45. Noah
Noah
Bang. Bang. Bang.
Each strike was relentless against the door.
I’m groggy as hell as I fumble for my phone.
It unhooks from the charger with a loud thud as it hits the floor.
“What the hell.” I groan, patting the floorboard until I find it.
I squint the second the bright screen incinerates my eyes.
It’s midnight. Bang. Bang. Bang. I kick the sheets and comforter off and pull the string on the lamp on the nightstand.
I throw open my bedroom door, running a thumb and index finger into my eyes, cleaning out the presents the sandman left me. Gramps is stumbling out of his bedroom, using a cane to support his weight.
“Dag-nabbit, you got another one of them girls obsessing over you!” He points a finger at me.
I reach the door, peering through the peephole.
It’s Charlie. Her silhouette is trembling.
It’s been several days since bingo night, and I’ve ignored her text messages.
I wanted to tell her I haven’t slept since, that I can’t stop thinking about her, but I couldn’t bring myself to.
I unlock the deadbolt, yanking the door open, and she practically collapses into my arms, a blubbery mess of sobs, her wet face lined with soaked hair sticking to her cheeks.
“What’s wrong?” I wrap an arm around her as she digs her fingers into my bare skin.
“Why... why won't you...” She shudders in a breath before a pool of tears tumbles down her cheeks. “Why? Why didn’t you... why didn’t you tell me?”
“Charlie...”
“No... you said... you said!”
“Come on.” I let her inside, shutting and locking the door against the chilly night air.
“Ain’t nobody getting sleep tonight.” Gramps lifts the cane to the kitchen light, letting it flicker on. “I’m making tea.” He grasps the teapot and fills it with water from the sink.
“Charlie, breathe.” I guide her to the couch, and her face falls into her hands. The tea kettle scrapes against the gas stove, and it clicks as Gramps lights it up.
“You...you dumped me... and you... you got signed!” I stay quiet and swallow hard, waiting for her to continue. “I...I found out through your Instagram.”
I rub her forearms and I’m attentive to every word because it’s pulling me apart too. She sucks in another ragged breath. “Why... Why does everyone hurt me?” Tears fill her bloodshot eyes, and she slams them shut.
“I’m not trying to.” I squeeze her forearms a bit, rubbing my thumbs along her soft skin.
“But you are!” she shouts. Her voice slices through the room, and then her phone rings. It cuts through the quiet room, vibrating in her purse. Charlie’s chest hitches as she digs into her purse, pulling out her phone. She answers and presses it to her ear.
“Mom?” her voice breaks. “Why are you call...” I watch as she visibly swallows, her eyes shaking.
There is crying on the other end. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for everything. All of it.”
“What...what are you talking about?” Within an instant her face drains of color.
“I tried,” her mom says, crying harder now. “God, I tried to be a good mom. I really did.” She lets out a weak laugh and a sound that doesn’t belong anywhere near humor. “I just wanted you to know I love you. None of this is your fault.”
“Mom...” Charlie’s fingers tremble barely being able to hold the phone to her ears.
“I made a mistake,” her mothers voice whispers. “I took some... I took some pills. All of them actually.”
My heart tanks to the bottomless pit of hell where the devil wants me. My chest constricts as Charlie clutches her shirt like she can’t breathe. I cover my mouth with a hand, almost wanting to vomit. Her blubbery tears mirror my own.
“I ruined everything. I fucked up my marriage, and your father did nothing but cheat on me. Hit me. Yell at me. He never wanted you or Ryder. He wanted me to get rid of you both. I can hear him now... just get rid of it... like you two meant nothing.”
“Mom... mom...”
“I just want to go to sleep.”
“No, no. Tell me what you took.”
“I’m going to go to sleep. I’m sorry,” she murmurs again.
“Mom!”
I hear the three beeps of the phone call being disconnected. Charlie stares at the phone like it might come back to life, and her mom will still be on the other line. “I have to go!” Charlie throws her phone in her purse rushing off the couch.
“Charlie...” I stand up, reaching for her arm, but she already has her hand on the doorknob.
“You heard her! She took something!” she shouts. I press a flat palm on the door, to keep her from leaving.
“Noah?” Gramps voice cuts in from the kitchen with concern laced within his tone.
“I’m coming with you,” I tell her.
“No!” She shakes her head. “We aren’t together, right?”
“You are in no condition to drive being this upset.”
“I’m fine.”
“No you’re not. I’m worried about you. This isn’t safe.”
She twists the knob, and I release my palm as she opens the door rushing down the stairs, and her footsteps pound on the concrete down the alley.
“Charlie!”
I sit on the front steps, elbows on my knees, and my phone clenched in my hand.
The concrete is cold, even through my joggers.
It seeps into my bones, but I don’t move, or go inside, or even stand up.
I stay still because this is where she left, and this feels like the only place I’m allowed to exist until she comes back.
I check my phone. There are no new messages. I swipe up and down through my apps, go through my texts like maybe the screen just forgot to tell me something. Like maybe if I stare hard enough, her name will light up and everything will snap back into place. But there is nothing.
I exhale slowly and look out into the empty street.
Above me, the porch light flickers then steadies.
I checked the time, and she’s been gone for almost two hours.
My leg bounces and I try to still it with my hand, but it just starts up again the second I let go.
I should've taken her keys and drove or just hopped into my truck and followed her.
Then I hear it.
A car pulling up to the record store. My heart jumps into my throat as headlights sweep across the road. The engine idles, then shuts off. I hold my breath, listening. The faint click of a car door opening, and the soft thud as it closes. Footsteps crunch against gravel towards the apartment.
I say nothing, and wait until she appears at the bottom of the steps. Her face is ashen. Completely drained of color like something vital has been ripped out of her. Her eyes are burning red from crying as I can see tears falling.
I stand up, walking down the steps.
“I... I...” she says with a chin trembling.
“It’s okay.” I cup the back of her head pulling her into my chest. Her fingers dig into my shirt.
“I went home... and she’s on the floor... covered in vomit.” She sobs, her mouth is drenched in saliva as I cup her red cheeks, and I’ve never seen such raw cheeks before. “I didn’t know what to do and called my brother... and...”
“Charlie...”
“We...” She sniffles and sucks in another lungful of air. “We called an ambulance... she overdosed on oxy.”
“But she’s alive?”
She nods her head clenching her eyes tightly. “She’s had a problem for a while.”
“I wish you had told me. I’ve lived through it.”
“I dunno how to tell people or how to help her... Ryder came over and...” She shudders a breath and her grip tightens. “I hate him sooo much! Payton was with him.”
“I need you to breathe. Let's go inside.” I take her hand and lead her up into the apartment, closing and locking the door behind us.
“It just keeps getting better.” She falls back down onto the couch blinking back her tears as she uses the collar of her shirt to wipe her eyes, and it’s coated in her mascara.
“Not only did my mom almost die tonight, but Payton is sleeping around with my brother, and out of all nights, she just blatantly lied to me in the car. I know she’s been sleeping with him.
They were fucking in the bathroom at this party I went to after an away game. ”
“Charlie... I... I’m not sure what I can say that’ll help,” I say and sit down next to her.
“I asked her a million times in the car tonight, and she just looked me in the eye and lied. She didn’t care, she just lied like it didn’t matter.
I’ve trusted her with everything. Over ten years of friendship and this is my reward for always going out of my way to help her.
I dunno why she just won’t admit it. I feel like I’m losing everyone, and you just wanna be friends.
” Her fingers tremble as she brings them to her lips.
“I don’t wanna go back to the dorms, or go home. ”
“What are you asking me?”
“Can I...” She leans over, using her arms to cover up her face. Her fingers dig into the back of her head. “Can I stay here? I’ll sleep on the couch.”
I scratch the side of my temple before lacing my fingers together as I lean forward. There isn’t a guidebook on girls. But looking at her, broken and lost, I can’t tell her to suck it up and head home.
I rub her back, swallowing hard before I say, “You can stay.”
She sits up, her lips trembling. “You sure?”
“Yeah...and you can sleep on my bed. You’re not taking the couch.”
I take her hand, lifting her off the couch and leading her down the hallway to my room.
I know she didn’t bring anything with her other than the clothes on her back, so I let her raid my closet again after she took a shower.
At this rate, I’m not going to have anything to wear myself, but we agreed to stop by her dorm room in the morning to gather some of her belongings until she figures out what she wants to do.
By the time I crawl back into bed, it’s around two thirty in the morning.
At least I don’t have to go into the store until noon.
But the second I pull the string on my lamp, shutting it off, I’m wide awake.
Charlie cuddles with one of my spare pillows, her back facing me as she stares at the wall and the car lights pass by.