39. DIANA
DIANA
The call from Melanie Castow came two days after I saw her on the street with Rafe.
Did I put two and two together? Yes, I suppose so, but I couldn’t make it fit in a way that made sense, and I wasn’t going to say no to Melanie, because she represents Erica Lefroy. Erica Lefroy, world-famous supermodel. Erica Lefroy, the woman my ex-fiancé is in love with.
The past few months have been a whirlwind, and while a wet spring turned into a hot London summer, Melanie, to her credit, went above and beyond for me.
She’s a force to be reckoned with, a businesswoman I could certainly learn from.
Every time she calls me in for a meeting, I have to force myself to concentrate on what she’s telling me about offers that have come in, because without fail, I start wondering if she’s still dating Rafe.
If he picks her up after work or if he’s there when she gets home.
I’ve never seen Melanie with another man, and I haven’t seen Rafe since that cold April night, but I never stopped thinking about him.
I tried to move on. I went on a few dates to try and shake him from my mind, but it didn’t work.
I don’t feel excited around anyone else.
No one makes me giddy or sets butterflies fluttering in my stomach.
As far as other men are concerned, I am numb to them.
Immune. I didn’t even contemplate going to Delirium.
I returned the card to my sister with a note apologising for stealing it and telling her I wasn’t going to need it anymore.
I had to resist adding a snarky comment telling her that she should go, because she’d get banged better there than at home with Dave.
As for my career, the last six months have seen it explode.
I’ve hosted interviews with A-list celebrities and been hired by some of the biggest publishing houses in the UK.
I’ve hosted book events or author discussion groups.
I’m living my dream life, and I have more money than I ever thought possible.
I own more special edition books than ever before. I’m freer than I’ve ever been.
My lease on the Brixton flat is coming to an end soon, and I’ll be able to afford somewhere a little more spacious. Perhaps even a tiny bit more central, although the Victoria line is my best friend and it transports me wherever I need to go.
But none of that makes up for losing Rafe. No amount of success can heal a broken heart.
“What do you say, Diana? They’ll pay you extremely well,” Melanie says.
I drag my attention back to her, inspecting her face. The tightness of her lips. Has Rafe kissed that mouth? “Sorry, you lost me for a moment. What did you say?”
“The author discussion. It’s Abigail Enright. The author of—”
“Taming the Beast. Yes, I know.” My stomach does a little jump at being able to mention my favourite romance book.
“Well,” Melanie continues, “One of the editors at the publishing house was going to host it, but she’s had to pull out for personal reasons. And they wondered, because of your vocal support for the book, if you wanted to do it?”
I nearly leap from my seat. “Yes. Yes, please.” I press my hands together. “I’d love to.”
“Perfect. Abigail never does book events, so we’re incredibly lucky that she’s agreed to do this one.
The place will be packed. Tickets are completely sold out.
There will be a discussion panel, which you will adjudicate.
Some of the cast of the upcoming movie will be there too.
Erica Lefroy. I know you’re acquainted with her. ”
“I wouldn’t say acquainted,” I say cautiously.
“No bad blood between you, is there?”
I put a hand on my heart. “Gosh, no. I mean, not on my part. I can’t see why there would be. Seb was always—”
“I don’t need the history, Diana. I just need to know you can pull this off.”
“I can.”
“Excellent.” She pauses, looking at me seriously.
“You know, what you’ve achieved in the few months is incredible.
I won’t deny I’ve played my part in it, but you have a grit and determination I don’t often see in youngsters.
You have a bright future ahead.” She nods gently as if to herself. “Rafe was absolutely right.”
Her words seal me to my chair. “Rafe?”
She lets out a little laugh. “Oh, yes. Sorry. Rafe Bastion. You know who I mean?” I nod weakly. “He sang your praises. Said he saw something in you. Something unusual.”
I frown, heart racing. “Unusual?”
Melanie unleashes her cawing laugh again. “In a good way. He urged me to take you on. In fact, you’re the reason we moved here.” She gestures around her swanky Soho office. “You were the bargaining chip for the sale of Castow Management.”
“I don’t understand.”
She clasps her hands, primly sets them on the desk, and gives me a serious look. “Really, Diana. Don’t you read the business pages?”
I shake my head. “Nope.”
Melanie rises from her seat, and I do the same, allowing her to show me out. “He doubled the price he was willing to pay on the condition I took you on. Best business deal I ever made.”
I blink at her as she opens the door, her hand resting on my lower back to give me a gentle shove out, seeing as my feet have decided to stop functioning.
But I can’t leave without answers, because finally, after months of meetings, months of wondering, she’s thrown Rafe’s name into the mix. “Are you and he…”
Her thin lips quirk, a hint of amusement in her gaze. My cheeks grow hot. “No, Diana. We aren’t. Rafe is a colleague. A friend.”
“Oh. I thought—”
“No.” She moves her hand from my back to my shoulder, and her expression takes on an almost maternal aspect; a softening that communicates a kindness I never expect from her. “Rafe’s a good man, but there’s always been someone else in his heart.”
I walk out of Melanie’s office in a daze, my feet delivering me through the building and out onto the street while my mind remains on autopilot. I’m halfway down Carnaby Street when my phone buzzes in my bag, and I pull it out to see a message from Lizzie.
I’m back next week! Cannot wait to see you. I have so much news. I met a guy. You’ll never believe who it is!
The smile that twitches my lips is tempered by guilt at the thought that, the entire time she’s been gone, I’ve been harbouring feelings for her dad.
Feelings that sometimes, whenever I’ve been particularly lonely or idle, take no time in spiralling right to, ‘I’m going to die an old maid because the only man in the whole world I would ever want to be with is completely out of reach. Off-limits. Forbidden. Inaccessible’.
My fingers itch to write the only thing I want to tell her: I think I’m in love with your dad.
Instead, I settle for a much more acceptable reply.
Can’t wait to see you either. Missed you so much. Who’s this guy? Tell me. I need to check he’s good enough for you.
Her response is quick and fills me with dread.
Ha! Come to the Emblem next week and find out. Love you x