the water.
“Hi, babe.” Indy wiggled his fingers in a wave. “Yeah. That’s the ocean. Pretty wet. Sometimes cold.” He beckoned Dill over. “Can you stay close? There’s, like, weird fae dudes and shit going down. Could use some super awesome leshy backup.”
Dill perked up. “Grow?”
“Not yet, big guy. Maybe later.”
“Grow. Later.” Dill trudged through the sand to fall into step behind them. He paused often to investigate the ground and the trees, making lots of curious sounds, but managed to keep up.
Indy was grateful for the company. He didn’t know if an undead magical leshy could successfully tangle with a fae, but he was thankful nonetheless for the entourage.
Plus, it felt kinda cool.
“This is, uh… a friend?” Nyp almost ran into a palm tree gawking at Dill.
“Yup. Bestest buds,” Indy replied. “See? Isn’t this nice? Bringing my friend to meet your friend. How great. How fucking friendly we all are—”
“Shut up,” Mr. Heiss growled.
“Put something in my mouth first. See if that works.”
“You’d still find a way to speak, I’m sure.”
“Only one way to find out.”
“Wow,” Nyp cooed. “You two are just adorable. An epic bastard—”
Mr. Heiss scowled.
“—and his little toy.”
Indy scowled too.
In solidarity and all that.
The front door of the pinecone house swung open as they approached, and Nyp, who was on the porch, swept his head down into a dramatic bow. “Misingno! Hello! Salutations! Please. We have great need of you.”