Chapter 18
Lia
Ispent a restless morning on manic cleaning. Cooking and meal-prepping, dusting, sweeping, vacuuming; I did everything I could think of to avoid tinkering with my near-flawless design or thinking of Raphael. Although, that was proving impossible the longer and harder I tried to resist.
Our time in his hotel room last night was magical. We ate dessert and drank sweet wine, and had better sex than anything else in memory. The connection terrified me. No man I had ever met infiltrated my thoughts like this; like Mystery Guy.
Having such strong emotional responses was new. I hadn”t even felt such inner turmoil through my upbringing, and that had been challenging on the good days. When I graduated high school, there was no party; there was just packing and leaving. I chose a college close enough that someone could drive me there, but far enough away that I could stay at school when I didn”t have the energy to go home.
The pleasures I took in my quiet, keep-to-myself life were insignificant. Most of them took place in my head. I had my brother to talk to when there was something I thought he would love, and then I had Mystery Guy when I needed a friend or a lover. My outward reactions simply didn”t exist, and I liked it better that way.
The people I had in my mind had already gone, but would never leave. It wasn”t until getting away from the ghosts of my hometown that I made real friends, like Shell. And though I dated, no one had the spark to illicit reaction. The spark I had with my imaginary man.
Mystery Guy always beat out the men in real life, and after a while I assumed I would never find someone who made me feel the way I did for that split second as a young teen. But then I met Raphael Teresse. And we had sex full of magic. Mystery Guy was gone. It was just Raph. The real man behind the mystery.
Shit.
None of the mundane time-wasters I chose for my day were effective. Raph still ruled my mind. He looked at me like I was the only woman on the planet. My knees weakened when we connected.
He paid close attention to everything I said and did, but that scrutiny didn”t feel like the judgement of the rest of the world. With Raph, I felt safe. He brought out sides of me I never knew I had. Sides I always wanted to have. I could be adventurous and wild and could let go a little. Last night I let go a lot as we came together in his luxurious hotel room.
Raph was all about luxury. It was his business. Hell, it was him. Being with him felt like a vacation. But vacations always came to an end. That”s why I left him.
This is bad. Knock it off, Lia.
I scrubbed the kitchen tile with fervor. The apartment had been tidy before, but now it sparkled with untended neuroses. Everything was dusted, polished, shined, and perfectly aligned.
I glanced at the Kit-Cat Klock Shell had bought at a yard sale, its wide, shifting eyes taunting. It was still early. I didn”t know how to burn through the day.
Shell wasn”t around for the cleaning extravaganza. She was still in bed since we had stayed up til the sun came up. When I slipped into the apartment, Shell was right where I left her. She was shocked, thinking I would be out all night, so I filled her in on all the sordid details.
It felt like a huge grey area. I needed to find something, anything, to get my mind off this, if even for a precious few hours. Running on four hours of sleep and cleaning the whole apartment from floor to ceiling didn”t do it, so what else was there?
After Shell and I said our goodnights, I put in a little more work on the design, adding boldness and longer, flowing patterns. My feelings and emotions gave me the vision for the greatest design work of my life. I didn”t need to touch the project again until the presentation.
My work was inspired, and I felt at peace with it the way it was. All that remained was seeing Raphael again. My heart pounded and my stomach did a little flip at the thought.
”What on earth are you doing out here? Any sane person would still be in bed.”
Shell was never a morning person, or for that matter, a mid-afternoon person. I couldn”t understand how she functioned during the work week. It must be all the catchup sleeping on the weekends.
”I made some breakfast cups, and I pulled out the espresso maker you got for Christmas last year from that barista guy, Nick.” I gestured to the food on our peninsula.
Shell trudged over to the kitchen and poured some coffee. After a couple sips, she snapped her fingers and whirled toward me.
”Oh, right, Nick! I meant to tell you. I got in touch with him after you said you wanted to go check out the club scene. I wasn”t going to mention it since it”s Sunday, but you seem like you could use something to do. Wanna be my date? I don”t know if we are going to one of Raph”s, but Nick thinks it”s the happening spot. At the very least, it would be valid competition. We could take the train. It”s not like you work tomorrow. And I took a personal day.”
”You took a personal day? It isn”t even tomorrow yet.” I narrowed my eyes, and she grinned.
”Well, I”m going to! You”re not at work, and I have vacation time left somehow. I can”t let you have all the fun while I toil away with Derrick the Fat.”
Shell threw hand against her forehead and leaned into the drama. I stifled a giggle.
”You don”t even work for him!”
”Hey! Don”t underestimate his ability to make everyone in the office miserable.”
I had almost forgotten about Derrick. I was still waiting on him to get back to me about the design, but I could send along the polished design concepts in the interim. It was weird that he wasn”t responding this weekend since I had emails from him telling me about things I needed to do the following week, every weekend since I started at Design Everything.
”You know? A night out sounds perfect.”
”Awesome! Let”s go shopping for new dresses. You need something slutty for a club, and I know there”s nothing in your closet that fits the bill.”
”Slutty?”
Shell barked out a laugh and nodded.
I shrugged. ”Let”s do it.”
Shell and I browsed a couple boutiques, hunting for club attire. The more daring me didn”t struggle to shop like I had before.
Since I didn”t know exactly where we were going, I kept imagining I”d run into Raph. New York”s a small town, right? I meandered over to a rack of brightly colored dresses.
I held up a teal cocktail dress and twisted in front of the mirror.
Would Raph like this one?
Everything I did, I wanted to do for him. It was a sickness; a habit I couldn”t kick. I put the dress back and picked up an olive-colored one.
”How could you put this back? It”s gorgeous,” Shell said, plucking the teal dress from the rack.
I shrugged one shoulder. ”I don”t have the boobs for that neckline.”
Shell twitched her eyebrows. ”I do.”
She and I stepped out of the fitting room, her in the little teal dress with the plunging neckline, and me in a simple green A-line with gold shimmer. We turned toward each other and nodded.
Lunch, trip home, and an hour to get ready. Our heels clicked down the sidewalk as we made our way to the train station. Pain sliced through my feet with every step. I didn”t know if I”d make it through the night alive. Now I knew why I never wanted to go out and do things with Shell.
She was wild and uninhibited, carefree, and fearless to a fault. Also, her feet were completely numb from wearing heels all the time. These shoes were a living nightmare.
When the train arrived, the little ball of excitement in my belly expanded.
”So, where are we actually going?”
”The club”s supposed to have a really fun atmosphere and like edgy music. Don”t worry, I promise we”re gonna have fun. It”s got Nick”s stamp of approval, and he”s the one to listen to. You never come out, so I”ve got to make this special.”
Before I could stop myself, I grimaced.
”What? You said you wanted to go out.”
”It”s just my shoes,” I said, holding my foot up and tapping her leg. ”I”m not used to the heels.”
”We”ll get there, and you”ll forget all about it. Promise!”
I tried to keep an open mind, but doubts crept in as we walked from the train station to the club and stood in line. When we finally got through the front doors, I was blown away.
The airy theme was incorporated through the vivid yet pastel color scheme, and it made the space soft while maintaining the dim depth classic to a club. Everyone inside shared the same pulsating energy. To be a part of the group was liberating and electrifying.
Nick met us at the door.
Aire. Of course it is.
The one-in-a-million possibility; Nick chose Aire, the nightclub owned by Experience. That meant Raph. That he could be in the same place as me. Imagining running into him was one thing, the real possibility was another.
We checked our coats and headed into the thumping throng, Nick leading Shell by the hand while she giggled the whole way. If they were ever romantic, I couldn”t see it. They were super friendly, but there wasn”t even a hint of sex in the air. I hung back and let them catch up. Clubs weren”t exactly my scene, and I needed time to adjust.
I hadn”t been to a place like this with Shell since we were in college. Did that mean I needed to get out more?
Nah.
”This place is spectacular!” Shell gushed.
”Yeah. The same guy who has Experience does this place, too, so it has a lot of that upscale flair even though it”s a younger, funner crowd. I like to hit this place when I”m feeling fancy.”
I tuned out their conversation as the music grew too loud to listen without effort. I did a slow turn in the main room, looking for back rooms or office corridors. There weren”t any obvious doors or split offs from the big throbbing room. I wanted to say it was for research, but I knew it wasn”t.
There was a stage up front where the DJ or musician could set up and get ready, and there was a door for the kitchen in the back. The set up was like Experience Shoreview, although there wasn”t a second floor in Aire. Just a high warehouse ceiling and light coming from everywhere.
The feel in Aire was exactly that; airy. The pastel colors and the sounds enveloped us, and those elements reflected in the energy of the patrons. We all experienced our surroundings as a whole. It felt right.
There was a huge dance floor in front of the stage, with music pounding in from everywhere. It was almost as though the club was encouraging everyone to enjoy the atmosphere as well as the action. That action being dancing, or grinding, hooking up, and getting so, so drunk.
I dropped back, defaulting to my wallflower ways. Nick and Shell were sucked into the crowd of undulating bodies immediately. I needed more time to warm up, like getting into a hot jacuzzi in the middle of winter.
Before long, I too was a part of the crowd. I felt alone, but it wasn”t a bad alone. It was transcending. I was surrounded by people, but I was at peace; I didn”t have a care. The more I moved, the lighter I felt. Tension drained from my body.
The song ended, and I dripped with joyous sweat, so I snatched Shell. I needed a refresh at the bar.
”I can”t believe you”re having such a good time! You”ll have to come out more.”
”Maybe I should.”
I took a long pull from my gin and tonic. The second it hit my lips, I felt cooler.
”I don”t mean to leave you, but Nick has some super cute friends. I”m gonna head back.”
Shell gave me a quick peck on the cheek and wiggled her way back to the group on the dance floor.
I picked a seat off to the side where there were a few tables for two and worked on my drink while I watched the crowd sway like the ocean. It had been a while since I moved my body like this. I did yoga most mornings, and occasionally went for a run along the beach when the mood struck, but nothing like this. Nothing.