40. DIANA
DIANA
Aweek later, I show up at the Emblem wearing a yellow satin dress with black leather accents; it’s one of Erica’s that Rafe bought for me when I was living here.
It’s perfect for today because it’s the afternoon of the Abigail Enwright event at Southbank, and this dress matches the Taming the Beast book cover perfectly.
It’s probably the biggest moment of my career, and strangely enough, I’m feeling fairly calm about it.
Phlegmatic, almost. Or I would be, except for the fact that this is the first time I’ve been back to the Emblem since I left.
My heart is racing. Is Rafe going to be here? What the hell do I say if he is? What do I do?
It’s not even a question, really. What I’ll do is hold it together. For Lizzie. For my best friend. Because she’s back after six months away, and the last thing she needs as a welcome home present is to find out about me and her dad.
The lift makes its smooth ascent to the penthouse, and the doors separate, gifting me a view of the luscious hallway.
I forgot how incredible this place is, but my awe is dulled by the memories that haunt it.
Each step I take, I’m walking side-by-side with a past version of myself, experiencing countless tiny memories all over again.
The first time I came here, the first time I saw Rafe and realised who he was, the nights I spent working, Rafe at my side, encouraging me, laughing with me.
The way it felt to be with him. Beside him.
How much I longed to tell him the truth; how I wanted him to kiss me all the time.
Swimming together, racing in that freshwater pool with its gold-leaf ceiling.
The night he helped me zip my dress up, and I was finally sure that he wanted me—the real me, not Delirium me.
A lump rises in my throat. I don’t know if I can do this. If I can be here.
“Diana!”
Lizzie’s yell snatches me from the overwhelming emotion. She races down the corridor, all wild dark hair and flailing limbs, smiling like a mad woman. Hooking her arms around my neck, she pulls me into a hug. Her energy is infectious, and a smile rips across my face as I hold her close.
“You’re a star,” she squeals. “You became a motherfucking star while I was gone.”
I laugh. “No, I didn’t.”
She steps back, her eyes wide, hands still resting on my shoulders. “Are you kidding? You’re huge!”
I flash her a coy smirk. “I guess I am kind of a big deal.” I perform a little shoulder shimmy that has her letting go of me and laughing out loud.
“Come and meet Charlie,” she says, leading me through to the other room.
I’m still bracing in case Rafe shows up, but there’s no sign of him when we reach the living room. Instead, there’s a young man on the sofa, who stands to greet us.
I know exactly who he is. Charlie Hawkston, Seb’s nephew.
He has a definite Hawkston look; he’s the image of his dad.
Tall, handsome, dark haired. The last time I saw him was the night my engagement publicly fell apart; the same night I ran to Delirium and fell into Rafe’s arms. It feels a lifetime ago.
“Hi,” I say, sounding as stunned as I feel.
“Hey, Diana,” he says, stepping towards me and kissing me on both cheeks. “Long time.”
“Indeed. Wow,” I add, turning to Lizzie. “Charlie Hawkston. I would never have guessed. Are you two…” I waggle a finger between them, raising my eyebrows to emphasise the silent question.
They look at each other, and Charlie hooks his thumbs into the pockets of his jeans and glances at the floor.
“We’re just friends,” Lizzie spills, darting a nervous glance in his direction.
“Yeah,” Charlie agrees.
Neither of them sounds certain, but it’s cute. Maybe they haven’t worked out what they are yet, but there’s definitely something there.
We spend the next forty-five minutes catching up, and I watch as Lizzie and Charlie sit side-by-side on the sofa, finishing each other’s sentences and laughing as they tell me stories about their time away.
Whenever Lizzie gets over-excited, she touches his leg; he glances at her hand, pink colouring his cheeks, while she keeps talking animatedly. It’s adorable.
Out in the hall, the lift rumbles its approach, and as the doors sweep open, my heart comes to a jarring halt.
Rafe Bastion. I know the weight of his step, the sharp tick of his heel against stone, the length of his stride.
Lizzie springs off the sofa, and Charlie follows. I get up too, so all three of us are like soldiers standing to attention when he walks in.
He looks different, somehow. Leaner. Older, perhaps, or tired, but still so handsome I can hardly look at him. When his gaze lands on me, everything in my body screws up tight, as if a strong-armed Victorian washer woman is wringing me out like a wet towel.
Lizzie introduces him to Charlie, and as I watch the moment unfold, it hits me full force that he is her father. Her dad. He’s the grown-up man she’s bringing this guy she has a crush on home to meet.
How could I ever have thought a relationship between us would work? We’re worlds apart. I’ve been sitting here hanging out with Lizzie and Charlie, and now they’re both talking to Rafe like he’s a totally different generation. He’s not one of us. He’s decidedly, completely separate.
The gulf feels enormous. If I tried to step across it, I’d plummet to my death.
“You remember Diana, of course,” Lizzie says.
Rafe turns to me, one hand finding the knot of his tie and resting on it before stroking down the silk. “Diana.”
“Hi, Mr Bastion.”
The corner of his mouth twitches. “Rafe.”
“Yes.” I want to smile at the reminder that he’s not just Mr Bastion, not just Lizzie’s dad. He’s Rafe. My Rafe. But I can’t let myself. My smile would spread too wide. I’d give myself away. “Rafe.”
He bows his head a fraction. “You’re well?”
“Yes. Very well. Thank you.”
His dark eyes fix on me, saying more than words ever could, but I don’t know what he means. I don’t know what he wants to say. I just know it’s more than he’s permitting himself to voice aloud.
“I wanted to thank you for suggesting Melanie take me on.” I sound so formal, but Lizzie and Charlie are standing beside us, listening to the conversation.
His head tilts slightly. “I didn’t know if you’d appreciate the interference.”
“What was it you said? ‘It’s okay to accept help when you need it. It doesn’t make you weak’.”
He allows a hint of a smile to touch his mouth. “I knew she’d look after you. I’m glad it worked out.” Straightening up, he claps his hands and looks around, including the others. “Right, shall we go?”
“Go where?” I ask, suddenly panicking.
He smiles at me. “To Southbank.”
I gape at him, then look over at Lizzie. “You’re coming to the Taming the Beast event?”
“Of course,” Lizzie says, grinning. “Julian and Henry are coming too. I told them it’s my favourite book in the world, and you’re my favourite social media personality. Charlie’s coming too. Seb’s going to be there with Erica. And this is your big night. Of course we’re coming.”
My eyes sting with oncoming tears, but good tears. Tears brought on by this show of unexpected support. I thought Lizzie didn’t even know I had the event tonight, let alone that she was coming and bringing everyone with her.
“And you?” I say to Rafe, my voice little more than a croak.
His lips are tight, like he’s holding back a grin. I want to kiss them, prising them open with my tongue. “Yes,” he says, with a slow nod. “If you don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind.”
Lizzie and Charlie, chatting amongst themselves, move towards the front door to grab their coats, leaving Rafe and me alone.
We stare at one another. I missed you. I missed you so much. “Thank you,” I murmur. “For everything.”
“I always knew you were a good investment,” he says, and even though he doesn’t utter them, I’m pretty sure I can read the response to my unspoken words in his eyes. I missed you too.
“Are you coming?” Lizzie yells. “We don’t want to be late.”
Rafe runs a hand through his hair, a tiny smile on his mouth as he replies, “Coming.”