Chapter Seventeen
My men and I were having a meeting. It wasn’t that it was awkward – I could never feel uncomfortable in their presence. But it was a little strange that I couldn’t seem to make my mouth work for a while at first. Sort of like my tongue was tied, and the thoughts I knew I needed to share had been locked behind a door that I did not have the key for.
It was no surprise I remained in mostly silence as Kody brought us all lunch – a delicious grilled cheese and tomato soup combo. I watched him pull faces of disgust with each bite and the sight of it made me want to cry with happiness at how thoughtful he was.
He knew I loved grilled cheese, and even though he hated it, he didn’t care.
He was making me feel better in the best way he knew how.
I grabbed his hand as we ate, not commenting on anything about what he had done for me, as the guys made minimal conversation about things that were normal. Like the weather, the other people in the house, and what sort of movie we could watch later on when we all hung out together.
They’d all spent every night with me. Every single one since I had returned. Even if they didn’t all spend the night sleeping with me, and I only kept one or two for the entire night, we remained together for a random movie for a while and I knew I would want it to be a forever routine – I wanted at least an hour of us all together, at the end of every possible day. Just so I could be reminded that we were indeed together.
We were not dead. Nor were we held in a dungeon that had been nothing more than a random Persephone Group safehouse far too close to my home.
We were where I hoped we would be forever – with each other.
“I wanted to… to tell you. To speak with you all about stuff.” When the plates had been cleared, and we each nursed a drink, I frowned and broke my silence, arms wrapping around my knees.
I’d sat on Logan for the most part but it seemed smarter to face him too as I spoke, so I unhappily took my own chair. Sure, pouting over sitting alone was probably a bit ridiculous, but I was glad that such a minor thing was upsetting me. It meant I was steadily getting back to my old mindset and self – I was being more like normal Sapphire, rather than the broken one.
The one who’d been willing to put a gun to her head and pull the trigger.
“About what, gorgeous?” Price murmured as he shot me a reassuring smile.
I loved his smile. It was one of the best things about him, aside from everything else.
I’d yet to find a single fault of his and knew that I probably never would.
“About what had been happening for the hours I was in that dungeon that I haven’t said before, and what my plans are now.” I nibbled on my lower lip and squeezed my arms around myself tighter, as though I could hug the memories away. “I need to be clear with my thoughts and stop… stop being quiet. It will not do us any good to be quiet for longer.”
“Okay, princess.” Linc reached across the table, grabbing my arm until I let go of myself and held his hand. “Tell us whatever you want to say – we’re here to listen and we promise we won’t go anywhere and if you want to stop at any time, then you can.”
I fucking loved him. I loved him so damn much, even if I had never wanted to do such a thing. And before my capture, before all that time on my own, I had presumed I loved many things about him that were unique and to do with him being handsome too. But in the days after my return home, I realized one thing about him – about the others too. That had made me smile, even if it hurt.
Just like my daddy, Malone had always made me feel safe, regardless of where he was in the world. He had been my hero, who had saved me from unimaginable pain and danger, and I had never once worried when I knew he had my back. With him gone, I thought I would have nobody else around me to do the same thing. But I hadn’t lost that. I had that same feeling – that same level of protection – from the five men sitting around me. They had each looked after me since the day we met, and not just with my physical safety. But with my mental one and happiness too. Even with Malone gone, I wasn’t alone. Even if I had rescued myself, I wasn’t the only one who had been trying. They all had – non-stop since the minute I’d left and the moment they had come home. Or woken up again, in Kody’s case.
I was a gang leader with a list of enemies that were dangerous beyond compare and yet surrounded by the men before me, I felt safe and protected.
I was safe.
“You know I was tortured a little, and there were drugs and things, too. And I said about how I had no food and only a little water.” They all nodded. “But the worst of all of it was that my…” The tears began to fall. Partly for what I said. Partly for how comfortable I felt speaking to them. “My daddy was there in the dungeon with me.”
Beau knew. Beau knew because he’d dealt with everything and had made sure none of the people holding me had been left alive. But aside from him, I had not told a soul. I hadn’t wanted to say the words out loud more than once – I hadn’t been able to.
They all stilled, brows furrowing. “What do you mean?” Lincoln asked, his hand squeezing mine.
“The stalker had his… his body, and I… I had to sit with him for all that time and pretend it was not the worst thing I had seen aside from the deaths of my loved ones.” I looked up at each of them, tears streaming harder. “I was left with his rotting corpse the entire time I was there and I …. I… to get out I had to… I used one of his bones… like a blade – like a club…” I stopped talking, needing a moment to compose myself.
It was more than a minute. Honestly, I was fairly sure it was at least fifteen solid minutes of each of my men offering assurances and comfort before I had the guts to keep speaking.
“I had to use my daddy to help my escape – I had to watch him rot worse, then I had to help pull him apart so I could get out. And that is what keeps me awake at night; that is what I see when I close my eyes. I see him being like that. I see my mama after I shot her. And I see Mal… I see him in pieces, and I know that everything is my fault. I am the one that Cassie fucking O’Malley wants and I am the reason that you have no daddy too.”
I tried to word myself carefully, considering who I sat with, but it was hard. There really was no other way to reference Malone – he was in pieces. He was gone, and it was my fault, even if I didn’t mean it. Even if each one tried to say that it wasn’t. They were wrong.
“I might not have asked for it, but it is still my fault. I could have stopped any of you helping me at each stage of this adventure, and I did not. Because I am selfish and spoiled and I want all of you – I want you five to be mine and never leave me. I wanted Mal to stay and help me. And I wanted every person in this house and who died here to stick around and help me because… because I could not do this alone. I didn’t want to do it alone.”
Each man offered niceties about me not being at fault, hugs and promises of helping me heal. Each one talked and talked about kind things, positivity and all the ways we could work together to help me heal – help us all heal. And I appreciated each word even if I couldn’t feel them right now. I loved that they cared so much, even if I couldn’t truly listen to the words they said.
Not yet.
Not until I was done. Not because I was being a brat and wanting to cause myself pain. But because I needed the images in my head – I needed to remember exactly how cruel my stalker and her pieces of shit family members had been to me and mine, and use that anger and grief to finish things.
I needed to win the game the O’Malley’s and Montana’s had been playing for far too many decades until there were none of them left.
“I’ve always been entitled.” Harshly wiping at my eyes, I carried on speaking. “Not in a bratty way, but in a way that I expected power, fortune, and all the beautiful things in life because of my surname and how hard I have worked with my privilege.”
Lincoln snorted, trying to lighten my mood as he whispered, “I still think you’re a brat.”
My eyes rolled at him, but it was as I smiled.
“Regardless of bunny’s thoughts, now I feel… I feel there are different things. There are more important things than power and money.” I sniffled. “If I have to give up every penny in my bank, and the Red Diamonds – all of it – to keep the rest of you safe, then I will do it. Because none of that is as important as you – as my family.”
Did I want to be poor and jobless? Hell no. Would I have done it in an instant in exchange for the safety of those I loved? Yes. A thousand times, yes. I would have given up every penny, business, and possession if it meant they were safe and I would never have a single regret over it.
“All you ever did was help me and all I have done in return is bring pain and some pleasure. And whilst I know you say it is not my fault these things are happening, I just wanted you to know that I am sorry regardless – I am sorry for the suffering I brought into your life and wished it could have been different.”
They insisted I didn’t need to apologize again, and even if they weren’t lying to me, I didn’t care. I wanted to say sorry still. I wanted to make sure they understood that I did not enjoy how certain parts of our story had gone, and that I regretted every single scar they carried. Whether that was physical or mental.
Not an ounce of me regretted meeting my men, but I did regret how our relationships had gone when it hurt them. It was a burden I would carry until the grave.
“Look, how about we stop saying sorry for things that aren’t our fault,” Logan said when he returned to the table after a moment away, with a box of tissues for me to wipe my eyes, “and we focus on the plan. Because we are so close to the end now, pretty girl – I can practically taste it.”
He was right and by the time their insistences that I was not a monster were done, and we moved onto the plan portion of our meeting, I was able to stop crying. It wasn’t that great, seeing as it had taken me nearly an hour. But it was a good start – it meant I was slightly better than yesterday and that’s all I needed. Trauma was a one step forward at a time thing and so long as I kept going, or even returning to my fight when I stumbled, that was all that mattered.
I only had to survive to tomorrow, and one day I would be a thousand tomorrows away from where I started, and I would be shocked to see how far I had come.
“So where do we start then, gorgeous? What do you want to do first?” Price asked, as he and Misha held hands, cosy together and sitting beside each other.
I was glad to see they were okay. It warmed up another part of my soul that I worried had died in my capture. I was even more glad that everyone at the table seemed to be just as happy as I was at the development of their relationship. Even Logan, who I had worried might have felt a little left out. Not that anyone was left out in a general sense, but Kody and Lincoln were best friends, and now Price and Misha were dating. I had been concerned that my Logan would feel a bit like the odd one out sometimes, but he didn’t. If anything, he seemed to be the happiest that two of the people he loved the most had found even more love in their life.
It was all enough to make me want to cry again, but I had no time for that now.
I was close to winning my unwilling chess game, and I had no time left for distractions.
“I’m going to kill everyone,” I said bluntly. “Everyone here and Hendrix City. Then Diamond Grove.”
Price’s brows rose, even if he wore his signature cocky grin that made my insides melt each time. “Everyone?”
“Yes. Everyone who wears ink that isn’t mine. Everyone who has ever so much as smiled at someone who wears ink that is not mine.” My head bobbed. “I will burn all these cities to the ground to cleanse them and do not think for a moment I want any of you to stop me. There needs to be a big change. I need to make sure this stalker has nothing left to help them. No Vice Kings, or their businesses. Or anyone even remotely not in my pocket.”
Price used his free hand to reach into his jean pocket a moment before he held his hand out, pushing something into my palm. Glancing down, I found his lighter. The metal one that he’d carried for years on end and had refused to give up with his cigarettes. The one I knew the bastard had been using to smoke in my house, just because he knew it would annoy me and give me something to get mad about. I fucking loved him, too. The idiot. I loved that he had such ridiculous ways of coping with things that involved me, because he refused to ever give up on the idea of me coming home to him.
Even his nasty and deadly habit wasn’t something I disliked about him – it was another part of what made Price, Price.
“Tell us where to start the fires and we’ll do it.” He promised. “You know we’re in this until the end, Saph. So, you tell us what you want us to do and we can get it done; we can end this for us all.”
It was going to end. I was done playing games or doing minor things. I didn’t want to inconvenience John and his gang – his fucking sister. I didn’t want to piss them off a little bit. I wanted to ruin their lives, then kill them.
I wanted to wipe the O’Malley bloodline from ever existing at all, and I wouldn’t be happy until I did.
“I won’t stop until the O’Malley’s are dead, the Vice Kings are no more, and my daddy’s killer is in a shallow grave.” With a false grin, I swallowed the lump in my throat. “As a warning, that you may already know, I am willing to give my life for this cause – to have pain and suffering for it. I am willing to crawl from the depths of hell and back again to claim the souls of those who have wronged me. But I cannot ask you to do the same.”
Kody sat up a little, wincing just a tad against the soreness in his chest. He had healed up brilliantly from the glass that had been embedded in his flesh, but it was still healing and he was still not at his full strength, just like me.
“What are you saying, cica?” He asked.
“I am saying this is your out.” I breathed. “The bullets you took all those months ago as a sign to serve me, you may hand them back. I will not hold it against you now, and I will not judge you for it. I want to make sure you have the option to be free should you wish to take it.”
It shouldn’t have been a surprise to me that none of them moved, and yet it was. Not because I doubted their intentions, but because a tiny part of me truly couldn’t comprehend what I had ever done to deserve such unwavering love and loyalty from so many people.
So many brilliant people.
“For once in your life, you spoiled little rich girl, shut up and listen.” Lincoln huffed eventually, his eyes rolling with that attitude I fucking loved. “None of us are going anywhere, Sapphire. We love you and you know we don’t leave family behind. We’re in this together, until the end, and if you ever say something as stupid as that again, I’m going to tie you to your bed and we’re all going to fuck you without letting you come even once.”
They all nodded along in agreement, despite the fact that I had yet to confess the depths of my true feelings to two of the men present. But I supposed it didn’t matter. Logan and Misha knew I loved them too, even if we hadn’t had the chance to say it. I would say it; soon. But even without that, they knew. They had to.
I also wisely chose not to comment on Lincoln’s ‘threat’. Not because I was even remotely scared of him or the idea. But the opposite. It sounded like my kind of fun, and I was fairly sure the sudden desire pooling in my stomach at his words was yet another sign that my brain was returning to normal.
“You totally want to do what Linc just said.” Misha muttered to me, keeping his words quiet and in Spanish.
My cheeks burned bright as I falsely glared at him. “No, I don’t.”
“So if I plan for it to happen, you won’t be happy about it?”I must have blushed harder because his grin was more evil as he said, “Yeah, I thought so. I’ll sort something for you, sweetheart.”
Pretending Misha was being a devious monster, I hurried to continue the regular conversation about my plans.
“Okay then. Well, let me make a final announcement before we go do something fun before we fight.” I forced a bright smile onto my face, as Kody leaned closer, playing with the edges of my loose shirt that I had stolen from him earlier that morning purely because it smelled like freshly baked cookies and his raw, masculine scent that made me feel all squidgy inside.
“Go on, beautiful.” He whispered. “Give us your diabolical plan.”
“From this moment on, you are my inner circle. Alongside Raya and Beau, and one or two other women that I will assign roles to eventually. But you will fill the slots of those my daddy trusted with every inch of our organization and be my right-hand men.” I was as blunt as I could. “Beau is my second with gang stuff, and the CFO overall, but consider yourselves my second-adjacent and as kings of my castle, too.”
They all blinked at me, a little confused, either struggling to understand the depths of what I said, or perhaps not truly believing it. But that was fine, they could figure things out later on, and I carried on speaking, wanting to get everything out before they interrupted.
“My daddy knew what he was doing when he selected you to help me, and though I wish more than anything you did not have to pay the consequences of being near me, I am more grateful than you will ever know for being here. And though I know you do not seek payment, I will give it anyway – you will get the money, power, and respect that you deserve from everyone in Diamond Grove and then beyond. And you will be given the tools you need to go on and do anything you want in life. If there is a dream you have, then you will get it; I will make sure of that.”
Money – billions of it. Power beyond their wildest dreams. The ability to do anything and everything their hearts could desire… God, I was giving them anything they wanted – everything they could ever dream of. They had what was mine, that was for sure, but I wanted them to have the options to have their own things, too. Their own jobs, businesses, ideas.
Misha could finally build the app he had been working on for years. Price could go pro with his fighting. Lincoln could race in more professional settings around the world. Logan could buy planes and boats and anything delightful he wanted to have a tinker with. And Kody could even start the restaurant that I knew he secretly thought of when he allowed himself to pretend he would be more than a sniper. They could do anything they dreamed of and I would not stop them – I would help them.
Not one of them had issues with my words when they eventually sunk in, even if they were a little shocked and thanked me far too much.
“Okay, gorgeous. If you want us by your side, then we will do it.” Price bobbed his head eventually. “What’s our first job for you? What do you need us to do?”
I glanced out of the window at one of the many groups of Red Diamonds gangsters that was roaming my property, armed and ready to battle any moment. I thought about Henley, Delilah, and all the other girls in my home and the scars they wore in their brains and on their skin. I pictured all the other people I cared for as friends or more, who had their lives ruined or partly tainted by everything going on, and I knew what I wanted.
What I had wanted from the minute the light had lined up on my daddy’s head and he had promised that he loved me and I was his daughter, no matter what else I came to learn.
“We need to ready the troops, mi amor.” I grinned for real for the first time in a while. “We are going to war, and I don’t want survivors except for us.”