Chapter 22
Holly – Four Days Later
I rub my forehead as I watch the kids work in pairs to win the prize of the golden egg for the weekend, and my eyes go to Lyra and Caleb. I already know they are going to win this time.
Before my sabbatical, as Mrs. Violet called it when we spoke on the phone three days ago, the kiddos allowed another pair to win, but this time, I think they want it.
Lyra has her little tongue poking out in concentration, while Caleb has a little frown going on and nervousness twists in my stomach. Will the parents accuse me of playing favorites again when they hear Caleb and Lyra won?
I mentally scoff. How pathetic is that, huh?
I look at the time and swallow before I address the class and call, “Five minutes,” and they begin scribbling harder, all concentrating while the shouts from outside the door echo, and I roll my eyes.
When I returned to the school, the parents cheered, the kids ran towards me with excitement, and Mrs. Jones looked ready to lose it because I was back and her plan had failed miserably.
She wanted me out of the way so Caleb would be in her class, but according to Caleb, he hadn’t been in school since I left, so her plan had backfired anyway.
The woman is married, for Christ's sake, yet she’s determined to grab a brother, no, not a brother, but my boyfriend.
I shake my head and focus back on Caleb, guilt gnawing at my insides.
I killed his mama.
He had nothing to do with her and yes, she had problems—obvious ones—but she was still his mama and now, damn, when he’s older, he’ll hate me for this. He’ll never forgive me.
I ruined any chances of him knowing her when he’s ready.
My eyes well with tears and I blink several times, forcing myself not to let them fall.
I shouldn’t be here, I shouldn’t be allowed near these children after what I did.
I haven’t spoken to Alex, not once. I know he’s alright—Ace confirmed it when he picked Caleb up the next day. He said Alex wants to see me and begged me not to take too long, but the flashbacks keep hitting me.
Adam screwing Missy, which then changes to Alex screwing Cheryl, even though I know he was drugged.
It doesn’t stop my mind from forming the worst before the flashbacks change to Adam's cold, dead eyes to Cheryl's and it doesn’t help that Freya keeps calling, angry that I didn't tell her and her mom I was in town so they could meet Lyra. As if I would allow them near her after the crap they’ve threatened after suddenly popping up after years of silence.
I'm at my breaking point and want to run to Alex, but I can't because the flashbacks keep hitting me.
The warning bell rings, and I clear my throat before asking, “Who finished the whole alphabet with a word for each letter?”
Caleb and Lyra raise their hands, while everyone else scrunches up their noses in disappointment.
“Okay,” I chuckle, “Caleb and Lyra win the golden eggs.”
Their friends cheer for them, making me smile at how amazing my kids are and I announce, “Mrs. Trivers will be here in a moment to take you all outside. Please clean up your things, grab your bags, and line up.”
I grab one of the two golden eggs, which are chocolate eggs wrapped in gold foil, from my desk and place it on my desk to give it to Caleb before he walks out. Lyra will eat hers in a minute while I shut everything down before we head home.
Yesterday I took Caleb home, the day before that, Alex picked him up and Lyra up, or that is what Mrs. Trivers said, anyhow.
I haven’t gone out since I returned, and not just because I’m dodging Alex, but also because of the parents.
Dread knots my stomach wondering if they’ll fall for Mrs. Jones’s lies that she keeps spreading, that they’ll demand my termination…
Mrs. Trivers walks in just as the kiddos all line up, and she grins widely, “Are we all ready?”
“Yes, Miss,” they call just as Caleb rushes my way.
I give him a grin and pass him the egg before he kisses my cheek, then hops back into line as Mrs. Trivers chuckles.
“Come on then,” she calls the kids leave one by one, each waving at me while my daughter stays at the table, focused on coloring and I take a deep breath, trying to forget Cheryl’s dead eyes that haunt me.
“Do you want your egg, sweetheart?” I ask Lyra as the last kid leaves, but Lyra shakes her head and looks at me with sad eyes.
I tilt my head at her and ask, “What’s wrong, baby?”
She sniffles, “When are we going to stay with D-Mr. Dirty?”
Oh crap, was she about to…
“Lyra, were you about to call Mr. Dirty, daddy?”
She looks down like she’s in trouble and I quickly stand and rush over to her just as my door opens again, but I ignore whoever it is—most likely Mrs. Violet, since we’ve only spoken once during that call when she pleaded for me to come back.
Whether she wants me back because I’m good at my job or because the club threatened to pull its funding, I don’t know, but I also don’t care.
My daughter is hurting.
“Speak to me, sweetheart,” I whisper, and I kneel before her and cup her little cheeks.
Tears slip down her cheeks as I quickly brush them away, and she sobs, “I feel like he is my daddy. He loves me, he treats me special and calls me his. He tucks me in at night and helps me with my homework…”
Oh my baby girl…
“Look at me sweetheart,” I whisper but she doesn’t, so I whisper, “Lyra,” and as soon as we make eye contact, I say, “I’m not mad, sweetheart, and honestly, I truly believe Alex will love to be that role for you.”
“Really?” she asks with hope, and a deep voice behind me confirms, “He will,” and Lyra squeals, “Grandpa,” and I chuckle as she rushes his way.
She took to calling Ice that as soon as we got back after meeting my dad, and I never corrected her because somehow, if Alex and I don’t work, the club will continue to be in Lyra’s life.
They are the family she was missing, and I’d never dream of taking that away from my girl.
Sighing, I stand and look towards the door. Lyra is already wrapped securely in Ice's arms, while Caleb stands beside them, grinning as he licks chocolate off his mouth and the sight makes me chuckle.
"I hope you don’t mind, Mrs. Trivers showed us the way,” he says, his eyes assessing me with concern.
I give him a slight smile, grab Lyra’s things from beside the door, then walk to my desk. I take out Lyra’s chocolate egg from a drawer and put it in her bag, all without a word to him and I ensure I have everything for her.
“Is she staying the whole weekend or just one night?” I finally ask, and he grins widely.
“The whole weekend with her daddy,” he says softly, and I nod, not disputing his words.
"Okay, Alex has nearly all her things now, and both she and Caleb have finished their work—they just need to read their books this weekend," I say as I hand him her bag and Ice gives me a soft look.
“You’re a good one, you know that?” he says but I shake my head. He softens his tone, “You did what you had to. Just remember, she was on borrowed time after the crap she caused. I’m just sorry you had to be the one to do it.”
"It’s brought a lot back," I whisper. He frowns, so I half-admit, "My first boyfriend cheated, then he died too, and I nearly did with him. It brought a lot back."
He nods in understanding. ”And what about having the receptionist take the kids out? Is that you still trying to come to terms, or are you hiding out?” he asks, and I wince.
“A bit of both, I guess. I’m not quite sure how the parents see me right now,” I admit.
I know they cheered when I came back, but I saw a few raised brows, and I know whatever Mrs. Jones said got in their heads.
I don’t want to upset the kids.
Ice sighs but nods. “Please don’t keep him out for too long, Hol.
He misses you,” Ice whispers before he kisses my head, and I swallow hard as Lyra and Caleb wave to me before they leave.
Everything in me screams to follow them, to not let them out of my sight, begging Ice to take me with him, to Alex, but I stay put.
While I have flashbacks, I'm better off keeping my distance so I can try coming to terms with what I did to Caleb. I really keep my distance because I believe they’re both happier without me, and that realization aches deeply.