20. CHAPTER
CHAPTER
TWENTY
“Being in the Light is warm and beautiful,” Mr. Heiss went on.
“You feel such love. It is what that place claims to be, after all. Pure love. And it certainly seems like it. You’re with your family.
You’re connected. You’re home. You could easily spend eternity in that blissful comfort without caring about anything or anyone else.
Nothing else would matter. But the Celestial is the closest realm to the Terrestrial, so close the lines can be blurred, and we can often hear things… ”
Indy laced their fingers together. “Hear what?”
“Prayers? Dreams? Cries for help?” Mr. Heiss sighed, and he seemed ancient in that moment.
“We could hear so much, but it was always ignored. We were told to ignore it. We were told we had to or else we’d lose our place in the Light.
Over and over, we were told that love and joy only existed amongst our fellow angels and what we heard were nothing but twisted lies fed through the veil between our worlds to tempt us away.
If we left, we would be corrupted, we’d become fallen, and we would never feel the Light again.
“I know now that was the lie. All of it. Every word the angels spoke was complete and total bullshit. They’re selfish and greedy, and they care for nothing else but themselves.
Oh, they pretend that it’s for your own good, to keep you safe, but all they actually give a shit about is making sure you never leave.
They only fucking care about their stupid, precious Light and ensuring it never goes out.
Because, you see, the Light is only as strong as its angels. ”
“And angels leaving means less Light?” Indy ventured.
“Yes. Less Light, less power, less control, and that is exactly why they don’t want anyone to leave.
It’s why they lie and fearmonger and do everything they can to keep everyone trapped in the Celestial.
” Mr. Heiss scowled, but it didn’t seem angry—only sad.
“Once you find out the truth, they’ll throw you away.
Once you can no longer contribute to the Light, you mean nothing.
I know that now. I didn’t then, not for a very long time, but it changed the day I heard someone laughing. ”
“Laughing?”
“Yes, laughing.”
“Like, a nice laugh?” Indy asked. “Joker laugh?”
Mr. Heiss cracked a small smile. “It might have been a child, maybe some other kind of young human, I’m not sure.
But it was so pure, so joyful, exactly like the Light we lived in, and I wanted to know what it was.
I couldn’t believe such a thing existed outside our realm after what we’d been told.
I had to know the truth, and so, that was the first time I went to Earth.
It was also the first time I met him.” Mr. Heiss closed his eyes. “The first time I met Ethan.”
“Ethan?” Indy repeated the name with reverence, as if it might somehow unlock every secret he’d ever need to know. He had a feeling if he was patient and kept listening, it might.
“Ethan was a young human, probably not much older than you.” Mr. Heiss shifted his weight.
“I found him feeding birds out in the woods, experiencing such happiness doing nothing more than scattering seeds on the ground. I’d never known that any creature, angel or human or otherwise, could feel that way without being in the Light.
I was… captivated. It was as if he was the Light, like he had a piece of it inside him.
I wanted to know more about him, wanted to know everything, and that’s when I decided I would reveal myself to him. ”
Indy arched a brow. “Reveal…?”
“No, not like that.” Mr. Heiss groaned lightly. “Pervert.”
“Just asking!”
“I was convinced connecting with him—”
“Connecting, hmm?”
“Shut up. I was convinced that connecting with him would prove the other angels were lying, but I needed more proof. So, I took on a human form, I waited, I watched, and I learned. I knew so little about humans, only a few bits I’d gleaned from what we heard coming through the Celestial, and I didn’t want to risk making a fool of myself and exposing what I really was. ”
Indy frowned, asking, “And when, uh, exactly was this? Like, what time period?”
“Almost three hundred years ago. Why?”
“I want to make sure I am imagining you in period accurate clothing.”
Mr. Heiss rolled his eyes. “It took me two full days to figure out clothing was a necessity amongst humans.”
“I bet finding out was really fun.”
“I was almost arrested.”
“See? Sounds like fun.”
“I was able to learn the basics of being a human from watching them. Food, water, clothing. I was utterly fascinated by how we were so similar and yet so different. We felt the same joy and love of companionship and family, but angels, of course, didn’t worry nearly as much over pants.
I continued to observe Ethan as I became a better human and discovered he enjoyed going by a certain bakery every morning.
He would pick up pastries for his sick mother, stale bread for the birds, and then he’d be off to work at his uncle’s general store, unloading crates and stocking for hours and hours.
“I admired him greatly. Everything I saw he did to make his life, the life of his mother and his pets, better. He didn’t need the threat of banishment to feel this urge to make his own way, to make his own Light, and I’d never wanted anyone so much.
I’d fallen in love with him without even speaking a single word to him, but I didn’t know how to approach him.
Not until I found Al.” Mr. Heiss smiled then.
“Miss Alabaster. A white mourning dove.”
“White? Like… an albino?”
“Leucistic. She still had dark eyes and a few dark feathers, but the rest were all white.”
Indy thought back to the white feather he’d found in the tin. “This story better have a happy ending.”
“Whether it’s happy or not is a matter of opinion.
” Mr. Heiss opened his eyes then, and he gave Indy’s hand a small squeeze.
“Al had been injured, maybe from a hawk or some other predator, and I found her under a tree. I did my best to care for her, but she still wouldn’t fly after I had healed her.
I finally summoned my courage and went to Ethan, claimed I’d heard he knew about birds and hoped he could help me.
He agreed to examine Al, but he could find no physical reason for her not flying.
He offered to keep her there with the rest of the flock so she’d be safe and looked after.
In exchange, he would teach me how to care for the birds in his stead.
“Feeding them, training them, cleaning their cages. Oh, how I loved every moment. I had never experienced the joy of raising animals before, and I adored every single one of those birds. I remember being horrified Ethan hadn’t named them, so I set about giving each one a name of their own.”
Indy laughed. “How many birds are we talking about?”
“Mmm, thirty-seven.”
“Holy shit.”
“Thirty-eight including Miss Al.” Mr. Heiss beamed.
“Doves are wonderfully affectionate creatures. They mate for life and pairs even snuggle together. They bond with their keepers, and it was nothing to have a whole bunch of them fighting to sit on my shoulder. Of course, I always gave Miss Al priority if she wanted to leave her cage, but that was rare. She would let me pick her up and hold her, but soon enough she’d be flapping her little wings to go right back inside.
I wonder sometimes if she was scared, maybe from her injury, but—”
“Mike Tyson,” Indy blurted out.
“What?”
“You’re like Mike Tyson and his pigeons. You know about him and all the pigeons, right?”
Mr. Heiss stared disgustedly.
“Okay, bad example. But it’s cute. You. Not him.”
Mr. Heiss sighed, but he smiled and shook his head.
“Well, after that, Ethan and I spent nearly every waking moment together. I helped take care of his mother, and she loved me like a son. I healed her when I could, but I didn’t want a miraculous recovery to draw suspicion.
She shared her pastries with me, especially the decadent ones with chocolate and candies.
She said she didn’t actually care for them very much and didn’t know why Ethan kept buying them, but I know she only did that because she loved me.
She was a very kind and wonderful woman and one of the most genuine beings I’ve ever met.
“Ethan was much the same, or so I thought.
He would buy extra pastries once he realized his mother was sharing them with me and let me rent a room from him in exchange for watching the birds.
He told me about his hopes. His dreams. He wanted to move to the big city, to live a better life than what he had now.
I learned quickly that my feelings for him would be forbidden and likely never returned, but I still wanted to do something for him.
So, I helped him. I wanted to see him happy, to feel the Light he had in him, and it was only in small ways at first.
“Finding coins to leave in his pocket, dropping off medicine for his mother, making the loads lighter for him to lift at the shop, healing him whenever he was injured, and so on. I was willing to do anything to please him. But… I started to lose control.”
“Of what exactly?” Indy asked gently.
“Myself. My inhibitions. My sanity. Pick one.” Mr. Heiss smiled, but it was sad.
“I had finally proven that the angels were liars because I’d found the Light here in another world.
I knew then the angels only cared for themselves, and their hunger for the Light would never be satisfied.
They would do anything to keep it, no matter how many lies or how much manipulation it took.
I was foolish enough to believe only angels could be so greedy and selfish…
I had no idea that humans were as capable, if not more so, of such treachery.