32. Lainey
Lainey
“Hey, you don’t need to be doing those right now.
I’ll wash them up in a minute.” Lachlan walked into the kitchen, a smile on his face as he rocked Reid gently in his arm.
He’d absolutely mastered holding my son safely while walking with his cane, and I was in awe because I couldn’t even manage to feel safe holding him while we were in bed.
Reid and I had been back at Lachlan’s for two weeks, and nothing—I truly meant nothing—felt right.
I was so exhausted I could barely see straight.
I had tried to learn how the hell I was meant to shower, eat, sleep, and clean up after Reid when the only time he would sleep was when he was in my arms, but I just couldn’t do it.
Most days I moved from my bed to the couch while Lach tried to feed me and made sure I was drinking enough water.
Then in the afternoon, when someone from his family inevitably popped in to check on us, I would shuffle back upstairs and stay in my room for the rest of the day.
“No, I’ve got it. You have your hands full, and I need to be doing something. I feel like I can’t even remember the last time I picked up anything around here, or helped out.”
I was being a terrible roommate to Lach.
And he was stuck here with us. He wasn’t going outside.
He didn’t leave to visit his family—mainly because every member of his family dropped in at one point or another during the day.
But as much as I wanted to ask him to take a walk with me, or to just sit out under the oak tree, I couldn’t bring myself to.
“That’s okay. You’re not meant to be doing anything right now except healing and soaking up the time with the cutest Earthling there ever was.”
“Actually, if you’re okay, I was thinking I’d try and take a shower—”
Reid wiggled in Lachlan’s hold, and I watched his eyes pop open, the tiniest stretch running through his body.
“Shh,” Lach soothed, but Reid’s eyes blinked and I was already drying my hands off, scooping the baby out of his arms before he could let out a cry.
“I’ve got him. Sorry I couldn’t finish the dishes.”
“Lain…”
“I’m just going to take him to the couch. Let everything soak and I’ll come back to them later, okay?”
I didn’t wait for his reply, gently rocking Reid as we made our way to the sofa. By some miracle, his eyes were closed as I sat down. Crisis averted. For a few minutes, at least.
My heart sped up as I thought about having to nurse him. Thank God I hadn’t heard anything from Greg or his family after his dad cornered me in my hospital room. My nerves were absolutely shot, but I hadn’t had to worry about them since Lachlan drove us back here.
My sister had been so worried when she’d heard what happened, which is probably why she’d been over every day to check on Reid and me.
She brought me into town three days after we got home for the baby’s first doctor’s appointment, too.
Lach had wanted to go with us, but I asked him to let Birdie take us.
I wasn’t sure if they’d ask me any information about Reid’s name, and I hadn’t had a chance to tell Lach—
“Hi! Oh, Lainey, he’s so beautiful,” Dolly cooed as she walked through the front door and made a beeline right for us. “I feel like he’s already grown so much since the last time I saw him.”
Dolly had been here yesterday, so I seriously doubted she could really see a change in him. I knew I couldn’t.
But maybe that’s what good moms did. They noticed the small changes. They noticed the minuscule things. They didn’t dwell on the exhaustion, or the pain, or feeling so…blank…all the time. They just loved their babies.
“Where is that son of mine?” Dolly asked. “I brought meatloaf and mashed potatoes, and some of Lach’s mail got delivered to our place.”
“He’s in the kitchen. Probably about to bring me more food.”
Dolly laughed as she set an envelope down on the table. “Leave it to a Ford to try and feed you when they don’t know what else to do. I’m gonna drop this off with him, wash up, and I’ll be right back.”
I closed my eyes, letting my head fall back as I tightened my hold on Reid. I heard Lach’s cane clacking against the floor before I heard their low voices whispering.
“You got a letter from someone, honey. It came up to the house. I put it over there.”
“Okay. Thanks, Ma.”
“Should I take the baby for her? She could go rest in bed…”
“I’m okay,” I said, opening my eyes back up. “But if you’d like to hold him, you can.”
“I’d love to, sugar. Thank you.” Dolly scooped Reid out of my arms, settling into the armchair on the other side of the coffee table.
“You don’t mind if I run to the bathroom, do you?” I asked. “He’s gonna wake up soon, and I don’t want to miss my chance…”
“Oh, honey, go ahead and rest a little bit if you’d like. I’m in heaven right now, and he seems happy as a clam.”
“Should be. I nursed him for an hour just a little bit ago.” I had. He’d been asleep on my boob for a good fifteen minutes before Lach took him from me and I’d made my way to the kitchen.
“All my boys were like that. They nursed more for soothing than they did for milk most days.”
Yup. Reid loved to nurse, and I was certain that was exactly what he was doing. I walked up the stairs, my body still sore and slow moving. Using the bathroom was a nightmare. Apparently a second degree tear and subsequent repair would do that to a person.
A few minutes after I managed to make it through my postpartum bathroom routine, I’d finished washing my face and brushing out my hair. Was it the afternoon and I still needed to shower and brush my teeth? Yes. Would I get to it? Probably by midnight…
My legs felt like they might give out from exhaustion as I dragged my body back downstairs. I knew Dolly was perfectly able to take care of Reid, but I didn’t want to be more of a drain on this family than I was already being.
“Your hair used to be the same way. This little cowlick on the side? It’s so precious. Brings back so many memories.” Dolly lifted Reid toward her face, and my entire body froze. Before a single sound could leave my throat, Dolly pressed her lips against my baby’s cheek.
Lachlan’s face snapped to mine, his eyes moving away from whatever he was reading in the mail Dolly had brought as soon as I gasped. I didn’t wait for him to ask what was wrong…I was so angry I couldn’t see straight.
She’d kissed my baby.
On. His. Face.
“I’d like to have my son back, please.” My breathing was painful as I tried to remain calm.
“Honey, what’s wrong?”
How could she not know? She was a good mom and she’d just kissed my newborn baby. “Give me my baby, Dolly. Now.”
“Lainey?” Lachlan moved behind me, but I leaned forward, taking him out of Dolly’s arms and turning before he could stop me. I rushed up the stairs, slowing only when the image of me falling with him in my arms flashed in my mind. The sickening thought of hurting him made my stomach roll.
I walked down the hallway to our bedroom, grabbing the baby wipes off the nightstand before I sat in bed with him.
The wipe was cold as I took it out of the package, and I knew it would wake him to wipe it across his face, but washing off anything that Dolly could have left on his skin was my priority.
Just like I knew he would, Reid fussed as soon as the wipe brushed over his cheek. I kept wiping, but it wasn’t enough to calm the voice in my head. I needed to wash his skin with soap.
And that’s exactly what I was doing when Lachlan came upstairs.
“Are you okay?” he asked, filling the doorway.
“No,” I seethed.
“What happened?”
“I can’t do it anymore! I can’t keep having people come in and out of here, constantly holding him. I need your family to just stay away.”
“I’m sorry, Lainey. I know they can be overwhelming. I should have seen that their visits were too much. You just looked so happy—”
“Well, I’m not!” I said, a little too much emotion running through my voice.
“I’m not,” I forced myself to say calmer as I dried Reid’s cheek.
His uncomfortable grunts had turned into full blown shrieks while I made sure the soap was on his skin for the right amount of time to hopefully stop anything harmful that Dolly’s kiss might have left behind.
“I need to feed Reid. Would you mind letting me through?”
“Sorry,” he grunted as he took two steps back. I walked into our room, and for the first time since we brought Reid home, I slammed the door closed behind me.