Chapter 4
Brittany – One Month Earlier
I take a deep breath as I grip the counter, animals making noises surrounding me. They’re not soothing me like normally would happen, if anything it’s giving me one hell of a headache.
I take another deep breath as dizziness hits me hard and my stomach tightens, bile rising. I try to swallow it, to stop the nasty taste I know I’m about to have in my mouth. I begin to choke, and quickly rush over to my sink and vomit, the fluid I’ve drank today all coming up as I heave repeatedly.
I grip the sink tightly as I cough at the burning, and my stomach tightens with each heave, and tears spill.
“Brittany…” I hear Pauline gasp before she quickly grabs my hair and holds it back, and I cough, “I think I have food poisoning.” Before I heave again and more stomach fluid comes up making my stomach tighten some more.
“You’ve been feeling sick all week, sweetheart,” she reminds me, and I cough again before heaving, and she asks, “Are you sure you’re not pregnant?” and I look at her wide-eyed because hell no.
There is no way I’m pregnant, heck, Doc hasn’t even told me he loves me, oh yeah, and I still call him freaking Doc!
Pauline frowns as she gently wipes my mouth for me and questions, “When was your last period?”
I slowly stand straight, wincing at the pain in my side from all the retching, and I try think.
When was my last period?
When was I due on?
My breathing picks up as I realize I’ve missed two, fear instantly setting in, and Pauline notices it straight away, stating, “Right, lie on the table,” and my eyes widen further.
Lie on the table, is she crazy?! She’s a vet not a doctor.
She winces, “I’ll scan your stomach, it can’t be too much different than an animal.”
“Seriously,” I deadpan and she nods and my mouth parts seeing she really does mean it shocking me.
She really wants me on that table.
I groan when she nods to it again before I slowly do as she instructs while she gets the abdominal ultrasound that is for animals, not humans, animals!
I lay uncomfortably on the table and lift my scrub top, and eye Pauline as she walks over with some gel.
“Okay, we’ve got this, it can’t be that different from the ones at the hospital,” she says then shakes the gel bottle before taking a deep breath, “This will be cold.”
She squirts a healthy amount of gel on my stomach, and I wince because yeah, it is cold, before she presses the ultrasound on my stomach and presses a few buttons on the machine.
“I’m not pregnant, Pauline, I swear it has to be food –” my words cut off as she gasps, and I quickly look at the machine, and my mouth drops open in shock at the blob on the screen.
It’s small, but it is there, a baby.
“Eight weeks,” she croaks, “you look to be eight weeks pregnant, Brit…”
Eight weeks with…
“Damn, my dad is going to kill me,” I whisper, not taking my eyes off the monitor, and suddenly panic enters.
My dad is going to flip. He is going to shoot Doc, his pres.
Oh god!
I pace my living area an hour later, my eyes going to the time repeatedly my tension building by the minute.
After I went into a full-blown panic attack, Pauline calmed me down.
She demanded I take the week off work to get my head around the fact that I am indeed pregnant, something I didn’t want to believe.
Heck, I thought maybe the machine wasn’t working correctly because you know, it is for animals.
And last time I checked, you can’t find a baby by abdominal ultrasound this early on…
I have a picture currently in my purse that says otherwise but I didn’t believe it.
Not until I did a pregnancy test letting irrational thoughts to take over and yep, I’m pregnant.
Eight weeks and now I have to tell my boyfriend who hasn’t even told me he loves me yet that we’re having a baby and we need to tell my dad.
This conversation is not going to go well.
The last time I brought up telling my family about us, he mentioned ending things.
Bile rises again as I look at the time and see that Doc is later than he said he’d be. I messaged and asked if he’d come see me, that it was important. He said he’d be half an hour and I know I can’t just show up at the hospital, not after the other day when I did.
“You shouldn’t have come here!” he snaps as we walk out of the hospital after sitting with Rose, his friend and colleague who is in a coma after being stabbed by a crazy a woman, and I flinch at his harsh tone, hurt filling me.
We’ve been together for nearly a year, and he still wants to keep us secret, still wants to keep my dad in the dark.
He pursued me, he wanted to date me, yet he’s treating me like a damn ugly secret. Like a whore to be honest, and I’m fed up with it.
I only came because I needed him...
“I can’t come see my boyfriend at work?” I ask as I stop in my tracks and look at him, and his jaw physically ticks.
“Brit,” he grits, but I cut him off and snap, “No, you’re treating me like a dirty little secret, and honestly, I’m done with it!”
I storm off as I wrap my arms around myself, trying my hardest not to cry.
“You’re not being fair, Brittany,” he shouts, stopping me in my tracks, “You know the club comes first, meaning Shadow comes first, my dad comes first, not you. I never kept that from you.”
I turn my head and scoff, “Wow, Doc, tell me how you really feel!” I shake my head, “Maybe you were right all those months ago, maybe we should break up because you don’t respect me, you never have.”
“So what you’re saying is it’s you or the club?
” he growls as he walks into my space, but I don’t back down.
Instead, I murmur, “No, I’m saying just show me a little bit more respect.
I came to see you because I missed you. Because you’ve been distant and instead of holding me after I’ve had a really shitty day, you’re putting me down even more.
I get it, you’re stressed, you have a lot going on with the club but I just needed a hug Doc, that is it, one flipping hug from my boyfriend to make my shitty day just that little bit better.
But instead, my boyfriend turned into a selfish prick! ”
His mouth parts as his eyes take me in and I know my chin is wobbling but I try to hold it in.
I’m pissed, I’m hurt and honestly, I’m beginning to give up on our relationship.
“Tinkerbell,” he whispers, as he sees my unshed tears, and he cups my cheek before pulling me into him. I close my eyes as a sob leaves me, and he holds me tighter.
I’d lost a dog that day.
It was brought in from an illegal dog fight, and Pauline and I couldn’t save it. I just needed Doc, but he turned on me, making my day worse.
It was the biggest argument we’ve had in our relationship, which was only a few days ago, and we haven’t spoken much since. I haven’t even tried to see him because I really am at the end of my tether.
We’ve texted here and there, but we haven't met in person. His excuse is that he’s busy with work and the club and I haven’t given him one.
I don’t think I’ll ever come before the patch, and I’m scared our baby won’t either.
I swallow more bile as I rub my stomach with a trembling hand needing Doc here, needing him to soothe me, to tell me everything will be okay.
My phone buzzes and I quickly grab it, but my tears fall seeing the message.
Boyfriend:
Sorry, Tinkerbell, I won’t be able to make it tonight. Talk tomorrow?
No kiss, no explanation.
I quickly message him back.
Me – Don’t bother.
I press send without a second thought before my body trembles and my bottom lip wobbles. A sob leaves me as drop my phone on the coffee table and slump down on my couch and bury my face in my hands.
I told him it was important, that I needed him but yet again, I’m at the bottom of his priority list.
My phone rings and I slowly check it before sniffling, and I answer with a croak, “Hey, Mama…”
“What’s wrong?!” she instantly demands, making me smile.
I half tell the truth and admit, “I lost a dog the other day. He was placed in an illegal fighting ring, and he-he was so bad, Mama, and it just came back to me…”
“Ah, sweetheart, I’m sorry. You should have called me,” she murmurs, and I sniffle.
“It’s okay,” I rasp as I wipe my cheeks, and I ask, “What’s up?”
“I was making sure you’re going to make it to your brother's birthday dinner tomorrow night at Alvins,” she confirms.
I reply, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
And I wouldn’t, my big brother has been a rock to me, even if he is annoying as hell.
Mama and I talk for a little while before she has to go finish dinner for Dad, and hangs up.
I sigh as I look at my phone, a picture of Doc and me grinning at the camera, hitting me, and my tears fall again, the unsettling feeling that he’s pulling away from me because he’s ending us hitting me and I sniffle.
I don’t think I’ll ever be enough for him, and I really don’t think he’ll be here for the baby either.
Shaking my head, I drop my phone on my coffee table and stand up, suddenly tired.
I walk down the hallway before going into my bedroom, an early night is the only thing I can think of doing before I go insane.
I don’t know how long I sleep before I feel a hand gently glide around my waist, Doc’s spicy scent hitting my senses, stirring me from a pitiful sleep.
I feel Doc gently kiss my neck, then my ear, and he murmurs, “Sorry, Tinkerbell, there was an emergency at the hospital…”
I let out a deep breath, his same excuses becoming exhausting before I slowly turnaround, and he quickly puts his left arm underneath my head, smiling softly at my attire.
“I was wondering where that shirt had gone,” he murmurs as he plays with the buttons near my breasts.
“Finders keepers,” I whisper, and he hums before gently moving my hair out of my eyes.
“You still mad at me?” he asks lowly, his eyes racing between mine and I admit, “A little, maybe a lot,” and he nods before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on my nose.
“How about I leave five shirts here, will that grant me forgiveness?” he asks, and I can’t help the smile that spreads, causing him to grin, and I slowly trace it.
“You look tired,” I whisper, and he hums as he kisses my finger.
“I am, it was a long day, one I want to end with you in my arms,” he admits, and I gently lean up and press a kiss against his lips before moving my head into the crook of his neck while I grip his chain.
“I love you,” I whisper, and he tightens his hold on me but I don’t miss the fact that he doesn’t say it back. He never does. Uncertainty about our future fills me, and with it, uncertainty about the baby I can’t seem to bring myself to tell him about.
I slowly close my eyes, trying to block out all the doubts, knowing I’ll sleep soundly in his arms.