Chapter 3
“KAYA, WHAT DO YOU WANT to do?” Graham said as she watched his sister cry beside him.
Kaya looked up, her eyes red, tears flowing down her cheeks. “About what?”
“About all of this,” he said, gesturing toward her. “About what you said. About hearing things that no one else hears.”
“What is there to do?” Kaya asked. “I guess I just have to figure out what to do about all of this.”
“Maybe we should have Mom make that appointment with a psychiatrist, to see if they could help you.”
Kaya shook her head. “No . I just need to figure out how to know when something’s real and something’s not. I have to look at people when they’re talking to me. If I hear something that doesn’t sound right, I have to either check it out and see if anyone else heard it, or else just ignore it.”
“Do you think you can do that?” Graham asked. “I mean, you couldn’t do it before.”
“But before I thought it was real,” Kaya said. “It didn’t even occur to me to check their lips. Now I know it’s not. Graham, I told you, I don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with me. This doesn’t happen all the time. Most of the time, things are normal.”
“What do you think brings it on?”
“Nothing!” Kaya exclaimed, hitting her hands against her sides. “I can’t think of anything. It happens at different times. I don’t feel tired, or stressed, or confused. None of that. I’m just going along with my day like I usually do, and then I hear weird things. But it just sounds like the person next to me is talking to me. Nothing out of the ordinary. But when they talk, they say things that they wouldn’t say normally. It’s like all of their filters are gone.”
Graham sighed. He turned the key in the ignition. “If you think you can do this, I won’t say anything to Mom. But if it seems like things are getting worse, or you can’t control it, all deals are off. I talk to Mom, and we get you professional help.”
Kaya closed her eyes. “I just don’t want anyone else to know about this, okay? Can we keep it just in the family?”
Graham nodded.
“Okay, then. So when I go back to school, I’ll be more careful. And maybe, if you see me in the halls and stuff, you can look out for me.”
Graham smiled. “Kaya, I’m your big brother. I always look out for you. And I’ll be at practice every day, doing my homework.”
“There’s a basketball game on Tuesday,” Kaya said. “It’s at Florence High. Can you go?”
“I guess,” Graham said. “I’m not much of a basketball fan, but I do like to watch the cheerleaders!”
Kaya laughed. “Really? Which ones?”
Graham grinned. “My sister, dummy!”
“Oh,” Kaya said. “I thought maybe you were thinking of Bailey, or Sandy. They’re really pretty. Most of the guys like to look at them.”
“I haven’t noticed,” Graham said, and he grinned. He stopped at a red light to peer over at Kaya. Her face was still damp from tears. He pulled a napkin out of the console between the seats and reached out to wiped the tears from her cheek. “I guess I just haven’t looked close enough.”
Kaya paused for a moment. Then she looked up and smiled. “Because you like Gina Simpson?”
Graham’s mouth dropped open. “How did you know that?” he asked. “I haven’t told anyone!”
Kaya looked at him mischievously. “I don’t know, I guess a sister can tell these things just by looking. Graham, she’s really nice. And she’s cute. And she’s smart. Have you told her you like her?”
Graham shook his head. “I haven’t got up the nerve,” he said. “I mostly only see her in AP and honors classes, and she always has her nose in a book or a notebook. I—I think she’d probably say yes.” He glanced at Kaya quickly before he started across the intersection. “Don’t you think?”
Kaya shrugged. “I can’t see why not. I think she’d be perfect for you. You’re not for everyone, Graham. I mean, girls like Bailey and Sandy couldn’t keep up a conversation with you. The first time you said the word literature to either one of them, their eyes would go dull.” She laughed. “Yeah, you need a special kind of girl.”
“I’m not sure if that’s a vote of confidence or not,” Graham said. He was trying to make light conversation with Kaya, but it didn’t feel light at all. His sister was going through something he didn’t understand. He vowed to go to the library over the weekend to learn more about hearing voices.
On Saturday afternoon, Graham left his mother cleaning the house, and Kaya watching movies on the DVD player with Cat, and drove to the town library. He asked the librarian to direct him to books and journals on psychiatry. He started with the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, DSM-IV, the bible for mental health definitions and symptoms that they had used in his AP class. He looked through the index for auditory hallucinations.
The definition of schizophrenia or psychotic disorders indicated that a person would display delusions, hallucination, disorganized speech, grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior, and negative symptoms, such as appearing flat of emotions, and isolating. Kaya had the auditory hallucination but none of the other symptoms. Aside from the voices, she appeared totally normal. The text said that in order to be diagnosed with these illnesses, a person had to display at least two symptoms.
He looked for any other disorders that could cause voices. Kaya also didn’t have the symptoms of bipolar disorder or depression. In the medical texts, he found information about people with migraines or brain tumors sometimes having hallucinations, but Kaya rarely had headaches. It seemed unlikely that she had a brain tumor, but if things didn’t get better, he might mention that possibility to his mother. There were a few other possible causes, but they were all diseases of old age, something he could easily rule out. After two hours of research, Graham closed all of his books, packed his notebook into his backpack, and returned the texts to the shelving cart.
Graham entered his house and found the first floor quiet and empty. Upstairs, he confirmed Kaya wasn’t home. His mother was in her room, her legs stretched out on her bed, her back propped up on her pillows. She was looking through a pile of open mail. She wore a fixed look of concentration as she stared at papers sitting on her lap. She looked up when Graham came in and tried to smile. The smile didn’t reach her eyes.
“I didn’t hear you come in.”
Graham sat on the edge of the bed. “Where’s Kaya?”
“She and Cat got bored and decided to take the bus down to the shopping plaza. I guess the movie I got from Netflix wasn’t enticing enough. By the way, next time you go out, can you drop it in the mailbox?”
Graham nodded. “You looked totally stressed out, Mom,” he said. He pointed to the mail. “Is that all bills?”
Mrs. Reed nodded. “Some of them are coming due, but I have to figure out which ones I can safely pay before payday. I guess I’ll have to deal with a few late fees, but what else am I supposed to do?”
“You could figure out how to contact Dad and tell him you need money,” Graham said, trying to keep the contempt out of his voice. “It’s the least he could do.”
Mrs. Reed closed her eyes and sighed. “I have no idea how to even start to find him,” she said. “He said he was hitting the road, but he never said which road. I think he’s probably trying to figure out where to land. I still can’t take it in. All those years, and he seemed like he was happy. I just don’t know . . .”
“I don’t know either, Mom,” Graham said. “If I could find him myself, I would. And I’d knock him around a little until he came to his senses.” He looked at his hands. “I mean, I’m almost grown, but Kaya, she still needs both of her parents. She’s been doing so well, but . . .” He stopped himself. He had promised to wait on talking about Kaya’s voices with his mother. “But, you know, maybe she’s putting on a happy face for us, so we don’t feel bad.”
Mrs. Reed bit her lower lip. It was a habit she had picked up ever since her husband had left six months earlier.
“I know, Graham,” she said. “I think we’ve all been trying to put on a brave face. Maybe we should all talk about it more as a family. But I’ve been so busy trying to work and run the household all by myself. I always thought that your father didn’t do much around the house, but I discounted how much having a second adult here made a difference.”
“Mom,” Graham said softly, reaching out to touch her arm. “I’m pretty much an adult. I can help. I’ve told you that.”
This time, Mrs. Reed’s smile was genuine. “Graham, you’ve been helping me. A lot. More than you know. You’ve been a wonderful brother to Kaya, and you offer to help me all the time. And the fact that you’ve been driving Kaya home from cheer practice, and even staying there with her the last few weeks, that’s been amazing. She knows that you’re there for her, and that means everything.” She laughed. “When I was Kaya’s age, my two older brothers teased me mercilessly. I protested, but deep down inside, I knew they wouldn’t have teased me if they didn’t love me. But Kaya doesn’t have to figure out if you love her. You’re right there for her.”
She put her hand over his and squeezed.
Graham hoped that his mother was right. “Mom, I can get a job,” he said. “So I can help out around here. It won’t get in the way of my schoolwork. I can work on weekends, and maybe even some nights. I only have one term left after this one. I could work at the plaza, or even do some custodial work in town. I know they’re always looking for people to work in the evenings.”
Mrs. Reed shook her head. “Graham, I appreciate the offer. I really do. I know you want to help more, but you don’t need to. We’ll be okay. I’m just trying to get organized. We’re not gonna have our heat or lights turned off or anything. I have to work out a budget. I’ll see if Grandma can help me. She used to do the books for Grandpa’s business. She’s pretty good at it.”
Graham nodded. “But if it looks like things are getting tight, will you promise to let me know?”
“I will,” Mrs. Reed said. She looked at his backpack. “Did you get what you needed at the library?”
“Not really,” Graham said. “I’m doing some research for my science class. We’re on a genetics unit. I was trying to find information on diseases that can be passed down from generation to generation. Do we have anything like that in our family? You know, like a tendency toward diabetes, heart disease, or mental illness?”
He hoped that he had presented his lie in a way that his mother would buy it.
Mrs. Reed thought for a moment. “My grandmother had some sort of thyroid disorder,” she said. “She had to have it removed, and take medicine for the rest of her life. She did live to be eighty-six, though, so it didn’t seem to slow her down at all. My paternal grandfather, Grandpa Tony, had liver cancer. But neither of my parents or my brothers have had signs of cancer.”
“What about Dad’s family?”
Mrs. Reed looked at him. “What are you going to do with all this information?”
Graham shrugged. “I think we’re gonna look at what our family members had, and then see if any of them are genetically based. We don’t have to share the information with the class. It’s all for our own knowledge.”
“Oh,” his mother said. “Well, I’m not sure. Your grandparents are in fairly good health. They’re lacking a bit in the personality department, but that doesn’t really count. I’m not sure about his grandparents. I think most of them died when he was young. I do remember there being some talk of someone in the family having depression. That’s one that you might check on. I don’t remember who it was, though, but I think that does run in the family. I sometimes wonder if that’s what made your father feel like running.”
She looked back down at her pile of bills and started to flip through them again.
Graham thought that it might be time to let it go. “I think that’s enough,” he said. “I can go with the liver cancer, thyroid, and depression. I’ll let you know if I find anything out. I’m gonna go get a snack. Do you want me to take anything out of the freezer for dinner?”
“You can look in there and decide between ground beef and chicken if you want,” she said. “I’ll be down in about a half hour to cook something up.”
On Tuesday, Graham steeled himself for a late night. Kaya would meet with the cheer team after school, and then they would take the bus to Florence High for the basketball game. Graham would do his homework in the library before heading over to the game. His friend Chet joined him in the library.
“If you want, I can go with you,” Chet said. “I don’t think I’d want to sit in the bleachers at a strange school by myself. I wouldn’t want to do it at our own school either. I mean, I don’t hate basketball or anything.”
Graham shrugged. “Sure. I can drive you home after if you want. Yeah, it’ll be nice to have company. You should see these girls. Well, you’re going to, but I mean, they’re really good. It’s not just cheering. It’s dancing. It’s a whole sport on its own. And Kaya says everyone’s hot for Bailey and Sandy. They’re sophomores. Maybe you’ll like one of them.”
Chet laughed. “I think those girls might take one look at me and put the big L on their foreheads.” He demonstrated with his own thumb and index finger. “Loser! I’ve seen it before. It’s okay, though. In the end, I’ve got better prospects than them. When we come back for our tenth reunion, they’ll be sorry they never gave me the time of day, especially when they see my expensive Rolex.”
Graham smiled. “Okay. Let’s just get through our calculus, and then we can go. I brought snacks for the game.”
At Florence, they found an area in the bleachers that contained members of the away school’s fans and got comfortable. Graham put his puffy jacket under his butt to keep the hardwood from annoying his tailbone. Both teams were on the court, taking practice shots. Graham noticed one member of the opposing team was far over six feet tall, and he had the shadow of a mustache. He rubbed his own upper lip and felt the thickening but still fine hair. If his father had been around, he would have asked him about starting to shave, but as it was, he was putting it off. It wasn’t his top priority.
After a few minutes, a whistle blew, and the players went to their benches. The cheerleaders from both teams ran out onto the floor. The Florence High girls went first. Loud, frantic music came over the loudspeaker system, and one girl stepped in front of the others and started to dance. The others started behind her. These girls were dancing fast and tight. It was hard to follow, but amazing to watch. The music stopped, and then it was Wisteria High’s turn.
The girls stood stone still. The music started. It was a slower, more melodic tune. The girls began with more fluid motion. They all maintained their smiles throughout the dance. Graham watched Kaya as she took each step, made each turn, her smile genuine. He felt happy for her. This was where she always wanted to be. He was glad she was pursuing her dream.
The game dragged on throughout the first half. Graham had been hopeful that each eight-minute quarter would fly by, but the clock stopped so often that each period was more like twenty minutes. Stoppages were boring. The only relief was when the girls on either side got up to cheer. Now Graham understood the theory of cheerleading: keeping the crowd engaged through the boring moments so they wouldn’t walk out or fall asleep.
Finally, halftime arrived, and the players receded to their locker rooms. Again, the cheerleaders took turns doing routines. Florence went first. The girls took the opportunity to show off their gymnastic skills, doing flips and backbends, along with cartwheels and lifts. Then Wisteria went to work. Again, their dance was slower and more relaxed. At the end of their routine, they all lined up and then split into their groups for their pyramids. Graham watched with anticipation as the pyramids grew, Kaya was hoisted to the top of hers, and a teammate handed her up her pompoms. She stood tall and proud with a huge smile. She lifted her pompoms in the air, and the girls started their well-rehearsed cheer.
Suddenly, something changed.