Chapter 16
CHAPTER 16
Kurt
It shouldn’t feel this way.
It should feel different. It should feel better. It should feel… right.
Except as Kurt led Dana by the elbow through the Dungeon, it didn’t. It felt unsettling, a nervous feeling not entirely unlike the first time he and Dana had gone to a club together. Yet then there’d been an underlying thrill, but right now the undercurrent was less thrill than one of borderline dread.
Stop. You discussed this with Derek. You made your choice. You’ll only make things worse if you try and walk this back now.
He couldn’t. Derek had been right; he was to blame as much as Dana for what was happening here. He’d let his desire to be her friend, to be with her, allow him to turn a blind eye to what her actions were doing. And, like Derek, Kurt didn’t want to believe—couldn’t believe—that Dana would turn her back on him now that he was drawing his line in the sand. He clung to that belief as they continued through the Dungeon, because to accept the alternative, that she didn’t care about him in the same way he did for her, was too much to consider right now.
They wove between the various pieces of furniture—spanking benches, wooden ponies, a St. Andrews cross, some in use—and still he moved deeper into the space. What Kurt was looking for wouldn’t be found among the normal BDSM fixtures; Derek had explained exactly where he needed to head for what he had planned.
He glanced back as he drew her across the room, but whatever was going on inside her head she kept it well hidden, her face impassive, her lips drawn into a thin line. Kurt took it as a small success she’d come this far, but the true victory would only be if she was still with him once what he’d planned was completed.
They reached the back of the room, and it was exactly as Derek had described. A discreet, inconspicuous corner, with all the Dungeon at their backs and nothing but the dark wood of the paneled walls in front of them. There was enough ambient light from the room that they weren’t in complete darkness, but with nothing here but the bare walls, there was little to draw attention to them.
Her face was expressionless as she turned to him, but her eyes… no, there was nothing stoic about the storm roiling in the darkness of her eyes. “So, what now? What are you going to do? Spank me? Whip me?”
“No, Dana,” he said, shaking his head. “Kneel.”
“What?” She narrowed her eyes, a perplexed look scrunching her face.
“Kneel,” he repeated tonelessly.
Recognition swept away her confusion. He wasn’t kidding. She hadn’t misheard. Kurt could see the thoughts playing out in the way her expression changed, her pupils growing until they flooded her dark irises. “Are you fucking…?” She swallowed, her eyes jerking left and right as she scanned his face. “This is… this is ridiculous.”
He waited, his gaze cold.
“Kurt.” Her tone slipped from demand to imploring.
“Kneel, Dana.”
“Oh my God…” The words were fainter than a whisper, but her next action made clear her decision.
She knelt slowly in front of him, looking up with searching eyes.
His body betrayed him. Blood rushed to his cock, and though he’d little doubt she expected him to command her to reach for his belt, she was wrong. That wasn’t what was going to happen.
“No. Turn around and kneel facing the corner.”
Dana blinked rapidly, confusion dancing across her face with every flick of her eyelashes. Kurt expected the real argument to start now, but she surprised him; she simply shifted on her knees, turning until she faced into the corner. Once in position she stopped, her shoulders rising and falling to the pulse of her breathing.
A part of him wanted to reach for her. To stroke the length of her jet-black ponytail, to let his fingers caress sienna-hued skin soothingly as he’d done with her many times before. To send a signal he was here, and that while they were together, he’d provide nurturing, care, comfort, pleasure—all of the above. Except that wasn’t what was going to happen right now. To do that would only fall back into a pattern that—as Derek had warned—had brought them to this point. It was a siren’s call to give in, but as Kurt looked down, he steeled himself not to walk back what he was determined to do tonight. To force himself not to do what would be oh so easy, but to do what was difficult yet needed.
He placed his hand on her shoulder, and she flinched. That reaction alone almost broke his resolve, but instead he took a deep breath, and leaned forward until he could speak softly into her ear.
“Now I want you to put your nose into the corner, against the wall.”
She drew in a sharp gulp of air. “Kurt… this…” She let her breath out slowly, calming her tone. “This is childish.”
“I don’t care. Do it.”
Beneath his hand her body tensed, a coiled spring tremoring for release .
“Why are you…” Her jaw went rigid, the muscles at the sides of her neck thumping lightly to the pulse of heartbeat. “I don’t understand what you think this will accomplish.”
“Just do it, Dana.”
And she did.
As she bowed her upper body toward the wall, Kurt released her shoulder, standing back upright. In silence he watched as Dana carefully braced a hand against the wall, slowly tilting her head forward until her nose slipped into the vee of the corner, lightly pressed into the rich luster of the wood paneling. She stopped, holding herself still, her entire body now a tremoring tripwire taut at the brink of exploding. Kurt waited for her to pull back, to get up in a fury and hurl invective at him, storm from the room. But she didn’t. Instead, she remained positioned as he’d demanded, the only motion a tiny shaking at her shoulders.
There was no backing down now. She’d obeyed, and to not continue with what he’d started now would be the worst thing he could do.
“Do you know why you’re here, Dana?”
She didn’t answer.
“You’re here,” he continued, “because every time you make the decision to do what you want instead of what we’ve agreed to, I want you to remember this.”
He watched for her response, any acknowledgement of what he’d just said. Whether it was to spite him or because she truly had nothing to say, she remained motionless except for the continued trembling of her shoulders.
“I want to be clear about this; not everything you do requires my permission or a discussion beforehand. I’ve never asked that of you, and I never would. But you’re smart, and so I know— I know —you’re aware of what types of situations we’d need to have a conversation about before you went off and did them. And even with those things, you’ll always have a choice to either obey or defy me. The only difference will be that from here on out, there’ll be consequences for those times you choose to turn your back on what we’ve compromised. Spanking you, whipping you, flogging you… those can’t be punishments because they’re too wrapped up in the fun, kinky things you and I have enjoyed as part of our dynamic together. But this?—”
And he saw it. The wet tracks that glistened down each cheek. He took a step, then forced himself with clenched hands not to take another. Doing this, putting her in this position, speaking to her this way was way harder than he’d expected, but this… seeing her cry…
You need to be as strong as she’s going to be. If you can’t do that, then you might as well not do anything at all.
Derek’s voice pounded in his ears. You owe that as much to her as yourself.
Kurt drew a deep breath, then continued with where he’d left off. “This isn’t kinky, Dana. There’s absolutely nothing I find pleasurable about this. This is discipline. This is punishment for making me… so goddamn scared. Of what could’ve happened to you. Of what I might lose if something terrible were to take place. From this point forward, if you choose to do what you want over my wishes, if you break the bond of trust that you and I need to have where it concerns our relationship together, then I will discipline you. And the punishment you receive will be because of the choices you make.”
Dana’s shoulders shook gently now, not the slight tremble from earlier. Her cheeks glossed with wetness, still she said nothing, instead staying exactly where he’d commanded. Her silence felt part defiance, but he hoped it was more than simply that. He’d told her she needed discipline, and he suspected at some level she wanted it. Now, though, as he followed through on his decision, his conviction threatened to falter, because there was no part of Dana that looked satisfied, pleased, or happy.
She just looked miserable.
And yet still she remained.
“I know,” Kurt pressed on, “I should’ve made it clear sooner how I felt about what you were doing. But I also know you knew how angry and upset I was. But you aren’t to blame here. Where I failed you, Dana, was not setting boundaries. For letting things slide time and time again, because I thought I could keep dealing with it, or that this would be the last time it happened. That’s all on me, and you have every right to be furious I let it get to this point.”
He waited for her to speak, to give him any indication of what she was thinking behind the quaking of her body and the tears that flowed. But she denied him that solace, and there was a growing recognition this wasn’t only punishment for her, but for him, too.
Well, what did you expect?
He couldn’t answer that, because this wasn’t something he and Derek had discussed, nor anything he’d anticipated. The intention was to discipline her, but the reality was his continuing with this was a form of self-flagellation itself.
One minute became five, and Derek’s admonition not to let this first punishment go on too long pulled him from his reverie. Kurt reached down to lightly touch Dana’s shuddering shoulder.
“Okay, that’s enough,” he said quietly and pulled her back gently. She came away from the corner, tilting her head back and closing her eyes for a moment.
“Are we done?” she choked out the question softly.
“Yes.”
She opened her eyes, turning her face up to him.
Gazing down into the two dark liquid pools staring back, he said, “I hope someday you’ll understand why I did this, and how desperately I hope I didn’t fuck things up.”
For a moment she didn’t move, not even to wipe the new set of tears that tracked from the corners of her eyes. “You could’ve handled this differently,” she eventually whispered. “You could’ve talked to me first. Instead, you chose to do this . Humiliate me. Punish me.”
“Yes.”
Dana rose slowly. Kurt wanted to reach to help her, but something told him not to. He simply stood stiffly as she got up from her knees.
“You’re an asshole.”
“Dana…” Now he did reach for her, instinct overriding his initial reticence.
She recoiled. “No,” she choked out the word, her hand coming up to ward him off. “Don’t touch me. I don’t want to talk to you right now.”
Fuck. Fuck, FUCK!
She spun, storming away. As she did, her final words were a hammer blow.
“I don’t even want to be with you.”