Chapter 9 When We Were Young by. Adele #2
She was aware that I wasn’t doing well, but not that I was drunk the majority of my waking hours. She didn’t know I was selling all of my belongings to fund my addiction, or that I had been fired from three jobs for drinking on the job. Fai saved me from that life. I owed him everything.
“Theo, you don’t understand…” I began, but was interrupted.
“Fai’s not Nathaniel, Jackie. He can’t replace our brother, no matter how much you want him to,” Theo stated, her tone strict and succinct.
“Don’t, Theo. Just don’t go there. That’s now how it is,” I argued as I stood and walked to the front of the fireplace and distractedly looked at the pictures on the mantel.
More specifically, the picture of Theo, Nate and I on Christmas morning when I was eighteen.
I needed to get physical space between us.
Nate was always a touchy subject for me. “I don’t want to talk about Nate.”
“Who’s Nate?” I turned to see Will in the doorway with Theo perched on his hip. He had changed into sweatpants and a hoodie. He was even wearing glasses, which somehow made him even more attractive. His hair was also mussed, most likely from pulling on his hoodie.
“He’s my uncle, right mama?” Violet responded, looking to be already enamored by the doctor.
Who wasn’t at this point?
Theo smiled at her daughter, a smile that was solely reserved for Vi. “Yeah honey, he was your uncle.” She cleared her throat as her gaze turned to Will. “He was our brother, he passed away six years ago.”
Will turned to look at me, maybe for understanding as to why I hadn’t told him.
Truthfully, I hadn’t told anyone. Fai, Sarah and Oliver weren't even aware of Nate’s existence. It was almost easier to pretend like he had never been alive than to feel the pain of losing him. Especially when it was my fault he was gone.
Will’s eyes shined with compassion“He’s the one who got you out, right?”
Theo turned to me, shocked. “You told him?”
“A bit, yeah,” I responded, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by the amount of attention the two of them were giving me.
“Hmmm…” Will hummed to himself. “I was really hoping I could thank him. I’m sorry you lost him, Jackie.”
He put Violet down and slowly walked towards me. “What are you doing?” I asked.
“I’m giving you a hug, Jacqueline,” he stated matter-of-factly as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him.
His cologne had a woodsy smell, or maybe that was just him. I also never noticed just how ripped he was, but with myself pressed against him there was very little give. This man was truly a fine specimen.
“Are you smelling me?” he asked with a chuckle.
“Yep,” I responded as Theo laughed on the couch.
I felt his laugh more than I heard it. Slowly he let me go and I immediately missed his presence and the safety of his arms. “At least you're honest.”
I watched as he sat on the floor with Violet and turned to my sister. “I promised your daughter we would play dolls, but I was hoping that while I did that you could tell me all about Jackie growing up.”
Theo smiled at me and looked at Will. “I have so many of those stories. You’re playing with Violet. That means you can ask me anything and I’ll tell you.”
That is how we spent the evening. Will and Violet started playing on the floor, but her attention waned quickly and she wandered off into the backyard to play.
Theo continued to answer every question Will asked about me.
He now knew my favorite colors throughout the years, the disasters of my first date when I was sixteen, the chaos of Theo going into labor with Violet and how I immediately passed out at the first bit of blood.
Theo was honest in her statement and answered everything he asked.
Will was also not asking the deepest questions.
There were none in regards to Nate or his death, none in regards to our parents, nothing about my addiction.
The questions remained surface level, but Theo’s answers gave us all a really good laugh.
It had been maybe an hour and a half when Violet wandered in, interrupting the story of when I learned how to drive and how I literally ran into the house.
“Mr. Will, we have a problem,” Violet stated very solemnly as she sat next to Will on the couch.
I stifled a laugh at the dramatics of my niece as he responded, “Miss Violet, whatever is the problem?”
“You need a nickname. Mom’s name is a nickname, Auntie Jack’s name is a nickname, I have a nickname. If you gonna be here, you need a nickname,” Violet responded.
Now both Theo and I were laughing silently.
Vi’s obsession with nicknames was one of my favorite things about her. Every person in her life she is close to, she gives them a nickname. She was actually the one who came up with Oliver’s, Olly.
“Well Vi, Will is a nickname. My name’s William,” Will reasoned.
“It’s boring! You need a fun nickname!” Violet argued back. She wasn’t going to let this go. I knew it, Theo knew it, and Will was about to find out.
“My name is boring?” Will laughed, clearly amused.
“Yep, you need a fun name. Auntie Jack’s is her middle name.
What’s your middle name?” Violet asked as she stood and began to wander around the room.
She would do this sometimes when it seemed her thoughts were going so fast she couldn’t contain them within her brain.
The walking helped her keep track of her trains of thoughts.
Will hesitated before answering, looking at me and Theo. “Nathan. My full name is William Nathan Bly.”
Nathan.
He had Nate’s name. I don’t know why but that struck me in a strange way.
It almost felt as though meeting him was greater than I realized.
Maybe that was odd, it is just a name. But every time I learned something new about him, I felt like we were connected in more ways than I could have ever imagined.
Will looked anxious at my reaction to his name. He didn’t need to be, his name just made me like him more. I smiled at him, hoping to reassure him that it was okay.
“Your whole name is boring!” Violet exclaimed as she threw her hands in the air in frustration. Her outburst broke off the tension that had fallen into the air. “Let me think, I’m going to come up with the best nickname to make you less boring.”
This got Theo, Will and myself laughing hard. Vi really knew how to keep us on our toes. At this point I wouldn’t be surprised if she renamed Will altogether.
Violet James inherited mine and Theo’s spunk.
She was always willing to say exactly what was on her mind.
She would also repeat back anything and everything she heard.
It taught us to watch our words around her.
She was really the best of us, and Theo’s work and determination to raise her with love and patience was evident.
Violet was growing up in the exact opposite way we did at our parents’, and Theo and I would do anything to make sure it stayed that way.
Theo was currently in a never-ending custody battle with Violet’s biological father, Jason, to help ensure that Violet would only be raised in the best way.
Jason was not a good guy. Violet was the result of a one night stand and I know Theo would do anything if she could change who her father was.
Jason believed women’s places were in the kitchen, and to quietly serve her husband.
Theo and I both believe it doesn’t fucking matter what your gender or sex is.
You get to choose the life you want to live.
Nate taught us that and made sure it was instilled in us as well.
We had sacrificed so much to have that and Theo was going to make sure Violet had that choice as well.
“I know it! Willey! You can be Willey!” Violet screamed and launched herself at Will.
He was ready and picked her up and spun her around. “That is perfect, Vi. I will henceforth be known as Willey!”
The two continued to play around the living room.
Vi was completely smitten by Will, I think all of us James women were at the moment.
It was fun to see because he usually came off cooler and more reserved.
With Violet, his smile never stopped. When a man is good with kids it immediately increases their attractiveness level tenfold.
That was happening here. He seemed so relaxed with his casual clothes, glasses and playing with my niece.
It made my heart skip a beat imagining a future like this with our kids… .
Wow. What the fuck?
That thought spiraled. Not sure why I went there. There will be no kids and no future and nothing with Will and I. We are just friends, closer to colleagues even. There would be nothing happening with us.
Watching him fit so easily into this part of my life did make me question if I was lying to myself about what we were and what we would be.