Chapter 31 Ansel
ANSEL
I wake up in bits and pieces, the pain a dull sensation in the backs of my eyes, radiating through my hands and up my arms. The worst though, is my chest. It aches.
My eyelashes flutter open, and I see a stout man leaning over me. His white jacket and stethoscope tell me he’s the doctor in charge of me. He looks familiar.
The man in the cabin. When I kidnapped Cade.
That’s right. This time, I was the one kidnapped, but Cade took me home. He rescued me.
I’m safe.
He came for me. He can’t hate me if he’s brought me here.
That pain in my chest subsides slightly.
“Mmph,” I mutter, not sure what I’m trying to convey. But the doctor must understand.
“Hello, Ansel. Nice to see you again. Hold on. I just need to check your vitals. We’re fetching Cade for you. He’s been in already, but I told him to leave so I could focus. He’s been very impatient.”
That has the pain in my chest easing entirely. He still cares about me.
Hopefully, I haven’t ruined everything. Just my hands, but it’s a small price to pay if it means Cade and his family are safe.
I would’ve paid a lot more. Everything, in fact.
But it wasn’t necessary.
Because of Cade.
Dr. Ramsey goes through my vitals, noting them in a folder.
After he’s done, I hold up my hands. They’re bandaged, and from what I can see, my fingers are swollen from the ordeal.
Fuck, it will probably take a while for these to heal as my gaze moves to my arms. Those are bandaged too, and when I move them too much, a thrum of pain slithers through me.
It’s worth it. All of it.
I hope Cade killed them, though. I remember a second gunshot. A huge figure falling beside me. Was that Orin?
It’s all so blurry. Hopefully, it’ll become clearer with time.
Or maybe I just want to forget. I don’t know. I really don’t.
I glance down at the bandages once more. Some things aren’t worth remembering.
I sigh, but then my attention slips away from the pain to something else.
Something more important.
“Butterfly,” Cade breathes as he rushes into the room. His hair is slightly askew, his eyes worried and strained. But he’s never looked more beautiful to me than in this moment. Because he’s alive.
The memories become clearer. My mind flashes back to him lying on the dirty concrete floor, my screams wild as they careened off the metal walls.
But then my Titan rose, like the moon itself over Saturn’s horizon, and all hope was restored.
His colors spilled into the galaxy around me, visible from light years away, piercing my heart and soul.
I can see that love, that light.
I can see it in his eyes now.
Bright, hopeful, full of love.
“You’re awake. How do you feel?” He kneels next to my bed and touches my leg gently. He must know that everything hurts, but the medicine Dr. Ramsey gave me has dulled it. Thank god for that. I don’t know if I could push through without it.
“Terrible, but also so fucking happy you’re not dead.”
Cade’s lips twitch slightly. “I’m happy too. Because I have plans for you. We have plans—you and I together.”
His hand squeezes me gently, and I feel that touch all the way to my heart.
“Dr. Ramsey told me you’ll make a full recovery. There will be some rehab, but he’s confident you’ll be back to normal in no time.”
“Normal is overrated.”
“It is,” Cade replies, and then brings one of my bandaged hands to his lips and kisses it softly. It aches when he touches it, but the way he tenderly presses his lips to me makes my heart flutter all the same. I’d rather feel him than nothing at all.
“I’ll have scars, I think.”
“I’ll love each and every one of them.”
My eyes water, and I touch his face gently. He leans into it, his eyes closing. We breathe together for a moment, and then his eyes open.
“I murdered him,” he says, and I sigh.
“Good.”
“His body is unrecognizable. I smashed it to bits.”
I remember the smug expression on Vex’s face as he ordered Orin to work. “I hope they have to shovel him out.”
“Oh, he’s being shoveled into barrels and reduced to goo.”
I giggle and then wince. “Don’t make me laugh.”
“Sorry, my love. But it’s true. He’ll be dumped into a hole in one of the construction sites we own. He’ll be nothing more than the mud under your shoe one day. Literally.”
“Oh my god,” I say, and then grin, but then it falls. My heart thunders in my ears as I come to a realization. “Shit. Neo. Is he okay? They didn’t get him, did they?”
I’m struggling into a sitting position, but Cade’s hands gently ease me back down. “It’s okay, Neo’s fine. He sat with you for the past hour or so. I told him to give us a few minutes alone, but no doubt he’ll be back soon. He’s going to be living here for the time being. Wylder insisted on it.”
“Well, that’s odd,” I reply. “Wylder was upset when I came to stay, and now he’s just invited Neo in?”
Cade’s lips twitch. “Yes, well, I have theories on that… We may even have a small betting pool started.”
But before he can open his mouth to explain what he means, the door opens and Neo rushes through. His blue hair is sticking up in every direction, his shirt on backward, but he’s alive.
And just as feisty as ever.
His nostrils flare, hands going to his hips as he stops at my bedside. “You’re awake. Good. You’re a dickweed. Never do that shit again. Running off all rogue like some kind of superhero. Fuck you for doing that. Do you know what that did to my heart?”
He flips me off and then flops onto the bed next to me, narrowly missing my arm. Cade curses at his recklessness and reaches for him, but I stop him with a shake of my head.
“No, it’s fine,” I tell him, and then turn to my best friend. “I’m really sorry. I won’t do that again.”
“You sure as fuck won’t. I told Cade you’re not allowed to leave his side.” I roll my eyes, and Neo frowns. “I mean it. You’re not fucking leaving or going anywhere unsupervised. You disappearing almost gave me a hernia.”
“You mean a heart attack? Or maybe an aneurysm?”
Neo scowls and then sits up. “Doesn’t matter what it was. I was very upset. I may get shingles from the stress of it all!”
I huff a laugh and groan. “Fuck, really. No more laughing. It’s killer.”
“Neo, go away and find Wylder,” Cade pipes up, growing annoyed that my best friend’s presence is stifling our time together.
“Tiny dick man? No thanks. He’s a disappointment.
As the leader of The Firm, he should have done so much better fixing this situation.
Thinking it was Ansel, blaming him? Unacceptable.
Then he doesn’t let me into the meeting.
I mean, who does he think he is? I’m the one who protected The Firm’s files, for fuck’s sake. ”
Cade sighs and pulls out his phone, no doubt to tell Wylder to come get my unruly best friend.
While he does this, I meet Neo’s stare. Anyone else wouldn’t see it, but I do.
The slight flush to his cheeks, the way he wets his lips when he talks about the oldest Buckingham.
Even if he does call him “tiny dick man,” he’s thinking about Wylder’s cock, and that’s something.
“I wanted it to be this way,” I remind him. “Don’t blame Wylder too much.”
“I fucking blame him. I will until I die.”
Neo grumbles this as the door opens and Wylder appears. His eyes flick to Neo on the bed, and I hear the small intake of breath from my best friend.
I fucking knew it.
“You called.” Wylder addresses Cade, barely glancing at Neo.
“Yeah. Please escort Neo out of here. Give him something to do.” Cade leans into his brother and whispers, “Like your cock.”
Wylder pinches the bridge of his nose and replies loudly enough for everyone to hear. “I’m not gay, Cade.”
“So fucking what?” Neo pipes up. “I suck dick like a champ. Probably better than any woman you’ve had.”
Wylder sighs, but I see the way his nostrils flare in annoyance. “Come on, brat. I have things I need to discuss with you. First being why the fuck you changed the background on my computer to a cat flipping me off.”
Neo giggles like a maniac. “Genius, I know. You won’t ever be able to get that off, either. I made it stick.”
Wylder’s lips thin. He moves toward Neo, reaching out and wrenching him roughly off the bed.
Neo never goes anywhere willingly, but he allows Wylder to pull him around. Interesting.
“And you need to change my calendar back to what it was. ‘Suck Neo’s cock’ is not on my agenda, and nor will it ever be,” Wylder hisses as the two of them head for the door.
Cade chuckles as it slams behind them. “Wylder’s in for it.”
“He is. Maybe more than he knows.”
Cade moves back to my side and glances at the spot where Neo just was. He stares at it longingly, and I know exactly what will make us both feel better.
“Come on. Neo didn’t hurt me when he was lying here.”
“I know, but I’m so much bigger.”
“You are,” I sigh. “But not having you near me is detrimental to my mental health, so please do us both a favor and get over here.”
Cade thinks on it for a minute, but then utters, “If you insist.”
“I do.” I scoot as far as I can without hurting myself, and Cade kicks off his shoes, climbing in next to me. His nose gently hits my neck, and he inhales.
“I can’t smell good,” I say.
“You smell amazing. Just like I remember.”
I feel his breath hit my skin, and I lean into him as much as I can. He’s treating me carefully, making sure not to touch my hands or arms, but his kisses on my skin are like the wisp of butterfly wings.
They make a shiver move through me.
They make me feel alive.
“I won’t do more than this,” he tells me. “Not until you’re better, but fuck, I needed to do it just once.”
“You can always kiss me. Anytime. Anywhere.”
He leans up and looks down at me, a lock of hair falling across his forehead. I wish I could reach up and brush it away, but I can’t. It would hurt too damn bad.
“Just one kiss,” he says, a plea in his tone. “Just one, and then you need to rest.”
“Yes. Please.”
His lips meet mine, soft and gentle, a whisper, a promise. A glimpse of things to come.
When he pulls away, I sigh.
“I want more than just that.”
“Later, butterfly. You need to sleep, rest, heal, and when you’re better, we can do all the things.”
“Promise?” I let out a yawn, realizing I’m more tired than I thought.
“I promise.”
Cade’s still beside me when I wake up again. From the pillow crease on his face, I’m guessing he had a nap too. Good. He looks like he hasn’t slept well in days.
He probably hasn’t, given you broke his heart and then got kidnapped.
Ah. Cade hasn’t brought that up yet, but we should talk about it.
“How are you feeling?” he asks softly, smoothing some hair away from my face.
“Okay. To be honest, I’m surprised I’m not in more pain.”
“Dr. Ramsey gave you another injection while you slept,” Cade tells me. “We’re trying to keep ahead of the pain to keep it more manageable.”
That’s smart; for physical pain, at least. But the emotional stuff? That’s the kind you need to confront head-on, not leaving any room for it to spread and fester. Ignoring it can lead to it becoming a cancer, rotting your insides until there’s nothing left.
Which is why I say what I do next. “I’m sorry I broke up with you, and for everything I said, Cade. I didn’t mean it. I’m so sorry.”
His brow furrows. “We don’t have to talk about that right now.”
“We do,” I sigh. I want to reach out and touch him, but there’s no way my hands are up to that. Instead, I wriggle forward until my forehead is pressed to his. “I didn’t want to hurt you or break your heart, and I’m so fucking sorry that I did.”
“I read your letter. I understand why you did it.” Cade exhales slowly. “Don’t get me wrong, I fucking hate that you didn’t just tell me what was going on…but I understand it.”
Relief pulses through me. “You do?”
“Yes. The house was bugged. You’d seen multiple photos of me with my life being threatened.
On top of that, they threatened to hurt everyone connected to both me and you.
It’s no surprise that you reacted that way.
Also, maybe if I’d been more open about how…
capable I am, it might’ve changed things. ”
“Why weren’t you more open with me about it all?”
He strokes my hair out of my eyes. “I was terrified of scaring you off, Ansel.”
“Never,” I vow. “That can never happen. Even when I did walk away, it truly wasn’t because of you.
I swear, Cade, if I could’ve come up with something different, I would have.
Especially what I said about your dad. You’re nothing like him.
At all. He spent his time tearing you down, while you spend yours lifting me up. I didn’t mean it, I swear.”
“I know.” His eyes slide away from mine. “It’s just… You know what? Forget it. It’s not important.”
“No,” I say softly. “It is. Tell me what it is. I don’t want any secrets between us anymore. That includes you not sharing if something’s upset you.”
Cade sighs. “I just don’t understand why you didn’t tell me in the alley. Couldn’t you have whispered something to me? Or outside your house?”
“I couldn’t risk it. Cade, they had a gun trained on you both those times.”
His eyes widen in shock. “What the fuck?”
I nod rapidly, ignoring how it sends waves of pain through me. “Yeah. There was a red dot on you. I couldn’t risk it. I wouldn’t. I’d rather break your heart and risk my life than risk yours.”
For the first time ever, I think I’ve rendered Cade speechless. His throat bobs a few times before he’s finally able to speak. “Don’t ever risk yourself for me again.”
I roll my eyes. “Okay, let’s turn this around. If you were in my shoes, what would you have done?”
I can tell he’s gearing up to argue with me, but he deflates suddenly when he realizes it’s pointless. “The same. Fuck me, I hate even the thought of it, but the same. If I knew someone had a weapon trained on you, I’d do whatever was necessary to guarantee your safety.”
“Never again, though. Anything we go through in the future, we do so together.”
“I agree.” He kisses my forehead gently. “Like I told Neo, I’m never letting you leave my side again.”
You know what? I’m perfectly okay with that.
Actually, no.
I’m very fucking happy with it.