Chapter 12 – Jude
Chapter Twelve
JUDE
Idon’t know what I was thinking putting my hands on Mabel like that but, god, did it feel good. I didn’t want to take my hands off of her and that was a clear enough sign I needed to get the hell out of her workshop.
The palms of my hands felt like they had been burned as I stormed out. I can’t stop clenching and unclenching as I make my way to the apple orchard. I can see the trees getting closer when my phone starts to buzz in my pocket.
I’m grateful for the distraction for the two seconds it takes me to see that it’s my mother calling. I don’t have the nerve to speak with her but I know my mother and she will continue to call and text unless I answer.
I snort up a lungful of air to help fortify my nerves. “Hey, mom. I’m in the middle of a collection, what’s up?” I can hear my younger siblings in the background, my mother letting out a loud sigh that I’m pretty sure nearly burst my ear drum.
“Jude. Leeson wants you to come home for the Fourth.” Fuck. I knew this was coming but had hoped Leeson would decide he didn’t want his dirty step-son at his get together with all his church-y folks.
“Yeah, I don’t know. It gets busy on the farm.”
“Oh Jude, your father,” STEP-father, “would just love to have you back home.” Now that’s a lie if I ever heard one but my mom’s convinced that Leeson’s insistence of me being around is because he loves having a blended family but that’s a bigger pile of shit than the box of puppies I found today.
“I’ll have to check and see. You know it’s not been easy for me to get away with this new position.
” Lie. The Warrens would happily give me any time off I requested, I never take time off but I don’t want to be around Leeson and my mother if I can help it.
The only thing that could change my mind would be my younger siblings but I already have plans to see them this weekend.
“Oh, I’m sure those Warrens can handle a day or two without you.” Her tone takes on a slight whine that sets my nerves on fire. It’s classic Ruth Jensen ‘guilt tripping you but never say it’s a guilt trip because that will cause another hissy fit type of conversation’ tone. I hate it.
I hate that she’s changed so much since meeting Leeson. Before Leeson, my mother would be happy that I was happy where I was, only insisting to see me on birthdays and maybe Christmas but Leeson can’t have that.
He’s all about the image of himself and his family. Absent older son that he so graciously decided wasn’t too much baggage for the woman he ‘loved’. No, Leeson wanted me around anytime he hosted his friends. His need to always put on the farce of a perfect blended family was pure narcissism.
Thankfully, I was typically able to get out of visiting. Always using the excuse of work didn’t feel great, my mother and Leeson interpreted it that the Warrens worked me ragged and were basically tyrants but it couldn’t be further from the truth.
Warren Farms and Apiary is my home. I’ve never felt more welcomed and accepted in my life. Starting that summer job saved my life.
My parents split up when I was a baby and for a long time it was just the two of us.
Then when I was twelve, Leeson’s shopping cart knocked into my mom’s while she was reaching for a jar of peanut butter.
Two years of ‘courting’ later and Mom was packing up our whole life and I was supposed to become the picture perfect step-son.
Yeah, forcing an awkward fourteen year-old boy full of hormones into a completely new home with a strange man and a mom who’s starting to act like a different person and expect him to be perfectly okay with all these changes and have no negative reactions to everything.
Two years of absolute hell.
Then, I turned sixteen and it got so much worse.
Mom was pregnant and Leeson’s need for perfection became suffocating. Mason offered salvation in the form of a summer job at Warren Farm and Apiary. Being out of the house, working outdoors and being around people who didn’t know or care about how perfect my family was was the getaway I needed.
Moving into the Bunk House two years later when my mom was pregnant again. My mental health improved exponentially after my escape from the Jensen home. I could never really separate myself from them, though.
No matter how much she had changed, she was still my mother and despite the age difference, Mark and Everly were still my siblings. They couldn’t control who their father was.
In truth, I do deal with a lot of guilt for how little I see my siblings but I needed to protect my peace as much as I could. The last time I put myself in the passenger seat where Leeson Jensen was concerned, I almost lost everything important to me.
“Look, I’ll see what I can do but I can’t make any guarantees.”
“Leeson wants to know before the end of next week.” I grunt in acknowledgement and wrap up the call quickly. Thankfully, she lets me go with only one additional reminder to confirm that I’m coming as soon as possible.
One week to find a way out of this.
Thinking of my family getting together combined with my inappropriate behavior towards Mabel puts me in a terrible mood. I don’t want to head to the Big House for lunch but if I’m missing without a good reason, Mama D will get suspicious. She knows all about my family struggles.
Around five years or so ago, after a particularly terrible visit with Leeson, I got into an altercation with another worker that ended with both of us sporting black eyes and the other guy walking away with a chipped tooth.
Warren Farms has a zero tolerance policy for any type of violence and once I had calmed down I was a mess. Mama D found me, surprised that I was involved at all. The fear of being let go and having to move off the farm was too much.
I broke down and told Mama D everything, she went full Mama mode on me.
Calming down, listening to me, feeding me, telling me she understood and she would talk with Paul Senior about the situation and get everything figured out.
I couldn’t believe anyone would want to try and help me and I told her so.
In response, she let out a sigh and wrapped her smaller body around mine in a tight hug that helped me feel like maybe everything would be okay.
She told me to take the weekend off, come back ready to work on Monday. She insisted I stay for dinner and while we ate, she brought up a small party Paul and his roommate, Bennett, were having tomorrow and wouldn’t that be just the perfect distraction for me?
The party was awkward as hell. I was able to convince Mason to come with me but it was super clear it wasn’t really a party. There were only a handful of people, most I’d never talk to, and I guess it was a ‘last hurrah’ for Bennett who just found out he was going to be a dad.
I only stayed for around an hour, begging Mason to leave but he was on a mission.
Did he tell me what the mission was? Of course not.
Knowing my friend, though, he was on a mission to get his dick wet.
He gave me the keys to his apartment and sent me on my merry way.
I spent the remainder of the weekend scared out of my ass that Mama D wasn’t going to be able to talk Senior into keeping me on staff.
I never should have doubted her, Mama D worked her magic and it was back to business like nothing happened the following Monday.
I do my best to shake off my funky mood and make my way to the Big House for lunch. After lunch, I need to try to brainstorm ways to keep my feelings for Mabel locked away while convincing her to actually work with me so we can get this shadowing business over and done with.