Chapter 19
When I woke up the next morning to Niamh’s shuffling in the bed beside me, I just wanted to close my eyes again rather than face reality.
After we hightailed it out of Rafferty’s to avoid me being either murdered or arrested, I rang Dad to come and pick us up.
He’d already had a drink, so the traitor had sent Mam to get us - even though he knew she was likely to skin me alive.
It made for a long and awkward drive home as she tried to control her fury at my Karate Kid theatrics and Niamh sniffled in the back.
My heart broke for Niamh, but I was spinning out at what I’d seen between Ella and Fionn.
I couldn’t believe she would betray me like that.
She knew Fionn had had a crush on her since he was old enough to pull her hair, and now he was trying to recover from the most traumatic event of his life with the loss of Shea.
Her using him as a bit of fun, or a confidence boost - or whatever it was, when he was at his most fragile was something I could never forgive her for.
My family were everything to me, now more than ever.
The thought of my closest friend in the world hurting my baby brother made me want to set Ella on fire.
I quietly fished my phone from under my pillow, trying not to wake up Niamh, and found a barrage of messages and missed calls.
A mixture of Ronan, Connor, Ella and Fionn, all demanding my attention.
Fuck that... The only person who needed my attention right now was in bed beside me.
I was in shock at how Dermot had spoken to Niamh last night, it was so out of character and not a side of him I’d ever seen.
Something weird was going on with him but no matter what it might be, it seemed like Niamh just needed to accept the abrupt end to a relationship she thought was built for forever.
I watched her sleep, turning over what to say to her when she woke up.
Mascara smudged along her pale cheeks from the tears she’d cried into her pillow while I held her.
Her balayage hair was gnarled and knotted from the repeatedly running her hands through it all night, and my UL T-shirt hugged her curvier frame.
Dermot’s words last night had wounded her; she’d always had insecurities about her body and looks, and his implication to look in the mirror last night was hitting her where she was most vulnerable.
Niamh was a stunner: wide blue eyes, creamy smooth skin with a spattering of freckles, and a tall curvy frame with an ability to always look on trend.
But she never saw herself like that and was obsessed about tanning her ‘milk bottle’ skin, colouring her ‘mousy’ hair and adding a few more thousand steps a day to maintain a size twelve figure - instead of see-sawing to a size fourteen on her period.
Out of all my friends, she was by far the cruellest to herself.
But I had heard how Dermot always praised and complimented her, building her up to see herself differently.
Maybe that was the problem now, without leaning on his validation - was she going to plummet back to picking herself apart piece by piece?
As I was overthinking every facet of Niamh’s life, her eyes cracked open and she squinted at me.
“How long have you been watching me sleep, you creep?” she croaked.
“All night, I haven’t slept a wink,” I replied seriously, which made her chuckle as she rolled to face me properly in the bed, tucking her hands under her face.
“So, my life has imploded,” she remarked.
“Yep, it looks that way. But on a positive note, Dermot may not be able to procreate. So think of the silver lining,” I winked.
She started laughing, “Jesus, I can’t believe you kicked him in the balls; I wish it had been me,” she trailed off bitterly.
I frowned as I considered Mam kicking my hole as far as Incheydoney when I faced her today over my Johnny Sexton drop kick.
I heard noise down the hall, and we both paused as the sounds of Fionn in the bathroom reached us.
I hadn’t spoken to him and nor did I want to; I was livid he went there with my friend, but he was also the vulnerable party in all of this.
The one who was about to get his heart shattered.
So, I just wanted to avoid him at all costs.
My phone started buzzing and I picked it up to see Ronan’s name on the screen as he tried ringing me.
I quickly hung up on him - another thing I couldn’t face.
As we listened to the door of Fionn's bedroom close again, Niamh broke the silence.
“We need to get up for the match shortly; what are you going to say to Ella?”
Despite the state Niamh was in last night, she had still listened to my tumultuous evening and I was relieved to see how indignant she was about Ella and Fionn on my behalf.
My Dad and Niamh’s Dad Tony were driving to Thurles for the championship match between Cork and Clare today and Ella was supposed to be coming with us.
“Will you text her? I can’t even look at her right now.”
Niamh took in my expression before she nodded. I knew she wouldn’t get in the middle of this fight with me and Ella, and I didn’t want her to. But right now, I just needed her to run some interference.
********
“That’s some raw pulling ref,” Tony screamed from our spot in the terrace.
Our full forward McCarthy just nearly lost an ankle to some loose tactics, and the Cork fans were making it known.
I loved this time of year when the Championship started heating up.
Cork was in with a real chance for the Munster title this year with Tipperary probably our biggest obstacle.
I always came to the matches with Dad and the girls, with Dad’s friends sometimes accompanying us.
Fionn and Shea usually made their own way with their friends.
It was another way to bask in my position of Daddy’s girl, and I soaked up my quality time with him.
Niamh was only half paying attention to the match as she stalked people’s stories from last night for any sign of Dermot.
Thankfully she’d spoken to Ella, and aside from a message saying she understood and would be there to talk when I was ready, she had left me be.
Unfortunately, neither Connor nor Ronan were as accommodating.
Connor’s messages had a defiant note to them, as if by proving his ruthlessness in pursuing me it qualified him as the winner.
Ronan had more of an edge of hurt to his messages but still maintaining that light-hearted tone I loved so much.
I sighed as I hung up on a Facetime from Connor as the ref blew the half-time whistle and pulled up my messages.
Róisín: “Can you just back off and give me some space?”
Connor: “No. We need to talk, Róis.”
My blood boiled as I took in the reply he had immediately sent back.
He’d manipulated me last night to try and stake his claim in front of Ronan.
I knew he’d declared he’d win me back months ago, but it was like there was a whole new version of Connor I was learning about.
Or maybe I was relearning it. Dumping me after taking my virginity had been ruthless, so I shouldn’t be surprised to find that ruthless streak rear its head again.
Now he thought he could make demands of me!
My stomach flipped a little in guilt as I thought of Ronan's face last night when he’d seen me with Connor.
But he’d known I wasn’t only seeing him - and we certainly weren’t official despite his outburst in Rafferty’s.
It did seem like Connor had been a lot more aware of the situation though, and he had certainly exploited it.
It was time to have a franker conversation with Ronan and let him make up his mind from there.
Róisín: “Fuck off.”
That should at least get Connor off my back for a while.
“He fucking blocked me,” Niamh gasped, and I turned my attention to her.
Her eyes were wide with horror and her mouth twisted in outrage as she held her phone out for me to see the stream of blue messages and then the last green one.
“Jesus Niamh, how many messages have you sent him?” I demanded.
She swore last night that she wouldn’t be contacting him, so I hadn’t confiscated her phone. I could see at least four messages in a row with no answer before the green one. God only knew how many times she’d text him.
“Ah girl,” I said softly, “maybe it’s a good thing. You can’t be blowing up his phone like this. He doesn’t deserve you acknowledging his existence, never mind chasing him.”
She shoved her phone back into her pocket, looking as furious as I’ve ever seen her.
“No, he doesn’t. The prick! I hope he catches the clap off whoever he’s slutting around with,” she announced, and I bit back my laugh at her serious expression.
“I do too, girl, let’s manifest it.” I squeezed her arm, and she smirked at me.