Chapter 7
The following weekend, I pushed the trolley around Aldi after finishing my Saturday shift at the office, one eye on my phone and the other browsing the shelves.
I had already picked up most of the things on Mam’s shopping list but I wasn’t in any hurry to rush through the shop and face the downpour outside to get to my car.
I was really hoping there would be a change in the next few weeks from wet to snowy.
Every year, I kept my fingers crossed for a white Christmas but every year, it was grey skies and rain.
It was only mid-November, so there was loads of time for a winter wonderland yet.
The Christmas lights around town perked up my mood despite the weather and later, Fionn, Shea, and I would be at home so all five of us could put the Christmas tree up together.
We were always the first on the road to have our tree up, and the grinches in the village were always complaining that November was too soon to be putting it up.
I reread the last exchange between Ronan and me with a little grin on my face as I continued down the aisle.
Things had gotten so much steamier and more exciting after our date.
He had a cheeky attitude to life that made everything feel fun and easy.
We were planning to meet again next week, but this time I was supposed to come up with something, and I was really feeling the pressure since our first date had been perfect.
Just special enough without being OTT. I had run into him in the library Thursday evening before I called it a night, and he had hinted enough about his anticipation for our next date.
The exchanges had thankfully soothed my paranoia that I had given him the ick.
I had been editing two essays I needed to submit by Friday morning when my phone started pinging.
Ronan: “You look so sexy when you make your thinking face.”
Róisín: “A bit desperate to start following me around... like a lost little puppy...” I had been swivelling back and forth trying to spot where he was without being obvious; since I knew he could see me and I wanted to look unbothered.
Ronan: “I’ll come sniffing after you any day, sweetheart.”
Anyone else using cliché pet names would have given me the ultimate ick, but he made it so sensual.
I think he was the only man who could make me melt saying something about sniffing my butt while calling me sweetheart.
And when he caught me unaware as I walked out of the bathroom and pushed me against a bookcase, I would have answered to Bosco with a smile on my face.
It had been a fleeting kiss down a deserted aisle, but the heat in it had sent electricity flying out of my toes.
“Hi Róis,” I was startled from my fantasy as a man sidled up beside me.
Connor stood in front of the pasta aisle holding a multipack of chicken super noodles.
I blinked up at him in surprise. He was supposed to be back in the Middle East somewhere on another mission, and while I figured there was a chance of him being around at Christmas, that was weeks away.
“Hi Connor, how’re things?” I kept pushing the trolley.
We had been having the bare minimum of interaction on social media, and his part of it told me enough about his intentions.
He was looking for an in again, maybe to prove he could have me and crush me a second time just as easily as he did the first. I planned on making him crawl before taking great pleasure in telling him to stick his own cock up his hole.
“Grand, I’m on extended leave so I’ll be here for the run-up to Christmas, which Mam and Liam are happy about.
” Since his father walked out on them all when Connor was ten and his younger brother Liam was seven, Connor had stepped into the role of man of the house.
I could never figure out whether that made joining the army unexpected or not.
Macho persona as man of the house - tick.
Leaving his Mam and brother for extended periods when he was deployed with the UN peacekeepers - not so much.
But he had joined up the week after he had slept with me and dumped me, so he must have been planning it for a while.
“That’s nice,” I tossed over my shoulder as he started to trail me to the checkout, noodles in hand.
I vaguely knew his mother and brother through the parish but hadn’t spent much time in their company, aside from when his mother came recruiting for the Irish Countrywomen’s Association and thought Ella, Niamh, and I were perfect fresh blood.
But as I tried to politely tell Mrs Donelly, I wasn’t exactly ICA material.
I joined the queue for the till with Connor still standing behind me.
“Yeah, it’s been a while since we’ve been together for this long,” he nodded, moving even closer to my back so I could get a whiff of that citrusy and sea breeze scent wafting off him.
I didn’t know if it was aftershave or shower gel, or maybe it was just all him, but it smelled seriously good.
I smiled blandly in answer, more than ready for any conversation with him to be over.
Even with these weird interactions over the past few months that made my heart skip a beat, looking him in the face made me feel like my heart was being squeezed and crushed to mulch all over again.
Being in physical proximity to him made me relive that slap of rejection and sting of betrayal, like I was lying in his bed facing that reality all over again.
Even though it hurt so much, at least it had hardened my heart towards him and kept the walls surrounding it as firm as a fortress.
“Go on ahead of me, you’ve only the noodles and I’ve the full shop here,” I gestured for him to skip me, scanning the trolley for my bags and mentally preparing for the Olympic sport of bagging the items after the checkout person scanned them.
There was a Polish fella who defied the speed of light with how fast he flung the eggs and ham at your head to bag them.
Any time I came to do the shop for Mam, I always kept an eye out for him.
He had become my personal nemesis after he sighed audibly the first few times I had him, and I was taking too long to bag the milk.
We then entered a battle of wills every few weeks.
Piotr looked at Mr McCarthy in front of me as he called next and spotted me in the queue with a sly smile - game on Piotr, game fucking on. We were like frenemies at this point.
“No, I’m happy to wait with you sure,” Connor distracted me by replying. His hips were about an inch from my arse he was standing that close, and I was warring between the urge to lean back against him and punch him straight in the dick.
“Suit yourself,” I shrugged as I started loading up the conveyor belt with one eye on Piotr.
“I was actually going to message you; I was wondering if you wanted to grab something to eat, or even a drink maybe tonight?” He kept his expression open, but his eyes were schooled on every twitch of my face, so he clearly noticed when I raised my eyebrows at him.
“Why would we be eating or drinking together, Connor?”
“Well, I told you that night I wanted to talk to you and that was two months ago Róis, and we still haven’t talked. Now that I’m around for the month, I figured it was a good chance for us to catch up, maybe mend some old fences...?” He finished hopefully.
I scoffed. “The fences have rotted Connor, no mending them. The bridges are broken, the water gone under them. It’s all ancient history, so just forget about it; I have.” I turned my back on him again and he squeezed to my side in the limited space.
“I don’t think that’s true. I think I owe you an explanation.
An apology. And maybe, if the stars are aligned, the chance to make things up to you.
” Those deep chocolate eyes pinned me in their earnest gaze, and I felt that weak part of me urging me to just give in like I wanted to.
I had loved him so fucking much. Telling myself it had just been puppy love was hard to keep believing when all those feelings were resurfacing as I was captured in his gaze.
I caught my breath loudly, which I knew he heard since his eyes dropped to my lips before he rubbed his stubbled jaw and slowly raised his gaze to look into my eyes again.
That shift to lust was all I needed to snap the fuck out of it.
“That would only be fruitful if I gave a shit, Connor. I was seventeen and it was years ago. I barely remember it. Maybe you should just move on.”
“Or maybe I should fight harder for you, Róis. There’s something between us and I know you feel it too if you’d just give in to it.”
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that Hun,” I smirked as Piotr locked eyes with me and called next - I was ready to cream the fucker this time.
********
“BAILEY!” Shea bellowed at our chocolate lab who was busy rolling around in the fox shit she had found up the back fields.
It was so cold out here we were both wrapped up so only our eyes were peeping out.
But Shea loved his early morning walks when he was home, and I loved to join him.
That was when I could drag myself up in these freezing mornings to watch the sunrise rolling across the hills.