18. Chapter 18
Fitz
I held his hand, but he’d stopped holding it back. The skin on his arm felt loose, as if life was actively slipping away and leaving him a shell. The differences between us felt even weaker than his grip. None of that mattered here at the end of his life.
“Father,” I tried again to get his attention, “I’m here. I’m not leaving you.” My throat tightened and I clenched my jaw to stay in control. “I understand it now. Why you wouldn’t let me rule alone. The love of a good woman, it changes you.” I clamped my palm over my mouth as my breath shook with a silent sob. Sniffling, I tried again to explain what he needed to know. “Because I made my choice. I know who I’ll marry, and I know it’s a lot to ask, but I would give anything to have your blessing.” I wrapped my other hand around the back of his. “It’s not about her being queen, but just knowing that you saw me in love, I—” I couldn’t finish. How was I supposed to say goodbye to the man who’d championed me my whole life? He was my rock and foundation. My father never stopped believing in me, even when he didn’t agree, he knew I’d find my way through.
“How will I do this without you, Father? You were supposed to show me how to rule, and now you’re…” Tears splattered against my hands. There was no need for shame or embarrassment. We were alone in his chambers. Mother was overseeing the last of the ball’s preparations and the nurses wouldn’t check in for another half hour. I watched the rise and fall of his chest. Even, steady, no sign that he was dying, but that was how it had gone for months, attacks that came in waves. He would recover slightly and then it would hit even harder than before. The doctor felt assured that the next onslaught would be the end.
I set my forehead against his hand, resigned to the fact that he wasn’t going to hear me, no matter how hard I tried. “It’s Michaela,” I whispered. “I love her, and I’m going to make her my wife even if means walking away from everything. I hope you can forgive me.” I brought the back of his hand to my cheek. “For the record, I think she would make an amazing queen. She’s kind and fair. She’s honest and willing to sacrifice. Her thoughts are always with those who are forgotten. In my opinion, she’s what a queen should be.” I closed my eyes and imagined his gentle rebuke, reminding me that his wife was the ideal queen. How I ached to argue over who had fallen in love with the better woman. But the odds were not mine.
“Sure, you wait until he can’t fight back and then you tell him.” Bishop’s voice brought my head up, but his ill-timed sarcasm wasn’t what I needed.
“Where have you been? I sent you to deliver one note and you’ve been gone for hours with no trace.” I shook my head and turned back to my father. “I thought you’d made a run for it, worried responsibility might catch you for once.”
“I’m a jackrabbit, mate. Hard to pin down like that, yeah?” Even he was having a hard time keeping the levity in his voice. He must have sensed it because he sobered quickly. “Your woman got a bee in her bonnet about something and required my aid.”
That earned my attention again. “What do you mean? She had a problem?”
Bishop groaned and rubbed his open palm over the back of his neck. “You know Americans and their conspiracies, right? She cooked up a doozy and I tried to show her it wasn’t real, but she was… anyway it’s fine now. I’m sure she’s in her chambers getting dolled up by now.” Bishop straightened, a little too proud of himself. “I talked some sense into her. Can’t say I don’t have your back, eh?”
My mind couldn’t find its way around what he was saying. “If Michaela thought something was happening, she was probably right.” I released my grip on my father’s hand, heart pounding with nervous energy. “What was her concern?”
“Your mother. What else?” Bishop pinned his mouth shut, obviously unwilling to speak on the topic in my father’s presence.
Standing, I adjusted my father’s blanket, set his hand in a neutral position, and nodded toward the doorway. Bishop led the way from the chambers to the small seating room outside the doors. I pulled them closed behind me, but waited until I heard them click shut.
“Tell me,” I instructed, sounding more like the Crown Prince than his cousin.
Bishop sighed. “She learned your mother was from Eshein Province and the history of her father and your grandfather, the king.”
It was sticky history. The kind that made me twitch, mostly because arranged marriages felt too much like selling a daughter for political profit. Hearing the story as a child had solidified my choice that I would one day fall in love. But other than a difference of cultural norms, it wasn’t too dastardly.
“I don’t understand how any of that is an issue.” I crossed my arms over my chest, waiting for a better answer.
“Because of the rumors,” Bishop clarified. “Because in the provinces, they say her father was exiled and executed, and if that was the case, then revenge against those who wronged her would be—”
“Justified,” Mother’s voice came from the shadows beyond Bishop’s frame. “No one would blame me, would they? After all, my father-in-law murdered my father, so why wouldn’t I take out the entire royal party and gain control of the kingdom that would have been mine if the rebellion had occurred after all?”
Confusion clouded my thoughts. Murdered? How could—
Bishop whirled, face pale. “Aunt Mariah, I was merely repeating a rumor I overhead, I didn’t think that—”
“Only one problem with that theory, Bishop.” She strode toward him, each step purposeful. “My father, the governor of Eshein Province, was a coward and a snake. All he wanted was the money. As soon as the ink dried on the contract, he took off for sunnier shores. Daughters were pawns to him. A commodity to be sold. There was no love lost between us and, though it burns, I actually owe him.” Her features softened. “I was destined to be used to gain power, like a pawn sacrificed for the good of a king, but at least I was given to a man who loved me every day of his life.” Her lips trembled. “So, if you hear that rumor again, rest assured that there is no revenge to be had, except against the disease that has robbed me of the rest of my husband’s life.” She exhaled and brought her chin up. “Excuse me. He needs me.”
I couldn’t breathe until my mother was in the next room and the door closed behind her. I’d blundered something and didn’t even know what. Before I could berate Bishop and demand more answers, heavy footfalls came down the outside hall. After years of hearing him, I recognized Kabir’s pattern immediately. When he turned the corner, I was ready for him.
“Your Highness,” he brought his fist across his chest to his shoulder as he bowed his head, “I have alarming news.”
Could this day get any worse?
“Speak then,” I commanded him, impatient with the disarray that had taken hold in my absence of only a couple hours.
“The girl,” Kabir cast a furtive glance at Bishop, “Michaela, she’s missing.”
My heart dropped. “What do you mean, missing? She’s not in her chambers?”
“Her chambers, the stables, your chambers, nowhere, Your Highness. We’ve been searching for over an hour. We can’t find any trace of her.”
The ball would start in only a few hours. Michaela knew that. It wasn’t the time to explore or find adventure—didn’t Bishop say he’d helped her, talked some sense into her? I turned my wrath on him.
“What’d you do?” I took a step toward him, fists balled tight and ready for attack. “Where is she?”
His hands came up to the defensive immediately. “I didn’t do anything but maybe distract the security team for a moment or two—"
“That was you?” Kabir’s anger turned on my cousin.
“She needed a distraction and bloody well knew an Anthrax alert would give us the time we needed.”
“Bishop!” How could he be that shortsighted? He’d removed all of her protection with that stunt.
“Hey, I kept her safe and when she started going looney, I was there to remind her about what’s what, right?” His indignant claims did nothing to quell my anger. “Look, I didn’t want to tell you, but she was getting cold feet. It’s entirely possible that she cut ship and got out while she could.”
“No,” I shook my head, unwilling to believe that, “she wouldn’t.” My fingers dug into my hair, tunneling through as I tried to still my thoughts. She wouldn’t leave. She couldn’t. But someone could capture her. If there was ever a bargaining chip to play, it would be Michaela. There was nothing I wouldn’t give up to ensure her safety.
I turned to Kabir. “Expand the search. Tear the kingdom apart. Ground the planes. Freeze the trains. No one, and I mean no one, leaves the country, understood?”
“Yes, Sire.” Kabir saluted once more before making a hasty exit. I rubbed my palm over my mouth to dispel the buzzing, nervous energy this news had released. But even in my state, I didn’t miss the new title. I’d spoken like the king, and he understood it as a command.
“I’m not saying she doesn’t love you,” Bishop started to explain, but I cut him off.
“Don’t bring your baggage into this. She’s out there somewhere.” The sun had started its descent. Time wasn’t on my side. “Until she tells me herself that she’s leaving, I refuse to believe it. For now, we operate on the assumption that she’s been captured.” I glanced at the chamber doors behind me. My time was limited with him, but Michaela needed me. I was sure of it. “Take me everywhere she went. We have to find her.”