31. Lachlan #2
Leave. Go away. Stay quiet as I move in with Beau and Birdie…Whatever she was about to say was going to break me wide open, I just knew it.
“Will you come lay in bed with me?”
Oh.
Oh.
Instead of my chest breaking under the weight of the pressure I felt pushing against it, warmth sparked. A little glow of hope that helped me not go under.
I turned, walking to the sanitize station on the wall.
“Don’t go,” she whispered, and I froze.
“I wasn’t going anywhere. I don’t want to touch you or him without making sure my hands are clean.”
“Oh.” Lainey laughed, but it was frozen, emotionless. I slid my hand under the automatic dispenser for the antibacterial gel, and rubbed my hands together for a full count of ten before dispensing more and continuing the tally to twenty-six.
“Lach, your hands are good. Please come over here.”
I could hear the wavering in her voice, and I knew she was on the edge of falling apart. Pressing my clean hand back onto the grip of my cane, I made my way over to the hospital bed.
I hadn’t sat in one since my last surgery.
My body suddenly felt hot—really hot. The closer I got to getting back in, the more that familiar sense of panic hit.
I lifted my eyes off the mattress. Lainey was there.
And so was the baby. I loved getting to hold him as the medics were getting Lainey ready for transfer.
I’d never held a baby that little before.
Sure, I’d gotten to hold my nephews when they were a few days old, but Lainey’s baby had just been born.
I was one of the first people his eyes ever looked at.
I couldn’t remember if I heard Lainey say it, or Birdie, but I sat on the edge of the bed and told him how loved he was.
That I’d look after him and his mama for as long as I could.
It wasn’t hard to sit on the bed after that.
I wrapped my arm up and over Lainey’s shoulders, and she turned, pressing her face into my chest. Jesus, this felt so fucking right.
My free arm moved across my body, so my hand could press over the baby’s back, even as Lainey still held on to him tightly.
“Why am I…c-crying?”
“Adrenaline crash. Hormones. Just being a human.”
“I hate it.”
“Shhh. I won’t tell anyone you cried.”
“You better not.”
I chuckled. Under all the tears and worry, my girl was still in there.
No. Not my girl. My friend. And, oh, fuck…
I finally recognized what I was feeling.
That calm that washed over me knowing they were safe.
That feeling of wanting to be the one that always made them feel that way.
The hole that felt like it was eating me alive in just the few short hours we were apart.
I knew I was holding my family—my future, my everything—in my arms.
Lainey’s breath shuddered, and she pulled her face away from my chest.
“What?” I asked.
“This is like…” She paused while I reached up and wiped at her face. “Are you okay, being here?”
“This is right where I want to be.”
Her eyes rolled as she adjusted her hold on the baby. “I don’t buy that for a single second.”
“Holding you and this little guy?”
“Maybe. But being in the hospital. Aren’t you…are you—”
“I’m honestly not sure if I’m okay. I felt like I was going to throw up, but I think that was just because of how worried I was that you were upset or in danger.
Now that I know you are both okay…it’s manageable.
It’s not…not as bad as I was thinking it would be.
Besides, I’m not going anywhere with you getting discharged soon. I’ll drive you both home.”
“Lach, Birdie and I were talking—”
“No.”
“I think—”
“Do you feel uncomfortable at my place?”
She looked shocked by my question, which I took as a good sign. “Of course not.”
“Do you not feel safe there?”
Her eyes dropped and she sighed. “I feel the safest I’ve ever felt in my life living with you, but that doesn’t mean it’s fair to—”
“Stop—I would be gutted if you and this little guy left. Let’s just get you settled at home and back on your feet.
If it doesn’t work out, if you feel like you’d be happier someplace else, then okay.
We’ll figure that out if the time comes.
Right now, I want you to just be able to focus on recovering from his birth. ”
“And being able to fight whatever Greg’s family is cooking up.”
“They’re not going to be successful. At whatever they try. We’re friends, Lain. I’m not letting anyone hurt my friend.”
I fucking hated using that f-word, but I thought my words would be reassuring.
Her face fell for a split second before she smiled.
It wasn’t genuine. I could tell because when she really smiled, these two gorgeous lines formed around the corners of her eyes and the freckles on her cheeks pulled tight.
I didn’t have a clue what I’d said wrong, and I didn’t get a chance to ask as the baby wiggled, his little eyes opening as his face turned red.
“Did you pick out a name for him yet?”
“You mean I can’t keep calling him little alien?” She brought him to her chest. As soon as she snapped her hospital gown open, my eyes went to the ceiling.
“Do you, uh, want me to…uh, leave?”
“No.” She laughed. “It’s just a boob, Lachlan. Don’t tell me you’re afraid…”
Of a breast performing its natural function? No. Of getting an inappropriately timed boner…yeah. I was terrified. It’d been a long…long…time since I’d felt for someone what I was feeling for my friend…who’d just given birth…Jesus Christ, I was a creep, wasn’t I?
“Not afraid, sweetheart. Just wanting to give you privacy if you wanted it.”
“Well, I don’t. I’m not sure breastfeeding is for me…
ouch! Jesus, why does no one tell you how much it’s going to hurt?
” Clearly, the question was rhetorical because she kept right on talking.
“There’s probably going to be a lot of nursing going on at your house while I’m there, so better just get the awkwardness out now. ”
I let my eyes drop…to her face. “So, did you have a name?”
“Yeah.” She nodded. “I named him Reid. He’s officially a Calloway on his birth certificate, too.”
I let my fingers come up to Reid’s little feet, brushing against them through the blanket he was swaddled in. “Reid Calloway has a nice ring to it.”
But all I kept thinking about was how much more I liked the idea of both Lainey and Reid being Fords.