20. Charlie
Charlie
Isit at the kitchen counter shoving a mouthful of macaroni into my mouth, and the front door closes. Ryder comes in with a Home Depot bag. He places it on the beige granite countertop, pulling out putty knives, and that pink spackle container to fix the holes in the hallway.
“Hey, are you doing okay?” he asks.
It must be written on my face. I stab the fork into the macaroni and mutter, “I guess.”
I don’t care much about the holes in the wall. Or that Mom and Dad had an argument resulting in the said holes. I’m mainly sick to my stomach that I went down on Noah, freaked out and left. But I’d rather not talk about either subject with Ryder.
“You know you can tell me what happened. You don’t have to bottle it all up.”
I stop chewing, my mouth watering, and I don’t know if I can swallow. I grasp the glass decorated with white geese wearing blue ribbon bows and chug down the water.
“There’s nothing to say...” I wipe my lips with the back of my hand and place the fork on the counter.
Yesterday, Ryder fixed one of the pumpkin-orange cabinets. I’m not sure how that broke, but half of the plates and bowls were thrown around the kitchen. I ended up cleaning that mess after glass nicked my toe.
Ryder kneels down by the hallway wall, starting to cut out the drywall patch.
My brain goes straight back to the last night when Dad stopped by to get the rest of his things. Ryder was out working, and Payton was sleeping over. I cupped my ears with the pillow, staring up at my ceiling covered with glow-in-the-dark stars, waiting for them to stop.
Eventually, my wrists burned from how hard I pressed the pillow to my ears. But it made no difference. They wouldn’t stop yelling, and nothing would drown them out. Then things crashed around.
“You talk about how you’re constantly in pain like I’m not miserable too!” Dad argues.
“I lost my father, my mother and my sister. They’re dead! And you’re cheating on me! Fuck you. Just take all your shit and leave!” Mom shrieked.
“Don’t touch my stereo!”
“I’m just helping you out so you can play your fucking music for that bitch instead!
” And I heard Mom scream like she was being stabbed repeatedly, and things banged around and crashed like thunder striking next to the bedroom window.
I should've kicked off my sheets and told them to stop, but it was like someone pinned me to the bed, holding me hostage.
“Don’t touch me!”
“Yeah, you better run.” Dad’s words still ring in my brain as if he said it seconds ago.
I watched the shadows underneath my door as footsteps pounded down the hallway and doors slammed shut. I listened to my mother sob in her bedroom. Hearing her hysterical crying left me in bed drenched in sweat, and my heart pounding.
Yeah, Dad cheated. Mom printed the receipts of everything he did.
The conversations, the naked photos. I found bits and pieces of them ripped up in the trashcan.
This isn’t even the icing on the cake. My grandparents, and aunt all decided to meet Jesus and croak within three months.
Mom isn’t even going to work anymore. I know Ryder is paying the bills yet he can’t even hold himself together and drinks.
This week alone I’ve found three empty hennessey bottles on his floor.
I’m not usually queasy over anything, but at any moment I might vomit straight into the kitchen sink.
If I even mention my feelings to either of them, I’m going to be told I’m making it about me and I’m the selfish one.
“Can I ask you something?” I cross my arms over the counter.
“Shoot.”
“What does it mean when you wanna sleep with a guy, but he doesn’t want to sleep with you?”
“Is there something I should know about?” Ryder asks.
“No, I just wanna know the answer.”
He shrugs. “He probably just doesn’t want to sleep with you.”
“But why?”
“We aren’t complicated. If a guy wants to sleep with you or date you, then he's gonna try. If he isn’t trying then he just isn’t that into you.”
Payton opens the bathroom door with her clothes bundled up in her hands. She scurries down the dim hallway to my bedroom. When she comes back out, she squeezes past Ryder, patching up one of the holes.
“Hey, are you going to come swim with us?” Payton asks with the biggest shit-eating grin on her face and her arms pressed against her breasts.
The second he became single, she’s been trying extra hard to get his attention.
Her tits almost fell out of her bikini top.
I let out a brittle laugh as her obsession with him is going to cause me to jump off a ledge.
Ryder flashes her a half-smile and says, “Yeah, when I’m finished, I’ll come out.”
“Yay! Okay, see you in a bit.” She rushes down the hallway with her flip-flops slapping on the tile. I watch her with my hand underneath my chin.
“Are you flirting with my brother?” I whisper and raise an eyebrow when she finally gets to me.
She has a cherry-red blush across her cheeks as she stutters, “N-no...” She shrugs and scrunches her eyebrows. “He’s like a big brother to me. You know that.”
“Right...” I stare at my pretty pink nails soaking in her lie. “Let’s go tan. I’m so pasty white, it’s disgusting.”
She giggles, “I’ll just burn to a crisp as usual.”
“Sounds like a plan.” I scoot off the stool, and we both head out into the backyard.