Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Aman chased Silas down a dirty hallway. Bea’s tiny body clung to his, her dark hair tangling around his face and her mouth wide in a scream in his ear.
He reached the top of the stairs but felt a rough hand grab his hair, pulling him back.
Silas screamed and wrenched forward, that bastard’s angry yell behind him.
He needed to be faster, quicker, he needed to get Bea out.
She was wailing as Papa grappled at Silas’ torn shirt and Bea slipped from his grasp, falling to the floor and rolling away.
He tried to shout for her, but he couldn’t breathe or think.
Where was Mama? Why wasn’t she here to stop him?
What had he done to her? Silas felt the smash of firm knuckles into his jaw, tasted blood, and heard the ring in his ear as his skull reverberated against the wall.
His knees buckled. Papa was a shadow above him, a cursing, screaming demon who he couldn’t defend against. Blearily, Silas felt a broken piece of wooden banister rod under his fingers.
He swung wildly up, sending him reeling back.
Papa’s arms floundered at the top of the stairs for a moment, and Silas saw those red-rimmed eyes looking at him desperately for help before he toppled backwards.
Silas watched him fall down the stairs and into darkness.
“No!”
Silas jolted awake, feeling disoriented as his hands groped to catch a man who had fallen and died long ago.
“Silas? Silas, it’s all right! It’s all right!”
He heard Anna’s voice nearby. He felt Anna’s hands on his face, on his chest, and Anna’s lips on his forehead, as soft as petals. Anna’s scent, fresh like a spring garden, engulfed him. Silas sighed and opened his eyes.
There was a thin, grey light coming in the windows. The quiet of dawn was upon the room. He was in their bedchamber, Anna’s warm body next to his. He had not spent a whole night here in the whole time he had owned Fallenbrook.
“How long have I slept?” he grunted, his throat sore. He tried to lift himself up but gasped and fell back, his left arm white-hot with searing pain. He remembered the knife.
“A few hours. You didn’t return until midnight and it took a little while to manage your wounds.”
Silas glanced at the white bandage over his shoulder. It ached dully, but when he moved, it was excruciating. He knew the pinpricks of ferocious burning well; Merkel had stitched him up.
“Did you sleep?”
He turned to look at Anna, eyes widening at her appearance. Her hair was disheveled, her night grown streaked pink with transferred blood, and great shadows were under her green eyes. His stomach cramped in guilt. She was like this because of him.
“Evidently not,” Silas said.
Anna shook her head. “No, you-you saw things in your sleep. I think you must have had nightmares.”
Silas’ heart dropped. He cursed under his breath and stared up at the canopy.
“What did you hear?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me,” he said vehemently, glaring at his wife. “Just tell me.”
“I heard you speak of your mother and father. That is all.”
“That is all,” Silas repeated dully, feeling the low burn of fury. In his mind’s eye, he saw his father’s broken body at the bottom of the stairs. He heard Beatrice’s screams.
“So much is hidden in those words. I suppose you know, then, that my father beat us brutally? That my mother could never leave him? That eventually, he beat her to death and left me to deal with him?”
“Silas, I?—”
“Don’t speak to me.”
He closed his eyes, trying to manage his rage. Rationally, he knew he had no reason to be angry. Anna had stayed and looked after him through a difficult night, but all he felt towards her was fury. He couldn’t stand the thought that now she might pity him.
“Silas, I know what it is like to have a secret too awful to bear,” Anna spoke gently, so gently it only enraged him further. “You don’t have to bear it alone.”
Silas laughed bitterly. “Really? You know what it’s like?”
“I do.”
“I sincerely doubt that.” He glared at her scornfully, the cold armor of brutality taking over his heart. “Your father hit you, now and again. Mine terrorized us since infancy, and when it became too much, I killed him. Do you understand that?”
“I understand that.” Anna’s face was blank. He couldn’t read it, but he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to see the disgust there.
“No, you don’t.” Silas shook his head. “You don’t know anything about it. Your life has been charmed, you are beautiful, you’ve had a loving family – more or less. You can’t understand the things I had to do to survive. You have no idea what that’s like to struggle that way.”
“Maybe I don’t.” Anna turned away from him and he felt a twinge of despair. “But that’s no reason to speak to me this way.”
“I’ve had a bloody knife in my arm, I’ll speak how I like,” Silas growled.
“Not in my company, you won’t.” Anna stood up, glaring at him. “Now sit up. You need to drink some water.”
It was the last straw for Silas. He knocked the glass of water from her hand. Anna gasped as it spilled over her gown and clattered loudly to the floor. He heard sudden movement from the study.
“Don’t treat me like an invalid!” he shouted. “You are not my nurse, and if you don’t like the way I talk, then bloody leave!”
“Maybe I will!” Anna shouted back, her fists clenched.
“I’m not keeping you here!” Silas knew he should stop, but he couldn’t help himself. “I didn’t ask you to stay!”
“You did, in fact.” Anna picked up the empty glass and set it on the nightstand with a loud thunk. “And I obeyed because I cared for you. How foolish of me.”
She turned and left the room, brushing past Doctor Merkel and Giovanni, who stood in the doorway, nonplussed, as her footsteps retreated down the corridor.
“Mrs Klane has angered you, Lucifer?” Doctor Merkel asked.
Silas glared at him. “You are a doctor, not a priest, Merkel. I have no need to give you my confession.”
“Indeed not,” Doctor Merkel folded his arms, frowning. “But I do need to measure your blood pressure.”
“My blood pressure is fine!” Silas snapped. “If you truly want to help my body, fetch me some god-damned water. I am perishing of thirst here!”
Silas saw the glance that passed between the two men. He could sense how ungrateful and rude he seemed, but he didn’t care. He snorted and looked away.
“I shall inquire after Mrs Klane and fetch Lucifer some water.” Doctor Merkel spoke behind him, and he heard Giovanni muttering back and then Doctor Merkel’s footsteps receding.
The silence that followed told him he was alone with Giovanni.
He looked back over. Giovanni stood by the door, his arms folded.
“What’s wrong with you?” Silas asked rudely.
“Why did you pick a fight with your wife like that?” Giovanni raised his eyebrows at him. “She has been by your side since we returned. She held you down when he washed your wound, she held your hand when he stitched you up, she managed the whole house and didn’t sleep a wink,”
“All right, enough!” Silas waved his hand, irritated. “Don’t tell me about my own wife.”
Giovanni stared at him in silence, assessing his master.
Then he dragged a chair beside the bed. Silas tried to lift himself up so the two men could sit eye to eye, but his one arm was not strong enough.
Giovanni reached over, pulling the pillow up against the headboard and helped Silas sit up and back. When he was settled, Giovanni spoke.
“If you are not going to lie with your wife, you should find another woman.”
“What?” Silas exclaimed, wincing as his surprise jerked his elbow. Giovanni stared at him, unmoved. “You cannot be serious, and if you are, then you must be mad to speak to me like this.”
“I speak to you as one man to another, da uomo a uomo. Take another woman, Silas.” Giovanni patted his friend’s good shoulder. “You need to clear your head, get over your obsession with her. There is nothing like another woman’s body to do that.”
Silas looked away, swallowing hard. His throat was dry and sore.
He must have shouted out in the night. He closed his eyes against the embarrassment of it, the painful realization that Anna must have heard him crying and screaming out in his sleep.
Despite this, the idea of taking another woman now was unthinkable.
“There is no other woman for me,” he sighed.
“Then have her, Silas!” Giovanni leaned forward earnestly. “She wants you, she desires you, she loves you.”
“Please, stop,” Silas raised his hand. Anna could not love him. Anna would never love him, and to hear it suggested was hurtful.
Giovanni leaned back, huffing in frustration. “If you will not have her for her feelings, then have her because she is your wife! It is your duty to serve her, is it not? You bought her, didn’t you?”
“You know I don’t think about her like that.” Silas glared at his friend. He knew Giovanni was only speaking this way to rile him, but he still disliked it. “Besides, no price would be high enough for a woman like her.”
Giovanni looked at him in silence, a friendly smile on his face.
“My question is, mio amico, with such a priceless treasure in your house, why would you treat her with such disdain? Especially when all she has ever given you is loyalty.”
Silas stared at his friend, letting his words sink in. Why was he pushing Anna away? Because she’s too good for you, a dark voice inside him spoke, the voice of the man who haunted his dreams and memories. A woman like her would never choose a man like you.
“I don’t know,” he said, looking away.
“Well, figure it out,” Giovanni said plainly. “Because if you don’t treat her kindly, you will soon find this priceless lady has slipped through your fingers. Trust me when I say that you would bitterly regret it.”
Silas knew he was right.