38. Lainey
Lainey
Istill couldn’t believe he just handed Reid over to Jessie. I thought he heard me when I told him I was upset about his mom and how she’d kissed the baby. I thought he cared.
But the Fords would always choose each other. Family was supposed to do that. I had Birdie…I thought I would always have my sister…but she was a Ford now, too, in every way that mattered. Because Beau picked her.
My body sank into the mattress. That was the real problem, wasn’t it?
That somewhere, deep inside, I let myself dream about Lach choosing me.
It was hard not to let my mind wander there when every day felt warmer and safer than the last. When his hand gently anchored me.
When his arms wrapped around me as I cried.
When his lips pressed against my temple, I couldn’t help but wonder what they’d feel like against my own.
God, I was pathetic.
What if it got back to Greg that I wasn’t even the one taking care of my baby? For that hour, I had been resting on the couch while my roommate and his sister watched Reid? Jesus. How could Lach not realize how bad that looked?
A light knock at the door pulled me from my spiral.
Wiping at my face, I stood, squaring my shoulders.
I was certain it would be Lachlan, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear his apology.
And yes, I knew he would be trying to apologize to me for my overreaction, because that’s how kind and gently he’d been treating me lately.
But it wasn’t Lachlan who stood on the other side of the door.
“Dolly?” My voice caught as I wiped at my wet cheeks.
“Hi, honey.”
“Uh, what are you doing here?”
“Well, first, I’d like to apologize. Back when I had my kids, kissing babies was just a thing everyone did.
But I’m not so stuck in my ways that I can’t learn.
Lachlan told me how upsetting that was to you, and that it’s why you’ve been reluctant to let us help with Reid, and I’m just so sorry.
I won’t kiss Reid again. Although I do hope you’ll let me hold onto him in the future.
I know I’m a lot sometimes, but I love all my grandbabies so much. ”
“Reid isn’t—”
“Now, here’s the funny thing. You see, Birdie calls me ‘Ma’.
I asked her to. When she was living with Beau and helping out with Juniper.
The thing is, those two have always been attached at the hip, and I knew they were gonna find their way to each other.
But you. What a beautiful surprise you turned out to be.
” Dolly cupped my face, her hand warm and soft against my skin.
“I should have been watching out for you all this time, too. I’m so sorry I didn't, Lainey. I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through.
But if you’d let me now, I’d love to step up.
As someone who you can come to. To talk.
Or just for a cup of hot tea when you need to get Reid out of the house.
Someone who you can laugh with when Lachlan makes you mad. ”
“You’re his mom, though.”
“That doesn’t mean I can’t be your Ma, too.” Dolly searched my eyes like she was looking for the deepest, darkest corners of my soul. “You don’t see it, do you?”
“What?”
“How much better he’s been since you and Reid got here. Honey, I saw the change as soon as you started delivering those meals to him out here. But when he called me just now, the fear in his voice. That he was going to lose you because he’d made a mistake…”
“I don’t want to lose him,” I choked out. Dolly’s eyes went to my bed, where nearly every piece of clothing I had here was laid out next to the duffle bag I’d found at the top of the closet.
“That boy down there has been through so much pain. But I imagine you know that, and can empathize more than another human should be able to. That’s why I know this is gonna work.”
“This?”
“You and Lachlan. I should have known right from the start.” Dolly laughed.
“How could you have?”
“The universe conspires in magical ways. And for my boys, it seems to be all in the names.”
I didn’t know what that meant, but I smiled.
“I know better than to kiss the baby now. But is it okay to give you a hug?”
I nodded, unable to answer past the gravel in my throat.
This woman had just apologized to me for something I flew completely off the handle for, told me she wanted to take care of me like a mother would, blessed whatever the heck was going on between me and Lachlan, and now she wanted to give me a hug?
Dolly’s arms wrapped around me, and I melted.
This is what having a mom should feel like.
It’s what it should be like. Someone to validate your feelings.
Someone who could apologize when you told them they did something wrong.
Dolly was the mother I wished I had growing up, and the mother I wish I could be for Reid.
“Dolly?”
“Yeah, honey?”
“What was Lachlan’s favorite meal growing up?”
I glanced over at Reid, still fast asleep in the Pack-n-Play Lachlan had set up for him downstairs.
It was a life saver. I didn’t realize so many things that looked perfect for babies to sleep in weren’t actually safe for sleep.
I shuddered as an image flashed in my mind of him sleeping in his swing.
No.
The knife in my hand caught my eye. What if he was closer…and I accidentally dropped the knife on him? Oh, God. What if I was carrying it to the sink, and I slipped? If it came out of my hand, it could fly across the room—
“Are you okay?”
I gasped, crossing my legs as my hand—the one not holding the knife—flew to my chest. “You just scared me so bad I almost peed my pants!”
“Sorry.” Lachlan chuckled. “Maybe you can talk to your doctor about pelvic floor exercises when you go next week.”
I groaned. “Let’s leave my pelvic floor out of pre-dinner conversations, please. What’s behind your back?” I asked, my eyes scrutinizing the awkward and stiff way he was standing.
“Oh, uh…I walked up to talk to my dad. When Ma got back, I figured it would be okay to come home. And these were growing next to the barn. Reminded me of the ones I saw the day after Reid was born. Wanted to bring them back and to give them to you. And hope that you’d be open to me apologizing for what happened earlier. ”
He showed me a handful of wildflowers, still standing at the edge of the kitchen.
“They’re beautiful. Better get them in some water before they wilt.” I set the knife down, moving to the cupboard where Lachlan kept his glasses. “Here.” I handed the vessel to him, heading back to the cucumber I was currently cutting up.
“What smells so good?” he asked as he headed toward the oven. “Oh my God? Is that shepherd’s pie? I haven’t had that in ages.”
“Your mom might have told me it was your favorite meal growing up. I’m making a cucumber and tomato salad to go with it.”
“For me?”
I wiped my hand on the apron I was wearing. Lachlan stepped closer, resting his cane against the edge of the counter. “Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I wanted to tell you I’m sorry. For freaking out earlier. Letting your sister hold Reid isn’t wrong. And I’m sorry for being so needy. For coming into your life like a storm that just won’t stop raging.”
His fingers brushed back some of the hairs that had fallen out of my ponytail. “You don’t need to apologize for that. Any of it. I should have kept Reid in my arms. He’s safe with me.”
“I know he is,” I whispered, my eyes dropping to his chest. My palm pressed against the pocket on Lach’s shirt, right above his heart.
“I understand if you’re still mad at me. I’m sorry I called my mom. Whatever she said…I shouldn’t have called her, right? I was so worried, and I thought…God, when is my mind going to stop fucking things up?”
Lach’s head fell into his hands, his fingers pulling at the root of his hair.
“Stop.” I moved his hand away from his head, reaching back up to run my own fingers gently over the strands. “I happen to really like this mind.”
“It’s broken. I don’t know if it’ll ever be fixed. If I’ll ever be fixed. Or whole again.”
“It doesn’t need to be fixed. Your mind isn’t a problem that needs a solution.
If there are things you want to work on…
well, of course you should work on them.
But I hate hearing you talk about yourself like that.
Your leg, your mind, they don’t make you less of a man.
They make you the kind of man who makes me feel so safe, and so seen.
Sometimes, I think you might be the only person in the world who sees me for who I am and doesn’t want to run…
So, please don’t be upset about sending your mom over here.
We had such a good talk. She hugged me, and for a minute… ”
“What?” he asked, his eyes sparkling back at me.
“I felt what it was supposed to feel like. When a mom loves her kid.”
“Lain…”
My fingers twisted together. “I want Reid to grow up knowing that feeling. I want him to have this big, beautiful family that I never got to have.”
“I want that for the both of you, too.”
“Your mom said…”
His eyes closed as he groaned. “Oh, God. What?”
“That she thinks there is something more going on between us. Something more than friendship.”
“What do you think?” he asked as his forehead leaned against mine. His chest stopped moving, and I knew he was holding his breath, waiting for my answer.
“I think I want that to be true,” I whispered.
“Thank God.”
Lachlan’s fingers slipped over my cheek and into my hair.
His mouth was impossibly close to mine and I stood still, waiting.
The second our lips touched, I knew I was gone.
I’d never been kissed with such gentleness.
Such care. And I appreciated that more than I’d ever be able to say.
But I also wanted more. I craved it. Every nerve in my body was screaming that I needed to be closer to him.
He leaned back, his hands dropping to my hips. Lachlan let me take control. My tongue licked over the seam of his lips, and he granted me entry almost immediately. As soon as our tongues touched, a moan vibrated through Lachlan’s body and lit my own up.
“Christ, Lain. Best first kiss ever.” His eyes popped open at my sniff, going wide as he looked me over. “Are you okay?”
I nodded.
“Why are you crying?” he asked, swiping away the tear that leaked from the corner of my eye with the big pad of his thumb.
“I didn’t know it could be like that. So gentle, and I could feel…”
“What?”
“How much it meant to you. How much I mean to you.”
Lachlan’s hand slipped around the back of my neck and he squeezed, the soft pressure sending a shiver down my spine.
“That’s only the start.”