Chapter 36
36
AGE 20
“ W hy do you have that goofy look on your face?” Ro asks after I collect my washing from the washer-dryer in the kitchen. I didn’t want to leave Viv this morning, but I’ve run out of clothes, so I dashed back to our gaff to put on a wash and get changed. Ro and I will meet the girls at the usual place in Christchurch, and we’ll all drive together to Kilcoole. Ma is expecting us for Sunday dinner.
“No reason,” I lie. I’m not telling my little brother it’s ’cause I’m deliriously happy. And not just because of the nonstop sex or the fact I took Viv’s anal virginity last night. It’s the combination of everything. Happiness just bleeds from my pores these days. It’s impossible to be in a bad mood. I just float around the place all the time like a right clown.
“Can I talk to you?” Jay asks, wetting his lips and tweaking the tips of his faux hawk. It’s a nervous tell, which is how I know this is serious.
“Sure.”
“In private,” he adds, and Ro flips his middle finger up.
“Some things are not for your ears, little O’Donoghue,” Jay says.
Ro grabs his junk. “Suck my cock, Fleming.”
“You’re not my type.”
My gaze bounces between them. “If you two clowns are done, let’s talk. We’re leaving soon.”
“Okay. What’s up?” I ask Jay a couple minutes later when we’re safely tucked away in my bedroom. I start folding my clothes, placing them in my duffel bag as I wait for my best mate to fess up.
“I need to ask you something, tell you something. Fuck.” Jay scrubs his hands down his face.
Poor fucker looks terrified, and I decide to go easy on him. “If this is about Ash, just spit it out, mate.”
Shock splays across his face. “You know?”
“I’ve suspected.”
His shoulders visibly relax, and he finds his balls, straightening up and projecting confidence. “I love her, Dillon.”
I stop packing my clothes. “For real?” I scrutinize his face, inspecting his reaction.
“Yes. I really fucking love her. To be honest, I always have. I just never thought I’d have a chance. Cill got there first, and after that all turned to shite, you warned me off.”
A sigh cleaves from my lips. I flop down on the bed. “I shouldn’t have interfered though I’m not sorry I did. Ash wasn’t in a good place after everything with Cillian.” I snarl his name. I still can’t think of that prick without feeling murderous rage. I’ve seen him a couple times in Kilcoole, and he’s attempted to speak to me, but I always give him the cold shoulder. Hell will freeze over before I ever talk to that asshole again.
Jay sits down beside me. “I know, and I never would’ve tried anything.” He eyeballs me. “You must think I’m a total prick if you think I’d make a play for her when she was clearly heartbroken.”
“I think you were a horny prick who thought you could help.”
He glares at me. “I still wouldn’t have taken advantage of her!”
“I know you wouldn’t.” I clamp a hand on his shoulder. “I shouldn’t have cock-blocked you, but I was just trying to protect her. It wasn’t really about you.”
“Fuck off, Dil.” His aggrieved expression pins me in place. “It was totally about me, and I get it. I’ve fucked around with lots of girls, and you want someone decent for Ash, but I swear to you, Dillon, no one will love her as much as I do because I really, really fucking love her.” He thumps a clenched fist over his heart. “I’m done with other girls. Ash is all I want, and she seems to want me too, and I’m not fucking it up this time.”
That confirms something definitely happened with them last summer. “What are you asking?”
“I want your permission to go out with her. Officially. I want to make her mine.”
“I’m not the one you should be asking. You don’t need my permission. You’re both adults.”
“You’re a real fucking prick at times, Dil.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.” I claw a hand through my hair. “I shouldn’t have gotten in your way, and I won’t stand in your way now. If you are who Ash wants, I won’t interfere.”
“Thank fuck.” His face explodes with happiness, and I feel like a right cunt for denying him something he’s clearly wanted for a long time. But I don’t regret it. I don’t think the timing was right for them before. I’m hoping it is now. Seeing my best mate and my sister happy together would be the icing on the cake.
“I’m happy for you, Jay.” I squeeze his shoulder more firmly. “But you better treat her right. One false move, one fucking tear, and I’ll lay into you worse than I ever laid into that prick Doyle.”
“You don’t need to worry. I’m gonna treat her like a queen.”
“See that you do, mate.” I stand, and he jumps up, grabbing me into a hug. “You’re already family, Jay. Nothing would make me happier than if that ever became official.”
“Oh my god, Dillon, stop!” Viv hisses, latching on to my wrist under the table and stalling my upward trajectory.
“I can’t help it,” I whisper in her ear, brushing the tips of my fingers against her bare thigh. “I need my hands on you like I need air to breathe.”
Her features soften, and her guard lowers, and I don’t hesitate to take advantage, pulling out of her grip and dropping my hand to her pussy. I manage to push her knickers aside and run one finger between her slit before she yanks my hand away.
“Fucking stop, Dil,” she snaps, pressing her mouth to my ear. “You are not fingering me at your mother’s dinner table. Stop this now, or no sex for a month.”
I narrow my eyes as she digs her nails into my hand. “You wouldn’t dare.” Not when we only have ten weeks left before she’s due to go home. Vivien loves sex as much as I do. She’d never last a whole month without it. Wrenching my hand from her grip again, I lower it to her thigh, keeping it stationary as we battle this out.
“Try me. I dare you.” Her face carries considerable warning.
“Earth to lover boy,” Shane barks, nudging me from the other side. “Get your paws off your woman, and pass your brother the spuds.”
Vivien’s blush is instant, and I should probably feel bad about it, but I don’t. I will never apologize for being horny for my woman.
“Sorry.” I smirk, giving her thigh one final squeeze before I concede and raise my hand to the table. I won’t apologize for needing her so fucking badly, but I won’t make her uncomfortable either. I’ll just take her to the barn after dinner and fuck her brains out. Lifting the bowl with the potatoes, I pass it to Ciarán. “I get hugely distracted whenever my girl is around.”
“We’ve noticed.” Shane grins, and I brace myself for whatever shite is about to fly from his mouth. “Oh, how the mighty have fallen. I am going to enjoy giving you all the crap you gave me when I fell for Fiona.”
“Stop teasing your brother,” Ma says, smiling widely as her gaze dances between Vivien and me. I thought she was going to burst into song when I told her Vivien and I were officially going out. She’s delighted and not just because Viv is Lauren Mills’ daughter. Mum genuinely loves Vivien. “I think it’s wonderful to finally see Dillon happy and in love.”
My entire body locks up at her words, and panic is instantaneous. I stand and push my chair back. “I need a smoke.” I kiss Vivien once on the lips. “Finish your dinner. I’ll be back.” I storm off without looking back at anyone.
My mind is a cyclone of conflicting thoughts as I stalk through the orchard toward our old play barn. I light up a smoke even though I’ve barely smoked any these past two months. I need something to take the edge off.
I’m not in love with her.
Ma is reading way too much into things.
And putting stupid notions in Vivien’s head too.
Why the fuck would Ma say that? She knows Vivien is going home in August. And she knows I’m incapable of loving anyone. I haven’t been able to tell my own mother I love her since I was a little boy, and she just throws that comment out there? I’m super pissed off with my family. Shane fucking started this with his teasing. Why the fuck can’t they just let me be?
I puff away on my smoke as I near the old play barn, but it does little to ease my agitation.
Pushing into the barn, I’m accosted with a host of old memories and feelings, but that doesn’t even distract me. I trail my fingers along the old leather sofa as my head battles with my heart.
After two more cigarettes, I finally calm down enough to go back to the house. I shouldn’t have walked off on Vivien like that. I don’t care what Ma thinks. She’s wrong. I really like Vivien. A lot. She’s amazing, and I love her company. But I don’t love her. Only an idiot would fall in love with a girl he’s using to get back at her ex.
Conversation trickles out the open back door as I near the house.
“Dillon has been fighting different demons his entire life,” Ma is saying, and I sprint the last few feet as panic threatens to knock me on my arse. “We have tried to support him to the best of our abilities, to let him know how loved and cherished he is, that he’s no different?—”
What the actual fuck?!! “Ma!” I snap the second my foot hits the doorway. “Stop.” I convey everything with a penetrating look, and I know she gets it. She’s my mother. She fucking knows I don’t like anyone knowing I’m adopted. She knows I hate talking about it. She doesn’t need me to tell her not to tell Vivien the truth. She already fucking knows I wouldn’t want that.
“Are we eating dessert or what?” I ask, working hard to maintain a casual demeanor when I’m like an overworked pressure cooker inside, rattling and shaking, ready to explode. Snagging two dessert bowls from the counter, I stride towards the table, thankful I was in time to stop Ma from dropping a bomb.
I eat my crumble and cream on autopilot, faking a disinterested look as I contemplate all my near misses. My contacts have fallen out twice in Viv’s bed, and it’s only my quick thinking that stopped her from discovering my natural blue eyes. Ro almost blabbed about my fake look one night at Whelans. I stopped him before he ruined everything, later taking my siblings and my band mates aside to tell them I didn’t want Vivien to know because what’s the point in getting into deep shit when she’s leaving at the end of the summer? Thankfully, they bought the excuse, and no one has broached the subject since, but there’s been a few moments that were definitely touch and go.
I really didn’t think I had to say anything to my family about my adoptive status as they never bring it up in conversation, knowing it’s a touchy subject. So, I’m enraged Ma went there. I know she probably thought she was helping, but she really needs to learn to keep her gob shut.
After dinner ends, I escort Vivien to the barn where I dole out her punishment, slapping her nosy arse before fucking her hard and fast. She asks me again what happened when I was seventeen, and I deflect like usual. The sex helps me to relax, and I’m more chill exiting the barn than when I was entering it.
“Are you okay?” I ask, dotting tiny kisses across her face.
“I’m perfect.” She snuggles against me, and I’m glad things are back to normal.
Pushing her against the wall of the barn, I crowd her with my arms. I press my forehead to hers and close my eyes. Her hands land lightly on my hips, and her touch grounds me. I feel the need to try to explain. “I know I’m not the easiest person to be with,” I whisper, and it’s the understatement of the century. “I know I’m a moody prick, and I have anger issues, but they’re never directed at you.”
“I know.”
I reopen my eyes, shielding nothing, because I owe her for being a dick. “You make everything better, Viv.” I clasp her face in my callused palms. “I never knew it could be like this, and sometimes I’m terrified beyond words.”
“I get that.” She presses a sweet kiss to my lips. “And it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling, Dillon. Just sometimes, I’d like it if you could let me in.”
“I’m letting you in more than most people.” I wish I could tell her everything, but it’s too late now, and what is the point when she’s leaving in two months? “I want to let you in more. Just be patient with me.”
“I can be patient.” Her arms wind around my neck the same time she presses her sexy body against me.
We both know time isn’t on our side. I might not be able to give her all my truths, but I can give her this much. “You’ve come to mean everything to me, Viv,” I whisper as we cling to one another. “It’s happened so fast. Like lightning. I didn’t think it would be like this, and it confuses me as much as it makes me happy.” It’s the god’s honest truth, and delving any further into it is a risk I can’t afford to take. I peer deep into her eyes. “Does that make any sense?”
“It makes perfect sense.” She kisses me, and it’s full of emotion I can relate to. “I feel the same way too.”
“I don’t know where we go from here when—” I stop before I say too much. My heart is aching behind my chest, and it’s like someone is stabbing me all over. “I just know I don’t want to stop. I want to keep doing this with you. I?—”
I’m cut off by the sound of a very distinct moan, quickly followed by a second one. Horror lays siege to me as I grab Viv’s hand and haul her around the corner of the barn. Finding Cillian Doyle balls deep in my sister is the shock of the century. What the fuck is Ash playing at?! “You fucking bastard!” I shout, dropping Viv’s hand and racing toward them.
Grabbing Ash’s ex, I go to town on him, pummeling him with my fists. He lets me at first until he sees my determination and starts fighting back. But he’s no match for my aggression. I swore to myself if Cill ever came near my sister again I’d kill the fucker, and right now, I think I could.
Cillian lands a few punches to my face and my stomach, but I’m lost to blood lust, pounding him into the ground until Vivien kisses me, dragging me from my murderous rage. When Cillian shoves her and she falls to the side, I’m ready to kill the prick.
Helping Viv to her feet, I shove her behind me and face off with my ex- best mate. “You cheating cunt! You stay the hell away from my sister, and if you ever touch my girlfriend again, I’ll fucking kill you!” I roar.
“You’re a crazy bastard, O’Donoghue.” Cillian sways on his feet, spitting blood onto the ground. Lifting his shirt, he dabs the blood on his face with the hem “I let you have the first few punches because I deserved those, but you don’t get to threaten me, asshole. Your sister wanted it. I’ve done nothing wrong.”
“Except cheat on your wife,” Viv says in a clipped tone.
“This is nothing to do with you.” Cillian jabs his finger in her direction. “Butt out.”
I lunge for him and grab his shirt, ready to go another round with him. How fucking dare he speak to my girl like that!
“Let it go,” Viv says. “This ends now.”
“Like fuck it does,” Cillian yells. He waves his finger in my face. “I’ll have you arrested for assault, you prick.” He hugs his stomach, wincing in pain, and I hope it means I broke a few ribs.
“I’ll have you arrested for trespassing,” Ash shouts, finally finding her voice.
Vivien steps right up to Cillian, wearing the fiercest expression on her face. “You will not press charges against Dillon. If you even breathe a word of what happened here today, we will go straight to your wife and your parents and tell them you’ve been stalking Ash for months and you forced yourself on her today when she was stoned and incapable of pushing you away.”
She’s magnificent, and I’m in awe of her. It’s a despicable threat. One I know she’d never follow through on. Not after the things she endured. But fuckface doesn’t know that.
“That’s bullshit,” he splutters. “No one will believe you.”
Viv thrusts her mobile phone in his face. “I recorded you,” she lies. “Whatever the circumstances, it shows your wife you were cheating on her. And if ruining your marriage isn’t enough, I’ll ruin your fucking career too. I’ll email this to your boss. I’ll post it on social media. I’ll destroy your reputation.”
I want to rip her clothes off and worship at her altar for eternity. She’s incredible, and I’m so fucking hot for her. No girl has ever gone to bat for me like this, with the exception of my sister. Viv’s loyalty is a thing of beauty, and my heart mushrooms behind my chest. I can’t believe she’s stood up to him like this for Ash and me. She can’t know how much it means to me.
His eyes narrow suspiciously. “Who are you?”
“I’m your worst fucking nightmare.” She takes another step towards him, leveling him with a warning glare. “Don’t fucking push me, Cillian. I can ruin your life like that.” She clicks her fingers.
“You’re all fucking mad,” he snaps. “And you two are a match made in hell.” He points between me and Vivien.
I take that as a massive compliment.
“Leave,” Viv demands. “Don’t say a word about Dillon or Ash. Not if you value the life you’ve got.”
“Crazy bitch,” he mutters, and I see red again. Before I can throw myself at him, Ash and Viv are dragging me back.
“Well, that was fun.” Viv’s tone is laced with sarcasm as she looks between me and Ash. “We should do that again some time.”
“Bloody hell.” I crush her against me. “Is it wrong I’m turned on right now?” Nothing gets me hotter than my girl jumping in to defend me.
She was fierce, and I’m melting into a puddle at her feet.
As long as I live, I’ll never forget the way she had my back today. There aren’t many people who have done that for me, and she’s just earned my undying loyalty for life.