Chapter 34 #2
Following Nova at a much slower and less eager pace, I begin rifling through the gowns. Some are covered in rhinestones and lace, others a simple silk. My love for fashion wilts under my worries of tomorrow. Normally, I’d be as thrilled as Nova, but these gowns hold a weight I can’t be rid of.
They signify the ending of the fantasy I’ve been living here in Seattle.
But this dress will also be the only one I’ve chosen for myself, so it feels different. Sure, I’ve attended galas before but from the shadows, always keeping an eye on Ilya. My dresses were chosen to blend in. They allowed me to lurk where no one could see me.
I was always meant to blend in, be overlooked.
Society expected Ilya and Alexey to wear their sister and daughter on their arms like a badge of honor but for our enemies, those who know the legend of the White Owl, they know who I am.
Keeping my identity and appearance a secret was always more important.
Of course, people made inferences, guessing I would be of small stature and with blonde hair.
In fact, the only ones who have seen me as the White Owl and lived are Enzo and Rafael.
“What about this one?” Nova holds up a dark plum-colored gown with a deep V in the front.
I nod. “I like it. You should try it.”
She adds it to a growing pile Benny drowns under, and I hide a giggle.
Flicking through a few more, I find a royal blue velvet gown with a corset top lined with lace, jewels at the neckline and rouging at the hips.
The skirt is a mermaid style, tapering in at the knee and flaring out to the floor.
It’s stunning and brings about images of fairytales I know would never come to fruition.
“Do you like it?” Enzo whispers over my shoulder and I jump, too lost in the dress to notice he approached.
Damn, I’m losing my touch. Less than a month ago I could hear a pin drop in a fucking train station but now my mind keeps wondering off.
“It’s beautiful but…too much for this occasion. I don’t want to stand out,” I say and it’s the truth. I don’t want to pull any attention tomorrow night, just blend in, under the radar.
“What about this one?” Nova holds up another gown—cream-colored silk with a high back and cap sleeves, the swooping neckline dipping low enough to show cleavage but still remain elegant. The silk drops straight down to the floor with a mid-thigh slit. “You should try it,” I say.
“Not for me, for you.”
“Oh…” The back would be high enough to cover my brand, but I worry the silk would cling to my curves too much, and I wouldn’t be able to hide my blades.
I haven’t been wearing them lately, never sure when Enzo or even Rafael might undress me, but I will need to wear them tomorrow.
“Not for me,” I say, even though I’d die to wear the elegant gown.
I flip through a few more, landing on a white gown made of silk organza.
It’s soft but with enough structure it wouldn’t show all of what’s underneath.
The skirt flares out slightly, allowing me space to wear my blades on my thighs.
The top has long, lace sleeves with a high back.
A line of buttons travels down the spine and onto the skirt. This one could work.
“I’ll try this one,” I say as Benny’s assistant comes up, taking it off the rack and leading me to a dressing room.
“White?” Enzo’s tone dips, displeased with the selection.
“Is that against the dress code?”
“Just not my favorite color. I want to see you in red.” His thumb brushes my cheek. “Like a lamb who survived the slaughter.” He whispers against my lips before capturing them in a rough kiss.
“We have it in red as well, sir. If you’d prefer.”
Enzo breaks his hold, but keeps his attention on me. “Red it is.”
“White is fine,” I object, making my way toward the dressing room.
When we've chosen our dresses, Benny bags up them up. I chose the white one and Nova chose the cream silk one and he also bags up the lingerie Nova and Enzo picked out despite my protests.
The ride back is quiet. Nova fell asleep leaning against my shoulder and Enzo sits across, staring at me like he’s assessing me, his stare digging into my skin trying to reveal my secrets. His narrowed glare threatens to breach my walls, and it has me wiggling slightly in my seat.
Eventually, I can’t stand it any longer. I snap, “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Why did you choose the white gown?”
“Do I have to have a reason?”
He leans forward, elbows resting on his knees as his head tilts. “I think you are the type to always have a calculated reason for your choices. So, why the white?”
Because white is the only color I know myself in. I don’t know who I am in any other color. It’s the color I feel invincible in and to survive you two devils, I’ll need all the strength I can get.
“You wanted me to wear red. That’s why. Why not the white?”
Enzo stays silent, the moment stretching longer and longer to the point I don’t think he’ll answer.
But when he does, he becomes as transparent as glass, his emotions on full display.
The blackness seeps out in thick rivulets of pain.
“Because when I see white, I see a woman who didn’t deserve her fate and a girl who deserves everything coming to her. ”
“Your mother and the White Owl.”
A hardness slams down over the vulnerability lingering in his eyes. “Exactly.” He leans back in the seat, muscles stiff. Fury rolls over him in waves, filling the cabin with thick tension. The heaviness sits in my lungs like granite.
“You will always hate her.”
“Hate isn’t a strong enough word, Lucy.”
“Maybe she didn’t have a choice. Maybe you don’t know her at all. She’s like your mother, in so many ways—”
Enzo’s fist slams into the side paneling of the car door and Nova startles awake, grasping onto my arm like I’m her savior when in reality I’m more likely the one to destroy her.
“She’s nothing like my mother! And when I find her, I’m going to shove my blade straight into her cold, dead heart. Woman or not, she showed no mercy to my mother, so I’ll show her none. I’m done speaking of it, Lucy.”
“But maybe you don’t know the entire story. There’re always two sides—”
“Enough,” Enzo snaps, hatred and fury leak from every pore, a striking contrast to the man who held me only a few days ago.
There’s the devil they speak of.
Nova’s grip tightens around my bicep. “Lucy?” Her small voice whimpers, “Let it go.”
I wipe a single tear from my eye as I accept reality. No matter what I do, Enzo will never believe me.
Even with his cold aura filling the space, I see it for what it is. He’s hurting. Still mourning a mother who was the last light in his life.
A life I snuffed out.
Even if I didn’t have a choice then. I have one now.