24. Chapter 24
Fitz
I hated myself for the warmth that filled my chest as I took Sadira in my arms on the dance floor. If my love for Michaela were true, shouldn’t I feel nothing when I held another woman?
But I brought myself into check. This wasn’t about connection or love, simply biology. Sadira was a beautiful woman, even more so in the slender fit of her gown and the way it clung to her frame. Was it Michaela’s design? My fingers traced the silky satin at the back, as if I could reach her through her creation.
“Do you know this dance?” I kept my voice low so as not to embarrass her if she did not. The royal waltz sported a different count than the traditional waltz. Mother acted as though Sadira would be a better match, but coming from Eshein, perhaps there was never instruction like in other provinces.
“Yes,” she whispered. “It’s not common in Eshein, but your mother sent someone to instruct me.”
Of course she did. Just another layer of her well-orchestrated plan. Over Sadira’s shoulder, I spied Mother watching us. Other nobles surrounded her, parliament members and longstanding families, it reminded me of the popular kids in the American high school I’d attended. A queen bee and her willing followers. They would do anything to stay in her good graces. I didn’t miss the way some leaned close to congratulate her on my supposed happiness. I looked away before I tipped my hand too far.
The instructor had done great work. Sadira followed like a dream. I couldn’t help but think of how badly Michaela would have flubbed the whole thing, but it wouldn’t have bothered me because along with stepping on my toes, tripping over her own feet, and possibly knocking into at least three other couples, she would have laughed through all of it. And her laughter was a gift I’d learned to treasure.
On the other side of the coin, Sadira remained rigid, guarded, and… distant. Her steps never faltered. She displayed nothing but grace in every movement, but her eyes always stared as though she was a million miles away. In fact, everything about her had become cold. I reflected on some of the other competitors whom I’d sent home.
Chantal came to one ball with me in the past. She burbled on about the clothes, the décor, the food, and when we danced, she shone brighter than the jewels in Mother’s crown. Gwen would be nervous but she loved to dance and I imagined she would have insisted we never sit, not once. Blair, Fallon, Dagny… oh, Dagny, I had to think every single one would be living for the moment and loving it. But Sadira, she wasn’t mentally in the ballroom with me. Maybe not even in the country. Not what I would expect from a woman with high probability of becoming queen before sunrise.
Using pressure against her back, I took us in a tight circle, forcing her attention back to the present. As we settled into the rhythm again, I chanced a question. “Did you ever think it would come to this? You and me, here at the finish line?”
In the brief second that her eyes met mine, I expected to find excitement or bashfulness like she’d shown in the past, but what I never would have predicted was the sadness that weighed her features. With a short shake of her head, she confirmed what I’d suspected. “No, Your Highness, I can honestly say this was never my plan.”
A weird way to emphasize her words. What was her plan if not this?
“Apologies for my bluntness, but is that regret I hear?”
“What is life without some regret, Your Highness?”
I had the distinct impression Sadira was dodging my question. I went at it from another direction. “Some is understandable, but considering the commitment looming before us, your melancholy is giving me some pause.”
I shortened the steps of our pattern, turning us into a tighter turn. Her attention was elsewhere, eyes focused on the perimeter of the room as if she were searching for someone.
“I’m sorry, Your Highness. I was preoccupied with my thoughts. Of course, it’s a great honor to—"
Pressure at her back, I turned us once more, stealing her focus completely as I halted us in the center of the dance floor. “I’m not asking you to shelve your feelings.” I searched her eyes, eager to see some spark, anything that would make me believe we could forge a life together. “Rather, I beg you to share them before it’s too late.”
The gaze of hundreds burned into us. The rest of the guests still danced, a swirling motion that surrounded our still figures at the center. We stood out, unable to hide. Sadira’s eyes darted around the room, all too aware of how we were being observed. “Your Highness, I…” She couldn’t finish. Panic took hold. Fear flooded her features as her muscles tensed and tightened.
“Please,” I tried once more to draw her back to me, “no titles. Just talk to me.”
Sadira glanced over her shoulder, fear etched into every wrinkle of her face. Curious who she was searching for, I followed the direction of her gaze and noted members of parliament, guards, and my mother. Close as I could gather, someone in their midst created a deep and abiding anxiety within her. As long as she was under this pressure, there was no way I would get any answers out of her.
Taking her arm, I yanked her from the dance floor toward one of the exits. Sadira stumbled, uneven in her tight dress and shoes, obviously unaccustomed or unable to move quickly. Though I barely heard it, the queen issued a command. Almost at the great doors, I glanced back and groaned. Reginald pulled through the crowd of parliament, on an errand for his queen. I ignored his plight, frustrated that she couldn’t even leave me to one private conversation with my supposed bride-to-be. Mother could send Reginald to do her dirty work, but I wanted answers first.
The doors echoed behind us as we stepped into the hall. Two guards stumbled to attention, obviously shirking their duties and surprised to find the prince in the hall with them.
“Leave us,” I commanded the pair. With a hasty salute, they fell all over each other trying to obey the order. I clenched my jaw as I waited, staring at Sadira, wishing I could unravel the mysteries in her eyes. At last, the guards left and the hall felt as empty as a tomb.
“Right now,” I started, “my father lies dying in his chambers. I should be there. I should have my hand in his, assuring him that Nolcovia will not falter under my watch.” I exhaled slowly through my nose, unable to hide my frustration. “Instead, I’m dancing, eating, and making revelry, thoroughly expected to pretend that my heart is not breaking in two. Because, for as much frustration as I have felt toward the man in these recent events, he is still my father. He is still my king. I have threatened to abdicate, but I love my country. I ache for our pain, and I know in my soul,” I beat my fist against my chest, “I could do great things by my people. As much as it pains me to say it, my parents were right. I cannot rule alone. I’ve seen the tyranny that can exist without a partner to temper her, so marry I must. And that marriage is required tonight.” I released my fist to take her hand in mine. She started to pull away, but I tightened my grip and took a step closer, entreating her to give me her trust.
“There is a chance, Sadie, that you will be my bride.” Even saying it out loud broke my heart. Michaela belonged in her spot, and yet, where was she? Watching Sadie, I doubted my resolve to go through with it. Could I marry her? Her eyes held so many secrets. “Because if we are to be yoked together, I deserve your full truth.” I rubbed my thumb over the back of her hand. “Tell me, why do you look as though you are marching toward the gallows?”
Michaela
I turned the corner just as the guards’ footfalls became noticeable. Thinking quickly, I ducked behind a large vase set in an alcove off the hallway. I held my breath as they passed. These two didn’t talk. I didn’t need to hear anything else about the foreigner who was a threat to the crown. But then on the flip side, I also couldn’t weigh whether they were friend or foe.
I needed to get to the secret passageway. If I could find my way there, I could find Fitz, I was sure of it. But the only entrances I knew were in my chambers, Fitz’s chambers, or the stables. The stable entry was likely the easiest one to find, but no way was I going in there again. That left me with trying to navigate the palace undetected as I searched for some familiar landmark.
Rising from my hiding place, I took a step forward, but footfalls drove me instantly back into the shadows behind the massive vase.
“They said there was blood.” The guard walked in perfect synchronization with his companion.
His partner snickered. “Gives new credence to bleeding foreigner, eh?”
The first picked up on his dark humor. “One step closer to dead or alive?” My stomach twisted as they continued to openly mock me.
“Over my dead body, she’ll take the throne.”
“Or,” the first guard’s voice darkened, “over hers.” Their laughter died out as they presumably turned the corner. Laughter at my expense. Was there any point to trying to get to Fitz? If I was so universally hated, why even try? Maybe it would be easier to escape the palace and head for the airport, make a break for it before one of these loons got their hands on me.
His face rose up in my memory, unbidden but a welcome sight. Fitz with his boyish charm, dark eyes, messy hair, and signature smirk. ‘Marry me, Michaela. Whatever that looks like. Whatever life throws at us. Marry me.’ Fitz was willing to risk everything to have me, so I would do the same.
I slipped from my hiding place and hurried down the hallway. I hurried around the next corner, but as I turned, guards waited at the end of the hall.
“There she is!”
“Hurry!”
Adrenaline surged through my veins, my heart pounding so intensely it felt like it might explode, desperation consuming my thoughts. I turned and sprinted, not caring which way I went or where I was going. Left turn, right turn, left again, up staircases and then down them. It didn’t matter anymore. The halls reverberated with thunderous footsteps, each one echoing like a menacing drumbeat, sending shivers down my spine as my heart threatened to burst through my chest. The walls blurred as I moved. Their reach tightened like a lasso around me, each moment bringing them closer to capturing me.
“Down here!”
“I saw her!”
“Lady Michaela!”
It had to be a trap. I’d heard them all making their plans to erase me from existence. I wouldn’t make it so easy for them. I wouldn’t—
I realized my mistake too late. The last turn I’d made had dead-ended me into a hall with no escape. The voices drew closer by the second. Within a minute they would have me.
I surveyed the area, searching for any escape. A goat statue rested against the wall near a window. Maybe I could heft it and take out a few guards as they approached. Or the sconces on the wall, if I got them off, could I swing them like a weapon? They were talking about taking blood, so wasn’t I justified in defending myself? Overwhelmed, I reversed my steps, bringing me against the decorative window with no latch. Desperation dictated thinking outside the box. I couldn’t be that high up, though admittedly, I had lost track of the stairwells I’d climbed. I eyed the goat statue. If I threw it at the window…
Turning, I set my fingers against the pane, as if to judge the thickness. To my surprise, the pane gave way. A stiff breeze slipped through the slight opening. I searched the window, trying to understand. Near the top, almost completely hidden, a hinge allowed the window to push back.
“This way! I saw her take the last corridor. We’ll have her.”
In reality, I knew the choice was ludicrous. This sort of thing took planning, weighing it out, examining all the angles, but in the time I had left that wasn’t an option. With the tips of my fingers, I pushed the window back, swung a leg through the opening, and set my foot for the second time on a small ledge on the exterior of the palace. I didn’t have time to think about how dangerous it was, or how I had barely survived the first time I’d done it. I only had enough time to drag the other half of my body through and let the window fall shut behind me, leaving me on the tiny ledge, three stories above the ground.
Sadie
This had all become a horrible mess. Tangled and irretrievably impossible. Regret and remorse had become my constant companions, but what could I do to save myself from my awful fate?
“Tell me.” Prince Leonidas took me by my shoulders with a not-so gentle shake. “If you know something…”
But that was the question, wasn’t it? What did he know?
“I can’t, Your Highness.” It wasn’t a lie. They had me exactly where they wanted me to be. Powerful people had reminded me all of five minutes ago that my life was not my own, not while they had Tauriq.
They’d actually brought him to the ball. My love watched me as I danced with the prince. He stood in the midst of the noblemen like he was one of them, hidden in plain sight. Though, if anyone looked closely, they would see the terror brought on by his captivity. They did their best to hide it, but I spotted the knife, a threat to keep him in line as I took on the role of the prince’s intended. Torture worse than being gutted, at least in my opinion.
“That’s a lie.” Leonidas tightened his grasp. “I saw you out there. You know something . Someone had you quaking, so tell me what you saw. If someone is threatening you or making you do something,” his grip loosened as if he’d come to his senses, “I can protect you.”
No one could protect me. My sins were too great to be absolved. The king. My lies. And, of course, Michaela. Was she dead? Had she choked on the gas? Or had the cold winter winds chilled her veins until her heart ceased to function? Tears rolled over my cheeks at the thought. She’d only ever been kind, and how had I repaid her? With treachery and deceit. No chance would the prince ever forgive that betrayal. He would sooner hang me from the nearest tree if he knew her blood was on my hands.
I had no choice.
It was Michaela or Tauriq.
Still, I wished for a different outcome.
“Please,” he pleaded again, “if you know where she is, tell me.”