Chapter 11 – Mabel
Chapter Eleven
MABEL
Ichuckle to myself as I organize all my needed supplies that I’ve been using all morning to prepare my quick and quiet work day.
I’m not dumb, I know the box of puppies prank won’t take up all of his day but, in preparation, I did get up extra early to start work.
If I timed everything correctly, I’ll be just about to finish up when he storms into my workshop.
I do feel slightly bad about wrangling the new guy, Reese, into my little scheme but it made the most sense in my head.
Jude wouldn’t be as trusting with one of the more established workers and the other new guy, Zeke, gives me the creeps.
Heh.
Zeke the Creep.
No, Reese was just innocent enough to make the plan work. Reese is a cutie and if it was a year or two ago, I would have rewarded him for his help with some quality time with ‘Maybe’, the wild and reckless alter ego I’d adopted for way too long. But that’s not who I am anymore.
I’m trying to be better.
I am doing better.
I’ve been working so hard to change since my loss. Fighting with my dad, moving out, everything that went down while I was away from family. It almost broke me and I’ve been able to keep it all locked up for years now. Now I just need to keep it up for the rest of my life.
Easy peasy lemon squeezy.
I can hear loud stomps coming to my door and I can’t stop the smirk that forms but I turn my back to the door, returning supplies from earlier to the shelf. I’m not the most organized in my real life but at work everything has a place.
“Mabel.” Jude’s voice causes me to jump. I knew it was coming but the deep rumble hits me right between my thighs. Even though I had taken off my button down earlier, I can feel a bead of sweat trickle down my neck.
“Oh, hey Jude. Late again.” My voice comes out about an octave higher than regular. How embarrassing. Does he know how he affects me? Or does he think I’m just being cagey because of the prank I pulled?
“You think it’s funny to send me on a wild puppy chase, Trouble?” While my voice went up an octave, it sounds like his has dropped a hundred or two.
“Maybe a little bit.” I shrug. I’m honestly impressed with how nonchalant I’m coming off. My insides are lava and I’m fighting the urge to press my thighs together to get some type of relief.
Slowly, so fucking slowly, his hands rest on my shoulders and give a quick squeeze. It feels so good on my hard worked muscles but I bite back the groan. I REFUSE to let this man know how he affects me.
“This is definitely not work appropriate, Muscles.”
“I thought we talked about those shoes. Not safe for the workplace.” I look down at my feet, wiggling my toes. Did I make sure my toes were painted a pretty pale blue because I knew he’d make a comment about my sandals? I’ll never tell.
“I don’t think we came to any sort of agreement. I’m pretty sure the conversation moved on to fetishes.”
“That it did. Another not safe for work discussion.”
Jude lets out a thoughtful hum, squeezes my shoulders again before releasing his hold on me and stepping back. “Looks like you got everything done for the day. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Wait, what?
I almost fall on my ass turning around to watch the handsome fucking giant walk out of my workshop, he doesn’t even looking back.
“That motherfucker.” I hissed out my aggression.
Immediately, my brain starts to whirl, trying to come up with ideas on how to get back at this fucking man for leaving me with a blue clit.
I could sneak into the bunk house and find a willing participant, or two, and get loud when I know Jude’s trying to go to bed.
Or I could coordinate a workshop visit where moments before he comes in, I spill honey on my chest and I’m pulling my top off as he walks in and maybe that’s a day I just happen to not be wearing a bra.
Leave him aching for relief like I am right now.
Maybe I’ll do both.
No.
That’s not me anymore. I refuse to be that type of person ever again.
My stomach clenches with anxiety and disgust with myself.
It takes every ounce of self restraint I have to not sprint out of MY workshop.
I let shame wash over me as I scurry to my truck.
My vision blurs with tears I won’t let fall, my nose burning.
Mabel girl, You’re better than that.
My daddy’s words fill my head, and more shame washes over me.
One tear. I allow one tear fall as I boost myself into the driver seat.
My old truck rumbles down the road. My stomach is churning and my breaths are coming out in pants. I can’t believe myself. I promised myself I would never do something like that again.
On auto-pilot, I make my way to Paul’s duplex. There’s no indication anyone is home but I have a key. To be somewhat considerate, I shoot off a quick text to my little brother.
Me
I’m at your place. Bad day. Bad decisions.
Paul
I’m at a job. I can be there once I’m done?
Me
No rush, just couldn’t be home.
Paul
I’m texting Nik. It’s her half-day at work.
Me
No, it’s okay.
Paul
I’m texting her unless you tell me what’s wrong.
Damn him. Why can’t he just let sleeping dogs lie?
Me
‘Maybe’ came out for a visit. I’m just upset with myself.
Paul
Damnit.
Me
Yeah. Can I just hide out on your side of the house alone?
Paul
Of course you can. One slip doesn’t change you.
My heart squeezes at his last text but I don’t respond. I stuff my phone in my bag and make my way to Paul’s front door.
I hustle to his front room and curl up on his sectional, wrapping myself up with the blanket that was draped over the back. I’ve calmed down enough to know that my reaction was over the top.
Jude doesn’t deserve that.
It’s completely inappropriate to do something like that with anyone but with the complicated feelings I have for Jude, it’s extra twisted.
My hand ghosts over my stomach, applying the slightest bit of pressure as I try to ground myself.
One bad moment does not make me a bad person.
It definitely feels like a lie but I keep repeating it in my head, over and over until my heart slows down and my eyes drift closed.
A joyful scream jolts me awake.
A screech of, “Aunt Mabs!” is my only warning before my sweet-but-heavy nephew launches himself on top of me. “Hey buddy.” I rasp out. I’m amazed I can speak because I’m one thousand percent sure Henry just forced all of the air out of my lungs.
“Henry, what are you doi—Oh my gosh, Mabel! I’m so sorry!” Anika’s round face pokes over the back of the couch before she scoops Henry up in her arms.
“Paul told me you might be over but I didn’t know you’d be laying down.” She seems so flustered, continuing to ramble about their house rules and how they’ve been putting in new boundaries about Henry visiting the other parent’s side of the house when it’s not their agreed upon time with Henry.
I truly do not understand how Paul and Anika handle co-parenting in the same home while almost never sharing the same space. I tried to question Paul about it once but he quickly shut me down, telling me it wasn’t my situation to understand and for now it was what worked for them.
“Anyway, I’m about to make Henry his afternoon snack, do you want something? A drink, maybe?” I nod and sit up, Henry jumps off my body and lets out a loud whoop before running around the couch and, I’m assuming, heading over towards Anika’s half of the home.
“Snack with Mommy and Aunt Mabs!”
I push my body off Paul’s couch and give Anika a small smile as she follows after her son, I trail a few steps behind her.
Paul bought this duplex four years ago when Anika was pregnant with Henry and spent months working on it to open it up so Henry would have access to both his parents all the time while also giving them each their own space.
I haven’t spent much, really any, time on Anika’s side of the house and I’m surprised how similarly decorated Paul’s side is to hers.
“Do you want apple or orange slices?”
“Apple nachos!” Henry answers.
“How about apple slices with peanut butter?”
“Yes!”
feel a pang in my chest at the interaction, a yearning I choose to ignore.
“Can I help?”
Anika smiles at my question, handing me a jar of peanut butter. “If you feel so inclined, you can put a little bit of peanut butter in a bowl.” I nod and get to work helping Anika prepare Henry’s afternoon snack.
The afternoon passes quickly and I finally feel like I’m able to breathe. Being around Henry’s joyful outlook and settling in the nostalgic friendship with Anika soothes my soul.
Once he finishes his snack, Henry asks Anika if he could go color in his room which leaves Anika and me alone.
I insist on making dinner for everyone as a thanks for letting me squat at their house.
Anika is sitting behind me at the table as I work on an alfredo sauce for pasta.
Apparently, Henry only eats fruits and noodles .
“I’ve missed spending time with you.”
Anika’s confession comes out quiet and I almost convince myself I misheard.
“I’ve missed spending time with you too.” I keep my back to her, assuming the indirect eye contact is what’s making it easier for Anika to speak freely. I’m hoping this will prompt her to share whatever it was that happened between her and my brother.
They were so close when we were younger. Paul definitely dated around as a teen, we always teased him that he had more girlfriends and boyfriends than the rest of us combined but Anika always came first and as soon as someone complained about the time they spent together, they were gone.
“Maybe we could make this a more frequent thing? I’ve had fun tonight.” Offering to make future plans seems a lot easier than talking about the past but a watery exhale is her only response.
“Paul should be home soon. I should go and get Henry cleaned up before dinner.” I watch Anika’s retreating form and curse myself.
Another thing I’ve somehow fucked up.