24. Theresa
“No.” Derek stared her down, standing in front of her apartment door and blocking her from entering.
“Look, I appreciate the ride today, but you need to go home. I want to be alone.”
“Then be alone. Hand me your keys. I’ll unlock your door, and we’ll be alone. Together.”
She glared at him, and he glared back. This didn’t have to be hard. “I’m not any fun to be around right now.”
“I’m fine with that.”
“Well, I’m not.” She let out a huff of air. If she didn’t get away from him in the next few seconds, she’d start crying. Couldn’t he see how broken she was? Why couldn’t he just walk away and forget about her?
“Keys.”
She reached in her purse and grasped them, handing them over to him as her nose started to sting. Pretending to scratch her eye, she blocked her nose from his sight. Why couldn’t she look good when crying, instead of her nose turning bright red?
The door to her apartment swung open and she stepped through, not bothering to try to close him out. Instead, she marched to the bathroom and slammed the door, locking it behind her before turning the shower on to its hottest setting. Her entire body felt covered in grime from sitting in the jail”s visitor room. How could her sister survive days there, waiting to get bailed out?
After leaving Val behind in the visitor room, Theresa met with an officer to discuss her twin”s charges. The list was long. Val had been involved in an organized theft ring and committed identity theft for several years. Derek sat silently by her side while she told the officer about the stolen goods Val wanted her to sell. Despite the pain it caused her to talk with the officer, she couldn”t deal with the guilt of keeping her sister”s crimes a secret.
By the time Theresa left the building, the only thing she knew for certain was that her sister might be going to prison for a long time.
She’d failed Val. She hadn’t found her and saved her. And now her twin faced a future of living behind bars, removed from society.
By the time Theresa finished her shower, she had no tears left to cry. Sadness, anger, bitterness . . . nothing. She felt nothing.
She pulled on a t-shirt and sweat pants, not bothering to brush or dry her hair after the shower, and climbed into bed, pulling the covers over her head like she used to do as a child, when the real world was too scary.
Less than a minute later, the side of her mattress sunk under the weight of someone sitting down. “You did the right thing,” Derek’s voice filtered through the blanket.
Who would believe that? Walking away from her sister was bad enough. Sitting down across from a police officer and giving information to help them press additional charges against her was unforgivable.
“She needs help. More help than you can give her.”
“How can I let her spend her life in prison?”
Cool air hit her face as Derek pushed the blanket back. She blinked in the bright light, not wanting to leave her blanket cocoon but not wanting to be alone, either.
But she was alone, wasn’t she?
“I can’t find my mom, my sister is in jail, and I’m not able to help either of them. Val will hate me for telling the police where they can find the things she stole. She’ll never want to talk to me again. She’s the only family I have, and . . .”
“You have me.”
“But I don’t. You’re going to leave me one day. Like everyone else. Once you realize that I can’t give you what you want, or that I’m more trouble than I’m worth, you’ll come to your senses and walk away.”
“What do you think I want?” Derek asked slowly, quietly.
Theresa shrugged. “What every guy wants. A normal girlfriend. One who isn’t broken.”
“You say you’re broken, but you are one of the strongest people I know. Passionate, considerate, selfless.”
“People at work don’t like me. No one likes me. Only Emily, and you.” And she couldn’t think of a single reason why he’d like her.
“Alright. Get up. We’re going out.” He pushed the covers off, reaching for her hand as she struggled to curl up in the bed.
“Leave me alone. Go home. You don’t need to be here.”
He let go of her hand, his breathing labored. She glanced at him, recognizing his shallow breathing as the way someone does when they are in pain. Sure enough, he had an arm wrapped protectively over his ribs.
“Sorry, but this proves my point. You don’t have to stay and be nice. Go home, take care of yourself.”
“Theresa—”
“I mean it. I don’t want you here.” She squeezed her eyes shut, pulling the blanket back up over her. “You saw what my sister is like. My mom’s no better. I’m no better. I don’t want you in my life, Derek. It’s too messed up.”
Silence met her for a moment, and she fought the urge to take back the words. But she couldn’t. He deserved better than her, and she deserved . . . well, if her own mother and twin didn’t want her, who could?
All these years, she’d convinced herself that her mom and Val would be as excited to find her as she’d be to find them. That they could finally be a complete family, that they would want to find sobriety, live healthier lives. Not once did she think that Val would turn her down so completely, so quickly, and only want her money. Because that’s all Val wanted from her. Money. Whether she took it from her own savings or broke the law by selling Val”s stolen goods, Val didn”t care.
The worst part of the day, the worst shock, was that she actually thought about doing it. All of it. Emptying her bank account, hiring the most expensive lawyer she could find, taking out a loan if needed, even selling Val’s stolen property. She’d thought about doing all that to save her sister.
She and Val were the same. They only cared about money. Val stole money. Theresa only dated men who had too much money. What could a man like Derek possibly see in someone like her, someone who cared more about money than people?
“Derek, you need to leave,” Theresa said again. “I don’t want you here. I’m not a good person.”
He let out a loud sigh before the bed moved, his weight no longer on the edge of her mattress. She held her breath while his footsteps grew quieter, and finally, the front door to her apartment closed.
He’d left her.
She was alone.
Her phone buzzedon the nightstand, waking her up from a restless nap. “Hello?” she muttered.
“I’m at your door. Open up,” Emily demanded.
“What?”
“Open your door. Now.”
She checked the time on her phone. Five p.m. Why would Emily be here? She walked to her door, opening it and letting her only friend step in while running her hand through her hair.
“You look like a mess,” Emily stated by way of greeting.
“I just woke up from a nap. Had a bad day.”
“So I heard.” Emily walked over to the fridge, opening the door and peeking at the contents. “Get yourself ready. We’re going out.”
“I’m not in the mood to go anywhere, Em. Really, I’m not even in the mood for company.”
“Trust me, you’ll want to wear something nicer than that. Not too nice though. Jeans and a nice top. And run a brush through your hair.”
“I mean it, Emily. I’m not going anywhere.”
Emily pulled out a bottle of orange juice, pouring a glass and handing it to Theresa. “Fine. But just so you know, Derek was on his way over here. I told him to give us ten minutes, but he’s determined. So stay and talk with him, or leave with me. You choose.”
How did Emily already know about what happened with Derek? “Did he call you?”
“Yup. About an hour ago. I was in town already, had some family things I had to do today. I came here as soon as I could. You need girl time, need to get out of this apartment or you’ll go crazy.”
“Did he tell you about my sister?”
“Yup.”
Theresa waited for Emily to say more, to judge her or her sister, but she didn’t. All she did was offer a small smile when music started filtering in through the shared wall between hers and Derek’s apartment.
“What do you say? Should we get out of here for a few hours, or do you want to hang around and deal with Derek?”
“I’ll be ready in five minutes.”
Emily drove,taking them through various parts of the city while Theresa told her bits and pieces about her sister. About the good times. The way they confused teachers in elementary school, the way they built giant forts out of the pillows and blankets in their house. The way they helped each other cope with their mother’s addiction.
Once Val ran away, it got harder to track her down. She”d go weeks, then months, without hearing from Val. Years, even. Despite spending hours and hours searching for Val, it was impossible to track her down. She”d come close many times. But the few times she did see Val, her twin asked for money and then left. Today”s conversation at the jail had been the longest conversation they”d had since high school.
Emily listened to everything in silence until they turned down a familiar street. The entrance to the soup kitchen sat a block away, a line forming on the sidewalk.
“Emily, what are we doing here?” Theresa tensed as Emily pulled into a small alley leading to the back parking lot, where she parked behind a familiar car. A familiar figure got out of the driver”s seat.
“Don’t get mad, Theresa. Derek called me, really worried about you. He really likes you, and didn’t know what to do. You gave me some really good advice when I needed help, so it’s time that I return the favor. Either you get out of the car and talk to him, or you’ll be making one of the biggest mistakes of your life.”
“Emily,” Theresa said as her nose tingled again, a tear coming out faster than she could stop it, “he deserves better than me.”
“Everyone feels that way sometimes, Theresa. But he wants you. You. He doesn’t care who your sister is, or what she’s done. He doesn’t think any less of you because your family has problems. Everyone’s family has problems. You need a person by your side who will stand with you and help you work through these problems. He wants to be with you. He wants you.”
She wiped away another tear, looking at her lap so Derek wouldn’t see her cry. “How do you know?”
“He told me. And if you get out of the car, I think he’ll tell you too.”
She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. He stood against his car, arms crossed, waiting.
“You knew he’d be here?”
Emily nodded.
“The soup kitchen isn’t even supposed to be open today. Last I heard, they needed to reduce the hours even more.”
“Don’t change the subject, Theresa. Get out of my car and talk to Derek.”
“Do you have a tissue?”
Emily handed her a clean napkin from the center console, before gesturing towards the door. Theresa wiped her face quickly, then got out of the car. Her friend was right. She should at least talk to Derek, even though the conversation wouldn’t end the way Emily obviously thought it would.
Derek waited until she closed the car door behind her before walking up and taking her hand.
“Derek, we need to?—”
“Come inside first, Theresa. There’s something you need to see.”
Theresa let Derek guide her up the broken concrete steps to the staff entrance of the soup kitchen. The scent of onions, garlic, and spices reached her nose as they stepped in.
“Derek, you’re right on time! Theresa, follow me.” Cherie greeted them both with a hug, dragging Theresa by the arm through the kitchen, where only two people watched the stoves instead of the usual number.
Theresa looked over her shoulder at Derek, who returned to the door to let Emily enter. They both gave Theresa smiles, but Derek looked more nervous than excited.
A wave of noise hit Theresa as Cherie dragged her through the kitchen doors to the main dining area. Cheer after cheer, loud applause, someone even whistled as Cherie dragged Theresa through the crowd and to the front of the room.
The room was filled with the usual customers, but also with countless volunteers, not just the amount normally needed to run the soup kitchen. And everyone in the room stood, applauding her.
Cherie stopped in the middle of the room, waiting for the cheering to quiet down as Theresa continued to look around the room. Most of the clients, waiting to have a warm meal, were familiar faces with a few new ones mixed in. The volunteers, some who”d worked there nearly as long as her, and others who were much newer, stood among the clients. People were clapping, smiling, cheering her name. They all looked happy to stand there, making noise, acting like Theresa was someone special. She looked at all the smiling faces then looked at Derek, confused. He nodded his head as he continued to clap. Then the tears wouldn’t stop as she smiled. She hugged him and tried to hide her face in his chest. He tensed up and she pulled back and saw he was trying to hide the pain. Theresa smiled and wiped the tears from her eyes. A woman crouched down at the front of the room, snapping pictures of Theresa and Cherie while another took notes.
Finally, the noise quieted down enough for Cherie to be heard. “Everyone, I’d like to thank you all for coming here today. As you all know, this soup kitchen has struggled to feed people in our community at times. We depend on volunteers and donations to keep everything running. Theresa has been one of our most dedicated volunteers for nearly ten years now. Every week, no matter the weather or the season, Theresa signs up to work and shows up, ready to do anything we need. She’s been vocal in our community about getting donations, is the first to offer to train new volunteers, and the first to greet new customers. You can’t walk through these doors on a night when Theresa volunteers and not feel better.
“But despite all the work of all our volunteers, the soup kitchen ran into some particularly hard times over the past few months. We needed to cut back hours of operation and turn some customers away. At the same time, Theresa broke her ankle and was forced to take time off from work. Many people, myself included, would have rested and binge-watched Netflix while recovering. Theresa, however, must have spent every waking hour contacting local businesses and companies.” Cherie turned to Theresa, grinning and shaking her head. “I don’t know how you did it, but you wouldn’t let anyone say no.”
Cherie turned back to the crowd gathered in front of them. “Because of everything Theresa did, the countless hours of calling nearly every company in the city, and showing up at nearly every restaurant and grocery store, donations and commitments for continued donations have been coming in continuously. Food donations and monetary donations have been more than I’d ever hoped to get for our soup kitchen. And the number of new volunteers has skyrocketed!”
Cherie paused as the audience clapped. “Thanks to you, Theresa, the soup kitchen is not only open again for the regular hours but can operate on two additional evenings each week. It’s not much, but everyone who cares about and benefits from this soup kitchen appreciates the work you’ve done. We’d like to give you this award.”
Cherie motioned to Derek, who handed her a framed piece of paper, an award with her name on it, signaling her as the Volunteer of the Year.
“We—we don’t give out awards to volunteers here,” Theresa mumbled to Cherie, struggling over the words.
“We do now. You deserve the recognition, and so much more. This place wouldn’t be the same without you.”
More applause sounded throughout the room. Theresa scanned the crowd again, then settled her gaze on Derek, who smiled harder than anyone else in the room.
He smiled at her like she deserved the award. Like she was someone special.
And for once, she didn’t want to convince him that he was wrong. She felt almost worthy of his affection.
As the crowd broke up, some people forming a line for food while others went to their volunteer stations for the night, Derek found his way to Theresa, leading her to a quiet spot on the side of the room.
“You looked shocked when Cherie gave you the award.”
“I was surprised.”
“No,” he shook his head, staring at her. “It was more than that. You really don’t see yourself like everyone else does, do you? Like I see you?”
Theresa hesitated, biting her lip. She’d always been broken, always pushed people away either on purpose or on accident.
“Exactly. You are an amazingly strong woman who fights for what she believes in and doesn’t take no for an answer. No one else has done what you did here. Everyone here tonight”—he motioned around the room—“is here because of you. Because of what you’ve done. You have friends here, people who care about you. Not just because you serve food and help keep the kitchen open but because you care about the people within these walls. Every volunteer here likes you. When I started here, I heard them worry about you when you broke your ankle. All the regular customers ask about you. You make a difference. People like you.”
Theresa shook her head, the words too hard to accept. “But people at work don’t like me.”
“There’s no one alive who is liked by everyone. So don’t focus on that. But stop convincing yourself that no one likes you or cares about you. Look around. This is your family.”
She let him place his hand on her chin and move her head to the side, taking in the view of everyone in the room. She could probably name most of the people in the room right now. They were her people. Maybe Derek was right.
“You’ve done something incredible, Theresa. You’ve taken your sadness over losing your mom and your sister, and turned it into something good. Something great. And that’s why I love you. You have more determination than anyone I’ve met, more compassion than I thought possible, and you don’t even know how much you’ve helped the people around you.”
Theresa stared at him, her heart racing in her chest. “You—you love me?”
He nodded. “Yes. I meant to tell you at a better time, but I do. I love you. You don’t have to say it back. I know you had a long day, and I don’t want to pressure you. Emily and I both felt bad about forcing you to come here tonight, but Cherie had everything planned and?—”
“Stop, Derek.” Theresa inhaled deeply and looked at him, refusing to give in to the urge to force him away. She didn’t want to do that anymore. She didn’t want to punish herself, to push away the man who’d taken over all her thoughts. “I love you too.”
“Really, you don’t have to say it now. There’s no pressure, I?—”
“I love you, Derek. I. Love. You.” She pressed her lips to his, wanting this kiss more than anything else. Wanting him to know how much she loved him, not just with her words but with her actions.
He kissed her back, stopping only when the people at the nearest tables started whistling at them.
“Guess we’ll have to continue our conversation later,” he promised with a wink, leading her to a spot at the end of the serving counter. “Do you want to serve the bread or the salad?”
Theresa couldn’t stop the corners of her lips from curling up into a ridiculous smile. “Bread.”