Chapter 11 Deuce #2
She smiled softly and pressed her hand to the nape of her neck.
Leaning forward, she stirred her straw in her glass of sweet tea and looked up at me.
“I know you were sitting beside me in that room for months, but you didn’t get to talk to me and observe my movements and interactions with others. You couldn’t know that.”
I reached out and gripped her chin without thinking.
That was another problem of mine. I was spontaneous, all physical touch and impulsive.
I tended to act first and think later, which wasn’t good for a cop, though I had trained myself to do the opposite whenever I was on duty.
Yet, in my personal life, I still acted on my natural instincts. “Yes, I could.”
“How?”
“I don’t have to be around a person long to know what they’re naturally inclined to do. That’s what makes me a good cop. I’m very good at reading people, observing them, and picking up their energy.” I released her chin and sat back in my seat.
“Discernment.”
“What?”
“That’s what we call spiritual discernment at my church.”
I bobbed my head, and she pursed her full, plump lips around the straw and sucked long and hard. I turned my gaze away from her to stop the desire that flowed within me, along with the torturous thoughts that I had about her lips.
Whereas I may have prided myself on spiritual discipline, I was still a man, and I was a man who could be provoked, given the right circumstances.
“Yeah, well, either way, I can tell that you’re not a whore. I don’t know why she would have said something so cruel and hateful, and I honestly don’t care.”
“You may not care, but I do. I care what you think,” she stated, reaching for my hands. I allowed her to grab them, loving how soft her hands were.
“Why do you care what I think?”
“You mean a lot to me, Deuce. In a time when no one was there for me, and my best friend could seldom be there, you were there. You have seen me at my worst, you have held my hand through my biggest therapy challenges, wiped my tears, and whispered words of affirmation to me. You gave me a place to stay when I had nowhere to call home. So, yes, I do care what you think about me. I care about you, Deuce. A lot.”
I pulled my hands free, sat back, and exhaled softly. “I don’t want you to confuse your feelings for me for your gratitude of not being alone.”
Her gaze clouded briefly before a spark of anger lit them. “Please don’t get this twisted like I need you, Deuce.”
“I’m not—”
“No, listen. I need your friendship and your presence in my life, not because I’m alone and lonely, but because I choose it.
I love your energy, your authoritative manner, and your soothing touch.
Those are things that I want for me. You have given me so much of you, and that’s why I care about you.
But your energy, presence, and touch, I crave. That’s why I like you.
“I went through a lot with Ethan, and I was hurting for a long time. I’m grieving his death, not the loss of my marriage.
The next time around, I want to be happy.
In the short time we’ve known each other, you have made me happy.
The longer that I’m around you, the more that I want to be around you—and not just as friends. ”
I scrubbed my jaw, because she had rendered me speechless. Of all the things that I had expected from her, that revelation wasn’t one of them.
“That’s all I have to offer, Sevyn. I don’t want to take advantage of you.
You’re grieving, trying to put your life back together, and you’re lonely.
Besides, there’s the whole age thing. I’m twelve years older than you.
We want different things and have different expectations at our stages in life. ”
“We have a lot of common ground, Deuce. Please don’t use that as an excuse.”
“Sevyn, I—”
“Don’t say anything, Deuce. You might actually make it worse.”
She rolled her eyes, and the server came at that moment to present our food. We were caught up in that for several minutes before she resumed the original conversation.
“My mother-in-law assumed that I was coming on to Liam the day of the engagement party. She had no proof, so she couldn’t go back and tell Ethan.
Liam allowed her to believe that, and she didn’t want to hear anything coming out of my mouth.
I was beyond giving a shit at that point.
I always knew that they didn’t like or accept me, and I didn’t care.
I wasn’t marrying them; I was marrying Ethan.
Her assumption that I would marry one brother and throw myself on another was why she called me out of my name. ”
“I don’t give a shit. Nothing justifies that behavior, Sevyn.”
“You’re right, but you have no idea how much I’ve put up with from that woman. At that point, I realized she was about to walk out of my life. I wasn’t willing to stay there and argue for her to remain. So, I let it go. Who cares what she thought of me, anyway? But I do care what you think.”
How could I have her and not hurt her? That was all I wanted to know.