Chapter 13
“Can I get you anything else?” The waitress leaned against the counter and gave Will a tired look.
“No, thanks.”
“Free refill on your coffee if you want it,” she offered.
The mug in front of him was still half full, and for good reason. It’d been on the burner all day and tasted like shit. “I’m good, but thanks.”
She let out a long sigh. “Suit yourself. Just wanted to make sure before I headed into the back to wash up. We’re shorthanded today. Holler if you change your mind.” The waitress pushed through the swinging door to the kitchen.
Will hadn’t been hungry when he’d stopped inside this little café.
He’d only wanted a place to be for a while before returning home.
His bear urged him back toward the clanhouse and Julie, but he needed to have some sort of plan.
What the hell was he going to do about the Malones?
They weren’t going to let bygones be bygones.
Will could do everything he could for them, and he doubted it would ever be enough.
They didn’t want apologies and amends; they wanted revenge.
He looked around at the cheap old Christmas decorations that’d been hung around the café.
A smiling paper Santa on the wall, his poseable arms sagging.
Cheap plastic garland tacked up here and there, and a faded wreath on the door.
It was all supposed to make the place look bright and cheery, but it only emphasized how dingy the old linoleum floors were and how badly the walls needed a good scrub.
Leaving some cash on the counter, Will headed outside and back to his borrowed car.
As he drove, he noticed more of those happy Christmas decorations.
The sun was fading and the twinkle lights were turning on, hiding the imperfections and only highlighting the joy of the season.
It was such a contrast to what he was about to do.
He walked through the front door of the clanhouse. Barney rushed over from next door to greet him, and Will paused to give him a good scratch before he went into the kitchen to return Dylan’s keys. “Here you go, man. Thanks.”
His brother was at the kitchen table, frowning over Vivian’s math homework, but he paused as he looked up. “You good, man?”
“Fine. Julie around?” His stomach kept folding in on itself, kneading like a ball of dough.
“She’s in her room,” Vivian volunteered, twirling a pencil in her fingers. “She and Mom just got home from shopping.”
“Thanks.” Will glanced out the back window. His boat was out there, right where he’d left it. He could step out the door, swim to it, and take off whenever he wanted. He could just run away from all of this. But he knew what he had to do. He turned for the stairs.
Faint music came through Julie’s door when he knocked. He had to knock again before she could hear him. “Come in.”
She wouldn’t tell him to do that if only she knew. “Hey. I wanted to talk to you if you have a minute.”
“Sure. Just a sec.” She was at her laptop, where she’d set it up on the desk, and clicked a few more things before she turned around expectantly.
Will tried to read her eyes, but he couldn’t. She was closed off to him. “You okay after yesterday?”
She frowned and tipped her head slightly to the side. “I admit I’ve been losing myself in my work a bit to deal with it. It’s not an everyday experience, that’s for sure. It scared the hell out of me.”
“I’m sorry for that,” he replied gruffly.
He paced toward the bed, thinking about sitting down, but turned back toward the door instead.
Will knew what’d happened on that bed just a few days ago, back before Julie knew everything.
“I should’ve warned you. It’s one thing to see people like me in a family setting when it’s a little cub running around the living room.
It’s something else to see them like that, I’m sure. ”
“Mm hm.” She licked her lips and then pressed them together as she looked at the floor.
Will ripped his eyes away from her mouth. His bear hated him right now. Hell, he hated himself from all angles. “That’s not actually—”
“I was curious about—” she started at the same time.
“Go ahead,” he urged. Not that waiting a few extra minutes would make this easier.
“I was just wondering, don’t the Malones care about exposing their secret? I mean, they didn’t know who I was. That was risky for them. You told them I knew what you are, but you could’ve been lying.”
Lies were the only thing expected out of him, he figured.
“They’re not exactly philosophers. The only thing they were concerned about was intimidating you and trying to make me look like a fool.
There were no other witnesses, either. It was a risk they were willing to take, if they even bothered to think about it. ”
Julie twisted her fingers in her lap. “The more answers I get, the more questions I find. Anyway, what did you want to talk about?”
He steeled himself. This would be the hardest thing he’d ever done, but it was the only path forward he could see.
Julie deserved a calm, peaceful, safe life, one that he could never give her.
His encounters with the Malones had shown him that even though he’d changed, it wouldn’t ever be enough to be worthy of her.
“Will?” she prompted. She stood and crossed the room toward him. “I know things have been hard.”
And she was only making it harder by coming closer and looking up into his eyes with all that kindness and understanding.
Julie had been guarded when he’d first come in, but now he wondered if he’d just told himself that to make this easier.
She looked so soft and warm, and he wanted to wrap his arms tightly around her and believe everything would be okay.
“I’m sorry it’s taken me some time to adjust. It’s not fair to you, and it’s even less fair to compare you to the Malones. You’re not like them.”
Wasn’t he?
“I like to think that we can talk about anything, considering all that’s happened.” Julie touched his arm.
That bit of contact was almost enough to make him completely abandon this foolish idea.
But Will knew what the consequences were.
He might not be able to fix everything he’d done in his past, but at least he could ensure she was safe.
Time to rip off the band-aid. “Julie, I don’t think we can make this work. ”
Her hand jerked back like she’d touched a hot stove. “Excuse me?”
“There are a lot of differences between us.” He forged ahead, hoping to remember everything he’d rehearsed in his mind back at the café. “It’s not just the difference between what we are, but of course, that’s part of it.”
Her eyes flared indignantly. “Other couples make it work. Stacey and Dylan, or Rick and Carol. I’m not standing here demanding a relationship with you, but after how hard we’ve worked to come to an understanding on all this—”
“Just because it works for them doesn’t mean it’s going to be fine for us,” he interrupted. “We can’t base anything about our relationship on what other people have. That’s not realistic.”
“I can’t believe I’m hearing this. With all the efforts you’ve made recently, I thought you wanted this to work despite the fact that I’m human.” Her brows were knotted and her mouth had turned down, but she was more than just angry. She was hurt, and he could feel it as much as see it.
“It’s more than that,” he went on. “You’ve got a life and a home in Boston. I don’t think I could ever stand living on the mainland again, considering how long I’ve been out at sea. Hell, even when I’m ‘home,’ I still go back to my boat every night.”
Julie took a step back. “So, you’ve just decided that it’s over?”
“It makes sense, doesn’t it? Why try to force something that’s never going to work out?
I know it’s the holiday season and all, but that just gets everyone’s dander up and makes them all romantic.
I thought about letting this go until you went to Boston, but instead, I decided to be kind and just tell it to you straight.
” Shit, he sounded like a complete jerk.
She exhaled sharply through her nose and narrowed her eyes. “If this is your idea of being kind, I’d hate to see what you’re like when you’re mean.”
“I’m sure if you’d asked around, anyone here would’ve told you. I’m a Grade-A asshole.” Just like Tony said, only not for the same reasons.
“Apparently, one that I’ve wasted far too much time and energy on,” she spat.
He turned up the sleaze, ensuring there was no going back.
“It doesn’t have to be a complete waste of time.
We’ll both still be here through the holidays, and as I recall we know how to have a little fun in the sack.
Just because we’re not kissing under the mistletoe doesn’t mean we can’t keep each other warm on a cold winter’s night. ” Will forced a sly smile.
“Out.” She pointed emphatically at the door as tears sprang to her eyes. These weren’t the terrified tears she’d shed after seeing the Malones. These were tears of anger, hurt, and heartache. “Get the fuck out of my room right now.”
“Hey, just figured I’d offer,” he reasoned. “I can even put that Santa suit back on if you want.”
“There’s not a damn thing you can offer me that I’d be interested in, Will Brigham. I won’t even be around for it, because I’m going home. Merry fucking Christmas.” She shoved her hand into his chest.
He was far stronger than she was and could’ve stood his ground, but that wasn’t the point of any of this. Will let her shove him out the door, and he flinched as she slammed it behind him. Quickly, he hurried downstairs and to the kitchen.
“Hey, are you staying for dinner?” Dylan asked as Will breezed through. “I think Stacey’s making—”
“No, thanks.” He was outside before anyone could question him further.
Will charged out onto the beach. He resisted turning around to look up at Julie’s window, and he didn’t even bother to store his clothes before he walked into the waves.
It was frigid, but that was the least of the punishment he deserved for what he’d done.
He felt horrible. Will knew what he’d just done to her. Julie had been trying so hard to see the good in him, and she’d finally been coming around to him being a shifter. He’d taken all of that and thrown it away.
The cold was overtaking him. His fingers and toes were already numb, and he was starting to lose feeling further up his limbs.
What was a little hypothermia to a prick like him?
He reached the boat and barely managed to haul himself up the ladder, his body heavy and so cold that he could barely tell it was his own.
Below deck, he stripped. His clothes hit the floor with a hard plop as he ran the shower.
Will could risk his own life, but he wouldn’t risk hers.
She would leave now, and the Malones would never be able to follow through on their plans.
It was getting late, but he figured she wouldn’t spend more than another day there.
His bear moaned with pain. She was his mate. They were supposed to be together. He allowed himself the small hope that maybe someday fate would bring them together once again.
Given his luck, though, it wasn’t likely.