CHAPTER THIRTEEN
WARD
CHRIST.
I went to the studio to tell Penelope I was proud of her, that I wanted to date, and ended up telling her I loved her and promising to give her a child.
When you’ve thought about this, you’ll change your mind.
Jesus Christ.
She might be right.
But as I sit here, knowing she’s in there talking about how many eggs she has and choosing the type of sperm doner she wants, I grind about ten years of enamel off my teeth.
I stand and begin to pace.
“Excuse me. Can you please take a seat?” the receptionist asks.
No.
No, I can’t.
But with one glance at the other patients in the waiting room, I notice the anxiety they’re already under and how my pacing is stressing them out further. I’m a large intimidating man, I get it.
Running a hand through my hair, I exit the waiting room and continue my pacing in front of the elevators.
Another child?
A baby? Again? I have grandchildren for fuck's sakes.
I don’t even know Penelope very well. We have had sex twice. Technically, seven or eight times if you count orgasms.
I know her body.
I know...I know I want to know her more.
I know that I don’t want her having another man’s baby!
Fuck, I’ve lost my damn mind.
This must be a midlife crisis. Maybe I need to buy a convertible Maserati and go cruising the California coastline.
Stoned.
Fuck, I don’t know.
I thought I’d be playing a stupid amount of golf and hanging out in some gentleman’s club talking smack about all the billions we’ve made over the years. Comparing the success of our children.
Clearly, I’d win—Levi is an NFL quarterback.
But wanking off into a plastic cup and giving this woman a baby? No, I did not see that coming.
I pace the full length of the area in front of the elevators about fifty times, then stop and stare at the floor.
My children all reacted differently when my dating status was announced. Thank you, Atlas. And aside from Bella, who cried and then told me she was happy for me, which we all knew was a lie, they said it was inevitable and didn’t expect me to stay alone forever.
“I did,” I replied.
“You can’t. Mom loved you. She wouldn’t expect you to stay alone for the next thirty or forty years,” Atlas said. “If it was her—”
My eyes stopped him from finishing that sentence.
That’s when it hit me. While the thought of another man with my wife made me turn all kinds of murdery, if it had been me taking my last breath and leaving Tina behind, I know what I’d tell her.
Love.
Grieve.
But when you’re healed, go out there and love again. Life is short, and if you’re blessed to life a long full life, then do not spend it alone feeling obligated to me.
Let someone else into your heart and live it to your absolute fullest.
The words sat in my chest for weeks before I saw Penelope on the TV this morning. Then Knox’s wisdom just cemented it.
To ask her on a date.
Not offer to be her baby daddy.
Christ.
I lift my head and stare at the ceiling, rubbing my hand over my forehead. Then I glance at the door to the medical clinic and stride back in.
I don’t want Penelope to walk out and find me gone. So I ignore the glower from the receptionist and squeeze my body back into the stupid small chairs.