Chapter 16
ALEX SUBMITTED TO ME THE way she did everything—with her whole self.
Once she’d made the decision to give herself to me, she hadn’t held anything back.
Her vulnerability ripped through my heart and demanded I meet her with the same level of honesty.
Which scared the shit out of me. Never mind that I’d been the one to push us down this path to begin with.
“You were so brave, sweetheart.” I folded her in the soft blanket and hoisted her into my arms. I needed to hold her—to catch my breath while I took care of her and scrambled to make sure I maintained some semblance of control.
She’d done her part. The last thing I wanted to do was to let her down because my emotions suddenly decided to get in the way.
“So open, so beautiful. Thank you for your trust.”
I murmured the words against the top of her head as I carried her out of the playroom to the sofa in the sitting room.
I wanted a chance to hold her for as long as she’d let me and the sofa would give us enough room for me to wrap myself around her.
It’s the place I’d intended to bring her before she derailed my plans for the second time that day.
None of that mattered now. I wouldn’t change a moment of what happened between us.
Her arms wrapped around my neck as she curled against me, using my body as her shelter, was the sweetest gift she could have given.
This gorgeous, powerful creature trusted me enough to give up control, to let me take us where we both needed to go.
Understanding that kind of exchange was heady business, but there was an extra layer with Alex.
One I’d never felt before, not even with Julie.
Maybe especially not with Julie. I was afraid now that I’d felt it, I would never be satisfied with less again.
I didn’t even feel the strain as I carried her down the stairs to the sitting room.
I could have walked for miles with her in my arms if I’d needed to and never felt the fatigue.
I paused to snag a bottle of water to go with the chocolate I grabbed before we left the playroom.
She shifted and I squeezed tighter, needing her to know that I had her.
“I don’t need you to carry me. I can walk.” She squirmed against me, and I pressed my lips to the top of her head.
“I need it, beautiful. Humor me for a few moments longer.”
Still holding her in my arms, I relaxed against the leather, moving until I could settle her between my legs and pull her back to rest her head against my chest.
“Sip.” I held the bottle of water to her lips and waited for her to drink.
“Now this.” I held up a square of dark chocolate and waited for her to open her mouth so I could place it on her tongue.
She let out a groan of pleasure and my already hard cock twitched in response, as if she had some kind of remote control for my body.
It was the opposite of the way it was supposed to work.
I was the one who was supposed to control her responses.
Nothing about this woman fit my preconceived ideas.
“Mind-blowing orgasms and chocolate. What’s not to love?” The smart-ass was back in her tone, but her voice held enough of a tremor to let me know she hadn’t fully recovered.
Good. I sure as hell hadn’t recovered yet.
The constant state of arousal—scratch that, the fucking ache in my perpetually hard cock—was nothing compared to the number she’d done on my heart. No way in hell would I name what I felt but I couldn’t deny it either.
“Again.” I held the water bottle to her lips and waited for her to take a swallow.
“You’re doing the baby bird thing again.”
“Your point?”
I could practically see the gears turning behind her eyes. The woman was wide open, and her thoughts and emotions played like a movie across her beautiful face.
“No point. Just an observation.”
I broke off another bite of chocolate and held it out for her, nestling her tighter in my arms when she took it from my fingers.
“How are you feeling?” I was pretty sure she’d want to dissect every single thing we’d done, but that could wait until later. Much later. Right now I just wanted to hold her and make sure she was okay. Hell, better than okay. I wanted her to feel fucking amazing.
“Spectacular. Really, truly spectacular.”
She squirmed around a bit on my lap and I fought to hide my grimace as she wriggled against my aching cock.
We’d gotten so much farther than I’d expected.
Far enough that I’d considered loosening the cable so I could bend her over and sink balls-deep into her hot pussy.
I’d crossed every other boundary I’d set for myself or moved it out of the way. What was one more?
In the end, I’m not sure what stopped me.
There really wasn’t anything that scared me.
I met challenges head on and worked my way through them.
But taking that final step, claiming her like that, felt like walking off the side of a cliff into thin air.
I wasn’t sure what I’d do if she slipped back into old sex-for-power habits.
It seemed safer not to take the chance, which was all kinds of fucked up. Taking chances was what I did.
“Good, beautiful. Just relax.” I pressed my lips against the top of her head and stroked her hair, content to have her drift off in my arms.
“But we’re not done.” Pulling out of my grip, she sat up and turned to face me. “You didn’t come.”
That was the understatement of the century. Between her squirming and the glimpses of her gorgeous skin flushed pink from my ministrations, it would be a miracle if I didn’t go off in my pants like a horny teenager.
“That’s not what this was about. It’s okay,” I added, smoothing the wrinkle in the center of her forehead with my thumb.
“No, it’s not.”
She let the blanket fall open but I didn’t think it was some kind of attempt at a power grab.
She seemed too focused on my response to realize she’d offered me a glimpse at her breasts topped with nipples I couldn’t wait to get my mouth on again.
I reached out to touch a finger to the pebbled tip, and she sucked in a breath, glancing down at my hand and confirming my assumption.
“I want you to come too.”
Fuck, the woman was going to kill me. My best-laid plans were no match for the determination burning in her eyes. I was already well acquainted with her tenacity.
“I will. Just not right now. We took big steps today. Bigger than I intended. I want a chance to do it all again and so much more.” I met and held her gaze, willing her to hear the truth in my words. “You’re not ready for me to fuck you. Don’t worry, we’ll get there.”
I recognized my mistake the instant the words left my mouth. It was like waving a red cape in front of a bullfighter. I braced myself for the fight I knew was sure to follow, but instead of attacking, she rolled her eyes.
“Oh please. I’m not ready for you to fuck me?” She cut her eyes in my direction, and I made a calculated decision to wait her out.
There was nothing I could think of to say that would make the situation any better and lots of things that could add to the current clusterfuck.
“Fine,” she said, letting the blanket fall from her shoulders and baring her body to me. “No cock-in-pussy sex today. There are other ways to make you come.”
“Such a filthy mouth.” The crude language from someone who spent so much time in her head had an extra punch, and I clenched my fists to keep from hauling her over to straddle my lap.
“That’s what I said.” She scooted to the edge of the sofa and slid to her knees in front of me, reaching for my belt.
If I was going to stop her, I had to move now. We were screaming past the point of no return. Once she got her mouth on me, I was done. I gripped the hand working at my zipper.
“Stop thinking so loud, Counselor. You’re going to give us both headaches.” She paused in her attempts to open my fly and looked up at me, her dark eyes clear and warm. “Please, Erik. I want to do this. I need it.”
There was a better than average chance I’d never be able to deny this woman anything. She always seemed to find a way around my limits, regardless of where I set them.
“Fine. It’s a hardship, but if you insist,” I said, releasing her hand.
She bit me through the fabric of my slacks, sinking her sharp teeth into my inner thigh. I hissed in a breath, and she blinked up at me, innocence personified, if innocence was a sex kitten with a wicked mouth and even wickeder mind.
“I forgot. It’s important for the subject to be fully aroused in order for the pain to be experienced as something to move toward, right?”
“Brat.” I opened my mouth to say something else but before I got the words out, her hand slid under the elastic of my boxer briefs. She wrapped her fingers around my still hard cock, sending the last of my blood flow away from my brain.
“You love me, admit it.” She froze for a second as if she’d just realized what she said.
I had an instant to wonder whether she meant it or whether she was being a smart ass and then she wrapped her gorgeous lips around my cock, and I couldn’t think of anything but get more of her. All of her as close as I could fucking get.
Alex slid down my length, taking me deep in her mouth until her nose bumped against my stomach.
Hollowing her cheeks, she pulled back, holding just the head of my cock with her lips.
Cupping my balls with her other hand, she repeated the movement, taking me into her wet heat and then sucking hard as she pulled away.
I reached for her, grabbing her thick braid and twisting it around my fist as much to keep from choking her with my thrusting as it was to bring her closer.
She picked up the rhythm, and I tightened my grip to slow her down.
I didn’t want to rush to the end and I was so close; it was a miracle I’d lasted this long.
She ran her tongue up my length and I tugged her hair hard enough to make her let out a throaty moan.
“Fuck, beautiful. That feels so good.” I glanced down and caught her watching me, eyes wide, with my cock filling her mouth.
No calculation, nothing but pleasure in her gaze.
That was all I could take, seeing her on her knees the way I’d imagined a thousand fucking times before.
I was done. “Coming. God, I’m gonna come. ”
I tugged her ponytail, but instead of pulling back, she dug her fingers into my hips and took me as deep as she could.
Straining against the feelings threatening to swamp me, I let go, painting the back of her throat as she swallowed everything I gave her.
I couldn’t admit it—I wouldn’t—but with every barrier we broke through together, it was getting harder to deny the truth of her words. Whether she meant them or not.