Chapter 62 – Mabel
Chapter Sixty-Two
MABEL
I’m holding onto this glass of water like it’ll keep me from having to tell Jude, and Elle and Lola, the truth of why I’m reacting this way. My nausea is gone, somehow Jude knew exactly what I needed. Again.
The look on his face as he realized what that little stick meant, fuck, it’s everything I never knew I needed. “Do you…do you not want to have a baby? I’m now realizing we haven’t gotten the chance to discuss things like that.” Jude’s voice is void of emotion with his question.
My gentle giant.
He’s trying not to show his emotion in this, letting me make my own decision on what happens to this little miracle growing inside me. I can only give him the truth, “I’ve never wanted anything more.” A small exclamation of surprise escapes one of my sisters and I’m reminded they’re here.
Well, I don’t want to have to share this story twice.
“I’ve been pregnant before.” I can feel Jude stiffen beneath me but he says nothing. I can hear the gears turning in all of their heads. Are they trying to figure out when I could have been or how I managed to keep a small child hidden from the whole family for an undisclosed amount of time?
“It was years ago, when I was living off the Farm,” Fuck, I don’t want to say this, “But, I, uh, I lost the baby shortly after. At my first doctor’s appointment, the doctor couldn’t find a heartbeat.
” I can’t say anymore, my throat is closing as all the emotions overwhelm me.
Old grief and new fear of going through it all again is choking me.
“Mabel, deep breaths. Come on, Mama. Breath with me.” Jude pulls me closer and mirrors my panting breaths, slowing down his inhalations and making me mirror him until I’m filling my lungs in a slow, methodical pattern.
I can’t keep talking about this.
It’s too much right now.
“I think it’d be best to stop this conversation for now. Elle, Lola. We need to get to Paul so we can clean up whatever is going on with him, can you please reach out and make him make time to meet with Mabel?” Jude waits for their agreement before continuing. I love him so much right now.
Not only for realizing I was at my breaking point but for also taking over this situation, focusing on wrapping everything up so I can take the space I need to calm down.
“Thank you. For now, I’m going to get Mabel to bed.
This has obviously been a lot for all of us but no one more than her.
We can all talk more tomorrow. Can you let yourselves out?
” They both make sounds that sound like the affirmative response, my eyelids have gotten heavy as Jude talked to them and I’m barely able to keep myself awake.
My body feels weightless and soon enough, I’m placed onto my bed. Jude kisses my forehead, saying something about cleaning up before joining me but I’m already half-asleep.
I’m able to stay semi-conscious enough to feel Jude join me in bed. He cradles me in his arms, one hand resting against my soft stomach. “We’ll figure this out, Mama. I love you.”
God help me, I believe him. No matter what happens, I think I’ll be okay. As long as I have Jude by my side.
Unfortunately, sleep doesn’t take me like I wanted. Instead I’m hit with another wave of nausea.Getting out of bed with Jude’s monster arms wrapped around me in an obstacle I did not anticipate and I’m gagging as I try to army-crawl away from him.
“Babe, are you okay?” Jude’s voice is rough with sleep and if I wasn’t fighting for my life right now, I’d be preparing to ride him like a rollercoaster.
“I’m gonna.” Gag. “Be sick.” Gag. “Lemme go.”
“Oh shit.”
Jude all but pushes me out of the bed and I don’t waste any time rushing into the bathroom. I give all I can to the porcelain god but as I only ate four saltine crackers and a glass of water, it’s mostly just spit.
The next morning is a late start as I was only able to fall asleep after two more trips to the gag factory. Jude was a peach, rubbing my back while I was folded over the toilet and carrying me back to bed when I was too shaky to move.
“Babe, think you can eat something?” Jude walks into my bedroom, in only his briefs, holding a plate of toast and a cup of juice. My stomach rumbles with interest and my pussy flutters as I take him in.
“I think I could eat something.” I waggle my eyebrows as I shuffle to a seated position. Jude chuckles, sitting in front of me. “Maybe later, Mama.” He pushes the plate into my hand and presses a kiss against my forehead.
At first, I’m very cautious about taking a bite of the liberally buttered toast but as soon as my first bite hits my stomach, I’m ravenous.
Jude has to remind me to slow down. “Listen, babe, Elle texted this morning. She pulled Patrick into the plan and he was able to get Paul to agree to come to the Big House for lunch.” My stomach bottoms out, worry and relief washing over me.
“That’s good.”
“Listen, we don’t have to bring up the baby to Paul or Mama D if you’re not ready for that. It’s still early and you’re not required to share that with anyone else until you’re ready.”
God, how is he so perfect for me?
“Well, Mama already knows about my loss. I kind of maybe went to Mama way back when I thought you were done with me.”
My face heats at my admission. Over the last few weeks we’ve had a lot of discussions about the miscommunication that happened during and after his family’s get together. We were both embarrassed at how terribly we handled the situation.
“Well, that’s good but we still don’t need to tell her about this baby.”
“Yeah, I don’t know…I’m so scared.” My admission comes out as a whisper.
“It’s okay to be scared. I’m scared too but I’m here for whatever happens. Now, finish your juice. Elle wants us at the Big House soon so we can strategize. I’m going to get dressed.”
I take a deep breath before chugging the orange juice.
Probably not the best idea given how sick I was last night but so far, it seems like my stomach doesn’t hate me this morning. I can only hope it stays like that, at least until this confrontation with Paul is resolved.