Chapter 5
Doc – Present Day
I chew my bottom lip as I stand stoic in the doorway of Brittany’s house with my arms crossed over my chest. I watch the street for her car, all while my phone vibrates like fucking crazy.
The news is out, everyone knows. Everyone wants an explanation, something I don’t fucking want or need to give them.
They knew the senator was sending police around to the club.
He was trying ruin us, he was fucking with my job to get his own way on an idea my own fucking father mentioned in passing then pushed for.
They don’t need fuck all, but, Tinkerbell, however, she does.
I wanted to fucking tell her, to sit her down and explain everything, but that fucking news article did first, no thanks to her crazy ass receptionist.
I stood in the back of the vet’s with all the animals hearing Harper go on and on about me being taken, to Brit who had no idea I accepted a proposal. That I was engaged to someone that wasn’t her and had to tense my whole body to keep me from storming into the room.
My jaw ticks the longer it takes for Brit to get home. I know she’s stalling because she knows I’m waiting for her to have this conversation, one we should have had months ago.
I’ve been distant with her the past month, not seen her much, barely spoke to her.
Fuck, even after our argument when Rose was in a coma, when she sobbed into my chest. When I knew she needed me, I pulled back knowing this was the route I’d have to take, always knowing it, before I even met her, I knew it yet, I still went there with her.
I was selfishly chasing after her.
I take a deep breath as I look up at the night sky closing in, everything fucking swallowing me whole.
Trigger is self-destructing. Stone has only just survived nearly losing his wife.
Anchor has lost himself after finding out a girl he was seeing fucked some other guy.
Cops have been showing up demanding to be let in without warrants.
Junkies showing up at my place of work. My dad pushing this fucking marriage without stopping to think about me.
The Cannibal’s swearing they aren’t the ones attacking women left and right, that they aren’t selling laced cocaine on Rebel’s premises, our vans being stopped on runs…
Everything is pulling me down, the weight of the problems becoming too much to handle. Now I have to break my girl’s heart, to fucking beg her not to leave me and keep us a secret always. All without declaring my love to her because I promised her father not one brother would claim her years ago.
“Come on, Tinkerbell,” I murmur softly as I look down the street again while Angel meows at my feet, moving in and out of them, wanting my attention, but I don’t pick her up, my body too tense.
She’s going to end things, I can just fucking see it and I’m going to fall apart.
For months, I have put her fuck, not even second, but third on my priority list when she deserved to be first. The club and my job have been my priorities, and I know she’s at her breaking point.
The lack of texts and calls proof of that and the fact that she didn’t just walk away after our argument was a miracle in itself.
My body trembles with fear as the headlight shines in the distance, and I know it’s my girl, she’s finally here.
I watch as she sits in the driver's seat and pulls into the driveway, her eyes red from what looks like crying, and my chest tightens.
I love this woman something fucking fierce, I know I do, but the club.
“You need to leave,” Brit croaks as she climbs out of her car, and with a tight jaw I slowly move down the steps. Rather than going to my bike, I get in her space and cup her cheeks, forcing her to look up at me.
Our eyes connect, and her tears fall as utter heartbreak shatters her and me.
“Please, Tinkerbell, please understand why I have to do this, why I need to do this,” I whisper, “The club has to come first.”
“And what about me, huh? It’s been a year, Doc, a whole year of us today. And you chose to announce your engagement to another woman on a fricking blog instead of speaking to me,” she sobs, “You just tore my whole world apart, and you don’t even have the decency to leave me be!”
“I can’t leave you be, Brit, you know I can’t, I-I…
” I choke, nearly telling her I loved her but I veer off knowing I can’t, “My dad has been pushing for me to marry Cynthia for years. Her dad has been pushing for it harder over the past few months, trying to cause trouble for the club because he’s lost the town's backing. I need to do this for my club, please understand that,” I plead as I grip her cheeks tighter and I try, “We can continue this, we can still be together, it, it just has to be on the downlow, no one can know and we –”
My words halt as a massive fucking stinging sensation spreads across my cheek at the slap she’s just given me, a slap I know I deserve.
Brit pulls back and as her tears fall, she sneers, “I am worth more than being a bed warmer. Which is basically what you are trying to offer me after we’ve been in a relationship for a whole year!”
My heart breaks as she takes a step back, and I plead, “Don’t do this…”
Brit shakes her head and reminds me, “You already did when you chose another woman over me for your club. After I’ve given you everything, including my body, something no other man has ever had.”
I flinch at her truth, and she chokes, “I loved you so much, I gave you my heart, but you never gave me yours because you knew we were never going to last. You were never going to claim me as yours. Your club, that is all you care about,” a sob leaves her before she cries, “A year today, and this is what you chose… Goodbye, Doc.”
Brit rushes past me, picking up Angel on her way before heading inside, slamming the door behind her, and I hear the lock.
I flinch like the sound was a shotgun before I hear her sobs, and my body deflates.
My hurt, my pain pulling me to beg her to take me back, to confess my love for her, but I can’t.
The club, the fucking club… Dammit.
Shaking my head as I look at her door full of pain. “Happy anniversary, baby,” I rasp before walking over to my bike, needing to leave, needing to-to, fuck, I have to leave.
I climb on my bike and eye Brittany’s door for probably the last time as I grab my phone and press down the number one on my lock screen and put the phone to my ear.
It rings a few times before Stone answers, “You’re brave ringing me, my wife is pissed at you.”
I don’t blame her. I’m pissed at myself, too, and I can guarantee that Donna, Rose’s best friend, who met Brit and liked her, will also hate me.
More sobs echo, and I flinch like I’ve been punched in the gut.
“Brother, I need you to take care of the club for a couple of weeks. I need to go for a ride,” I choke, my heart shattered hearing the sobs coming from behind Brit’s door. Sobs I caused by putting my club first yet again, that I allowed my dad to do this all for revenge.
Stone clears his throat and says, “Sure, but uh, what about work?”
“I’m taking a sabbatical, I haven’t had one day off in years, I need to leave,” I admit quietly, my voice raw, full of heartbreak.
“Is this about Tinkerbell?” he asks, and I look down as my eyes tear up, my emotions becoming too much for even me to handle, my stomach tightening at her nickname that came about because of a fucking dog vomiting on her.
Am I shocked that Rose told him? No, I kind of expected it, but am I ready to open up to my brothers? Tell them I went against a promise to a brother, a man we all see as an uncle, and did something for myself for once, only to tear his daughter apart? No.
“I just need to leave,” I choke as a few tears fall.
“Asher, talk to me,” he says quietly, but I deny, “I can’t because if I speak, I’ll fucking break because yet again, the club comes first. I-I need to leave Cage, I have to.”
“Okay,” he mutters, “I’ll tell the brothers you’ve decided to have a last ride as a single man, be safe, brother.”
I hang up without another word as I look up at Brittany’s home. A home I have practically lived in. A home I fell in love with my girl in, holding her in my arms, laughing with her, eating meals together.
More tears fall, and I kiss two fingers and hold them up to her home, and I choke, “I will always love you, Brittany Wayne…”
Starting my bike, I rev it hard then speed out of my spot and take off down the road, not looking at my speed, my only thought – to get the fuck outta town before I tear it apart and burn my club to the ground.