Chapter 14
CHAPTER 14
Kurt
Gary Jenssen.
The name on the cell screen made him clench his fingers. Dana had left less than a half hour ago, and now Gary was calling? That seemed awfully coincidental, but… what could she—or would she—have said that would’ve put Gary up to calling him now?
Well, only one way to find out…
“Hey, boss, what’s up?”
“That’s what I was going to ask you,” Gary replied. “I haven’t gotten an email, a call, a text from either of you. I sent you two out there for work, not to lounge around on vacation playing cowboys.”
Kurt forced a chuckle. “Hey now! We’ve been busy.”
“Uh huh, I’ll bet. And in the midst of ‘being busy’ did you find time to get out of your rooms or off the horses and find any indication of what you were sent there for?”
“As a matter of fact…”
“What?” Gary asked, his voice quick with interest.
“Dana found it.”
“Are you… she found it?”
“Yep.”
“Wait, how… how did you get into the mine?”
“We didn’t.”
There was a brief pause. “I’m confused.”
Kurt smiled. “She didn’t find it in the mine.” He took a minute to explain to Gary the drive he and Dana had taken, and what she’d discovered.
“So, she hasn’t gone into the mine?”
“She didn’t have to,” he hedged without hesitation.
There was a soft sigh on the other end of the call. “Well, I’ll be damned. Will wonders never cease; that’s a first.” There was a short pause. “Good job.”
“Ha. Ha.”
“I’m serious!” Gary replied. “I’ve been expecting a call telling me Dana’s being airlifted to Missoula, or a Search and Rescue operation is being mounted.”
“Well, sorry to disappoint.”
Gary chuckled, then asked, “So, what did you find at the indication?”
“Well, here’s the thing; we didn’t actually go over to it,” Kurt explained. “It was getting late in the afternoon, and the terrain there is pretty rugged. We didn’t make a walkover.”
“Ah.”
“We can, though,” he added quickly, “but before we do, Dana brought up a good point: do we know if Derek Hawkins owns more than just the land Rawhide sits on?”
“Yeah, he owns quite a bit more than just the ranch property itself.”
“Okay. Let me give you a general idea of where she found this, and if you let us know whether it’s on his land or not, we’ll make a drive back out there and take a closer look, if you want.”
“I’m betting it’s still on his land,” Gary said. “If you guys can get to it without drawing attention, do it. Otherwise… don’t. The company will send in the flacks to negotiate with him or whoever owns the land the trace is on.”
Kurt nodded. “Understood. Oh!”—he added a second later—“and check out a man named Jason Jaeger.”
“Why? Who’s he? ”
“Not quite sure to tell the truth, but I do know he’s got some knowledge about this area.”
“Are you saying he’s competition?”
Kurt could hear the concern in Gary’s tone. “No, if I had to guess, I’d say he isn’t a big fan of the mining industry in general. Whatever his deal is, I think he’s someone to look into. Maybe he owns some other ranch around here, or maybe he’s just Rawhide’s best customer. All I know is he and Derek Hawkins seem very close.”
There was a short silence. “Okay, I’ll get someone on that as well. You’ve got, what? Three days left?” Gary asked.
“Yes.”
“Tell me you’ve at least had some fun while you’ve been there?”
“With Dana? When she’s got the bit between her teeth?”
Gary laughed. “Well, she found the indication. What’s holding you back now?”
“Dana.”
He laughed again. “Point taken.”
“If we can get back to do a walkover, maybe she’ll spend a couple of hours the last day relaxing.”
“Hope springs eternal.” There was another brief pause. “She didn’t go into the mine, huh?” he mused quietly.
Before he could respond, Gary continued, “Well, that should keep them off her back for a while.”
And that’s the only good thing that’s come from any of this .
“I honestly didn’t do anything,” Kurt replied dismissively.
“No, I don’t buy that. You must’ve done something. But I’m not gonna pry or ask for details. She’s still there, she’s not in a hospital or stuck a thousand feet underground, so I’m not gonna jinx it.”
“Thanks, Gary.”
“I’ll call or email you when I’ve got more details on whether Hawkins owns the location of the trace or not. And let you know what I find out about Jaeger.”
“Yes, sir.”
“And drag her ass out!” he ordered. “Dinner or… something. You need to celebrate.”
“I’ll do my best.”
Kurt ended the call, then rose from the bench. He didn’t like having to hedge the truth to Gary, but, considering the circumstances, he didn’t have much of a choice. And since Mr. Hawkins had told him he wasn’t going to out Dana, Kurt certainly wasn’t going to be the one to do it. Dana may have made her own bed, but there was nothing to be gained by deliberately making her situation worse while she lay in it.
Wandering the gravel paths that laced Rawhide, Kurt dwelled on everything that had gone on the past twenty-four hours and before that. He had a decision to make, a plan to come up with to deal with the situation between him and Dana, but what to do next was turning out to be much more difficult than he’d imagined in the throes of his anger. He’d told Dana he needed time to suss things out, but now that he had that time, nothing as to his next step was gelling.
Is that because you’re afraid of what you said, or what you might actually have to do?
He didn’t know. And that was part of the problem.
After making a full circuit of the grounds, he still didn’t have an answer. Once he’d returned to the main building, he stepped inside, and as he strode across the lobby, a familiar face appeared at the reception counter .
“Well, hello there,” the woman greeted him as he approached.
“Ms. Luna. How are you?”
“I’m fine, thank you,” she replied. with a slight dip of her head. “And you?”
“If I said great, I’d be lying, but I’m working on it.”
Luna cocked her head to glance behind him. “I see Ms. Aziz isn’t with you. Again.”
Kurt huffed out a sigh. “No, she isn’t. I was with her this morning, but…” He shrugged.
Luna leaned toward him, her arms resting on the counter. “Do we want to play beat-around-the-bush here or be open with each other?”
Kurt gave her a thin smile. “You first.”
“Okay. So, I know what she did yesterday, and I know how much it pissed Master Derek off. I wasn’t lying, though; for whatever reason, he sees something in her that stopped him from having her ass thrown in jail. And believe me, he could easily have done that.”
“Do you know why he didn’t?”
“Not entirely,” she answered with a shake of her head, “but I can tell you this: Master Derek may be a Dom, but he’s very much drawn to strong-willed women. He’s not someone who wants his sub docile or meek. He wants submission to be earned and given, not coerced or taken by force.”
“Well, if he’s pegged Dana as a strong personality, he’s one hundred percent on point. She just lacks?—”
“Discipline.”
Kurt narrowed his eyes, frowning.
“What, you don’t think Drake and I share pillow talk? He told me what you talked about last night.”
“Touché.” Kurt blew out a sigh of frustration. “ Where I’m at right now is trying to figure out how to do what you suggested.”
“What, compromise?”
“Yes.” He nodded. “To get her to agree to some rules and restrictions, and to accept discipline when she chooses to be disobedient.”
Luna leaned up from the counter. “So, talk to Master Derek.” She pointed across the lobby.
“Why… why would I do that?”
“You don’t think he hasn’t disciplined his own sub in the past? I told you; he likes strongminded women. Sadie Marie Hawkins may be his submissive, but she’s also one of the most willful, feisty, stubbornest people you’ll ever meet. Erika, Jenna… myself; each of us has pushed his buttons at one time or another, and Sadie, definitely, most of all. In every instance I’m aware of, he’s used either a firm hand to apply discipline when it was necessary or come to a compromise when that’s what was appropriate.”
“Sorry, you’ll forgive me if my immediate reaction was to think in terms of…” He looked toward the stairs leading down to the Dungeon.
“And like I said last night, you wouldn’t be the first. But I can tell you in my case, it never ended up there. I don’t have a discipline kink, but even if I did, the end result would’ve been the same; we worked things out through communication and compromise. I may not have always liked the outcome, just like I’m sure he didn’t enjoy having to give in to me at times either. But we did make it work, and I know it’s succeeded for him and Sadie, too. You only have to see them together to realize that.”
Kurt glanced toward the office he’d sat in less than twenty-four hours ago .
“What have you got to lose?”
Luna’s question pulled him out of the memory of his last encounter with Derek Hawkins. “The man owes me nothing, Luna,” he said pensively, looking back to her.
“You’ve woefully misunderstood Master Derek if you think he’d only help you if he had something to gain. That’s not him. At. All.”
She and Kurt studied each other for a long moment.
“Go on,” she urged quietly.
What have you got to lose?
“I owe you,” he murmured, and before she could protest, he began heading toward Mr. Hawkins’ office. As he crossed the lobby, the door to Erika’s office was open, and he changed direction toward it. Coming up to the threshold, he found her sitting at her desk.
She looked up. “Ah, Mr. Ellery.”
“Is Mr. Hawkins in?”
“He is. Would you like me to see if he’s available?”
“Please.”
After a brief phone conversation, she pointed to the door to Derek Hawkins’ office.
“He said to come on in.”
“Thank you,” Kurt replied quietly before going to Mr. Hawkins office.
“Afternoon,” the man said, standing as Kurt entered.
“Thank you for taking the time to see me.”
Mr. Hawkins indicated a chair. “My pleasure. I was actually wondering when you were going to get around to coming.”
Kurt looked askance at him. “I beg your pardon?”
“I told you the other evening I felt like we might have some things in common. And that it couldn’t hurt to have a sympathetic ear from someone who may have traveled the same road as you before. ”
A flash of recollection reminded Kurt of the conversation. “And here I was about to blame Luna for telling tales out of school.”
Mr. Hawkins chuckled. “Now mind you, normally I wouldn’t put it past her, but this time…” He leaned back in his chair, folding his hands behind his head. “So… are you here to talk about what I suspect?”
“If what you suspect is Dana Aziz, then… yes.”
“I figured as much,” he replied evenly. “So, how can I help you?”
“Well, Mr. Hawkins, that’s where I’m not exactly sure.”
Mr. Hawkins brought his hands down, then held one up. “I’m going to stop you right there. Considering everything we’ve been through, and what we’re about to discuss, I’d appreciate you doing me the courtesy of calling me Derek, if you don’t mind.”
Kurt grinned. “Kurt.”
“Alright. So, Kurt, you were saying you’re not exactly sure how I can help?”
“Honestly, I’m not sure anyone can help because I don’t have a goddamn clue what I should be doing. All I know for certain is I have to do something, or…”
Derek rubbed his chin for a long moment. “You care about her, don’t you?”
“I think I told you the other evening I did.”
“Yes,” Derek conceded, “but I’m not blind. You really care for that young woman. More than you seem willing to admit.”
“We’ve both made it clear what we want from our relationship. I’m not about to jeopardize that by assuming there’s more to it than what we’ve agreed to.”
“And that tells me all I need to know,” Derek replied with conviction. “So, in terms of where you’re at currently in your relationship with Ms. Aziz—assuming you want more than simply having it continue—what is it you want to accomplish?”
“I wish I knew exactly. Honestly, it was Luna who suggested I might want to discuss the matter with you. She said you’ve had some… experience in a situation like this.”
“Some of the brats here at Rawhide have a pet name for me they like to think is a secret, except it’s the worst-kept one in the world.”
Kurt quirked his eyebrow. “And that is?”
“Brat Tamer.”
Kurt choked, trying desperately not to laugh. ‘ Brat Tamer .’ Derek was being serious, but—God!—the way he’d said it sounded unintentionally bow-chicka-bow-wow in the moment.
“It’s a bunch of nonsense”—Derek waved his hand dismissively—“meant to rile me up behind my back. It’s true, however, that I am drawn to women who aren’t afraid to speak their mind and who hold strong to their convictions. Now, as I said the other evening, I feel like I’m a pretty good judge of character, and I’m betting Ms. Aziz is all those things in spades.”
“She is.”
“And you like that about her, don’t you?”
“In most cases, yes.”
“Makes those times when she submits all the more incredible, doesn’t it?” Derek asked with a knowing look.
“Yes.”
“But”—he tapped his finger against his desk—“when she uses that strength to defy you, to get what she wants at your expense, especially when it puts her in harm’s way…” He shot Kurt a perceptive gaze.
Kurt grunted. “For the longest time I dealt with it, because everything good about Dana, everything I love about being with her, was enough to overcome my anger and frustration each time she deliberately ignored what I asked and put her life at risk.”
“And now?”
“I can’t anymore.”
Derek laced his fingers together, waiting silently.
“In the seven years I’ve been with her,” Kurt continued, “she’s put herself in situation after situation like she did last night. Taken unnecessary risks. The previous one—believe it or not—was in a mine in Argentina. She went into an area beyond where she’d agreed to, and for her disobedience she managed to break a couple of ribs and her leg.”
“She doesn’t do things halfway, does she?”
“Nooo, no she doesn’t.” Kurt blew out a sigh. “I’d hoped after what she went through there it might’ve been enough to convince her to change her ways. To get her to see how dangerous and destructive this attitude of hers is. But then the other evening she was right back where we started, arguing with me about what she was going to do, and to hell with what I thought. And even though she promised she wouldn’t, she went right ahead and went into that mine anyways.”
Leaning back in his chair, Kurt stared up at the dark beams of the ceiling in Derek’s office. “This morning, I told her it was this goddamn sense of invulnerability of hers I couldn’t deal with anymore, and she blew it off with a ‘because I always have,’ as if that solved everything. So… yeah, I’m out of options here. Are there things I love about Dana? Yes. Do I love being with her most of the time? Yes. But I can’t keep using the memories of everything good that’s happened between us to force away the nightmares I’ve woken up from where sh e’s lying dead and I’m the one pulling a sheet over her. That’s stopped working, and I don’t think it’s coming back.”
“But you’re not ready to give up on her entirely, are you? Because those good times… they’re a pretty powerful motivator, aren’t they?”
“Yes, they are.”
“And somewhere, deep down, past all the anger and irritation, you believe at some level she wants the same thing, too. Otherwise, you’d have already walked.”
“Yes,” Kurt answered decisively. “I can’t accept that all of this is simply one-sided on my part.”
“Like I said before, I think I’m a pretty good judge of character, and if you’re asking me, I’d say you’re right.”
As Derek watched him, Kurt tried not to let hope take root, because he’d held on to that in the past, and yet here he was, nothing changed.
“So, would you like my help?” Derek asked quietly.
“If I said I do?”
“Well, then, we need to talk about a plan.”
“A plan.” Kurt tensed. He’d come here to talk to Derek Hawkins about what he was going through with Dana, but… a plan? In context with where things needed to go, it made sense to come up with one, but Kurt hadn’t actually considered doing it right now. He’d wanted reassurance he wasn’t overstepping his boundaries, behaving like an asshole, and Derek had provided that. But this was going a step further than that, and…
And you seriously think you’re going to have an opportunity like this with a Dom as experienced as Derek Hawkins once you’re gone? Is your ego so fragile you can’t accept help from someone who may have already gone through what you are right now? Or are you just looking for an excuse to put off what you know you need to do for another day, week, month, year? To fall back on a pattern that’s worked so well for you so far, right?
No.
“You remember when I told Ms. Aziz I’m going to lay out my terms, my conditions, and my rules?” Derek continued. “Well, as a starting point, let’s build on that. Except instead of me, let’s make those your terms, your conditions, your rules.”
“And you think she’s just going to agree to that despite not having done it before?”
“Hell, no!” The older man snorted. “I think she’s going to fight you tooth and nail, like she always has. But this time… you need to start off by establishing some ironclad boundaries with Ms. Aziz. Boundaries you don’t back down from. Listen, she either wants to be with you the same way you want, or she’s just been using you all this time because she could. Because you’re a pushover, and that doesn’t square with the woman I’ve seen at all.”
“Seems like she’s gotten away with it so far.” Kurt tried not to let bitterness bleed into the observation.
“Yeah, and you want to know why?” Derek pointed his finger. “Because you let her.”
Kurt narrowed his eyes. “So… what are you saying? This is all my fault? I told her more than once?—”
Derek made a dismissive brush of his hand. “I’m sure you told her a lot of things, but I’m betting you never once, Mr. Ellery, never once backed them up with action. You let it slide, because by your own admission, the good times were enough to gloss over the bad. And you can get all butthurt and try to explain away all the whys and wherefores, but none of that makes any of what I just said less true. You care for this woman; I can see that clear as day. So, as an old friend of mine used to say, it’s shit or get off the pot time. You owe that as much to her as to yourself.”
This isn’t my fault. Ire tugged Kurt’s jaw taut, but a tiny voice in the back of his head couldn’t be ignored.
Yes, it is.
Not entirely, but Derek was right; he had given Dana a get-out-of-jail-free card time after time. Because… he loved being her friend. Being with her. Being a part of her life. He’d told her the truth this morning: he loved her. But he couldn’t go on loving her the way he had if she wasn’t willing to meet him halfway.
“Fine. So, I own part of this, but I’m not bullshitting you; something’s got to give. My current relationship with Dana isn’t sustainable the way it’s going right now.”
“So, make your decision, then stand by it. Don’t let her bat those pretty little bedroom eyes of hers and convince you it’ll be different next time. Because it won’t, that’s clear. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my own experience, it’s this: nothing good’s gonna come from approaching this half-assed. You either need to decide this is the path you want to take and stick to it or cut your losses now and walk away entirely.”
“That seems awfully severe.”
“I’d call it being realistic. You’ve tried dealing with things as they currently stand, and that isn’t working, is it?”
“No.”
“Then…”
“I suppose you’re right. Whatever plan we come up with… it’s either going to work, or it’s going to fail spectacularly. And whichever way it ends…” He gave Derek a fatalistic sigh.
“I’m gonna get exactly what I deserve.”