19. Theresa
Theresa walked back into her apartment and closed the door behind her. He ended things with Mel? Why? Mel loved him, at least enough to act giddy while asking for birth control. And Derek . . . could he actually mean what he’d said the other day, that he liked her? Even after knowing that she was messed up and broken?
Her phone sat on the counter, next to the speaker that still blasted opera music. She turned the volume down and angled it towards her small collection of plants, silently apologizing to them for blasting their non-existent ear drums with the loud noise.
Tapping her phone a few times, she called the only person she could.
Emily answered on the third ring. “Hey, Theresa!”
She sounded happy to hear from her, like she always did. Why was she so nice? Why were they even friends? It made no sense.
Instead of responding politely, Theresa said the only thing she could think of. “Why don”t people like me?”
Emily inhaled deeply on the other end of the line. “What makes you say that?”
“Because people don”t like me. They never have.”
“Did something happen today? Was someone mean to you?”
Theresa walked through the kitchen and into her bedroom, the one room that didn”t share a wall with Derek”s apartment. Voices rarely carried from his apartment to hers, but she needed to make sure he”d never overhear this conversation. It was too painful.
“I missed work for a few weeks, and when I came back, no one cared that I had a broken ankle. I could have been attacked, Emily, I could have died in that alley, and no one would have missed me. People at work go out all the time, and they never invite me. I have no friends except you. I can”t even find a guy to date for more than two or three dates. You”re my only friend, and I don”t even know why you put up with me.”
“Wow, that”s a lot.” Emily”s voice didn”t carry any sign of judgment, just weariness. “I”m sure someone would have missed you, besides me, if you died in the alley. Even if you don”t have friends, your family would have missed you.”
“I don”t have any family.” She closed her eyes as she said the words out loud. “I never knew my dad or any of his relatives. I never knew my mom”s relatives, either. My mom and sister disappeared a long time ago.”
“I had no idea.” Emily spoke quietly again as if she was afraid to hurt Theresa by speaking loudly. “I”m so sorry. Why didn”t you ever tell me?”
Theresa ignored the question. “No one would have missed me if I died.”
“I would have missed you. And you didn”t die. You have a chance to make different decisions now.”
“Like what?”
“Make some friends. Besides me, of course.”
“I don”t make friends. People don”t like me.”
“Give them a chance. What”s the harm in that?”
Giving people a chance meant they’d hurt her. The judgment in their eyes, the false excuses they’d give to get out of conversations. Rejection always hurt more than solitude. Until now. Until Derek made her realize how lonely she felt when he wasn’t around.
“I don”t know how to have friends.”
She expected Emily to laugh, like any other person would, but instead, she spoke back kindly. “Start by being nice. Smile. Ask them about their day. People love talking about themselves.”
“It”s that easy?”
“Look, isn”t there anyone, besides me, who you like to talk with? Who you have casual conversations with?
“At work, no.”
“Outside of work?”
She didn”t want to mention Derek. It was too confusing. But then she remembered the soup kitchen. “There”s a few people I chat with at the soup kitchen where I volunteer. Cherie, the manager, is nice.”
“So start with her. Ask her to meet up for coffee or tea on the weekend. Get to know her better.”
“I could do that.” It didn”t sound so scary to be nice to Cherie. Besides, she already knew a lot about Cherie’s family, and Cherie acted happy when she came back because there were never enough volunteers.
“Make friends at work the same way. Smile, be nice, make small talk, and maybe invite someone to dinner after work. You could even recruit volunteers for the soup kitchen at work. I bet a lot of people would step up and volunteer.”
Theresa cringed silently at the thought of her coworkers appearing at the soup kitchen but didn”t say anything out loud. “Do you really think it”s that easy? People will like me if I”m nice?” Even as she said it, she felt stupid. That was the type of lesson people were supposed to learn in kindergarten. Sharing glue was the fastest way to form a lifelong friendship at five years old.
“Will that work with guys too?”
“Probably. But do you really think you”ll find a good guy on a dating app that pairs old rich men with pretty women?”
Again, Derek”s words crept into her mind. He”d questioned the same thing, wondering why she needed a rich man. He even called her strong and independent, wondering why she thought she needed to rely on someone else.
Was he right? Did she need someone else”s money to feel like she was valuable too?
“There”s actually a guy I might like.” She squeezed her eyes closed as she said the words, unsure that she wanted to admit it out loud. “But I don”t know why he likes me.”
“You aren”t a bad person, Theresa. Just let people see the nicer side of you.”
“Right.” Theresa glanced at the clock, showing the late hour.
As if she had the same thought, Emily spoke again. “It”s late. Try to get some sleep tonight and start opening up to people tomorrow. Start with a nice smile and say hello. Ask them about their weekend. Show interest in what they say. If they look like they need help with something, offer to help before they ask. I”ll bet you anything that people at work will start to like you if you are nicer. Just try it.”