Chapter 29
It’s not easy, pulling herself from that dreadful bedroom and making her way downstairs, knowing there’s no possible way she’s going to avoid seeing him. Dieter won’t allow it, that’s not his way. Part of his subtle dominance comes from knowing how to make others uncomfortable…and he knows she’s on edge with him now.
He’s not going to let her walk out that front door like some sort of used-up one night stand.
The second floor is silent when she exits Saoirse’s room, the room that makes her feel like she’s sleeping in some form of worshipful mausoleum. There’s not a soul to be seen, but Kara knows the house staff is likely at work, roaming the premises.
Carefully, she descends the stairs as quietly as she can, feeling like a mouse trying to escape. When she gets down to the entryway, making a beeline for the grand double doors, his voice lights up her nerves.
“I suppose you don’t want me to send you with my driver?” The words almost give her the barest of comforts; the paranoid part of her mind assumed he might just never let her leave after what transpired.
Turning slowly, Kara finds him sitting in the sunroom, the morning light dancing off his pale hair. The angelic quality he carries drives her mad, because it’s a lie . “You supposed correctly,” Kara replies, jaw tense. “I’ve called myself my own ride home. It will be here shortly.”
With the slow care of a predator that knows its prey is caught, he rises from his seat and strolls over to her, hands casually in his pockets as he does so. His eyes travel across her body in a leisurely way, inspecting. “You have the antibiotics the doctor gave you last night?”
Her mouth turns downward. “Yes.” She wouldn’t need such things if his criminal associates hadn’t thought her a threat and tortured her.
“Good,” Dieter is crowding into her space, another exercise of his control. He seems to be assessing her state of mind, her mood. “Wouldn’t want you to get sick.”
“As if you fucking care,” Kara finally snaps at him, eyes sparking. She doesn’t want his false sympathy. Does he even feel at all?
He exhales slowly and closes his eyes for a brief moment, as if trying to contain some negative reaction. When he opens them again, there’s nothing there for Kara to read.
“Remember what we talked about last night,” Dieter tells her without any emotion in his voice. His eyes, eerily blank, revealing the morally bankrupt monster within.
Mouth dry, fingers shaking, Kara holds that gaze the best she can and nods. His words, I own you , echoing in memory. She doesn’t want to be owned. She wants to tell him to go pound sand, but what she wants is different from reality. His reach is simply too far, too powerful.
He’s got cops in his pocket. He’s also got dangerous allies who are not just willing to throw Kara in a torture video, but also to snuff her life away permanently .
“I remember.” The words are acid on her tongue.
Reaching out a hand, Dieter hovers it over her shoulder, as if considering placing it there in some form of affection or comfort. Seeing the look in her eyes, he artfully hovers it and smoothly drifts it away, gesturing to the door. “I’ll see you in a few days.”
It feels like she’s being strangled. Kara can’t form a reply, almost mindless with the knowledge that she’s not escaping him; she’s part of his life .
As her ride arrives outside, Kara barely has the strength to keep her face from crumpling as she throws herself within, finally out of his sight.
There are no words for how it feels to be her, alone in her apartment, in the days that follow.
Unsafe. Lied to. Ashamed.
Multiple missed calls and texts are on her phone, but she doesn’t have the heart to deal with any of it.
She remembers when she decided to go to Law School. She wanted to be a lawyer, because she loved the art of an argument. It was an outlet for all her baggage from childhood. She figured she could put her fire to use helping others prosecute their wrong-doers. Savings others, getting them justice that she never got.
Now, she feels like she’s become a mockery of herself. She’s become something she never wanted to be.
She’s become someone who defends and shields wickedness.
Calling Gale is one of the hardest things she’s ever had to do, but she has no one else she can talk to about this situation. Only Gale truly…understands what it is to work for Dietrich Bittinger. He’s been her client for years.
The idea of it is horrifying. Damning, almost.
Gale picks up on the fourth ring and Kara feels her heart crawl up into her throat, nearly choking her. She doesn’t want to have this sort of confrontation, but she can’t just let this go.
“Hey, how are things, friend?” Gale has that pleasant tone that somehow always sounds perfectly professional. Perhaps just a mask.
“Not good,” Kara replies bluntly. There is no sugarcoating this. “There was a situation this week. With our mutual friend. I want out. I need out.”
Silence greets her for a moment as Gale digests those sudden words. Clearly, she was not expecting this. “Oh. With…? Oh, friend . You know it’s hard to just walk away, there’s NDAs and such-”
“That’s fine. I can’t do it anymore. Not after what happened. I simply can’t. I’ll sign whatever I have to sign gladly. I just…” Her voice cracks. “ I can’t .”
“Don’t say any specifics on the phone,” Gale warns, always looking out for Dieter . “I’ll talk with him, figure out if…or how…this separation will be handled.” A sigh. “Kara. I don’t know exactly what caused this change of heart for you, but I am sorry.”
“Think of something terrible and that will ease your confusion on the matter.” There’s only one more thing that Kara wants to know before she mentally writes Gale out of her life. “How can you live with yourself, if you know even an ounce of what I know?”
“I did warn you about him,” Gale tells her with regret coloring her tone. There is no apology in her tone, because Gale believes that choices have consequences. “Please, be careful. It isn’t easy to unwind oneself from these types of clients. I’ll do my best when I speak with him to walk through the process.”
“You didn’t warn me enough .” Cold fury is ashen in her breast as Kara ends the call.
It’s not unexpected that he shows up a day later, standing at her front door with a useless key. The stolen spare is still in his hand as she swings open the door, seeing the annoyance on his face.
Despite the moral revulsion she feels, her heart still flips at the sight of him.
“I changed the locks,” Kara chokes out, because the reality of it is crashing down hard. It feels like losing something, someone , and it doesn’t even feel self-inflicted. Perhaps that’s what pains her the most; she didn’t destroy her relationship with Dieter because of her problems; she has to end it because of what she knows he is .
He’s a monster and she didn’t see it until it was too late. What sort of fool is she?
“I’ve noticed that, actually.” Dieter’s tone is as dry as the desert. He pokes his tongue in his cheek momentarily. “You work fast.”
“I’m leaving you,” Kara utters, hating her voice, the way she sounds weak. She wants to rip the band-aid off. “I already spoke with Gale. I assume she’s called you. There was no reason for you to come here.”
She wants him to think this means nothing to her, the way she likely means nothing to him. It stings. It burns inside of her like a bed of red-hot nails.
Dieter tilts his head in that perfect way of his, light catching his feather-soft hair. That hair always makes her think of how a soft bunny must feel, if one were to let her pet it. “You are? How novel. No one has ever done that to me before.” He’s grinning, but there’s something empty in his green eyes, something that makes Kara want to say, your mother always left you.
For once, she keeps her mouth shut, because antagonizing him is the last thing she wants. Inside, fear wars with bitterness. Fear of him is winning, because now she knows and she isn’t looking to play his games.
Dieter pauses briefly, staring at her in surprise. Then, he snorts out a laugh. “Oh, you’re serious? I suppose you’re afraid of me?” He allows those words to sink in, watching her face carefully. Seeing straight down into her wounded soul. “Good girl,” he drawls finally, agreeing with whatever it is that he sees. “That’s smart.” He looks pointedly into her apartment. “Are you going to let me in so we can finish this conversation or do your neighbors need to hear it too?”
Reluctantly, Kara steps backward, allowing him within her home for what she hopes is the final time.
With ease, he commands the space, walking around her kitchen as if he belongs there. After a moment, he continues saying his piece. “Gale is preparing your final paperwork. I suppose I don’t need to remind you of the contracts you signed under my employment? Or the fact that I can have you found, wherever you are?”
The fact that he doesn’t even say it with any menace is what makes it even more horrifying. He’s assured of his victory no matter the outcome. None of it matters to Dieter Bittinger. His perfect rich life keeps moving on, as if she never stepped into it.
…and she can’t even fully step out of it. There is no stepping out of his life or his center of gravity. He has his fingers in all the right pies and men buried deep in his pockets. There is no convicting him. There is no turning him in for crimes. He is immune and he’s reminding her of that fact.
She nods her head in understanding. Hating the futility of it all, Kara says bitterly, “You don’t deserve this. Living without consequences. You deserve worse .”
“So, this is a morality thing, is it? Disappointing . I had hoped you were made of stiffer stuff, that you would be strong enough to weather this. But I’m afraid such is life.” His mouth quirks as he looks her over. “ Fine . Go back to your mundane life with a mediocre paycheck. You best focus on the monsters you can stop, chickadee. You’ll be happier that way. I promise .”
Her eyes shut briefly in pain. “Don’t. Don’t call me that anymore.”
He drifts past her, brushing against her side like a cat as he utters, “I will call you whatever I want.”
Kara’s mouth twists and she squeezes her eyes shut. There’s nothing she can do, there are no cards she can play.
“You know, I’ve heard Nick and dear Claire called it off,” Dieter continues on sweetly, with a hint of mocking. “Do you think he’ll be there to pick up the pieces of your fucked up life? You’ve made this mess all your own.”
Kara won’t allow herself to hope his words are true. “You’re the one who messed up my life, not me.”
“I did nothing of the sort. I gave you a splendid opportunity.” Amusement vanishes from his features. “You decided to ruin it.”
“I am not you,” Kara says, shaking her head, backing away from him. “I can’t ignore the suffering of others and pretend it isn’t there. Especially not when it is tied to the man I’m supporting .” Her eyes prick with unshed tears and she wrinkles her nose, looking away. “I wish you weren’t what you are. I wish I didn’t know. ”
He reaches out to cup her cheek, but Kara flinches away from him. A bitter grin touches his lips. “So, there is no convincing you to stay on, is there? None at all? More money, a better retention fee-”
She shakes her head. “My conscience isn’t for sale, Dieter.”
For a moment, he’s quiet, just assessing her face. He stands there, reading all the pain in her eyes, and knows she won’t back down. That’s what he always liked about her, after all.
“You’ll have to tell me someday if you fix him.” He runs a hand through his hair, looking at himself in the mirror briefly. “You can tell me all about it. I’m a good sport, you know that.” A strange look crosses his features. “But, I don’t think he can be fixed-”
“I know he can be, if he wants it. The same way I can be.” I hope.
“You aren’t broken,” Dieter says calmly with that annoying self-assured way of his. Effortless and so utterly authentic. “You don’t need to be fixed.”
It hurts to look at him. So much of her wanted him to be real . To have the way he made her feel be something better than what it was.
“I won’t call you. We won’t be talking again. I’ll forget all about you.” The words feel like sharp rocks leaving her mouth as she speaks. She’ll never be able to forget him. He’s burned into her bones.
There’s barely a flicker in his gaze and a part of her wishes she could rip off his mask and see inside of him. Only, there is no seeing within, there is only what he allows and when he allows it, simply to draw prey in.
A part of her wonders if this is what it feels like to be in love and to lose it all. She doesn’t want to let him go, but her humanity demands that she does. Nick is a man broken and twisted by those who failed him. Dieter knows right from wrong and simply doesn’t care .
Her conscience can wrap itself around Nick…but it cannot do the same for Dieter.
Stepping up to her, Dieter walks carefully into her space. He looks down at her slightly before he speaks with a certain hint of confidence glinting in his eyes. “Goodbye, chickadee.” His nose brushes hers and she forgets to flinch away.
She should have flinched; she should have shown him how he disgusts her-
His voice is soft, like a hidden dream. “Remember this if you change your mind; I’ll always take you back.”
Before she can formulate a thought, he’s sauntering away, waving his hand dismissively over his shoulder as he steps out her front door, leaving her.
He’s there and then he’s gone, leaving her broken even though he told her she wasn’t.