Chapter 16 #2
“She’d understand Róis, she’d have to. I can’t live my life for her or anyone else, I just want to be free to figure out who I am and do it without someone fussing around me. You know how much I love my Mam, but I can’t ever fail or be in the wrong, to her I’m just perfect.”
“That sounds a pretty incredible problem to have Sin, your Mam loving you so much.”
“It is, God don’t get me wrong, it is. She’s the most supportive, amazing mother there is. But I need to do some things on my own now and figure out what it’s like without her there to catch me every time I fall. See how I fare without my safety net.”
I nodded in understanding, as she shed what seemed like years of anguished thoughts from her chest.
“I think it’s a great idea and I fully support you,” I said with a grin.
If anything, the picture she painted sounded like paradise to me.
No family in pain, an escape from my own pain, no pressure to figure out who you are and excel at it.
As I hit the hay and the room spun around me, I thought over her words and couldn’t ignore the pressure that felt lifted from my chest at the thought of her plan.
********
I woke up to my eyelids scratching my eyeballs and the sound of heaving outside my bedroom window.
I groaned as I lifted my head to find Sinéad unconscious at the bottom of my bed and moans still coming from outside.
I lay back down, my head hurting too much to investigate, when the front door slammed and my bedroom burst open.
Ella stood in front of me in her Pokémon PJs, her black hair standing on end like she’d been electrocuted and a miserable expression across her puke-flecked face.
“I fucked my nose again,” she croaked at me sadly.
I didn’t reply, just pulled the duvet back so she could climb in.
Which she did immediately, despite Sinéad’s muffled cries to the elbows and knees digging her.
Ella flopped down beside me and I shifted my head to look at her, scrutinising her face and trying to ignore the stink of puke off her.
“It doesn’t look broken, I’d say you're fine.” I reassured her. She had a bit of dried blood around her nostril, but I’d been there the day Ella had broken her nose the first time around, and she looked to be in the clear now.
She heaved a sigh of relief as I asked, “Why were you puking outside my bedroom window?”
“Because Sara was puking in the bathroom, and she wouldn’t unlock the door so I could puke in the shower.”
“Eww Ella,” she just shrugged before lying on her back with her feet propped on Sinéad’s chest, who continued to grumble half asleep.
“It was a good night though, wasn’t it?” She grinned, looking even more crazed as she still had some blood stains on her teeth.
“The best, but there is no way I’m driving home today. I can’t face it.”
“Nah, we’ll veg here for the night; I’ve already planned out what I’m going to eat today. First; a chicken roll with curry sauce and salt and vinegar hunky dory’s. Then after I puke that up, I’m getting sweet and sour pork balls from the Chinese. And a tub of Ben and Jerry’s.”
My stomach turned as she listed out each thing and I wanted to get sick myself, but I was so dehydrated from all the alcohol it would be the lining of my stomach that made an appearance.
I turned onto my side to ignore Ella and go back to sleep when I spotted a luminous orange traffic cone on my bedside locker.
“What the fuck is that?” I asked, having no recollection of how it got here. It was all a bit blurry after Ella face-planted in the middle of campus if I was being honest. Sara shuffled in, answering me as she moved like she was in pain.
“You wore it on your head the whole way home,” she filled me in, while I grimaced at my own idiocy.
I was going to need a serious reality check before I branched out into the real world after graduation.
At the thought, a memory of my conversation with Sinéad came back to me and I felt a little shot of excitement in my stomach.
Sara crawled over poor Sinéad to join Ella and me at the top of the bed.
“Will we all stay here tonight?” Sara asked.
“We can have a movie marathon and leave early in the morning when we’re fresh.
” She looked around at us eagerly and even Sinéad joined in nodding, her eyes still closed.
I caught a flicker of relief spill across Sara’s face and wondered what had her so anxious to spend another night together.
After a rock, paper, scissors on who was doing the chicken roll run (A prone Sinéad dragged herself out the door like a dejected puppy), the rest of us straightened up as much as we were capable of for our movie marathon.
Bring It On was first as Ella’s go-to and I cuddled up next to Sara on the couch as the sounds of Ella puking in the shower drifted down the stairs.
“Everything okay girl?” I asked Sara nonchalantly, watching her out of the corner of my eye. She stiffened with her eyes straight ahead before she heaved a sigh and turned to me.
“Gary’s wife messaged me on Instagram.”
I sat up straighter at this, schooling the shock from my expression. “And?”
“And I haven’t replied. I don’t know if I want to. She said she’d found messages between us and outright asked me if I’d been having an affair with her husband.”
I winced at the brutal truth laid out before us, but Sara didn’t shy away from it. She just held my gaze.
“Why haven’t you replied?” I coaxed.
“Because it’s their business. I know I was the other woman but if it wasn’t me, he would have been riding someone else, I think he already was.” her lip curled in disgust as she said this, and I could see the regret on her face for ever having gone near Gary.
“Don’t you think she has a right to know?” I asked her gently; it was her decision but it wasn’t like Sara to avoid facing things head-on.
“Of course she does, but why should I be the one to tell her?” she asked sharply, and I could see it was still too fresh for me to push her any further on it.
“You don't, girl. Just think about it a bit more and you’ll know then what you want to do about it all. I’ll support you no matter what anyway.”
We paused as we heard the bathroom door open to Ella’s very audible and exaggerated groans.
“Please tell me she’s back with the chicken rolls, I’ve lost half my insides,” she croaked down the stairs, as the front door opened to a half dead looking Sinéad. Thank God we’d decided to stay here today, it looked like we all needed the girl time.
My phone vibrated with a message as I was tucking into my roll, and I spluttered as I opened my exchange with Ronan.
I had completely forgotten he’d featured heavily in my night as I kept up almost constant contact with him, which had continued into my blackout stage of the night.
My cheeks coloured as I scrolled through our exchange and the typos in my messages became more glaringly obvious as the hours passed…
along with the shift from flirty innuendos to all-out propositions. One of my last messages read:
Róis - It’s my turN 2 taerte you now, but I want u pulluing mu hair whil I doit.
Oh God. As if the sheer debauchery of my messages wasn’t enough, the obvious drunken mess I had been really topped off my embarrassment.
The drunker and more brazen I got, the less sexual his messages became and turned more lightly teasing, with only the question that I see him today when I was sober.
Which had been in response to my attempt to land at his doorstep.
So according to these messages, he was expecting me at his house around… now... shit.
As I scrolled to the end to read his latest message, my heart stopped at what looked to be a video I sent him at 11pm.
I was too scared to press play but I knew he’d watched it, so I had to check what it was.
Most unfortunately for me, it turned out to be a video of me proving to Cian I could walk in a straight line with that fucking traffic cone on my head.
Cian must have sent it to him because no matter what state I was in, I wasn’t that thick.
I finally got to his most recent message.
Connor — Orange really suits you sweetheart, based on this should I take it you won’t be making it today...? But if you do, I promise to look after you ;)
It accompanied a picture of him lying on his couch with no top on.
If a celibate nun saw that picture she’d climb him like a tree.
My eyes had started to water I was staring so hard at the picture.
I was way too hungover to see him today, and as I realised I’d be missing out on those abs, the hangover suddenly felt a whole lot worse.