36. Charlie
Charlie
Itried texting Noah, but he won’t text me back, even though the messages are read seconds after sending them.
It’s like dealing with Brody all over again.
Being ignored and dismissed. I can’t stomach it.
My chest is being wrung like a moldy sponge.
I thought we worked it out, but he's still avoiding me. What the hell did I do wrong?
Ryder is shuffling totes and boxes in his room.
I lay in bed in my pajamas and pink slippers for an hour watching the blades of my fan spin in circles.
Waking up this morning, I felt unbothered, but now the hangover is sinking into my bloodstream, and my stomach is churning with bile.
When I glance at the phone again, it’s seeping into my bloodstream.
I’m pathetic and desperate. It’s like shouting outside into the thin air, and it’s only your voice echoing back.
No one else is there. His rejection is slowly starving me, and there's nothing else to bite into.
It sucks even more that Payton left early this morning because her mom is having some sort of tantrum about staying over here for too long.
The screen door slams shut, and heels slap along the floorboards. “Hey,” that valley girl voice makes me cringe at the sound. Gross, it’s Brittni. If I hear her voice one more time, I’m going to force myself to puke. “You said you found a few things of mine.” I overheard her through the wall.
“It’s in the box,” Ryder’s voice is muted as I sit up. I crawl off my squeaky mattress and kneel down to the vent on the floor that connects both of our rooms.
“Can we talk about last night?” Brittni coos.
“No...” Ryder is stern. Thank goodness, stand up for yourself. “You can take the box and go.”
“Brody showed me the video after you left,” she says. Did I hear her correctly? A video? I lean my ear closer to the vent, and there's ticking and whooshing air muffling their conversation.
“Of what?”
“Don’t gaslight me. You know what I'm talking about. You’re such a liar.”
“I ain’t fucking gaslighting you. What video?” he snaps.
“You and Payton...” she says. My heart stops mid-beat like a song skipping on a scratched CD. My throat tightens as if a noose has been cinched around it.
“That’s none of your business.”
“Yes, it is!”
My vision tunnels with the words as I try to process what was just said. A cold flush rolls down my spine like someone proud ice water straight into my soul. Hold up. Rewind, where is the pause button so she can say it again?
“YOU and ME are over. You made that choice.”
I hear shuffling and clinking in the bedroom, footsteps creaking on the floor. “I made a mistake.” I’m laughing, with my palms getting sweaty against the floorboard.
“No, we are done. Now go, please.”
It’s silent, just the air in the vent funneling out, and it’s cold against my cheeks.
The bedroom door opens, and a set of footsteps makes little thuds down the hallway.
I press both hands on the floor, and rush over to my door.
Peeking out of my bedroom, Ryder is escorting her out the house and making sure to lock the door behind him as she leaves.
He heads into the kitchen, and I pursue him.
He opens the fridge, taking out a bottle of water and twisting the cap off.
“What was that about?” I cross my arms over my chest so tight it’s as if I were trying to hold my ribs in place.
Ryder swishes the water around before swallowing.
His face was deliberately blank, not a single muscle twitching.
He places the water bottle on the counter and leans against it with folded arms too, not as if he were about to fight with me, but as if he were about to build a brick wall to shut me out.
“Nothing...” he finally answers.
“No... spill. What happened last night?” I ask with my heart slamming against my chest attempting to make an escape.
“Nothing you need to know about!” Ryder raises his voice and slaps the countertop hard.
“Oh my God!” I dip my head back and head over to the pantry, snatching a box of Trix Cereal and slamming it to the counter. “It’s just a question!”
“You told me you wouldn’t go.”
“What’s the big deal?” I shrug as I head over to the cupboard, pulling out a glass bowl and placing it next to the box. The plastic bag filled with cereal crinkles as I pry it open.
“Big deal?!” Ryder snatches the box out of my grip, and I flinch. “I told you not to go to that party! Guess who doesn’t listen? You!”
Colorful balls of cereal spill out of the box as he slams it against the counter.
His eyes don’t dare stray from mine. I blink, my gaze hitting his red-hot face, and then going to the box of cereal.
I suck in a deep breath before taking the box and pouring it into my bowl.
I’m going to need it overflowing if I’m going to tackle this headache coming on.
“Neither of us were forced to have sex last night. It was just a stupid game.” I weasel around him and pry open the fridge and slide the gallon of milk across the glass. It seals shut behind me as I twist open the blue top.
Ryder’s jaw clenches tight, and even with the milk pouring into the bowl, I can hear him grinding his teeth. “You two stole booze and stole my Jeep. Do you realize Jared had to give me a ride home? Are you mental?”
The jug of milk thuds on the counter, sloshing and splattering on the countertop. “No, I’m not!”
“You knew what you dragged her into,” he says with his palms spread out.
“We went to a party. We played a card game. All I asked you was what happened last night.”
“Who was that guy you brought? Huh?” He presses his lips together.
“What was I supposed to do? Let Brody leak a video of me blowing him? I would lose my scholarship,” I say as I twist the cap back onto the milk and pry the fridge back open.
Ryder laughs, and it’s bitter. He rakes a hand through his hair and glances out the sliding glass door. “Great. So you used him too. Didn’t you?”
“That’s not what I did.”
“No, that’s what happened.” Ryder shakes his head as he scratches the bridge of his temple.
“You used him to protect yourself from the rest of the team. You knew you would have to sleep with someone.” He points a finger at me.
“You thought you would be untouchable because some brooding guy with tattoos decided to play knight in shining armor for a night. You think that makes you safe from Brody?”
“I didn’t have a choice. I had to play.”
“You had a choice to date Brody knowing who he was, and you continued to stay with him.”
I shrug and yank the copper knob of the silverware drawer, finding the last semi-clean spoon. I blow off the crumbs that have accumulated in the drawer and let the spoon slide into my bowl.
“Noah is different from him.”
“Does it look like I give a shit?”
“I don’t care what you think. He's a friend of mine, and he was willing to come.” I shovel my spoon into the bowl and take a mouthful. The crunch of the cereal fills my ears as I chew.
“It’s the fact you convinced a guy to save your ass from a hazing game, but you left Payton to fend for herself. She was the last girl in that room. Did you know that? Did you even consider what could have happened to her if I hadn’t shown up when I did?”
“Wait, what?”
“Exactly my point. You didn’t. You're a shitty-ass friend, and we are done talking.” He shakes his head as if he couldn’t stand the sight of me.
His fists ball up at his sides, his veins straining like lightning beneath his skin.
He stalks out of the kitchen, with heavy footsteps echoing down the hallway.
My chest is scorching hot, as if he pointed a flamethrower at me. Then, a door slams shut, and I place the bowl on the counter, feeling more nauseated than before.