Chapter 15
CHAPTER 15
Dana
Clay.
Dana rolled the small lump of material she’d taken from the sapphire mine between her fingers. To ninety-nine out of one hundred people that was exactly what they would call the ball of gray, gummy material she held in her hand. Clay. Like the stuff you could buy off the shelf at any Joann’s or Michaels. But she knew exactly what it was, what it contained. In the twenty-first century, the sample in her palm was worth potential millions, an amalgamate she was certain contained traces of rare earth minerals used to manufacture everything from iPhones to Teslas.
She carefully placed the gray substance back in the plastic bag she’d taken it from. There’d been a day when nothing could excite her more than knowing what she’d done, finding the sample she’d just put away. So why didn’t it seem that way right now? Why wasn’t there that same thrill that used to be almost a drug? Why did it feel lackluster, anticlimactic? Why was there this sense that something was… missing?
Kurt. Because Kurt wasn’t here right now, sharing this moment of what should be triumph. He was still off being angry, pouting that she’d done what she’d always done and proven her worth. He was being an asshole this time, far more than he’d been in the past, with his veiled threats of leaving and “ you gotta agree to allow me to discipline you ” bullshit. It was asinine and childish, and he needed to get over himself, like he'd done all the times before.
But what if he doesn’t?
That startled her, because… that hadn’t ever happened previously, and the idea of Kurt not being th ere with her was more than unnerving. He… he wouldn’t do that. He merely needed time to calm down, get over his irrational behavior, right?
Right?
“ Discipline you.” The same tiny electric current that had danced over her nerves before when Kurt had brought the subject up did so again now. Dana gritted her teeth because the very suggestion of disciplining her for… what? Being right? For being successful at what she did? It was ludicrous. The fact was, though, deep down beyond her denial there was something whispering to her. An undertone that beckoned seductively that maybe she did need—no, not need, want —discipline, and the call was alluring.
And insane.
She tossed the baggie onto her bed with a frustrated growl. This was dumb. If Kurt needed to get over himself, she needed to pull her head out, too, because dwelling on this was pointless. He was just irritated in the same way he had been in the past, only this time the difference was he was making all these alpha male “ things have gotta change ” and “ you need discipline ” bullshit comments. He’d get over it. All she needed to do was stop herself from turning what he’d said into an obsession, and she’d prove to herself she was right. Again.
Work. Work would help do that, same as it had in the past. Dana moved to the small desk in the room and began poring over her notes. The sample in the bag on her bed was the first step in proving she’d been correct about everything she’d researched two years ago. And even if she wasn’t feeling the same excitement she once had in that confirmation, Dana had little doubt her bosses at McKerr-Dennison would be thrilled enough for them both .
Eventually, Kurt would be, too.
When her cell buzzed, a glance showed she’d completely lost track of time since she’d fallen into her work. The big white numbers at the top of her screen told her it was already past one, which didn’t seem possible considering how anxious she’d been earlier. But that wasn’t what sent her heart rate climbing. It was the name that appeared below the time.
Incoming call: Kurt.
She swallowed as she swiped her finger across the bottom of the screen.
“Hey, Kurt,” she answered carefully, making sure not to let any of the nervousness she felt creep into her voice.
“Hello, Dana.”
“I… I wasn’t sure you were going to call. Can I assume this is about dinner?”
“No, it’s not about dinner.” There was a tone to Kurt’s voice. It wasn’t cold, but… reserved, as if he was speaking to a client rather than her. “I’d like you to meet me at the bar in the Dungeon tonight. Nine-thirty.”
Oh, no. “Kurt, we talked about this…”
“Dana, don’t argue with me.”
“Now, wait a minute,” she bristled. “I understand you’re angry, but you can’t just order me around.”
“Just do what I said.” There was a pause, then he added, “Please.”
And the line went dead.
What the fuck?
Had he… had he just hung up on her? As if she needed physical confirmation to answer the question, she pulled the cell back to glare at the screen.
He had! He’d hung up on her. She slowly lowered the phone. Kurt had never hung up on her before.
What the fuck is going on here ?
She considered going back to what she’d been doing before he’d called, but it soon became clear work wasn’t going to bail her out this time. Dana tried, but as the hours crept by, all she could focus on was whatever was going on between her and Kurt, and what he might confront her with tonight at the fucking Rawhide Ranch Dungeon of all places.
He wants witnesses.
Oh, come on, and you accuse him of being dramatic.
He’s gonna leverage his anger into getting me to fuck him in the Dungeon.
Yeah. Right. Because that sounds exactly like what Kurt Ellery would do.
It was maddening because she was actually spiraling about this, and until recently, she never spiraled. Something had changed, though. Maybe after Argentina, or maybe it had started before, she wasn’t exactly sure. But she remembered standing at the doorway to the club the first time he’d taken her there after the accident, and as she sat on the bed right now, she could remember a dozen or more instances where these thoughts had taken over rather than fading into the trashcan of her memory where they belonged.
“ Discipline you. ”
No. Oh, no, she was not going to let that thought intrude yet again. Kurt… he’d planted that one there, and it was his fault it was even coming up right now.
But that’s not true, and you know it.
She growled, and for the third time moved back to the desk to try to make work turn the chaos of random thoughts into order.
It didn’t.
A shower didn’t. Picking out something bland to wear so as not to give Kurt any false ideas didn’t. Pulling her hair back into a ponytail she rarely wore except in the field didn’t, because looking at herself in the mirror just opened the floodgates to thoughts she was trying to escape. Fleeing the bathroom to the bedroom offered only the tiniest reprieve, as did staring out the window toward the Sapphire Mountains as they slowly turned from dark lavender to deep purple as the sun set.
The room had gone dark, and still Dana stood there, torn between fuming and fear, each emotion jerking her from one side of her brain to the other. It was a relief when the red numbers on the alarm clock glowed 9:15, and she strode from her room to meet Kurt at the bar and set his ass straight.
He was right where he’d said he’d be, sitting at the counter inside Rawhide’s Dungeon, drinking what appeared to be a glass of water.
Dana strode up and took the stool by his side. “Okay, I’m here. What’s this all about?”
Her intent had been to throw him a little off-guard with her abruptness, but he simply surveyed her cooly.
“Do you know why you’re here?”
“I mean… besides the obvious?” She glanced toward the waist-high railing that provided a place to stand and observe the play floor slightly lower than the bar area.
Kurt sighed. “Yes, Dana, besides the obvious.”
“No.”
“You remember what we discussed this morning? When I asked if you’d work with me on some compromises in our relationship?”
“I remember you threatening we had to, or else.”
“Oh my God, Dana,” he groaned. “It wasn’t a threat.”
“Really?” she fired back. “Because it sure as fuck felt like it from where I sat. ”
He set down his glass, his fingers opening and closing. “I’m not going to get into an argument with you right now about whether it was a threat or not. We can discuss semantics later. Right now, we have more important matters to attend to.”
“Like what?”
“Do you also remember me bringing up disciplining you?”
Dana stiffened. “Yes.”
“Well… tonight we start.”
Every nerve in her body went taut. “ What! Are you serious? Here? Tonight?”
“Yes, yes, and yes.”
Dana regarded him closely, trying to understand if he was being serious or merely trying to get a rise out of her.
He gazed back, waiting.
“Oh my God… Kurt, no.”
“Yes, Dana.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. This is stupid.”
He leaned in toward her. “What did you just say?” he asked softly.
“I said this is stupid, Kurt, because it is. Come on…”
His eyes blazed. “Dana, I know I’ve made it clear how important this is to me. If you think you can tell me no and I’ll just blindly accept that and this’ll all blow over like it has in the past, let me set you straight: that’s not going to happen. You need to pull your head out of your ass and accept that things need to change, and that change is gonna start tonight.”
“What the fuck, Kurt? You have no right to speak to me like that!”
“But I just did. ”
This is insane. “I don’t have to take this,” she seethed. Slipping from her stool, she started to turn away.
The icy tone of Kurt’s voice stopped her. “Sit down, Dana, or I swear to God this’ll be the last time you ever see me.”
She whirled. “What!”
“You heard me.”
“Please tell me this is some kind of terrible fucking joke.”
“It isn’t. I’m serious.”
Dana stood motionless, anger fighting with an impending sense of recognition Kurt wasn’t joking—that he was, in fact, fucking serious ! For his part, Kurt kept his gaze fixed on hers, every other part of him as stock-still as she was.
“You need discipline.” He broke the heavy silence, his voice low. “And I think you know it. In fact, I’m taking a huge risk here, but I think you want it.”
“You don’t know that about me,” Dana whispered.
“No? You don’t think after all the years we’ve been together I haven’t learned a few things about you? Come up with my own ideas about what you need, and maybe even want? Yeah, I could be totally wrong. I could be way off base here and God knows I might come to regret what I’m doing tonight. I don’t know. But what I do know is I can’t be in a relationship with you the way things have been in the past.”
“That’s the second time today you’ve talked about our relationship,” she replied, exasperated. “I thought you told me you weren’t pressing me to be in one?”
“And I’m not. I told you I’d never pressure you to be in a romantic relationship with me, and I stand by that. But the fact is being friends is a form of being in a relationship, especially for as long as you and I have been, and the way we have. And even if all we ever are is friends with benefits, I can’t stop myself from caring about you, and that also means caring about what you do to yourself. I wish I could tell myself not to, to think of you simply as a co-worker and a fuckbuddy and nothing more, but I can’t. I’m not wired that way.”
Dana hated that she was still standing here. She should’ve walked away the instant he’d spouted his insane plan to discipline her. This entire thing was beyond absurd.
Then do it. Walk away.
Walk. Away.
Except she didn’t. Instead, she slowly slipped back onto the stool, her body tense.
“Fine, Kurt,” she growled through gritted teeth. “If things have to change between us, I’m willing to listen, but the first thing we should be doing is negotiating. That’s the way normal people resolve issues between them. Not”—she waved her hand toward the railing—“dragging me off into a Dungeon to ‘ discipline me ,’ whatever the hell that means.”
“And under different circumstances, I’d one hundred percent agree with you. But I’ve enabled you, Dana. Given you free rein to believe that no matter what, I’ll always be there, always come back, even when you’ve listened to me but not really listened .”
“Oh my God, not this again.” She groaned.
“Dana, you know it’s true: you have. And I have. It took someone else pointing it out, but the fact is that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. And as was also pointed out, continuing to let it happen is unfair to us both.”
“Jesus Christ, that’s some bullshit Dr. Phil crap right there. ”
“I’m sure it feels that way right now, but this isn’t crap to me. I’m sure I’m doing a shit job of explaining myself, but I swear I am trying.”
God, she wanted to storm away from all of this. His bullshit, his dumbass idea, and everything else that was going on right now. But… she wasn’t. Instead, she was sitting here beside him, waiting to see if he was going to follow through with this and what his next step would be. “So, what now?”
“We’ve got a lot to talk about, I know, but before we do, I want to know you’re committed to this. That you’re gonna be as invested in this as I am.”
“And you want to determine that by giving me some sort of discipline test or something?”
“In a word… yes.”
“This is unfair, Kurt.” She stabbed her finger against the bar top. “Completely and totally unfair.”
“You’re right, it is.”
His tone was apologetic, but the set of his jaw and body language told Dana a different story. If he was harboring any doubts about following through with this, he was hiding it well.
“I need this from you right now. To prove that either what I’m doing is the right thing for both of us, or that I’ve completely fucked up and totally wrong.” He stood up from his stool, looking down at her. “A minute ago, you told me no. What I want you to do right now is look me in the eye and say it again.”
Do it. Tell him no. Tell him to go fuck himself and this idiotic plan of his.
She swallowed, staring up with a gaze she wanted filled with anger, but it wouldn’t.
“Go on, Dana. Say it. ”
“I can’t,” she whispered.
“Good,” he replied. “Then I think we’ve just taken the first step.”