Chapter 3
ONE MONTH LATER (DECEMBER)
“Thank you for being here for me today, Ethan.”
He took the keys from my hand and locked up my grandmother’s apartment.
Staring into my eyes, he replied, “Sev, there’s no place I’d rather be.
I know that it was difficult for you, and I know that we’ve been struggling, but I vowed to be here with you through the good and the bad.
I don’t know how much more bad it can get than this. ”
I sucked in a breath and hiccupped a sob. I wrapped my fingers around my purse strap and pulled it up my arm. “Let’s go.”
“Okay.”
When I got the news this morning that my grandmother had passed, it was not a surprise. She had been struggling with her health for the last few months. She had good days and not so good days. My birthday was a good day for her, but she had several bad ones after that.
I immediately did the one thing that came natural to me: I called my husband. He rushed over.
I felt so bad that she had been all alone when she passed. I should have been there with her, but I had opted to sleep in late. If I had gone to bed at a normal hour, I would have been at her house when she passed. We stopped outside of his car.
“I’ll drive,” I offered.
“Are you sure that you don’t want me to drive back? You’ve been driving all day, Sevyn. I know that you’re exhausted by now.”
“No. I’ll be fine. Driving is keeping my mind off my reality right now.”
We had gone to the retirement home and spent time with Gram before we went to the funeral parlor to make the arrangements. She had already put some money aside for her funeral, and she had a decent insurance policy that covered her wishes.
“She wants the choir to sing at her funeral,” I shared as we climbed in the car.
He reached over and grabbed my hand and squeezed it over the console. “She loved that choir almost as much as she loved the pastor. Did she want doves released?”
I looked at him and rolled my eyes. Laughing, I replied, “Please. Gram was not ghetto fabulous. She loved Jesus, her pastor, and the congregation. She simply wanted everyone to praise the Lord and worship and rejoice at her service. When she said that she would have a homegoing celebration, that was exactly what she meant. She doesn’t want anyone crying and being sad about her going to be with her Lord.
She said that it’s a celebratory occasion and something everyone is supposed to be excited about. ”
“Honestly, she’s right when you think about it. Man, I just can’t believe that she’s gone. She always has something witty or wise to say.”
“Yeah, she would probably get up at her own funeral, if she could, to tell the mourners that they needed to join church. She’d say that they need to give their lives to Jesus before someone was at their funeral weeping over them, knowing they were going straight to hell.”
Ethan laughed heartily at that, but he knew I was telling the truth.
“So, the service is in four days. Do you want to go away for a while after that? You’re going to take some time off, right?”
“I think it will be easier for me to return to work right away. Too much time away and I will be struggling through my grief. I don’t want to become depressed, Ethan. I’ve lost my entire world.”
My vision blurred, but I maintained control of the car.
“You haven’t lost your entire world, baby. You’ve still got me.”
We had been attending counseling with Dr. Giselle Champagne. There was no way that we would survive what had happened and what was coming without professional assistance.
“You know what I’m saying, Ethan. She’s as much a part of me as I am of myself. She’s the one person who holds the key to my past, all the stories about my parents, and the memories of me as an infant and a child. Now she’s gone, and she’s taken all of that with her.”
“We’re going to get through this too. It won’t be easy, but just like I was by your side today, I’ll be by your side in the days, weeks, and months to come. I promise that I won’t fail you.”
I glanced at him and smiled. “Thank you, Ethan.” I turned the windshield wipers on as the rain came down harder. It had drizzled all day, as if the world was crying for Gram’s passing.
“You don’t have to thank me for doing my job.” In the past he would say “honoring his vows,” but that had become a point of contention between us. I would always make a remark about him cheating and failing to uphold his vows.
His phone rang through the Bluetooth speakers.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Ethan.”
I glanced at the caller ID on the screen and noticed a personalized contact under the name “Baby Mama.” I rolled my eyes, and I tried hard to control the anger that ran through me. I wished that I had been driving my car instead of his. I would have immediately disconnected the call.
Couldn’t I have one day of peace where she didn’t invade on my right to exist? One day where I could pretend that Pandora Thompkins didn’t exist?
“Hey. Can I call you back?”
“I didn’t call to keep you, but I had something important to tell you. Next Tuesday, I will be going to get the ultrasound done to determine the gender of our child. I wanted to know if you could accompany me to that appointment. We’ll also be able to hear his or her heartbeat for the first time.”
That was the day that my grandmother was to be buried.
Tears stung my eyes. All my husband’s firsts as it related to his first child would be done with another woman.
I would not be involved with the process.
The first time we had a child, he would have already done everything with Pandora, and it wouldn’t be a new experience that we could share together.
I stared out the window at the red light and tapped my fingers, hoping that it would change soon and that the phone call would end.
“Uhm, . . . I already have another commitment that day, and I can’t get away.”
“What could possibly be more important than seeing your child’s gender and hearing their heartbeat for the first time, Ethan?”
He sighed and replied, “What time is it? I might be able to get away, but I can’t make any guarantees.”
“It’s at two in the afternoon.”
“Yeah, I can’t make that. Can’t you reschedule?”
“No. Can’t you reschedule whatever you’ve got going on that I’m sure isn’t as important?”
“It is important, and no, I can’t reschedule it.”
“And I can’t reschedule this. Why are you being difficult, Ethan? I still love you.”
“I’m sorry, Pandora. I won’t be there.”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now, Ethan? What the hell is so important that you can’t show up for this?” she hollered.
My patience had grown thin with her profession of love, but when she hollered at him, I snapped.
“Pandora, I have tried to be patient with you, but you do not demand my husband’s time.
Just because my husband is being accommodating doesn’t mean that he’s about to jump through hoops for you.
My grandmother died today, and my husband and I will be burying her Tuesday.
You can either reschedule your appointment, or don’t, but my husband will not be there at two on next Tuesday. ”
She was silent for so long that I had to look at the dashboard to confirm the call was still connected. She finally laughed and asked, “What’s wrong? Are you upset because my child’s father and I still love each other?”
“This is what we’re not about to do.”
Pandora laughed. “Ethan, why didn’t you tell me your side chick was listening?”
“Don’t try me, trick. You’re nothing more than a whore who tried to keep a man by having a baby. The oldest game in the world that never worked. Meanwhile, I’m wearing the ring and carrying his last name.”
“Either way, I’ll be the one to give him his first son or daughter. That’s not something you can ever compete with.”
Ethan punched the end call button, and my jaw clenched so tightly that my already hurting head throbbed.
I swiped at the tears falling down my face as I drove through the rain. It was becoming harder to see through the rain and my tears.
“Sev, I’m sorry, but I had it handled. You were too emotional, and you should have stayed out of it. It’s just an ultrasound. It wasn’t that big of a deal, no matter what she said.”
Nodding, I replied, “That’s fine. But if you go, I’ll be going too.”
He exhaled loudly through his nostrils and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“It doesn’t matter. I’m going.”
“Why, Sevyn?”
“How do you see my role in this child’s life moving forward, Ethan?”
“Baby, you know that you will be a vital part, but there are some things that will be just between Pandora and me. I’ll do everything to make you feel included, but some things I don’t even think you want to be a part of.
For instance, I know that Pandora wouldn’t want you in the delivery room and neither would you want to be there.
Come on, baby. Let’s not do this tonight.
We’ve been through too much, and today has been a very difficult day.
She don’t deserve your energy today or any day. ”
“I’m already sick of her being an issue. It’s just starting, Ethan. Can you imagine how she’ll be when she has the baby and with your mother on her side?
“You have nothing to worry about.”
“That’s easy for you to say. You’re not the one who is being disrespected at every turn. You don’t have to worry if I’m the one out there tempted to cheat again or creep with my ex, Ethan.”
“I didn’t cheat, okay? We were broken up, Sevyn.”
“We were not broken up, Ethan. We were separated and supposed to be working on our marriage.”
“No, Sevyn. Your memory has become convenient. You had served me with divorce papers that day.”
“I may have served you, but I don’t think that she conveniently popped up in your life that day. I doubt that she would have just been that easy to reach. I’m not stupid, Ethan. You were already in contact with that girl before then. Run that game on someone else.”
“I’m not doing this with you tonight. You just lost your grandmother, and it’s an emotional time for you. Although the circumstance does warrant you being upset, I don’t think it’s a good idea to have this argument now.”
I swiped tears from my face while steering with one hand. Just as I pulled my hand away, I hit a puddle of water, and the car instantly hydroplaned.
“Oh shit!” I cried out as I attempted to steer in the direction of the skid.
“Baby, just calm down. You’ve got this. All you—”
Ethan’s speech was cut off as someone stepped out into the road in my path.
He reached over to grab the steering wheel, but I had already turned the steering wheel in the opposite direction.
I lost control of the car, and the moment that I looked up, it was too late.
A bright light blinded us as a loud noise reverberated through the night, and something hard and forceful hit us on his side.
“Ethan!” I cried out as the car spun repeatedly.
Ethan’s head flopped forward and back as the impact slammed into his side of the car, crushing it inward. My head snapped forward and banged against the steering wheel just before I lost consciousness.